WE BURY CEPTA’S BODY—what is left of it—later that day. Xander insists on being the one who wraps her in a blanket and carries her to her grave. Shay watches as he does so, a questioning look in her eye. We stand by it now. Shovelfuls of dirt are cast into a dark hole until all sight of her is gone under the earth. Xander has her gold necklace wrapped tight around his hand.
I feel sick about how she died. There has been so much death already—so many bodies for the pyres—but she was still alive. So many times I’ve dreamed Jenna’s death by fire, when she died the first time. The pain and fear are there in my memory, and I can hardly hold it back enough not to scream.
“Why did this happen?” I say to Shay. “Was it an accident? She had candles, those curtains. The other night I saw them waving around and blew out her candle. If only I’d checked on her last night.”
Shay’s arm tucks around mine. “This isn’t your fault, Callie. I promise.”
“But was she just careless, or…?” I can’t put it into words. She said goodbye, like it was forever. And it was.
Xander turns and joins our conversation now. “Cepta was never careless; everything that she did was thought out and deliberate.” And I agree this was the Cepta I knew, at least before the epidemic came here.
“Do you mean she did it on purpose?” I can’t not ask, even though I’m scared of what he will say.
“Cepta couldn’t live when so many of her people have died,” Xander says. “With so much going on, perhaps she didn’t get the support she needed from the rest of us.” He shakes his head. “I just can’t believe she’s gone.” And there is raw pain in his voice. “Why is she gone?” He almost sounds puzzled.
“She said goodbye to me,” I say. “I didn’t know what she meant. I should have known! Maybe I could have stopped her.”
Xander’s eyes are intent on me now. “When was this?” he asks me.
“I don’t know. It was in the night. She was in my mind and said goodbye. Then I went back to sleep. When I woke up, her house was already on fire.”
“You didn’t know; how could you?” Shay says, and gathers me closer to her.
“We didn’t always get along, but—I can’t believe she’s…” My words are choked, and now my tears are falling.
Cepta was meant to help me, and I don’t think she always did. Sometimes she could be mean. But she was always there.
Not anymore.