Chapter Seven

After a filling dinner of bibimbap, one of my specialities since it’s easy to make and it’s fairly healthy, Jesse topped up our wine glasses. This time, I went easy on the drinking. I didn’t want another unloading of my secrets on the unsuspecting victim.

We moved from the kitchen to the living room, which is to say, we moved about ten feet. The house wasn’t huge, but cozy in size. And since most residents on the strip used their homes during the summer, time wasn’t spent in the house. Why would you with the ocean steps away?

“Care to watch a movie?” He grabbed the remote off the bookshelf.

“As long as it’s not a Christmas movie.” The words were out before I could stop them. Maybe I had drank too much wine.

“Something against a good holiday classic?” He stood impossibly close, and his gaze flittered between my eyes as if searching for the truth I’d never admit.

My bottom lip rolled between my teeth. “Well, it’s just that…” There was no good way of answering. I tossed my hands out to the side. “By this time in the season, I think I’ve watched them all.”

“Do you have a favourite? We could always watch that one.”

None of them were. They were all so happy and lovey-dovey with everything ending up perfect for the main characters. Real life never worked out that way. People died on Christmas Day, forever changing the way the holiday was meant to be. My sister was a prime example. How many people actually got married on Christmas Day rather than sitting around the base of a decorated tree unwrapping presents? Probably none.

Jesse grabbed a couple of blankets from the back of the couch. “What if instead of watching a movie, we just sat outside on the deck. I’ve got a space heater to take the edge off. And we don’t even have to talk.”

I breathed a sigh of relief and reached for one of the blankets, my fingers grazing his arm. My synapses went on a wild spree with the delicate touch. “That sounds heavenly.”

After he turned off the overhead lights, the only glow in the room was from the lights heavily decorating the tree. The space under the tree was lacking presents. With his family out of town, had he mailed them out? Up until that moment, I had suspected he’d be celebrating Christmas morning with someone. But as I gazed again at the empty tree skirt, an ache formed in my heart.

“You coming?” Jesse asked, and I whipped my focus over to him, where he stood at the door waiting.

Once outside, he pulled an Adirondack style chair over and gave it a quick dusting. “Sorry. I don’t have much company these days.”

I curled into the seat and covered myself with the waffle-weave blanket and set my wine glass on the armrest as Jesse turned on the patio heater. Instantly a wave of warmth settled over me, and I let out a low groan. “That’s nice.”

He sat in his chair and took a sip of his wine. “It’s a lovely evening.”

Indeed, it was. The surf was crashing just out of sight but well within listening range. That was the best part of Cheshire Bay, in my humble opinion. The houses on this strip had some of the finest beaches on the island, and since it was the Pacific Ocean as far as the eye could see, the waves were free to make as much noise as they needed. Tonight, they were rather subdued.

“When I was a kid, I used to love just sitting on our deck and listening to the waves, and sometimes stare up at the stars.”

Jesse craned his neck to see beyond the edges of the upper deck. “No stars tonight.”

“No. It’s cloudy. I’m hoping the winter storm holds off for a bit, or changes course.”

The weather predicted a drop of cooler temperatures with flurries. As it was, the year had been unusually strange as the island rarely got snow, and yet this year, it had already exceeded its yearly amount.

The tranquil ebb and flow of the waves filled the air between us, as did the occasional clinking of a wine glass settling on the solid wooden arm.

“It’s very soothing. I’ve missed this.” I crossed my legs and relaxed into the chair.

For the past two months, my life had been filled with endless work projects, fighting with Charlie over insignificant items neither of us wanted, but we weren’t willing to give the other either, and packing. I needed more nights like this to unwind.

The waves rolled and thundered in a nice rhythmic pattern. In and out. Each breaking wave chipped away at my hardened soul. It wouldn’t take much convincing for me to spend the night outside. If it were warmer. As it was, I huddled under the blanket when a cool breeze blew in.

“You know if you want, you can go in and watch a movie. Please don’t let me stop you.”

“I won’t.” He propped a foot on his knee. “Like I said earlier, I don’t get much company and as quiet as this is, you and I sitting on the deck, it is very peaceful. It’s nice.”

On the arm rest, his hand twitched, almost like mine was. Desperately, I wanted to hold his hand as it felt like this moment needed it, and with every moving inch of Jesse’s hand toward me, I couldn’t help but wonder if that’s what he wanted too? Even the occasional butterfly took flight, which was strange because I’d long thought they’d died.

The chair shifted beneath Jesse. “I’m just going to ask flat out as I’ve been debating, and figure to hell with it.”

I wrapped my fingers around the base of my wine glass and held on tight.

“Why don’t you enjoy Christmas? Are you Jewish?”

The red wine tasted even better than before as I tipped the glass and dumped the liquid into my mouth. I allowed the sweet berry taste to settle before I answered.

“No. I just don’t like the holiday, but I won’t stop anyone else from celebrating it the way they choose.” Suddenly on the defensive, I needed to point out the obvious. “I love that you have lights and decorations all over, and even a set of Christmas lights hanging on your truck, but it’s just not something I do.”

“You haven’t even said ‘Merry Christmas’.”

I shrugged. “They’re just words. No one really means it anyway.”

“Most do.” He took another sip of wine. “So, if I was to show up at your place, there’d be no colourful lights?”

This year, it was just me and myself, so no decorations at all. One battle we didn’t fight was over who got the boxes of decorations, even though there was only a box or two as he kept it to a minimum for my sake. His office however, it was like he was the King of Christmas. His work surface was barely visible over the decorations and dancing Santas and numerous mini trees. I shook my head.

“No trees even?”

I let the silence answer.

“What about presents?”

A smile teased on the edge of my lips and leaked into my words. “Well, those I buy. I have a trunk full for Lily and Eric and Henry. And I left gifts for my friends back home.”

I wasn’t a complete Grinch, I enjoyed shopping for the perfect present. But I did the same for birthdays and anniversaries. Just because it was the most commercial time of the year, didn’t mean I went overboard.

Jesse leaned backed, an expression of satisfaction on his face. “Well, that’s good. And are you opposed to receiving gifts?”

It didn’t make me super uncomfortable, but I’d rather people save their money than spend it on me. There were other more important things to buy.

“I’m mostly okay with it.”

“Mostly?” He laughed and swallowed a sip of wine. “My ex-wife loved receiving gifts – the more the merrier, in her opinion. You not liking receiving them, well, that’s a first.” He chased his head shaking with another gulp of red. “Any particular reason then for not celebrating the holiday? I’m sorry to be asking, I’ve just never met anyone who didn’t like Christmas, and I’m genuinely curious.”

But I couldn’t answer. As easy as it had been to share with Jesse all about Lily’s past and the tip of the iceberg of my marriage being over, I couldn’t share the truly personal details.

“It doesn’t matter.”

“It sure does.”

“Nope. I’m just me. One little person in an ocean of people. Me not enjoying the holiday won’t affect anyone.”

He cocked an eyebrow. “I beg to differ.”

It hit me like a two-ton truck, in a way I didn’t expect. He wanted to watch a movie and instead we’re out here, so in a way, yeah, I did affect someone. The same had been with Charlie. He went overboard on decorations at work because I couldn’t stand them in the house.

“Fine. I’ll tell you why, but you’re not going to like it.”

“Let me be the judge of that.”

“You’ve been warned.”