Chapter Thirty-Nine

My heart seized as I asked the question.

It had taken all of three seconds for me to realize I’d made a mistake in running away from him in the police station.

I should have stayed and let John finish.

Only minutes had passed since he’d told me about Jeannette and the tattoo, but I felt like so much more time had gone by.

The last few months of her life suddenly made sense. I thought back to the first moment when I’d really noticed the change in my sister.

She’d come into the house on Sunday afternoon—it was the third weekend in a row she’d been away—reeking of cigarette smoke.

“Ew, Jeanie! You smell terrible,” I told her.

“You’re not even supposed to be home,” she snapped.

I was so stunned by her tone that I’d dropped the TV remote. It landed on the floor, splitting open, and the batteries had rolled across the room to where my sister was digging through the coat closet. Jeannette was never short-tempered, even after a twelve hour work day.

“What’re you doing?” I asked.

“Looking for money,” she muttered.

“What?”

“Looking for money!” she yelled.

I watched her dig around some more, feeling confused. “I thought things at the restaurant had picked up.”

She’d been bringing home way more tips than usual. In fact, I’d seen her pay our rent, all in cash, just the week before.

“Jeannette?”

She had stopped looking through the closet, and was staring across the room.

“Hey!”

She jumped a little, then focused a smile in my direction.

“I just ran out, okay?” she said. “And I need to pick something up at the grocery store, and the debit is down at the store.”

I frowned, wondering why she sounded like she was parodying her usual cheerful self.

“All right,” I agreed. “There’s a couple of twenties in my wallet. Just pay me back soon.”

She’d given me a hug, taken the money, and left. Somewhere inside, I’d known she wasn’t using the money at the grocery store. My sister had deteriorated rapidly after that. I’d never seen the money again, and for some reason, the lie she’d told me that day was representative of every way she’d failed me after.

I felt the same betrayal now. I looked down at my feet, and waited for John’s answer. His hand came up, and I braced myself for the feel of his fingers on my chin.

It didn’t come.

I brought my eyes up, and met his hurt gaze. His arm was still suspended in the air, and his palm was turned toward my face. I had to force myself to stop from leaning into it.

“As much of it was true as I could manage, Cass,” John told me.

“I don’t know what that means.”

“The club is mine. The Empress Hotel, and a few others like it, are mine.”

His face was troubled, and when he didn’t meet my gaze, it seemed like he was skirting the issue on purpose. I followed his lead and started walking again. John rushed to catch up.

“Billy?” I asked after a few moments.

“An informant. Colin’s to start out with. His daughter got involved with Monato the same way that…” He trailed off.

“The same way that Jeannette did,” I filled in.

John cleared his throat. “Yes. Billy wanted to help bring him down.”

He paused in front of a four story apartment building, and I stopped and looked at him.

“Monato and Ramirez targeted my sister because she was vulnerable?” I asked.

“Guys like that are experts at picking them out and experts at reeling them in,” he replied apologetically.

“And they came after me because I’m that way, too,” I stated. “Weak.”

“No,” John said emphatically. “You’re strong. Self-sufficient. I promise you, you’re the exact opposite of the kind of girl they target. I think they simply came after you because you look so much like Jeannette. Maybe they thought you knew, like Colin did. Or maybe they didn’t even do it consciously. I’m sorry, Cass.”

“It’s not your fault,” I told him

John took a quick step toward me, and I my breath caught in my throat as he bent down to look me in the eyes. I had to work to move my gaze away. And I was immediately regretful when I did. He was so close to me that he took up my whole vision.

The rain had plastered his shirt against his skin, and I could make out the attractive lines of his tattoos through the fabric. I itched to touch them. I tried to back away, and bumped into the wrought iron fence behind me.

I held out my hand. In the dark, the ruby was a dangerously red shield, protecting me from him and tying me to him at the same time.

“Why did you give me this?” I demanded.

“I wanted you to have it,” he told me seriously.

“Why?” I could hear the pleading tone, and but I didn’t care.

“I saw you outside the tattoo parlour,” he admitted. “You and Blair. I noticed you right away.”

“Most people notice Blair.”

A smile curled his lips, and I stared at them as they moved invitingly with his reply. “I didn’t.”

“No?”

“Then when I watched you dance in my club…” John trailed off with an appreciative look in his eyes.

“I’m a terrible dancer.”

“You’re not so bad.”

The air around us had shifted somehow, and I the corners of my mouth turned up.

“Liar,” I said.

He smiled back at me. “And when I got to haul you around unconscious, that just about cinched it.”

I frowned.

“Too soon for jokes?” he murmured.

He’d stepped closer again. He was near enough that I could feel the heat emanating from his chest. I shivered involuntarily.

“Are you cold?” he wanted to know.

I shivered again. “No.”

“This is my place.” John inclined his head toward the apartment building and replied with a question in his voice.

“Blair told me not to go in with you,” I reminded him.

“All right,” he agreed. “We won’t go in.”

He put one hand on my waist and the other on the back of my neck, and pressed his body against me. The fence dug into my back, and I didn’t care.

“You want to go in now?” John whispered.

I could barely make myself nod.

Then his lips took mine, quickly, urgently, like he had something to prove. He explored my mouth only briefly, then he moved on to my cheeks and chin and neck.

John’s fingers wove through my hair and held onto it tightly, forcing my head back. His tongue found a sensitive spot between my throat and collarbone and then he moved on again. His hands scraped across my skin, and the rain made his palms slick. His aggression left me gasping.

“Inside,” I breathed. “Now.”

I barely let him get the key through the door before I tossed his shirt to the floor and pulled off my own top. I wrapped my arms around his well-muscled waist and started to slide his pants down.

“Cass,” he said hesitantly.

“John,” I whispered back.

His lips were against mine, and when I tried to breathe his name a second time, his mouth responded automatically, enveloping my words.

“Bedroom,” I murmured when he finally allowed me come up for air.

“Cass,” he said again, and tried to pull further away.

I dragged him closer, wondering why he was resisting.

“No one knows me like this,” he told me.

“Like what?”

“About Colin. About what my tattoos mean. About anything.”

I loosened my grip on him slightly and he went on.

“Don’t be sad,” he pleaded. “I don’t want Blair to be right. I don’t want to be the biggest mistake of your life.”

I smiled. “John, you’re wrong.”

“I just don’t want you to think I’m the kind of guy who—”

I cut him off by running my thumb along his lips and jaw and then down across his chest. He held very still, as if he didn’t trust himself to move. I stood on my tiptoes and with my palms cradling his face, I kissed him gently.

“Blair didn’t say being with you was the biggest mistake of my life. She said running away from you was.”

“She did?” He sounded genuinely surprised.

“And I already know what kind of man you are,” I told him.

He sighed. “Good.”

“Bedroom,” I said, this time more firmly.

I let him guide me there, and straight into the bed, with no regrets.