Gideon
Dry drowning occurs when a person’s lungs become unable to extract oxygen from the air. That’s the official definition from Wikipedia. I don’t remember how or why I’m familiar with the term, but it comes to mind because that’s what’s happening to me as I look into Raven’s beautiful gray eyes and lie.
“You’re breaking up with me?” she asks. Her voice holds a note of stunned defeat.
“Yes.”
“I’m confused. You said … ” Her gaze drops. “We had all these plans.”
I clench my fists, fighting the urge to reach for her, plead temporary insanity and kiss her senseless. Instead I say, “I know, but everything’s different now.” I can hardly believe the curt, unemotional words are mine. “The Void is dangerous. I can’t do my job if I’m worrying about your safety. Or Wynter’s, for that matter. I’m sorry, but—”
“You’re sorry?” The sheen in her eyes might as well be a scythe for how deeply it cuts. “And you’re telling me you want to go in there alone?” She doesn’t wait for my answer. “First, you’re adamant only Cole goes into The Void, and we stay behind. Now, no one should go but you. What changed?”
“Is that an actual question?” My laugh is dry and tight, but she merely stares. “You want plain talk? All right then, here it is. I’ll need to make spit-second decisions in there, and I can’t afford distractions or to carry any dead weight. We need fighters. You grow flowers. You’d only be in the way.”
Two spots of pink rise under her perfect, bloodless cheeks. If I have to watch her suffer a minute longer, I’ll crack. So, I face the window, study the forest beyond our property, keeping my back to Rae. From the sunroom where we stand, a massive screened porch opens to a three tiered deck, and further down, the lake. My father doesn’t do anything small. After Maddox Industries gave me the boot, I thought of selling this place and using the money for tuition. Yet, once I suspected the magic hidden in my father’s office, selling the house was out of the question. What if an innocent family moves in? I can’t have anyone accidentally sucked into The Void.
No. I’m out of options.
“I’ve finally accepted my responsibility, Raven. My family opened the door between worlds causing decades of suffering. It’s my problem to fix, undo those wrongs, and close the portal forever. I won’t leave someone else to clean up my mess. Not this time.” I’m convincing myself as much as her, but it sounds right. Confident my plan will protect her while providing the excuse I need for breaking up, if she’ll just …
“Not happening.”
… stop fighting me.
“You actually think you can do all of this by yourself?”
As of about an hour ago, yes. I hadn’t considered destroying the portal, but why not? Hell, who knows if it’s even possible, but my life here is over and if I’m going in there anyway, I might as well try. Salt fills my throat as I turn and face her. “Wynter just got his life back. No need to make him a martyr. He needs to move on.” And take care of you, whether or not I come back.
When she nods, I think I’m finally getting through until that stubborn chin of hers sets. “Fine, we’ll bring Rosamond back for him.”
“No,” I say. “You misunderstand. There is no we anymore.” She blanches, and I want to punch myself, but I’ve come too far to stop. “You’re going to stay here, with him.”
She steps forward, placing a palm on my forearm. My skin scorches under her fingertips, my heart pulsing with need. It kills me that her touch is so tentative. She’s unsure because I’ve made her so. All I want is her—all I’ve wanted from day one—but that’s impossible now. Words strangle in my throat, so I glare at her little hand on my arm until she withdraws it.
“Why?” she whispers. “What did I do?”
The question knifes me. “Nothing. I’ll always be your friend.” It’s the truth. I step back, still tethered by her mist-colored eyes. Resilience lights inside them. The strength I’ve always admired in her—gone missing these last few months—reappears now in force and works like liquefying flame against my waxy bones.
“You want to be friends?” Something between a laugh and sob escapes. Her hands spread in a helpless gesture. “Are you doing this to protect me? Is that it?”
“Partly.” Completely. I feel my will crumbling under her pleading gaze, and that won’t do. “I told you, everything’s changed.”
“Including your feelings for me?”
“Yes.” It’s only one word. Though I feel my soul blackening around the edges before turning to ash the way paper does as it burns.
She’s not listening. I can see it in the stubborn set of her mouth. Her fingers climb my arms, slide over my shoulders until her hands clasp behind my neck. My eyes roll back as she presses her warm lips to my jaw. “Raven … please don’t.”
Apparently, my words aren’t convincing, because she pulls my head forward. How is it that when my lips touch her skin, it’s my lungs that catch fire? Heartbreak knocks furiously at the door of my chest. My body responds to her against my will, muscles tighten and ignite.
“Tell me what’s really going on … ” Her voice, a soft hum in my ear, drives me crazy with wanting. “Whatever it is, you can trust me.”
Her lips skim feather light over my mouth. I feel every breath, each nuance. The way her nose nudges mine and her eyelashes flutter against my cheek. She teases, nips at my lower lip, then drops soft, maddeningly gentle kisses across my throat looking for a response. My brain is an oven. Heart, lungs, arms, all of me screams for relief. I want to douse the pain of losing her with the truth and beg her forgiveness, but then it becomes about what’s good for me again and not for her.
“Stop it, Rae!” I hate how the gritty sound of my voice reveals my weakness for her. My hands grip both her arms, and plucking them from around my neck, I complete the herculean task of setting her apart from me.
I search her filling eyes. Would she stay if I told her everything? I fear she would, but without her dreams, she’d never be satisfied. Never truly happy, and she’d end up resenting me. I wouldn’t survive that. “This isn’t working anymore. Please understand that I can’t be with you. Not in that way.”
“Can’t or won’t.”
Her tears break free. Each one mirrors a punishing lash across my back. I hide my pain in a shrug. “Believe what you want, but we’re over.”
Raven’s lips part, but she doesn’t speak. She’s backing away. Faster. She turns. Runs. As she flies out the door, she barrels past Dane who’s standing just outside. He calls after her, but gets no response.
Dane angles toward me, hands fisted. His stride is heavy with purpose. “What did you do?”
I don’t even try to block the punch that’s coming. In fact, I hope he hits me with everything he’s got. And he doesn’t let me down.
Red stars explode behind both eyes. My jaw may be lying on the floor somewhere, but I hardly care. Pain radiates down my neck and shoulder as I await his next blow. Disappointment consumes me when it doesn’t come. I want to fight, to black out. Forget who I am, and what I’ve done, if only for a moment, but I don’t.
“What’s up with you, asshole?”
This seems to be a recurring theme today. I palm my jaw where the swelling has already started. Calming my churning insides, I answer with a cool I don’t feel. “Eavesdropping?” I pick up my cane and struggle to my feet. Leaning against the window to my rear, I wait for the throbbing to subside.
“With all that yelling, who could help it? Tell me what the hell is going on.”
“I’m not doing this with you, Dane.”
“I didn’t ask you to dance. I want to know why you’re being an ass.”
“It’s none of your business.”
“You’re hurting Rae.”
His accusation works like a shiv between my ribs. “I know.” The last person on Earth to deserve such treatment is wounded, confused, and angry—because of me. I glance into a corner. There, a tiny moth tries to free himself of the sticky web. As I focus on his struggle, a heavy breath leaks out along with my resolve. “There was a meeting in New York last week. The board took my company.”
Several expressions scroll across Dane’s face as he processes what I’ve said. Not that I give a shit. I don’t need his approval.
“They’ve taken everything.” Admitting the truth out loud is freeing while making me angrier than I’ve ever been. “I let her down, and my father, and everyone at Maddox Industries. I’m broke, Dane. Does that clear the situation up any?”
He’s quiet for a long while and then says, “I’m sorry, man. I really am. Does she know?”
Words that flowed so freely moments ago stick as my throat clogs with shame. I shake my head.
His eyes light with accusation and then sharpen into understanding. “So, your answer is to end it?”
“She won’t be alone.” Just the thought of her with him, and I press my lips to a line.
“Aw, dog.” Dane bumps my arm. “No way, you’re talking about Cole? You are! It’s all over your face.” He laughs without humor. “Nah, man that’s … ”
Cold? Cowardly? He doesn’t use words, but his expression sends the same message.
“Dude, that’s twisted, even for you.” He rubs a finger beneath his nose. “Rae’s not a puppy. You don’t find your girlfriend a new owner because you’re moving or lost your job. I thought you were smarter than this.”
Dane’s intuitive, blunt, and honest. Qualities that make me like him more than I’ll admit. I move my jaw from side to side, wincing as I test its capabilities. “Nice left.”
His smirk is cocky. “I’m aware.”
“Listen, I’m not naive, but Raven’s happiness as a person depends on her art. It’s in her blood. She’s ambitious, worked too hard, and put up with too much shit to have that chance taken away. The girl is worth any sacrifice I can make. Hell, you said yourself, I’m an ass. It probably won’t take her long to figure out she’s better off. Cole’s rich. He knows her history, and he loves her.”
“Are you sure?”
I feel my brow wrinkle. “You’re not?”
Dane takes a quick glance back, thick dreads drifting over his shoulder. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m Maggie’s for life, but I get what’s cool about lil’ Rae.” He rubs his chin. “Especially from Cole’s perspective. She rescued him, right? She’s mysterious in a way that makes guys notice. Cole admires her. That ain’t the same thing as love.”
“He’d do anything for her.”
“Maybe. Look, I’ll admit I didn’t trust you in the beginning, but Rae’s been … better with you. Happier than I’ve ever seen her. You too, right?”
I stare him down. My feelings are obvious enough, and though I’m interested in Dane’s opinion, I’m not spilling my guts for him.
He doesn’t blink. “You’re just going to walk away without a fight?”
Yes, I am. She’s hurt now, but Wynter will pick up the pieces. I promised I’d never leave, and I won’t. She’ll recover, and when she’s ready, we’ll be friends again. “In the end, she’s better off.” As for me, I’m used to being alone. I’ll get used to it again.
“You should tell her about the money, and let Raven decide what’s right for her.”
I lean forward. “No. And you’re not telling her either. You don’t have to understand—”
“Never said I didn’t understand; I just think you’re wrong.”
My muscles relax. “It’s for the best. Trust me, it’s easier this way.”
He frowns, expression dubious, but his hand finds my shoulder and he gives me a squeeze. “Rethink your plan, Maddox. I seriously doubt it’s for the best. And it damn sure isn’t going to be easy. For either of you.”