‘Sit down. Now, before we have this morning’s voluntary – a piece of Buxtehude – I have a serious matter to mention. Those of you unfortunate enough to read the popular paper called the ‘Daily Leader’ will have seen the absurd amount of publicity they have been giving to these motorcycle thugs who call themselves ‘Hell’s Angels’.
‘You will also have seen that a number of boys and girls from all over London appear to have been so stupidly infatuated by these leather-clad layabouts on their powerful bikes, that they have been taking time off from their useful lessons to droop around these drop-outs and beatniks. I may say that I was disgusted, yes, I use the word “disgusted” and that is what I mean, when a parent of one of the senior boys at this school rang, me up at my home last night to draw my attention to an item that she had been told was to appear in this morning’s edition of that paper. I ordered my house-keeper to purchase a copy for me and I was revolted to recognise that what the lady had told me was true.
‘Here, blazoned all over the front page, is indeed a picture of a boy from our fifth form. My only relief is that I cannot imagine that any person who was not personally acquainted with the boy in question would recognise him as a member of this school. But, that is not the point! The mere fact that the paper has not seen fit to go the whole hog and … Stop that laughing! I’m not aware that this is a case for amusement. That the paper did not print his full name or address. That is not the point.
‘It is my intention to punish this boy as severely as possible. He will learn at my hands a lesson that he will not quickly forget. I will not punish him so much for playing truant, as for dragging this school down into the gutter. By his foolish and inconsiderate action he has not only lowered himself in the eyes of the world; he has lowered me, he has lowered you, all of you, he has lowered this school and everyone who has, or has had, any connection with it.
‘Let us look at this youth, this wretched individual, who was so stupid as to imagine that these hardened hooligans might, consider taking him among their numbers. Michael Moore of Five Gamma Upper. It can be no surprise to many of you that this is the boy’s name. Stand up Michael Moore and let us all look on the face of stupidity.’
‘Moore! Stand up! Come now, is it your intention to add cowardice to idiocy? Where is he? Can he be absent again?
‘Moore! Stop talking! Balderstone; if you have anything relevant to contribute, I suggest you say it to me … He has what? Nonsense! He cannot! They … if you are not telling me the truth, I promise you that you will have occasion to regret it. Will you all stop shouting out. Who is Moore’s housemaster? Very well, Mr. Leeds. I will see you at my study, and you too, Balderstone, immediately after prayers. We will get to the bottom of all this.
‘Now, Professor Grant, perhaps you would care to take us to a more real world with the Buxtehude Voluntary. Silence!’