In the moments before the dazed room closed
Over him, he strained his ears in vain
Listening for something beyond
The rushing sprinkle of the shower
Pouring cold over dead nerves
Running numb in eyes and ears.
He’d left everything as though he weren’t ending it.
Said good-bye to Simon after class
Who he’d crushed on since sixth grade.
Hard click of finality at his locker
The tortured creak of the side door he slipped through
Avoiding the berating halls
Straight home in spring humming streets.
With solemn ritual he stepped into the shower
Doused himself with the glugging gas can.
First try: the lighter slipped in his slick fingers
Jostled thoughts almost broke the fragile meditation.
Quiet sustained him. A second slip then.
The third time, almost a surprise: it lit.
In a muted woof
Flame filled everything.
No pain for a stunned second;
Then horror.
Horror rushing in every crevice
Every corridor of his body
Skin eyes screaming silently.
And pulled on the water
Body drumming the tub in collapse.
A melting marathon runner.
Then the room closing over him
Still listening — for anyone.