Chapter Fourteen

“You look like hell.”

Beck swung open the door to his house and indicated with his head for him to come in.

Han suppressed a scowl as he crossed the threshold. “You look the complete opposite. Marriage agrees with you, even after a month of living in the real world.”

“I’m thinking a drink is in order. Shall we head to the man cave?”

“Sure.” Han moved in that direction. Whether he cracked open a beer or not, the man cave was where they automatically went when he visited his friend. “Drinking hasn’t helped, though. I’ve tried.”

He followed Beck through the house to a room that was most definitely a man cave. Pool table, recliners, large screen TV, a well-stocked bar, refrigerator. He threw himself into a recliner and made himself comfortable.

“However, it might make it easier to say what I have to say.” He winced. He needed liquid courage now?

“Pick your poison.”

“Whatever you’re having works for me.”

Beck took two bottles of beer out of the fridge, handed one to Han and sat down in the matching recliner, both of which faced a massive flat-panel television hanging on the wall.

“Wanna watch the game?”

Han took a long swig of beer and shrugged a shoulder carelessly. “What the hell.”

Three beers and a quarter of a football game later, Beck finally addressed the elephant in the room. “This is about Jade.”

Han tensed. “What makes you say that?”

“Only a woman can make a man look like he’s drowning with no hope of a life preserver.” Beck finished off his beer and gave Han a wicked smile. “The Devil of the Dance Floor has been cast into the fires of Hell. It’s about time.”

“Screw you.”

“No thanks. I have Lexi for that. Thank God.”

“Damn.” He took a long swig of his beer.

“Why are you here, Han? I’m pretty sure it’s not for my company.”

He shrugged and ran a hand around the back of his neck. “How did you know Lexi was worth taking a risk on? Weren’t you worried she would screw you over in one way or another?”

“With the example my parents set? Hell, yes.”

“So why did you get involved with her in the first place? We used to be love ’em and leave ’em buddies, bailing each other out when a woman got too clingy.”

“I had no choice.”

“Has she ever got you by the balls.”

Beck shrugged. “That isn’t it at all. I didn’t want to love her. I didn’t want her to have that kind of hold over me. So I fought it every step of the way. Then I realized it felt a hell of a lot better giving in, giving myself over to her, and was totally worth taking the risk of losing it all someday. That’s not to say it’s all heavenly bliss. She’s hurt me. I’ve definitely hurt her. It’s what you do afterward that counts. Hurting with her by my side is ten times better than hurting because she’s not there. Part of the commitment we made to each other was that we’d stick together when things get tough and find a way to work through it together.”

Han let loose several Spanish expletives under his breath, and Beck laughed.

“Need another beer?”

“I could use a lot more than the three I’ve had. Give me two.”

“Might as well admit it, ese, it’s over. You can never go back now.”

“Whatever. Something else gone screwy I can thank my mother for. Maybe I should stop letting her run my life from the grave.”

Beck raised his beer. “I’ll drink to that. Here’s to our mothers, may they forever rot in hell.”

Han clinked his bottle on Beck’s in hearty agreement.

****

*Chica need ur help with my business accounts. B there in a few. Sí?*

No…No, no, no. She could not do this. She’d finally come to terms with the fact she loved a man she could never have and now he wanted her to work for him. Not. Gonna. Happen.

*OMG. R u stalking me?*

She slammed a palm on her forehead. Why did she answer him? She groaned and covered her face with her hands as she threw herself back on the couch. It didn’t help that his timing sucked in epic proportions. She was at that very moment watching a recording of him. Yeah, she was a mess. Physically and emotionally. Her house was a mess too. For the first time in her life. She had to stop him from coming over. Frantically she typed on her phone.

*Not a good time.*

Right as she hit send there was a bang on the door.

She swore in Spanish. Somehow it didn’t seem as foul that way. And fewer people knew she was doing it. Thanks a lot, Han.

*Go away and leave me alone.*

As soon as she hit send she realized what a bad move that was. Now he knew she was home. She sighed in resignation. Her house was a mess. Her hair was a mess. She was wearing pajamas in the middle of the day, and Alejandro Rivera was dancing on her television set. That pretty much summed up the story of her life.

She picked up the remote and gave the off button a violent push. Maybe if he saw her like this he’d leave her alone. As long as he didn’t find out he was the reason for it…She yanked the door open, making sure her expression and her posture told him how unhappy she was to see him.

He leaned nonchalantly against the door frame, but something in his eyes said he wasn’t as relaxed as he appeared. “I see I also taught you some new Spanish. And you’re looking lovely as usual. Can I come in?”

“No. It’s my day off. I don’t have time for a new client anyway. You’ll have to find someone else.”

“I’ve tried. You’re the only one for me, chica.”

“Not falling for your charm, Alejandro.”

“Not going anywhere until you let me in, Jade.”

She ground her teeth and stepped back as she swung the door wide, making a sweeping motion with her arm. “Whatever it takes to get you to leave, I guess.”

“I see you haven’t lost your charm. What the hell happened in here? Where’s the real Jade and what have you done with her? Have you been sick?”

Feigning unconcern, she shrugged as she closed the door, walked across the room and sat back down on the couch, not bothering to offer him a seat, hoping he’d take the hint and be quick. “I’ve turned over a new leaf.”

He ignored her rudeness and sat on the couch next to her. Damn him and his OCD. He was going to touch her, she just knew it, and if he did, she may very well fall apart in front of him. She was so not ready for this.

“You’re going to have to hire another accountant. I’m not available.”

“I lied. After you showed me what was going on, I was able to figure out the rest. I hired another accountant to straighten things out with the IRS.”

He picked up a strand of her hair and just the brush of his finger on her arm as he did it was too much.

“I’m not sleeping with you.”

He raised a brow. “I can’t get your hair out of my mind, which is crazy because I have never been interested in blondes until I met you. In fact, had we not been forced into each other’s company, I never would’ve looked twice at you.”

“You have such a way with words. How do you do it?”

He chuckled and dropped the strand. “You have no idea how often I’ve imagined what your hair would look like draped across my naked body. And yours.”

She’d meant what she said sarcastically, but suddenly it was all too true. She tried to block out the word picture he created, because as much as she wanted to see what he described, live and in person, she wasn’t going to open herself up to that kind of pain. She wanted a real relationship with a real man and if she let things go any farther than they had with Han, he could ruin her forever.

“Since you didn’t hear the first time, I. Am. Not. Sleeping. With. You.” He ran a finger down her cheek, and she couldn’t suppress a shiver. “Back off.”

“The personal space bubble is up and running, I see.”

She ignored him. What was she supposed to say? No, it feels so good I may never get enough if you touch me again. Her space bubble was gone, non-existent where he was concerned. The last thing she wanted him to know was how well his charm worked on her.

“Never in my life have I seen skin like yours. You have no idea how many times I’ve dreamed about what my hands would look like on it as they touched you—everywhere.”

She barely managed to stifle a whimper. She’d never wanted anything as much as she wanted Han to do that right there and then.

“Han, stop it! Just—stop. I’m not going to let you ruin my life for a few moments of pleasure. Besides, I have too much baggage for you. I’m so far beyond not-a-quick-lay for you.”

“Like you’ve ruined me?”

“What is that supposed to mean? How in the world could I possibly have ruined Alejandro Rivera?”

“After what my mother put me through, I decided I wasn’t going to love another woman. She made my life miserable before and after she died. Then, when I lost my brother—it was the nail in the coffin. Loving hurt too much and I wasn’t going to let it happen anymore. Not even with Marguerite. I cared about her and she cared about me, but a lot of it was based on what we could do for each other. She was my friend and I am very grateful for everything she did for me. When she died, it hurt. But not a gut-wrenching, clear to the bones kind of pain you feel when someone you love is gone. It was enough, though, to reinforce my decision to not care about a woman for any more than what they can do for me.”

Her gut twisted at his words. Like it had when he told her what happened to him as a child. Every time she thought about it, her heart bled for those poor little boys. She hardened her heart. Just like he needed to protect his heart, she had to protect hers. From him.

“Han, you have to stop. I want you to leave. I refuse to do this with you. Please.” Her voiced hitched, and she paused for a moment to regain her composure. “Don’t ignore what I want like my stepfather did.” Her voice was barely above a whisper. She didn’t like comparing him to her stepfather, but it felt like the same kind of pressure. A man forcing her to do something she didn’t want because he wanted it.

“Hell!” he muttered under his breath, and jumped to his feet, running his hands through his hair as he paced across the room. He stopped in front of the Picasso print, clasped his hands behind his back and stared at it like it was talking to him. Softly, yet violently he said, “Do not compare me to that bastard ever again.”

“Tell me, Han, what was that little speech about the women in your life for, if not to compare me to them?”

He muttered some Spanish expletives, and she smiled. This was the Han she wanted to see. The real one. Not the smooth-talker who walked in her door a few minutes ago.

“I’ll tell you why I was comparing you, why I came over here, though I’m starting to think it was a waste of time and emotion. You’re a real piece of work.”

“I seem to remember hearing that before. Get to the point and be on your way.”

He strode back across the room and stopped in front of her, his chest heaving like he’d danced around the room first. Before she realized his intention, he grabbed her by the upper arms and hauled her to her feet. “I love you, Jade. More than I’ve loved anyone. More than I love dancing. So much, I want to marry you right this instant so no other man can have you. So no other man can possess you like I need to possess you. So no other man can enjoy your body the way it deserves to be enjoyed. And I swore on my mother I would never give a woman that kind of power over me. That is what I came here to tell you.” He dropped his hands and stepped back a pace. “And since you’ve made it abundantly clear you don’t want me around, I’ll leave you to your life.”

He had his hand on the doorknob before she had the wherewithal to say something.

“Han! No! Please. Don’t go.” Her voice broke, and she swallowed the giant lump in her throat. There was no way she could let him leave after that, so she said the only thing she could think of that would keep him there. “I love you, too.”

He dropped his hand and slowly turned around. “You know if it was anyone else saying that, I wouldn’t believe them. Right now, the only thing I’m having a hard time believing is that you actually said it. You actually feel the same.”

She moved towards him as he was talking, and he walked towards her. When they met in the middle of the room, he took her in his arms and buried his face in her neck.

“What do you mean?” she whispered.

He lifted his head, linked his hands in the small of her back and leaned away from her slightly. His internal battle showed clearly on his face and as she waited for him to speak, she realized he was trembling. It was a rather humbling discovery—that she could make such a man quiver in her arms. She actually had Alejandro Rivera, the man she’d just watched dancing on television, shaking in his shoes. Simply because she loved him. If she thought about it anymore, her head would probably explode.

He placed his forehead on hers and closed his eyes. “I mean, that someone as amazing as you could love me. Han. Not Alejandro, the boy who could dance like there was no tomorrow, not Alejandro Rivera, The Devil of the Dance Floor. Just me, for me. I’ve always thought that person was unlovable. Take away my talent and I’m not worth bothering with.”

“Oh, Han.” She choked on her words. Took a deep breath. It hurt that he felt that way about himself. He was an incredible human being and she was determined to do everything in her power to make sure he not only knew she felt that way but believed it about himself. “Here and now, I am dedicating myself to making sure you never feel that way again.”

His tension melted away, his arms tightened and he lifted his head to look her in the eyes. “See, chica. How could I not love you?”

She wrapped her arms around him and hugged him hard, burying her head in his chest, swamped with the need to be as close to him as humanly possible, imprinting the feel of him on her flesh. Holding the little boy inside him tight in an effort to give him a sense of security he never had.

“My dear, dear Alejandro, I’m never going to let you go. I’m going to prove to you love is worth the risk. Together we can create the family you always wanted. The family you deserve.”

“Ah, mi amor, mi angel, I hope you are right with all my heart.” He tenderly took hold of her chin and tilted her face to him. All noise faded away but for the sound of her heart pounding in her ears as he looked at her, his eyes swirling with emotions she hadn’t dared dream any man would have for her, much less this man.

The arm around her waist held her tightly against him as he lowered his lips to hers and kissed her with reverence. Her head spun, her heart thumped slow and hard. This man, this incredible, talented, sexy, aggravating man was treating her like she mattered, like what she wanted was more important than his desires. And having a man like that touch her was the most glorious thing in the world.

“Jade, you need to know, I’m aware our physical union has to happen slowly, and I assure you, I’m willing to do or not do whatever you feel comfortable with. You don’t have to be afraid there will be some point where I can’t stop. If at any time you don’t want to do anything, all you have to do is tell me.”

She sighed and nodded her head once, fighting the urge to pinch herself to make sure this was really happening. She must have done something right somewhere along the line that a man like him would be willing to deal with any physical inhibitions she might have because of her past.

“I love you so much. I can hardly wrap my head around the fact this is real. That you love me that much.”

He laughed softly. “Chica, I feel exactly the same about you. How could I not be willing to do whatever it takes to make you happy?”

He stepped back from her, running a hand down her arm and taking hold of her hand. With his free hand, he pulled the chain he wore around his neck out from under his t-shirt and unclasped it. Sliding the ring off, he placed it on her finger.

“Marguerite told me some day my soul mate would come along, and she wanted that woman to have her wedding ring. The ring she’d received from her soul mate. I never believed it would happen.” He gave her a crooked smile. “I guess she was right after all.”

“Oh, Han…It looks like an antique. It’s beautiful. I feel so honored.” She put the hand with the ring on it on his cheek and caressed his cheekbone with her thumb. “I’ll treasure it, always.”

He pulled her back in his arms, buried his face in her neck and promised, “As I will treasure you.”

Would that voice always turn her bones to liquid? He took a nip of her neck, then whispered in her ear in Spanish, half of which she couldn’t translate because his breath in her ear and what he was doing with his hands made it impossible to think straight. Still, she understood enough it sent shivers down her spine.

“Han, you are such a devil!”