Quinn. Quinn Lobato. I stood frozen, my mind fracturing into several conflicting voices. Each voice shouted out its own warnings and advice.
Run. Just turn and run. Get as far away as you can before you lose it. Don’t let him see you cry.
Here’s your chance. Go up and punch him in the balls. Let him hurt the way you did.
Scream. Let it all out. Let him hear it. Call him every name you have referred to him as in the last four years.
Ignore him. He’s nothing to you. He cut you out of his life. Don’t let him back in.
Run to him. Throw your arms around him and never let him go again.
Whatever you do, don’t let him see your weakness. Hold it together. Take a deep breath.
The last one is the one that broke through my temporarily frozen state. Somewhere in the fringes of my mind I knew that Kai had said something to me. I just couldn’t process it. I took that deep breath and looked around. Everyone was staring at me waiting expectantly. I felt Beau next to me, his grip tighten around my waist. I glanced sideways at him. He wasn’t watching me. He was glaring at Quinn. The atmosphere was thick with the tension emitting from all of us. I was the only one who could do anything to relieve it.
I exhaled the big breath I had been holding. “Quinn,” I said in a half whispered voice with a nod of acknowledgment. It was all I could get out.
The voices all stopped. I felt like I was on a swing with my eyes closed. I swallowed back the nausea that was building. I leaned into Beau, letting him support me. He brushed my hair off my neck and whispered in my ear, “Are you okay? Do you want to get out of here?” I could hear the confusion in his voice, and also a slight bit of hope.
I shook my head and turned to Kai, who was still looking at me with eyes full of guilt. “Are we...” my voice cracked a little, so I coughed and started over. “Are we ready to eat, then?”
Then in a flurry of activity everyone started talking and sitting at the table. I still stood frozen next to Beau, his grip on me never letting up. In that moment, I was so thankful that he was there with me. I wasn’t sure my knees would hold me up and I feared that I would collapse if I tried to move on my own.
I chanced a glance at Quinn; he was still standing in the same spot trying to look anywhere but at me. When he spoke I closed my eyes and just basked in the sound that started my heart fluttering. “Thanks for inviting me, but I really think I should go now.” He was speaking to Kai. I opened my eyes and looked at him.
“No.” That simple statement had everyone staring at me again. Even Quinn. I gulped and continued in a rush. “I mean you’re already here. You might as well stay and eat.” I wasn’t sure why I said that, but I knew I didn’t really want him to leave yet.
He nodded at me and went to sit next to Reed. Beau gave me another squeeze and kissed my cheek. “Do you want to sit down?” I nodded. He led me over to the opposite end of the table from Quinn.
Bless Reed. He started regaling everyone with a story about something funny that happened at a family reunion. His family stories were always entertaining. He was the oldest of five boys and from the sound of it they were all as much trouble as he was, that wasn’t even taking in to consideration his uncles. While he was talking, I took stock of my feelings. They were still a jumble of conflicting emotions.
I still had the urge to run, but I wanted to stay just as much. I let my body work on autopilot as I put food on my plate that I wouldn’t eat. It was really him. After all these years, why now? Why here? I looked him over as he sat there, feigning interest in what Reed was saying. I knew him well enough to know that he wasn’t really listening. I wondered what he was thinking about. He glanced over at me and I quickly looked down, blushing at having been caught.
He was still Quinn, but he looked different now. He was no longer the awkward, skinny boy that I’d loved. His hair didn’t hang down over his eyes. It was shorter, sticking up, still untamed. He must have been wearing contacts because he didn’t have glasses on. His face was even more angular, having lost any remaining round boyishness in the past few years. Yes, he was still Quinn. But this Quinn was a man and not a boy. I had the sneaking suspicion that Quinn the man was even more dangerous to my heart than Quinn the boy had been.
With that thought, I let myself go numb. I wasn’t going to let any more feelings come in. I was just going to block it all out and deal with it later behind closed doors, alone, where no one could see.
Beau wasn’t eating either. Unlike me, he wasn’t pushing his food around his plate, he wasn’t even paying attention to his. He was openly staring at Quinn with a heated look. I’m sure he was confused about the tension and suspected that Quinn was the cause of it. I wasn’t sure why he would feel this possessive of me after just one date, but possessiveness was exactly what he was showing.
I didn’t like it, and I wanted him to let it go. I touched his arm to get his attention. “I forgot to introduce you to everyone.” I spoke up then. “Reed,” I interrupted. He looked over at me questioningly. “This is Beau Dalton. Beau, the big guy is Reed Walker.” They shared the obligatory ‘hey mans’. “Sloane. Beau. Beau. Sloane Evans.” I pointed them out to each other. “You met both Kai-ying and Kerrington.” Both gave him a quick wave. And then I stopped at Quinn not sure what I should do. Beau solved that dilemma for me.
“I take it that is Quinn. Isn’t he your neighbor?” He had his brow furrowed as if was recalling Tuesday night.
“Apparently he is.” I couldn’t bring myself to make the introduction so I just left it alone.
Sloane came to my rescue. “So, Beau, are you a student here?”
I didn’t pay attention to Beau’s answer or the following conversation. I just stared at my plate and concentrated on holding myself together and blocking out all thoughts and emotions. Sometimes I could feel Quinn looking at me. I had to fight the urge to look back at him. I willed time to speed up. I just wanted out of there.
After a time Kai came over to me. “I was going to pack everything up. Do you want to help me bring it to the car? Reed brought a football and the boys can go play catch or whatever it is guys do with a football.”
I nodded with relief at the thought of being able to escape both Quinn and Beau for a few minutes. “Beau, I’m going to help Kai and Kerri pack up. You’re welcome to go play football with Reed and Sloane.”
“Yeah, man. Come play. Then we can play two on two,” Reed boomed out loudly.
Beau looked over at Quinn with a pointed look and said “I’d be happy to.” He turned to me then and brought his hands up, one cupping the back of my neck and one against my cheek. He brought his mouth down to me in a strong possessive kiss. I wasn’t expecting it and my mouth was slightly parted to start with, allowing him to slip his tongue in right away. I held back but he continued coaxing me with his tongue, alternating it with licking my lips. Finally he gave up, ending it with a couple quick pecks to my now closed lips.
He looked into my eyes. His blue ones glittered with something I couldn’t name. He then turned and looked towards Quinn again but Quinn had already turned and was walking away with Sloane. Beau took off after them, following close behind Reed.
“I’m surprised he didn’t just whip it out and start pissing on your leg,” Kerri spit out.
“Excuse me?”
“Well, he was clearly marking his territory.”
“He was just reminding me that he was here for me,” I said lamely. I knew Kerri was probably right, but there was no reason for Beau to be feeling territorial over me.
“Sure he was,” Kerri replied, sarcasm dripping off her.
“Sylvia, I’m so sorry. Are you okay?” Kai’s concern was a little overwhelming right now.
“Yes, I’m fine. I just don’t want to think about it right now.” My voice was flat. I tried to hold to that, but I just couldn’t. I had to get it all out. “I don’t know what to do really. I guess there really isn’t much I can do. So he lives across the hall from me. I just have to accept that. I can’t move. I can’t ask him to move. It’s not like I have to interact with him on a daily basis.” I realize I was spilling all my thoughts out unfiltered, but I needed to get it out. Maybe putting a voice to them would help me work through the confusion. Thankfully, both Kai and Kerri just listened to me, not stopping my verbal diarrhea. “I can do this. He doesn’t have to affect my life if I don’t let him.” I was trying desperately to reassure myself.
Kai piped up, “We won’t have anything to do with him either. I can’t believe that we didn’t know it was him.” It was good to have friends to back me up.
“It’s okay, Kai. He’s changed a lot from the picture you saw. Do you think he knew I lived here?” My eyes went wide with that thought. Had he known? I looked from Kai to Kerri. Kai had her lips pursed like she was thinking it over. Kerri was looking off at the boys suspiciously.
“I don’t know, but I have a good idea of two people who do.” Kerri said, pointedly glaring at Reed and Sloane.
Kai caught on quickly. “That’s what’s been up with those two all week, isn’t it? They knew. When I get my hands on them...”
I should have felt bad for Sloane and Reed with Kai on the war path, but I just couldn’t find it within myself to care right then. Not wanting to talk about it anymore, I changed the subject. “Are you going to Jason’s tonight?”
“I think so. Reed wants to go.” Kerri answered off-handedly. She was still distracted, probably contemplating ways of torturing Reed for withholding information from her.
I glanced over at Kai for her input since she was, for all intents and purposes, the group coordinator. “Yes, I think it would be good for all of us to go. Are you going to bring Beau?”
I looked over at the guys, seeking Beau out. He was laughing at something Reed said. “Yeah. He seems to be getting along with them pretty well. I want Jason to meet him. You weren’t planning on inviting Quinn were you?” I gazed back worriedly towards Kai.
“No. At least I hadn’t said anything to him. I would hope that those two idiots would have the sense not to invite him there, either. They knew that you would be going. Not only that, but Jase would rip him apart if he recognized him.”
I hoped Kai was right. “Good, because I really need to drink tonight.”
Beau and I left for Jason’s as soon as I was done helping pack the rest of the food up. I just wanted to get out of the park, so I had Kai tell Beau to meet me by his bike. He looked at me questioningly as he walked up to me, flicking aside the cigarette he’d just finished. “I just want to get out of here. I have another friend who’s having a party tonight and I planned on going. Would you like to come with? Reed and Sloane will be there.” I was really hoping he would say yes. I truly believed without him there today I would have fallen apart. The others knew my history with Quinn and I didn’t even want to think of what my reaction would have been with just them there. I wouldn’t let myself break down in front of Beau. Quinn was the past, and while I didn’t know what Beau was to me yet, I did know that for right now he was the present.
Beau was quiet for a second thinking it over. “Will Quinn be there?” He asked suspiciously.
“Definitely not,” I answered quickly.
“What’s the deal between you two? He was eye fucking you all afternoon.” His voice had an accusatory edge to it.
He was? I hadn’t noticed that. I paused before answering that loaded question. How much should I tell him? “Quinn and I dated in high school. We split up when we went to college. Today is the first time I’ve seen him since the day after high school graduation.” I kept my tone flat and unemotional, hoping he would just let it drop.
Beau scrutinized my face trying to decide if I was telling the truth. His deep blue eyes drilled into mine, but I didn’t squirm. He must have liked what he saw. He flashed me the biggest smile I had ever seen from him. He pulled me to him and leaned in close. “Well then we’ll just have to make sure he knows you’re no longer interested.” His lips met mine and I could taste the cigarette. I didn’t care. I was just relieved that he wasn’t upset by the whole Quinn ordeal. I kissed him back, demanding more, showing him that he was the one I was interested in, not Quinn.
Once his name popped into my mind I paused momentarily to push it away. Beau picked up on the pause and pulled back peering into my eyes again.
I tried to cover my lapse by saying, “We should probably get going. I told Jason I’d be over as soon as the picnic was over, and I’d like to get there before the others.”
Beau nodded, asked me for directions, and we took off. I wrapped my arms around him and forced myself to think of Beau and the fact that it was his body I was holding onto, not the one I’d held so long ago.
Jason’s house was in a neighborhood full of college students. Its proximity to campus and the size of the houses -- which allowed for maximum tenants -- made it an ideal location for off-campus housing. Almost every house had a party going on. The whole block was a complete cacophony with music pouring in from several different places. People were out in yards, both front and back. For only being late afternoon, several were notably intoxicated. I had every intention of joining them.
We had to park over a block away from Jason’s big blue two story house. During the walk to the house Beau asked me, “So who is it that’s having this party?”
“Jason. He’s a friend from back home.” Kerri’s pissing comment came to mind and I felt like I needed to add a disclaimer. “He’s like my younger brother.” I peeked over at him to find him studying me with one eyebrow quirked. “He’s having the party as a welcome for another friend from back home. I actually think Colby will be my younger brother someday. My dad has been seeing his mom for a while now, even though he doesn’t think I know it.” I laughed at the thought of my dad thinking he was getting away with hiding his and Shelly’s relationship.
Beau smiled again and draped his arm across my shoulders as I pointed out the house. We headed up the sidewalk and around the house to the backyard where I knew everyone would be. Once we rounded the corner I paused, taking in the sight in front of me. Jason’s roommates were there, of course, along with a couple of their girlfriends. There were probably about a dozen more people I didn’t recognize. Off to the side of the cement patio, standing next to a keg, was the group I was looking for.
The group stood out from the rest. In all there were four of them. Four of the biggest all-American farm boys you would ever see. All tall, muscular with varying shades of blond hair. All could be confused for Norse gods come to life. They were all laughing at something. I couldn’t tell what. I moved a little closer and saw that Colby was already swaying heavily, the beer splashing out of the cup he was holding as he moved his arms around animatedly as he talked. I couldn’t believe they’d let him get this drunk already. Wait, I could believe it. In fact they probably encouraged it. I laughed at that and Colby looked up at me.
“Syllllviaaaa!” He slurred loudly, almost falling on his face as he ran up to me. He plucked me up off the ground in a big bear hug. I could barely breathe, he was squeezing me so hard. “I’m so happppy ta seeee youuu. Ya need ta get beeeer. It’s goooood beeeer. I had lots ofit taday.” He was almost incomprehensible, he was so drunk. He swung me around; swaying as he did so and Ben grabbed me out of his arms.
“Damn, Colby. Be careful, you’ll drop her.” Ben held me just as tight as Colby had. “Sylly. It’s good to see you.” He handed me over to Danny and I got my greeting hug from him too before he set me down in front of Jason.
“Hey Sylvia.”
I slapped his chest. “What are you thinking? The afternoon is barely over and Colby is sloshed.” I reprimanded him. He shrugged and gave me a slightly guilty grin. I chuckled at it. “Now it’s my turn. Where’s my beer? I’m not leaving here until I’m in the same condition as Colby.” After the day I’d had, I needed this release. I fully planned to use the vast amounts of alcohol that would be available to my advantage. I reasoned that the drunker I was the less I would think about my new neighbor.
I introduced Beau to the guys and got us both a drink. He didn’t look real thrilled at having watched me being passed around by all of them. I let it go, he just didn’t know them yet. Once he did he would see that they were just like my siblings.
Beau stayed by my side all night, only leaving to get me more to drink. He didn’t really talk to anyone other than me. He wasn’t being impolite, just more reserved. I think he was sizing up my friends and getting a feel for us as a group. I hoped he was having a good time. He didn’t act bored or like he was anxious to leave. He just followed my lead around from one group to another, while I made sure I talked with everyone. I didn’t get to see Ben and Danny often, and I’d missed them.
Colby passed out early and they dragged him off to Jason’s room to sleep it off. That didn’t stop the rest of us from having a good time. True to my word, I did drink plenty. Usually Kerri or Kai cut me off before I could get as drunk as I was. Tonight they just stepped back and let me go.
Beau was actually the one to suggest I stop. We had taken his motorcycle here and if I continued at the pace I was on, I wouldn’t be able to stay on it on the way home. I definitely wanted him to take me home. In fact, the more I drank the more I wanted him.
He was just fine with my overt public displays of affection. He encouraged them. At one point I went down the hall to use the restroom and he followed me. We were alone in the hall and he grabbed me around the waist from the back, pulling me to him. He rubbed his hard cock against me and growled into my ear. “Feel what you’ve done to me? Why don’t we slip into the bathroom there and you can do something about it.” It was more of a command than a suggestion. Somewhere in my alcohol hazed mind I knew I should have been offended, but at the time, the drunk girl was in charge and she was all for it.
I gave a little giggle and reached back up around to his neck and pulled him in for a kiss. It was a wet open mouth kiss with our tongues slithering around the other’s, more outside of either of our mouths than in. His tongue trailed along my jaw to my ear and I let my head roll to the side, allowing him better access to my neck. He found that spot just under my ear that made me melt and began to suck there. I let out a low moan as he began nipping at it.
He ground into me, pushing his length harder against my ass. I trailed my free hand down his side working its way between our bodies to cup him in my hand.
The bathroom door opened and Reed let out a whistle “Damn, Sylvia if you’re going to give a live sex show you should at least charge for it.”
Normally, that would have me blushing and pulling away. But by this point I was equal parts drunk and turned on. I just glared at him and told him to go find Kerri.
“Seriously, Sylvia get a room or go home.” He walked away shaking his head and chuckling at me.
“That’s a good idea. Why don’t we go back to your place and finish what we started the other night?” Beau whispered in my ear before taking one last nibble on my ear.
“Mmmm, let me just go say bye to Jason and we can go.” By this time I had completely forgotten why I started down the hall in the first place.
“You don’t need to say goodbye to anyone. They’ll figure it out or I’m sure Reed will let them know. Come on, I don’t want to wait anymore for you.” He rocked against me once more, pleading his case to leave quickly.
It was colder now and starting to mist. Neither of us had a jacket and the night air should have been cutting on the ride home. I didn’t feel it. I kept myself pressed tightly to his back, teasing him the whole ride home. I stroked my hands up and down the length of his thighs and up over his chest. I just ghosted my hands over the bulge in his jeans, just enough to keep him wanting my touch.
We pulled into the parking lot and a slight wave of nausea hit me as I slid off the bike and into Beau’s arms. He unstrapped the helmet and pulled it off me. I took a deep breath and felt a little better. He strapped the helmet on the bike as I teetered from side to side. He snickered at me and wrapped his arm around my waist.
“Steady there, little one. We still have to make it up to your place.” As we walked, I felt the hand on my waist slip into my pocket, withdrawing my keys. I looked up at him questioningly. “Just want to make sure we make it inside this time.”
As I waited for him to unlock the door I glanced over at Quinn’s. I briefly hoped his door would open. That he would see that someone wanted me, even if he didn’t.
Once we were inside my door, Beau turned me to him and crashed his mouth to mine. His lips were hard against mine. When he opened his mouth he took my bottom lip between his teeth and pulled at it, scraping it with his teeth as he let it pop out. His hands were at the bottom of my shirt pushing it up over me. I raised my arms letting him pull it completely off me.
His hands came back down, cupping my breasts roughly, pushing them together. He pinched my nipples between his thumb and forefinger roughly. I let out a moan. “You like that, don’t you?” I let my head loll back, pushing my chest up further into his hands.
He bent down, tracing his tongue over the skin just above the lace of the bra. He let go of my breasts just long enough to reach back and undo the clasp and pull the straps from my shoulders. I dangled my arms down letting it drop off me.
He grabbed my breasts again, rolling the nipples between his fingers. “I could feel you behind me on the way here. Your nipples were hard pressing into my back. All I could think about was getting you home and getting that shirt off and feeling them in my hands.” I raised my head and looked at him. His eyes were heavy lidded and gazing down at me. “And in my mouth.” His words sent a little shiver through me.
With that, he flicked out his tongue, swirling it around my peak, causing it to harden even more. Then he closed his mouth around it, sucking hard. His hands roamed down my sides, sliding under the waist of my pants. He brought a hand to my front, expertly working the button and zipper while the other hand rubbed my ass.
My head was fuzzy, both from the alcohol and Beau. I swayed and tried to keep my balance. I giggled and grabbed at his hand he stopped everything. “You think you can tease me all night and then stop now?” He peered up at me, his eyes clouded with lust.
“I’m not stopping anything, just moving it along.” I giggled again and stepped back, pushing the Capri’s and panties off my hips and shimmying out of them. I dropped a little less than gracefully to my knees. Beau groaned as I undid his jeans pulling them roughly off his hips and down his legs.
He stepped out of them and I wrapped my hand around him. I brought my head forward, running the tip of my tongue around his head. I looked up at him as I did it, to see him watching me. It was all the encouragement I needed. I parted my lips and slid my mouth down around him hard as I squeezed tighter around the base.
I pulled back up swirling my tongue as I went. I pulled all the way up, freeing him from my mouth with a pop. I looked back up at him and smiled. His fingers were in my hair pulling out the band I had it pulled back with. He threaded his fingers in and pulled at the same time, pushing my head back down. He growled, “No more teasing.”
I took him in as far as I could, until I felt him hit the back of my throat. I brought my hand up higher on him trying to keep him from going in so far. He set the pace, thrusting his hips forward into my mouth and pulling back on my hair. I tried to concentrate on what I was doing, but I ended up fighting more for a breath and keeping myself from gagging as he shoved in too far.
Finally he stopped and pulled me up. He kissed me hard, running his hands down from my hair all the way down my sides and around to my center. He rested his hand against me, making me writhe into his hand, wanting to feel more. “Mmmm. You’re so hot and wet already. Just waiting for me.” With that, he pressed one finger between my folds, dragging it back and forth. Finally he circled around my clit, causing me to groan and buck my hips into his hand.
He slid the finger back to my opening thrusting it up in me. I rocked into his hand and he added another finger and started to flick my clit with his thumb. God, it felt good. But I wanted more. I needed more. “Please,” I whimpered into his shoulder.
“Please what Sylvia?”
“Please, I need more. Please.” I begged.
“Oh, I’ll give you more.” His voice was low and gruff, sending tingles all through me.
He pulled his fingers away and quickly spun me around until I was facing the back of the couch. I wobbled and grabbed on to the back of the couch to keep myself from falling. I felt him reach down to the floor and heard the rip of a condom wrapper as he pushed me forward over the couch.
I spread my legs further apart as I bent over. I felt him behind me and was ready for him when he thrust in. Beau set the pace hard and fast. He had a tight grip on my upper thighs, thrusting in harder each time. He was talking to me telling me how he wanted me and how he thought about fucking me like this while he was gone. It was driving me crazy; the quick hard thrusts punctuating his words. He slid his hand off my hip and around me to rub my clit again. He gently slapped at me telling me to come for him. I could hear him groaning and I wanted to be pushed me over the edge with him. I felt his fingers tangle up in my hair again as he pulled causing me to arch my back. I was so close. He thrust in hard twice more and he gripped my hair and hip tighter, pulling me roughly to him as he came; leaving me frustrated and unfulfilled.
We were both panting and trying to catch our breath as we came back down. I was still leaning over the back of the couch when the nausea hit again. This time I couldn’t choke it back down. I ran for the bathroom. Throwing the door open as I hit the light on at the same time. The harsh bright light had me flinching. I made it to the toilet in time, saving myself from getting sick all over the floor.
Oh, God. This is why I should never drink this much. I was too preoccupied with the heaving and gagging to be mortified at the fact that I just threw up after having sex.
“Are you okay?” I looked up to see Beau peaking around the door at me, already dressed.
I knew I must be a sight, naked and puking, sitting on the bathroom floor. “Yeah, just too much to drink.” I groaned. I felt another wave coming up.
“You should drink some water or something.” He sounded concerned yet disgusted.
“I’m fine. Just go. I don’t want you to see me like this.” The realization of what was happening was kicking in. I could even feel myself start to blush.
“Are you sure...”
I cut him off. “Yes, just leave. Please.”
“Fine. Um, later then.” I heard him turn and walk away. The door opened and closed and I rested my head on the edge of the toilet. I just wanted to die.
I woke the next morning on my bed naked and cold. I laid there for a few minutes trying to ease the pounding in my head. At least my shades were shut and it was still semi-dark in the room. I rolled over and threw my hands over my head. That’s when the night before came rushing back to me.
I cringed at the memory. Why? Why did I drink that much? I couldn’t believe I’d puked after sex. He was never going to call back. I could hear the low beep of my phone coming from the other room. I figured it was Kai. I would call her later. Right now I needed the bathroom and more sleep.
Looking in the bathroom mirror had been a mistake. My hair was tangled up, sticking up all over. My eyes were bloodshot and ringed with smudged make up. My lips were swollen. My hips and thighs hurt and I looked down to see finger print bruises on each side starting to turn purple. The rest of my body was sore, too. I checked it out, relieved to not find any more bruises.
I shuffled naked to the kitchen to get some water, aching just about everywhere. The knock on my door about killed my poor head. “Damn it Kai,” I yelled. “Don’t you know better by now than to come wake me up?”
The knocking paused, but then started up again. “I’m coming. Just a minute.” Really, why does she always have to do this? It wasn’t like I wouldn’t go to see her when I got up. I grumbled to myself as I went back to my bedroom to grab clothes.
I pulled the big t-shirt on that was lying on top of the dirty clothes pile. I thought it was the one I’d worn Wednesday night, not that that mattered. At least I had something on now. I grabbed a pair of underwear out of the drawer and pulled them on as I stumbled down the hall.
My clothes from last night were still scattered around the living room floor. I wasn’t even going to bother picking them up. Kai could see it and think what she wanted. I was just going to end up telling her about it anyway.
I got to the door and it wasn’t even locked. I’m surprised she didn’t just come barging in. “God, Kai. Could you not wait until I got up?” I huffed. “What do you want?” as I flung the door open.
There stood Quinn. Looking good, all showered and dressed and ready to start a new day. Whereas I, on the other hand, was so not ready for this.
“Sylvia, I think we need to talk.”