23

Big Date

Father and Jimmy quarrel all week. Father suggests that he could call Mr. O’Callahan and try to get Jimmy a job at the beach club this summer. Jimmy isn’t sure he is interested in that, but says he’d be willing to consider it.

Father pressures him to think about it “a little harder.”

Jimmy talks for days about his big date with Aruna. Late in the week, Father starts frowning whenever Jimmy brings it up.

Charlotte has to cancel her appointment because of an urgent matter with another client. In the early evening, Father and Jimmy have supper together while Mary is out. Finn sits in his bouncy seat on the rug in the living room, where Father can see him.

Finn now has his appetite back. He picks a slice of banana up off his tray and tries to mash it into his mouth. He’s making a big mess. Human babies are uncoordinated. I doubt you’d see a kitten making a mess like that. Father and Jimmy each have a big bowl of cereal with a lot of sliced bananas in front of them.

Father asks Jimmy why he keeps calling it a “big date.”

“Because, Pops. We just made up after our first big fight. And I didn’t see Aruna last weekend because I was with Ma.” Jimmy shovels cereal into his big mouth with a giant spoon, milk dripping back into the bowl.

Father sits up straight and looks at him. He starts to reply, then stops. He can’t quite find the words. He wants to know what Jimmy is planning.

Jimmy doesn’t stop eating as he talks. “Maybe a movie, I guess. Then we’ll stay out late, drive around and listen to music, go spin by the beach, I guess.”

Father shakes his head. He pushes away his cereal and folds his arms. Father hasn’t been doing that so much lately, so I am surprised. He says he doesn’t know if that’s a good idea.

“Wh—what do you mean?”

Father explains his concerns. He remembers what he was like at Jimmy’s age. And he hopes Jimmy isn’t pressuring Aruna to do anything stupid.

“Like what, Pops?” Jimmy’s mouth hangs open. “Jesus. Pops.”

Father leans forward, gripping the edge of the table. “You just have to be careful, Jim, because you slip up just once and the rest of your life goes in a different direction very quickly. Do you know what I mean?”

“Oh my God.” Jimmy pushes his bowl away from him, his face turning red. “Really? You’re serious? You think . . . Okay.”

Jimmy gets up and leaves the kitchen. But he doesn’t go far. He sits on the living room sofa and stares down at his hands. I jump up into his lap to comfort him, and he pats me heavily, lost in thought.

Father doesn’t apologize. But he comes in and sits next to Jimmy.

“Dad,” Jimmy finally says with a big sigh. “I know you remember what you were like at my age. I’ve heard all about the beach club and the trouble you guys used to get into. But I’m not you.” He pauses. “And Aruna sure isn’t like Ma.”

Father waits.

“I’m not going to mess up her life, Pops. Aruna is smart. She wants to be an engineer like her dad, and she’ll probably apply to Cornell or something next year. And then I’ll never see her again.”

Father frowns. He asks why Aruna couldn’t go to a school in Boston. And then something else occurs to him. He asks if Jimmy is supposed to be looking at schools for himself this year.

“Ma asked me the same thing,” Jimmy admits. Sitting next to Father on the couch, he is just as tall as Father, possibly an inch taller. With that hair. “But Pops. I think I should to go to community college and stay here and help you with Finn. You don’t have a lot of money saved up anyway, do you?”

There is a gentle orange light seeping through the front windows as the sun sets. Father thinks about it. I push my nose up into Jimmy’s hand to show my support, and he absentmindedly scratches my head.

“I don’t want you to have to do that,” Father says quietly. “It would be really helpful, but I don’t want you to have to do that.” Father won’t look at Jimmy now. Instead, he looks at me, and I stare back.

It’s okay, I want to tell him.

Jimmy shrugs. “Pops. I don’t mind.”

Finn is in his bouncy seat still chewing on a banana slice. He paws at his ear. He pulls a hearing aid off and puts it in his mouth.

“Uh, Dad . . .”

Father closes his eyes for a moment and shakes his head. “I give up.” He pulls the hearing aid, now covered in banana slime, out of Finn’s mouth and hand. He also unclips it from Finn’s shirt. Father takes the hearing aid off Finn’s other ear too.

Finn gives Father his sweet smile, looking at him with those clear blue eyes. He has no idea of the stress he is causing, of course.

The next night, Mary helps Jimmy pick out a nice outfit. He showers and gets dressed, putting on too much of that bottled scent he likes. Mary doesn’t tease him. The experiences of the past few months have made her kinder to Jimmy. They are getting older.

They are growing up, my siblings.

Mary goes to her room and puts on a short, twirly skirt and a sparkly top. I see that she, like Jimmy, grew a few inches this past winter. Blond hair still rings the top of her head like a halo, but the red on the bottom gives her face new angles. She has started drawing on darker eyeliner, like Mother used to do, and has a more relaxed stance, leaning back with a hand on one hip when she admires herself in the mirror.

I realize that Mary and Jimmy must be going out together.

Aruna arrives, with a hug for Jimmy and another for Mary. One of Mary’s friends, a girl with big, brown eyes and dark ringlets of hair, follows close behind. They all talk and laugh, very excited.

When I rub against Aruna’s leg, she picks me up and slings me over her shoulder. This is something new. Now I can’t see what’s happening. I’m too fat to turn my head very far. But that’s okay. It’s kind of fun.

Father comes into the front hall to say hello to everyone.

“Pops, tell Sean I went out with three cute chicks tonight. He’ll be jealous.” Jimmy laughs.

It occurs to me that Jimmy may have invited Mary and her friend to come along to make Father feel better about his “big date.”

Father promises he’ll call Sean.

Aruna has a big surprise for Mary. She puts me down on the floor and then pulls out of her coat pocket four tickets to a concert this summer.

Mary is amazed. “I’m going to see Harry!” She and her friend squeal and scream and jump up and down. Aruna replies with her beautiful laugh.

Mary, who is still bouncing with excitement, says dramatically that she doesn’t know how she will ever repay Aruna. But Aruna just scoffs. “Hey, I’m an only child. My dad spoils me. No worries, he can afford it.”

The kids keep talking, thrilled and full of energy, not noticing what has been implied: that Father could not have afforded it.

No matter, I think. It is the truth. No harm was meant by it.

But I worry that it may feed his doubts about how happy Charlotte could really be with him. And how happy he can make his children.

Father holds the door open for them and says good-bye, then retreats to the kitchen. I walk into the dark dining room and jump up to the window seat to watch my siblings out the window. Mary and her friend walk ahead to Father’s truck, which Jimmy will drive.

Jimmy stops Aruna on the top step by the front door. He turns her coat collar up against the spring wind, and when doing so he leans forward to give her a kiss on the mouth, lingering there for a moment, reluctant to turn away from her. He does it again, more insistent the second time.

Well! I haven’t seen that before. Maybe Father was right to worry a little bit.

Father calls Sean on his little phone. He tells Sean about Jimmy’s date, and Sean responds with something that makes Father laugh. The two of them complain about their injuries and talk about how goddamn boring it is to be at home. Father suggests he is just going to cut his cast off with a knife because it itches him and he can’t stand it.

Father and Sean always find something to complain about. They seem to enjoy complaining very much.

Father then asks Sean if he’ll come over next weekend to meet Charlotte. It sounds like Sean agrees.

The next call is to Charlotte, which I know because Father’s voice gets low and soothing and calm. He apologizes for the short notice, but he wants to know if she will please come over. He tells her the kids are out and Finn is asleep.

“No, not for that,” he says in response to her question. “Well, yes, for that, but not only that.” He tells her how much he misses her and that he can’t stand it. He is going crazy from not seeing her.

She is there within an hour, and they sit on the couch, sharing a can of soda. I curl up on the armchair next to them. Father is transformed; his face lights up as he looks at her, and he holds her hand. Always, always, he clings to her small hand.

He says they should probably talk about the—not the rules, but the—he can’t find the right word.

“Parameters?” she suggests.

There is a long pause, and Charlotte and I both realize he might not know what that word means. I don’t know either.

“Guidelines?”

Okay, he agrees. In case this works out and they move forward, they should have guidelines. Just to know where they stand.

He looks down at her hand in his and comes out with it: He’s not sure he wants to have more children. Maybe, but he’s not sure. He needs her to know that. He’s just too exhausted to do it again. At least, right now.

Charlotte nods okay, and he is relieved.

I wonder if she agreed to that a little too quickly.

He also needs her to know that between Finn’s therapy and doctors, and Jimmy’s college and then Mary after that, he is broke. Plus he needs to think about Carrie’s medication and therapy, which he will pay for forever because he promised to take care of her. Sometimes that includes an expensive overnight hospital stay. And sometimes that includes paying off a manic spending spree that they can’t reverse. So that’s his financial situation.

Charlotte gives him a patient smile. “It’s okay. I do all right for myself.” She shrugs. “It’s not like I hang out with millionaires. Everyone I know is drowning in student loans.” I listen carefully, but I don’t know exactly what she means by all this.

Father squeezes her hand. He tells her it’s easy for her to say that now, while she’s sitting on his couch. But he’s worried about her friends, and especially her parents, and what they’ll think when they hear he has three kids—

Charlotte interrupts. “You let me worry about them. You have enough to worry about.”

Now it’s her turn.

She wants him to know that she realizes that he and his family eat very badly, but she does not cook. She has liked salad since she was a child, and this is mostly what she eats. She doesn’t want to feel pressured—or even be asked nicely—to make meals for everyone, because that is not something she wants to do, and it would upset her if it came to that.

He agrees immediately.

I wonder if she should trust him to stick to that one.

Also, when he takes Finn to the beach this summer, Father has to promise to keep his head down. She says a cute dad with an incredibly sweet blue-eyed baby will attract trouble, and it makes her nervous.

I can see from the look on her face that she is teasing him now, and Father laughs. “Okay,” he says. “You should come with us to the beach.”

But there’s one more thing.

Charlotte puts both of her hands on his and says, “Tommy.”

In her tone is something that makes both Father and me sit up straighter.

“You have to decide what’s happening with Carrie. You’re still married. I know—I know you don’t want to upset her. But you need to tell me if you’re going to let her go. Not just a divorce. That too. But I mean, in your heart.”

Father takes a deep breath. I think it is hard for him to explain what he’s feeling. He may not even understand it himself.

I need to tell Father that we will all support him, whatever he decides to do. And show Charlotte that this could all work out.

I jump up to the couch and climb right onto Charlotte’s legs. I calculate very carefully, and then I reach my paws up to climb onto her shoulder. I’ve never done this before, and I know I must be heavy. But I want her to hold me the way Aruna did, to see how much fun we could have together. Frankly, I don’t fit in her arms quite as easily as I did in Mother’s. This is a little awkward. Still, I hang on for dear life. Not letting go.

“Ah, Boo,” Charlotte says in surprise, gripping me with two hands so I don’t slide off.

I hear Father promise Charlotte that he’s going to think about what to do. He says he will ask Carrie for a divorce very, very soon. Father explains he was just with Carrie for so long that he doesn’t know anything else, and he worries about her, but he’s trying really hard to get past it. He knows Carrie is living her own life now.

Charlotte puts me down gently into her lap, and I see Father squeeze her hand when it is free. “I love you,” he says to her.

Charlotte nods. She is cautious about being too quick to reply, just like Mother was so many years ago. She does not say “I love you” back to him. Not yet. It doesn’t seem to worry him at all.

It doesn’t really worry me either.

But Charlotte is softened by his speech. He moves much closer to her, and before she can think too much about it he has one hand sliding behind her back and the other hand on her face, and he is about to kiss her. I jump away as quick as I can.

She teases him that she just came over to talk, “so don’t get excited, Tommy Sullivan.”

“Too late for that, Charlotte Davenport,” he says softly back to her.

Father kisses her, using his weight against her mouth and the hand supporting her back to lay her down on the couch. Charlotte wraps her arms around him. She is quickly and effortlessly positioned beneath him as he moves her legs. She loves to touch him, squeezing his shoulder and stroking his hair. They easily fall into a rhythm as she arches up into him.

I’m glad at least something is easy for Father.

Father has missed Charlotte desperately all week. He napped and daydreamed every afternoon, as I believe he is still not working. Then at night he tossed and turned in bed, accidentally nudging me with his foot sometimes. I have seen him sending her messages on his little phone, and I know the notes are going to her from the way he rubs his forehead and takes a deep breath in and out. He is lovesick, I think.

Later, Charlotte goes home. Father is already in bed and asleep when my siblings arrive. Usually he waits up for them, but tonight he is too tired.

That’s okay. I greet them instead. I can do that for Father.

Mary and Jimmy come up the stairs very quietly, without turning on the hall light. I walk upstairs with them. They brush their teeth and get into their pajamas.

Jimmy seems to pass out as soon as his head hits the pillow. Mary stays up late, reading and writing in a notebook. I visit her, lying myself down next to Jasper.

Jasper completely ignores me. As far as he is concerned, I am a loaf of bread.

Mary’s eyes are gleaming and her face is calm and satisfied. She pins the four concert tickets to her bulletin board.

Like a ghost, she silently pads her way over to Jimmy’s dark room. I follow her, thinking it is time to make my nighttime rounds of the house anyway.

Mary leans over Jimmy. He doesn’t stir. “You’re a great brother,” she whispers to him. And then she is gone.

After she has left, I sit on the rug watching over Jimmy. My eyes adjust to the darkness, details and shadows sharpening as they come into view.

And then, although his eyes do not open, I see a small smile curl on Jimmy’s face.