Chapter Eight

“You still there, Skye?” Ben says.

I swallow down the vomit that threatens to crawl up from my stomach. “Yeah. I’m here.”

“You’ve got to talk to him.”

I clear my throat. “Why? If he’s gone to New York, you won’t have to put up with his asshole behavior.”

“Ha! Of course I will, and so will everyone else. A virtual asshole is still an asshole.”

He has me there. “I wish I could help you, but—”

“Then call him. Tell him you’re sorry.”

“I’m not sorry, Ben. I’m not the one who ended things.”

“So you’d be with him if he hadn’t ended it, right?”

“Well…yeah.”

“Tell him that.”

I shake my head, well aware that only the cabbie can see me from his rearview mirror, if he’s even looking. “No way. I still have my self-respect. I’m not going to go crawling back to a guy who dumped me.”

“This has nothing to do with self-respect, Skye. The man is miserable.”

“That’s his own fault, then, isn’t it?”

“Yeah. Of course it is. But Braden isn’t used to things not going his way. He finds solutions, and whatever went on between the two of you has got him confused.”

I let out an exasperated huff. “Confused? He knows exactly why he ended it.”

“That’s not what I mean.”

“Oh? What do you mean, then?”

“Braden finds solutions. That’s how he made it so big. His original idea was a solution to a problem in construction. And every success he’s had since then, from innovations to investments, has been the result of finding a solution. This has him flummoxed, Skye.”

“And?”

“And what?”

“Sorry, Ben, but I’m not following. Relationships are not problems to be solved. They’re relationships.”

“That’s not how Braden sees it.”

“I can’t help that. That’s how it is.”

“Maybe,” he says.

“You’re probably just like him, aren’t you? You don’t want a relationship, either.”

“What? Where did that come from?”

“Just a hunch.”

He sighs. “I’m not looking, it’s true. But I’m not averse to a relationship if I find the right person.”

“Braden told me, at the beginning, that he and I couldn’t have a relationship. Apparently he was right.”

“Not surprising. Neither one of us is wired for long-term love.”

“Why do you say that?”

Silence.

Seriously, silence so thick over a cell phone line that I swear I can hear its density.

“You still there?” I ask.

“Yeah.”

“Are you going to answer the question you know I’m about to ask?”

More silence. Then, “I can’t.”

“Why not?” I ask.

“There are things Braden and I don’t talk about. Not to anyone.”

My breath hitches. “And one of those things is why you’re not wired for relationships?”

No response.

“I’ll take your silence as a yes,” I say.

“It’s not what you think,” he says.

“I’m not thinking anything.”

“Sure you are. You’re thinking it has something to do with Braden and Addison.”

“Why would I think that? Is she a reason why you’re not wired for relationships?”

More dead air.

“This is getting tedious, Ben,” I finally say.

“I can’t speak for Braden,” he says, “but Addie certainly has no bearing on my situation.”

“I see.”

Yet more silence. Then, “I think you can make Braden happy, Skye.”

Despite myself, my heart leaps a little. “Obviously not.”

“You can. He was different with you. Different than with any other woman he’s ever brought home.”

“What if he can’t make me happy?”

“I just…”

“You just assumed anyone would be thrilled to be with your brother. Or with you. I get it.”

“No, that’s not what I meant.” His tone is huffy and resolute.

“That’s exactly what you meant. It just so happens that my happiness is important here, too.”

“I never said it wasn’t. But, Skye, you just told me if he hadn’t broken up with you—”

“Cool it with your euphemisms, Ben. He dumped me. Call it what it is.”

“Fine. If he hadn’t dumped you, you’d still be with him. So clearly he made you happy.”

Ben isn’t wrong. Braden made me ecstatic. He showed me a world I never knew existed—a world of pleasure and love and loss of control. A world I could only face in the dark.

Maybe I took it too far. Maybe this is all my fault. Maybe I need to face it all in the daylight to understand.

But how can I be at fault simply for asking for what I want?

“What do you want me to do?” I finally ask.

“Reach out to him.”

“What makes you think he’ll even talk to me?”

“I don’t know if he will.” Ben sighs. “But he’s hurting, and you’re the only one who can help him.”

“Fine,” I finally relent. “I’ll…email him. Or text him. I won’t call him.”

“That’s a start. Thanks, Skye.”

“If this turns into something worse, I’m coming after you,” I say.

“Got it. You can punch me in the nose or something.”

I can’t help a short laugh. What the heck can I ever do to Ben Black? A big fat lot of nothing. “Don’t think I won’t.”

“I absolutely think you will. I knew from the first time we met that Braden had met his match. I think that might be part of the problem here.”

“Problem?”

“You’re too much alike. That’s what attracted him to you in the first place.”

Again, he’s not wrong. Braden admitted he was drawn to my need for control. Almost as if he wanted to break me. And I allowed it. I gave him my control, which led to the most amazing things I’d ever experienced.

But maybe…

Maybe he doesn’t actually want ultimate control over me.

Maybe that part of him is an illusion.

And maybe he’s finding that out for himself now. Maybe that’s what has him confused.

I’m near home. Even as the cabbie drives, I sit on the edge of my seat as my rural home comes into view. Green. Kansas is so green compared to Boston. Cornfields line each side of the county road.

“This has been interesting, Ben,” I say, “but I have to go. I’m almost home.”

“Got it. Just think about what I said, okay?”

“Sure. I said I’d text him.” Of course, I didn’t say when.

I’ll think about it. Could I do anything about it? Not really. I’m not about to go begging to Braden for him to take me back. As much as I want to be with him, as much as I love him, I’ll never beg for anything.

“Good. Have a nice time at home, Skye.”

“I will. And Ben?”

“Yeah?”

“If you get a chance, tell Braden…”

“Yeah? Tell him what?”

“Just tell him I said hi.”

“Okay. Will do. Bye.”

I shove my phone back in my purse as the cab parks. Will Ben tell Braden I said hi? If he does, he’ll also have to tell him he called me, which may not go over well.

“Thanks so much.” I pay the cab driver and take the luggage he pulled out of the trunk for me.

Then I draw in a deep breath.

I’m home. My birthplace.

Time to figure out who I truly am.

Time to figure out why that neck binding is so important to me.

I smile and turn the knob on the front door. I know it’s open, as we’ve never locked our doors. We live in the safest place on the planet.

I walk in.

And my jaw nearly drops to the floor.