Siblings, twins, child care and sleep
This chapter will help you find answers to some common problems about how your baby’s and/or child’s sleep can be affected by siblings, being a twin or going to child care. First, when you add a new baby to your family, this can certainly disrupt your older child’s sleep for a little while, and it’s good to be prepared for that.
Having twins (or higher-order multiples) brings lots of joy and excitement, but there is much to learn about and organise with twins, and interrupted sleep is often a major factor for families with twins.
Finally, managing sleep routines between child care and home is important, and because balancing home, work, study and child care is sometimes tricky, parenting and sleep routines get a bit mixed up.
When you have two or more children, your life gets more complicated, so it’s important to have realistic expectations.
A new brother or sister
You’ve finally got sleep figured out for your child. She’s going to bed and sleeping well, often through the night. She’s grown up now and in a predictable routine. Things sure are looking up and being a parent doesn’t seem so hard after all. Life’s sweet!
And then, something starts to happen. You start looking at other mums with their new babies and remember how delightful your little one was as a baby. Every sleepless night, if not forgotten, is forgiven. Next thing you know, you have your own delightful new baby, a welcome addition to the family. It happens to almost everyone, can’t be helped. After all, babies are irresistible in spite of the lack of sleep and crying.
You believed your toddler or preschooler fully understood you had a baby in your tummy while you were pregnant. You explained she would have a new brother or sister to play with; you prepared her for the new baby, just like the books told you to do.
Your new baby finally arrives and, for a few weeks, it’s all very exciting. Everything goes well for a while and then the novelty of her new baby brother wears off and your older child’s behaviour starts to change. If she’s a preschooler, she might be able to tell you she doesn’t want that baby in the house anymore or ask you to put him back in your tummy. If she’s a toddler, she may be more of a handful than usual.
If you think about it, you might be thrilled to welcome a new baby, but your toddler or preschooler wasn’t part of the decision to include someone new into the family. She might not want him around. She was perfectly happy to be the only child and the centre of your attention. She didn’t understand that she would have to share your time and affection.
Often, after a new baby arrives, your older child can feel replaced, angry and even rejected. These feelings are more common in first children. Make sure your older child is always included in the social events that surround a new baby. Family, friends and even strangers are drawn to babies, so the baby gets fussed over. Your toddler and preschooler may feel left out at times – and it’s not nice to feel forgotten. A simple way to include her is to have her tell people the baby’s name, which can prompt someone to ask for her name. All your older child needs is to be a part of the new and exciting events surrounding her new sibling.
As for you, you may feel guilty that you can’t give your older child all your attention. Sometimes, it’s tempting to try to keep giving her the same amount of attention as before, but now it’s your new baby’s turn. He needs you to give him all that love and attention you gave her when she was first born. It’s vital for his brain development.
When you have two or more children, your life gets more complicated, so it’s important to have realistic expectations for yourself and your little ones as you learn how to share your time with them both. You’re going to be busy with the new baby, so your older child needs to actively participate in the new family routines that include the baby. An example could be she introduces ‘our’ new baby to friends who come to visit. Most importantly, ensure that you let her know that you still love her and show her lots of affection.
So, if you’re going to give your new baby all the love and attention he needs, including the time to develop predictable routines and his day– night sleep rhythms, you might wonder how to balance that when you already have a predictable routine for your toddler or preschooler.
Balance is the key when you have two or more children – and balancing each child’s needs takes practice. This is achieved by keeping both of them in mind at the same time, remembering when you do something with your new baby, to include your older child; and when you do something with your older child, to include your baby. Your older child needs to feel part of the ‘team’, so use phrases with her such as ‘our’ baby.
Now you’re saying, ‘Examples please!’
Okay, so this book is about sleeping. You’re trying to establish your new baby’s day–night rhythms (see Chapter 1: How sleep works), help him soothe himself to sleep and between sleep cycles (see Chapter 2: Sleeping longer through the night, and Chapter 7: Working on your sleep problems: Birth to 6 months). Your older child can’t help you soothe your baby to sleep, but you can explain to her that babies need lots of sleep and what you will be doing to help your baby sleep, just like you helped her. An older sibling loves to hear about when she was a baby and how you looked after her.
Some things you can do at home to encourage her to participate or simply enjoy some time with you are:
• Explain and show her your new baby’s non-verbal cues and tired signs (see Chapter 6: How your baby communicates) so she can understand his communications as well. This will help her feel more positive towards him.
• Ask her to help you prepare him for bed, bring you a nappy or his cotton wrap; or during his sleep she can listen with you for when he wakes.
• Use a doll to show her what you do when you put him to bed or settle him back to sleep. She can put her doll to bed while you settle the baby to sleep. Little boys can certainly do this as well.
• To occupy her when you have to settle the baby, bring out some special toys at baby’s bedtime.
• Use some of your baby’s sleep time as special time with your older child to reinforce your bond with her while doing quieter activities.
How do you include your baby when you’re with your older child? That’s easy. When your baby’s awake, make sure he’s part of social times with your older child. During the first three months, show her how he can hold her finger and smile at her. After three months, he’ll be very interested in watching her play. Make sure you give him playtime with just you, as well as playtime altogether.
Establishing routines
Developing predictable routines can be tricky when you have both a new baby and a toddler or preschooler to keep entertained and engaged – you can’t give up all your commitments, such as playgroups or toddler dance class. If your older child is involved in activities every day, it may be time to reassess her schedule and possibly reduce those commitments for a while. This will mean finding a compromise so that some days are free of activities. On activity-free days, you can stay at home and establish a predictable day–night sleep routine for your baby.
That might disappoint your older child, but then again it might not. She may be glad to have a break as well.
If your older child spends time at child care, it’s probably a good idea to continue that routine, but make sure she has lots of reassurance. She will want to introduce ‘our’ baby to her friends and the teachers there.
The most important thing about having time at home is to help your baby begin life with a predictable daily routine to ensure that his sleep develops. This way, you and the rest of the family can get the good night’s sleep you all need as well (see chapters 1 to 7).
As you know, if your new baby doesn’t develop the ability to soothe himself to sleep and resettle between sleep cycles, everyone in the family will be sleep deprived. Give him as many of the right conditions as you can to ensure he can learn to establish his sleep rhythms.
The specific details (and memory) about establishing sleep rhythms and cycles might not have occurred to you when you dreamed about a new baby. Take heart – you’ve done it once and you’ll be able to do it again. In fact, you may find it a little easier second time around because you have a better understanding of a baby’s sleep needs and what you can do to support your new baby to develop his sleep rhythms.
On the days when you’re out and about, still try to maintain a loose routine for your baby. You will recognise when he’s tired and he can sleep in his pram on those days. Remember, though, it’s better for him if he has a safe, familiar bed and surroundings for the majority of his sleeps.
As you might guess, shopping centres and other busy locations aren’t really good places to get a restful sleep. Can you imagine what it must be like trying to sleep in a shopping centre with all those bright lights, hundreds of people and loud noises? It can be very hard for a baby to sleep there, especially while he’s establishing his sleep rhythms (see chapters 1 to 3).
When you’re out of the house, keep in mind that the preferred type of pram for your baby is one that faces you, so he can see your face all the time and gain constant reassurance. Imagine being in a pram at knee level and hundreds of people coming at you really fast!
Bedtime
When you have two children, it’s nice to have some help around bedtime (as well as most other times). When you are attending to the baby, your partner (or a friend or carer) can provide your older child with attention and care. The same goes for you when your partner has the baby.
It’s a lot harder, of course, when you’re on your own and you can’t hand the baby over to someone else. Getting support from family or friends whenever you can is absolutely essential. Predictable routines are possibly even more important for you and your children when you’re on your own, although sometimes they are hard to maintain.
Having a bedtime routine for both children is really important. Of course, your children will have slightly different routines, particularly during your new baby’s first 12 months, and evenings can be very busy while you get them both ready for bed.
The evenings can be easier if you include your older child in actively participating in the baby’s routine and make her feel important as his older sister. She can fetch and carry supplies, help bathe the baby and help dress him. Sometimes, she can even ‘read’ a story to him (if she’s not able to read yet, she can describe her own version of familiar tales, using pictures as prompts). Once he’s ready for bed, she can kiss him goodnight as she moves to another room to leave you to settle him on your own.
Make sure you maintain her consistent bedtime and regular bedtime routine, and give her plenty of love and attention at the end of her busy day. She needs her predictable routines more than ever while she negotiates so many big changes in her life. Being a big sister is tiring, and she won’t always be able to tell you what she’s feeling except through her behaviour (see chapters 9 and 10).
Handling housework
The arrival of a second baby changes so many things in family life. Finding time for both your children is often hard, let alone time for yourself, and then couple-time as well. This is a good stage to think about sorting your priorities. Housework and all the stuff that needs to be done around the house can really mess with your head because it just sits there and doesn’t go away unless you give it your attention. But that’s the beauty of it, right? It waits for you and doesn’t care how long you take.
Your children are another matter, however. They can’t wait long for your attention. The longer they wait, the more they fuss and need you.
If you really think about it, your relationship with your children and partner are the most precious things in your life. So that’s where your energy needs to go. Relationships are your priority. Then you need free time to catch your breath and enjoy some moments for yourself.
After that, all that housework hanging around waiting patiently for you can be prioritised into two groups: what has to be done, and what would be nice to do. If you’re totally into cleaning, prioritising and leaving something for later could be difficult for you. But then, your relationship is the most important aspect of a child’s life, especially in the first three years. Decide that the cleaning can wait while you establish your new baby’s day–night sleep rhythms, and while you and your two little ones all get to know each other.
Twins (and higher-order multiples) and sleep
Parenting two or more babies at once is certainly more demanding than just one baby. Developing a predictable routine for your twins is crucial. Try to coordinate the twins’ feeding, socialising and sleeping routines so they are awake at the same time. If their sleeping pattern gets out of sync and one baby is deeply asleep while the other has been awake for hours, you’ll be exhausted trying to manage a never-ending cycle of feeding, socialising and settling. Just as with a single baby, having predictable daily and bedtime routines is essential for twins to establish their day– night and self-soothing sleep rhythms.
Sleeping arrangements for twins
There are differing opinions on whether you should sleep twins in the same crib or cot, called ‘co-bedding’, or sleep them on their own right from the start.
Studies show that about 50 per cent of parents co-bed their twins when they first get home from hospital.
You may have been told or read that co-bedding your twins from birth has advantages. Some of the advice might be: your twins may sleep better; they prefer to be together; they are easier to care for; they synchronise their breathing.
A few studies have been done to see if these beliefs hold up and some evidence has emerged to support these ideas. The best support that’s been found so far is that twins do seem to synchronise their sleep states when they sleep together.
On the other hand, some parents are concerned that if their twins share a cot they may overheat, disturb each other or, in the absolute worst case, suffocate each other. The research suggests that your twins won’t overheat or disturb each other. Even if one twin cries, the other twin will get used to the crying and tune it out after a while; just like you tune out the sound of regular household or outside noises while you’re asleep at night.
However, it has been found that twins sleeping side-by-side can move around and occasionally cover each other’s face, mouth and nose for a moment or two, which could disrupt breathing.
Tresillian follows Red Nose recommendations for the safe sleeping of your twins to reduce the risk of Sudden Unexpected Deaths in Infancy (SUDI), including SIDS.
Safe sleeping guidelines for twins
• If desired, place each twin in a separate safe sleeping bag with a fitted neck, fitted armholes (or sleeves) and without a hood; or use a firm, but not too tight, wrap with your baby’s arms flexed at the chest.
• Place each twin in their own cot on their back, not on their tummy or side.
• Keep both twins in your room, in their own cot, for the first 6 to 12 months.
If you’re in a temporary situation where you have only one cot, here are ways to reduce the risks when twins share one cot:
• Do not use bedding.
• If desired, place each twin in a separate safe sleeping bag with a fitted neck, fitted armholes (or sleeves) and without a hood; or use a firm, but not too tight, wrap with your baby’s arms flexed at the chest.
• Place your twins on their back, not on their tummy or side, at the opposite ends of the cot, with both heads towards the middle. Do not place twins side by side.
• Babies should never co-sleep with any older children.
• When babies have reached the age when they can freely move around the cot, they must be placed in separate cots.
Synchronising routines for twins
Your twins are individuals, and by watching their non-verbal cues and tired signs and by observing their habits and preferences, you will be able to recognise the differences of when each one gets tired and how each one sleeps.
With your help, your twins may be able to partly synchronise their routines so that they are sleeping and feeding around the same times. A good way to start is to make sure your twins enjoy their day and night bedtime routines together and they are settled to sleep at the same time.
To help synchronise their sleep, try to resettle Twin A if she happens to wake between sleep cycles when Twin B remains asleep. Use this technique when you think that your twins could do with more sleep and aren’t ready for a feed, so resettling is the best option for your unsettled twin. (See chapters 7 to 9 for settling techniques.)
The same is also true for feed times. If Twin A wakes close to a feed but Twin B isn’t awake yet, you could wait a little while before deciding to gently wake the sleeping twin (Twin B) to assist with synchronising their routine.
Remember to enjoy the times when there’s just one twin awake, even if it’s just for a few minutes, and make the most of this opportunity to strengthen your bond with your twins individually.
Once both twins are awake, resume their regular feeding routine, then socialise and play with them together and, hopefully, put them to sleep at the same time using their regular sleep routine.
Settling twins
So, what happens if you’re having sleep and settling difficulties with your twins? Twins have exactly the same sleep and settling problems as singleton babies and with the same causes. It’s a good idea to re-visit chapters 1 to 4, where we looked at how sleep develops, the two sides of sleeping problems and how important routines are.
When Twin A is unable to settle and you wish to resettle her, you can do the resettling in the same room as Twin B if it doesn’t disturb him. You use the same Responsive Settling techniques described in chapters 7 to 9. However, if Twin A does disturb Twin B (and you as well) during the night, then it’s okay to move Twin A to a separate room to do some Responsive Settling.
Often, one twin will not actually be disturbed by the other twin being unsettled. Try not to get too anxious about them disturbing one another; it can be surprising how many babies will sleep peacefully even when their twin wakes and cries. Observe your two individuals and get to know how they respond to these situations.
Once you’ve figured out what’s happening between both you and Twin A and you’ve both resolved her sleep difficulties, Twin A can move back into your room, particularly if she’s less than 6 months old.
One of the most difficult sleep issues you can experience with twins is when they synchronise their problems with settling to sleep or settling between sleep cycles. This can be very hard, so use whatever works best for you and the babies. Having the twins in the same room and in separate cots side-by-side enables you to provide some sort of rhythmic touch concurrently, such as gentle patting or stroking, while saying ‘shhh, shhh’ to both.
If they are keeping each other awake for too long, you could move one to a different room and settle them separately using Responsive Settling techniques (see chapters 7 to 9).
You could try attending to the calmer twin first – you may find she settles easily with a little dedicated attention, especially if it’s close to the routine sleep time – and then turn your attention to settling the more unsettled twin. However, the order is up to you; you will get to know your twins best and what they need.
If both twins are very upset and crying, you could hold Twin A in your arms to soothe her and put Twin B in a rocker to calm him, rocking the chair gently with your foot. If you have a partner or carer with you, each one of you can hold and soothe a baby before trying to resettle them. For more ideas about soothing your crying baby, see Chapter 5: Why your baby cries.
Taking caring of yourself
Like all new parents experience, you will be tired. Very tired. Parents of twins need to ensure that they rest when they can. It’s strange that you can be so tired, yet so wired up that resting becomes hard to achieve.
Remember to be kind to yourself and don’t set overly high expectations about what you would like to achieve in a day. It can be a challenge to make yourself stop and rest when you feel overwhelmed, but if you can give yourself at least 15 minutes of rest when your babies sleep, do it. At night, go to bed when your babies go to bed.
Getting adequate rest enables you to recharge your energy levels and helps to keep your day more manageable and your emotions in check. If you’re well rested and remain calm, your babies will be calmer too – well, mostly.
Try to establish and stick to coordinated, predictable daily routines for your twins. Some days, it will feel as if everything has come together like a charm, while other days may feel like chaos, with your twins taking turns to wake, feed and sleep. Just take some deep breaths, remember to enjoy the special moments looking into their eyes and tell yourself, ‘I’ll try again tomorrow’.
A good website to gain support and access information about parenting twins and multiples is the Australian Multiple Birth Association (amba.org.au). They have local branches throughout Australia, offering resources, education seminars, playgroups and a fantastic chance to interact with other families raising multiples.
Isabelle’s story (mother of 2-year-old twins, Charlotte and Angus)
Nothing can fully prepare you for the reality of life with twins. I didn’t know anyone who’d had a multiple birth when I found out I was expecting twins, so it was really hard to predict just how difficult (yet rewarding) it was going to be.
I’m not going to sugar-coat it – the first year of their lives was one of the hardest years I’ve ever had. It started when they arrived eight weeks early and were rushed to the NICU. Although I was discharged after five days, they remained in Special Care for five weeks.
In many ways, we were lucky: they were little fighters and despite each being only a few kilos at birth, they didn’t have any major health complications. The one advantage of them being in the hospital for so long was the amount of help and support we were able to get from the midwives. I was able to establish breastfeeding and learned how to twin-feed, which is a great way to save time in the early days. The midwives also helped put them into a routine, which I soon learned was essential with twins or else you won’t ever sleep!
We got quite used to the hospital environment and after we left, I found being at home isolating. Leaving the house with two seemed like such a mammoth task, but I tried to do it at least once a day as it was vital to me feeling sane. I’d always give myself a good hour to prep everything I’d need to leave, to ensure I didn’t get stressed. I broke everything down into little steps, like ‘get the food’, ‘get the nappies’, ‘put the bag in the car’, ‘get Bub 1’, ‘put him in the car’, ‘get Bub 2’ and so on. Each step on its own is simple but when you view it all as one giant hurdle, it makes it seem really hard.
We were shocked by how demanding and tiring it was in the early months, and although I’m a pretty independent person, I soon learned how important it was to accept help. Whether it was home-cooked meals waiting in the freezer, our neighbours walking the dog or friends and family coming over and holding babies while we had a nap, every offer was gratefully received.
Other than our close network, I turned to a few groups for support in the early days. I joined both a regular mothers’ group and a twins mothers’ group. I found that I got different types of support from each and formed some amazing friendships. I also called Tresillian a lot in the early days and went to see them for a Day Stay. It’s obviously pretty difficult to settle two babies at once, so we got some tips like positioning the cots so we could pat two babies at once and we got two bouncers so we could hold one and bounce the other with our feet. It’s really about finding whatever works!
I’ve found with twins that the hardest days are in the beginning, so the older they get, the easier it gets. Now that they’re 2 years old, it’s just so much fun. They play together and we are learning their little unique personalities. When they run into my arms and give me a cuddle, I could just explode with happiness.
Sleep and child care
Attending a childcare centre can be stressful for your child initially because it involves a long separation from you. She loves to be with you, so any time apart creates a level of distress while she waits for you to return. A good way to help her with the separation is to prepare her in advance for this unfamiliar situation, no matter how old she is.
There is nothing wrong with taking her to child care, whether it’s because you need to go to work or for any other reason, and it’s normal to feel like a ‘bad’ parent for using child care, particularly if she cries when you leave her. Thinking you’re a bad parent is nonsense, though. Your little one cries because she doesn’t want to leave you. That’s why you need to make sure you have ‘goodbyes’ when you leave her and ‘hellos’ when you pick her up so that she feels as comfortable and safe as possible. Over time, she will understand and be reassured that you will come back.
There are ways you can help her adjust to separating from you while she’s at child care.
Remind her that tomorrow is day care or a ‘school day’. Talk about her friends and remind her of her favourite carer, her favourite toys and games. As she gets older, all this will begin to make sense to her, and as she acquires more language, she’ll be able to join you in the conversation.
Always remain as calm as you can in the morning. This can be hard because there’s so much to do getting yourself and your little one ready, but being calm will help with the drop-off and the goodbye. As you drive to child care, stay positive, but also acknowledge she may not want to go and you know she’ll miss you. Tell her you’ll miss her too during the day, but you’ll be back together again soon.
When you drop her off, try not to rush off. Say hello to her carer and hand her over to her ‘safe’ person, give her a hug and a kiss. If she’s crying, clinging and desperate, you need to help her calm down. You can help by soothing and speaking gently and reassuringly; you can try distracting her with some activities or her friends. Reassure her that you’ll be back later. Give her an indication of her pick-up time by selecting a certain activity, such as after her afternoon tea. Remember, she can’t tell the time yet.
Once you pick her up, tell her how pleased you are to see her and give her all your attention. This reunion with you is what she’s been waiting for all day. She has missed you very much and will need some time with you as soon as you get home.
This is difficult when you have so much to catch up on, but it’s worth it. Half an hour or so of relaxing cuddles and talk will alleviate her stress and yours; she’ll let you know when she’s ready to go off and do something else. Once she’s had her catch-up with you, she will probably let you get on with things without bothering you too much. She will feel relaxed, happier and will be able to sleep much better.
This is another moment when you need to look at her point of view. The easiest way to do that is to remember how you like to reconnect with your partner, family member or a friend at the end of your day. These catch-up times are probably after your little one has gone to bed, when you can relax and de-stress after your long day.
First of all, your little one needs a childcare centre that provides a calm and supportive environment. That doesn’t mean that all the children, including yours, won’t be running around and playing or the babies won’t be calling out or crying. Childcare centres are busy and noisy places, but they can still have a sense of being organised, calm and supportive.
More importantly, your child needs her carers to be emotionally supportive because she will be feeling quite stressed when you leave her at the centre in the morning, especially in the early days when it is all so new and different for her. Even when she’s familiar with child care and used to attending, she will still feel a certain level of stress when you leave, even if she doesn’t look like she’s stressed. It’s normal for her to feel some stress whenever she separates from you and stays with people who aren’t her special, everyday caregivers.
In the beginning of her attendance, your child will need lots of support and encouragement. Just how much will depend on her personality and temperament. She may take longer than some of the other children to settle in. If she does, it doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with her, it’s just that her personality and temperament make it harder for her to get used to strange places, people and longer separations from you. She needs a bit more help and encouragement.
Developing sleep routines at child care
While your child is at child care she needs to continue with her predictable daily routines and maintain naptime routines that are supportive, calm and relaxing. This is especially true for your baby, who’s in the early stages of establishing her sleep rhythms and routines, and also for your toddler, who needs to maintain her predictable schedules.
While your child is at child care she needs to continue with her predictable daily routines.
It’s important that you tell her childcare educators what your child’s daily and naptime routine involves and what her favourite activities are. Talk to the carers about making sure that any stimulating activities are being reduced prior to her nap time. To help her sleep, your little one needs a calm environment away from the busy play areas and a relaxing naptime routine, such as one that includes stories or cuddling soft toys.
Many childcare centres have a guideline or policy on ‘sleep and rest’ for the children in their care. These policies generally include sections about checking with you about your child’s sleep and naptime routines. Ask if you can see their ‘sleep and rest’ policy so you can discuss your child’s sleep needs and routine and be reassured that she won’t experience too much disruption to her sleep schedule on the days she’s not with you.
Your little one also needs her nap time to be free of punitive and coercive behaviour, especially if she’s not ready for a nap and can’t sleep. This type of behaviour probably isn’t happening at your childcare centre, as most centres are well run and the childcare educators have certificate-level training or are preschool or early childhood educators. However, it’s best to be alert to any changes or concerns with your child’s bedtime and sleep routine behaviours that may need exploring with her childcare educators.
Another important aspect of your childcare centre to be aware of is the use of TV, laptop and tablets prior to nap time. Screen use prior to nap time is stimulating, not soothing or relaxing, so if you’ve already made the choice of ‘no screens before sleep’, make sure that her childcare educators are aware of that and support your decision.
If you have a preschooler who has stopped taking daytime naps, it’s a good idea to find out what your centre’s expectations are. Some centres have rest times only while other centres enable nap times for those preschoolers who still nap and offer alternative activities for those preschoolers who don’t nap.
A small minority of centres still insist that every child has a nap, whether or not they need it. If your preschooler has stopped napping this could prove a problem for her, especially if the naptime period is an hour or more and she has no alternative but to lay there. In this situation she may get restless, naughty or even aggressive. When you pick her up from care, you may be told she had some behavioural problems that day, which would be very unfair. You would definitely need to discuss that situation with the childcare educators to discover what the expectations are for your little one at nap time if she can’t sleep.
It’s not fair to expect a preschooler to lay still and do nothing for an hour or more. She doesn’t have the mental, social or emotional capacity to do that (see Chapter 10: Your preschooler and sleep). This would be a time to strongly speak up on her behalf.
By the time your preschooler is about 3 years old, she probably won’t need a daytime nap on most days, although about 30 per cent of 3-year-olds still take a regular daytime nap. She now needs 10 to 12 hours of sleep in every 24-hour period, which is usually taken during the night. If she takes a 1- to 2-hour nap during the day, she will probably stay up later than usual, she may not sleep for as long or napping may disrupt her sleep at night.
If she does stay up later in the evening, you might not mind because you can both enjoy an extra hour or so together at the end of the day. For your child, having a nap at day care may not be a big deal, especially if her night-time sleep is not disrupted.
If her sleep is disrupted, however, you will need to investigate the childcare policy on preschool naps and discuss with her educators how to reduce or eliminate her naps while she’s there. Instead of a nap, she could have a rest period where she engages in quiet activities. Ultimately, it should be your decision whether your preschooler has a nap at child care, nobody else’s.
Sleep at preschool can be a little more difficult because the childcare educators have many children to care for and supervise. Nevertheless, it’s important that you ensure your child is in a childcare centre that supports her predictable daily routines and provides a calm and emotionally supportive environment to help you maintain your child’s sleep and naptime routines.
In this chapter, we looked at how different situations in your child’s life affect her sleep. Having a new brother or sister can be stressful because she can feel left out or forgotten, when once she was the centre of attention. Her behaviour may change and until she develops proper language skills, she can’t tell you how she’s feeling.
As we have discussed, twins have the same sleeping difficulties as single babies and it’s valuable to establish predictable, consistent feeding and sleeping routines. You can use the same Responsive Settling techniques (see chapters 7 to 10), with just a few modifications to enable you to settle one twin so as not to wake the other.
Going to child care is also a big event for your baby or child. While she is at child care she needs to continue with her predictable daily routines. This is especially true for your baby, who’s in the early stages of establishing her sleep rhythms and routines.
Key message
• When you bring a new baby home, such an important event can affect many aspects of your older child’s development, including her sleep. Be aware of how she feels with the arrival of a new baby and remember to include her in the new family relationships.
• Try to synchronise your twins’ feeding, socialising and sleeping routines so they wake and sleep at nearly the same time.
• When you start to use child care, talk to your childcare provider about your little one’s sleep routines so her sleep doesn’t get too disrupted and you avoid sleep difficulties at home.
