There are “before and after” moments in life. These are the moments when the world we are inhabiting changes and we find ourselves in uncharted territory. The publication of my first book, The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy, was, for me, one of these life-changing moments. People read about my way of working and wanted to know more. I started traveling and teaching and my small polyvagal family grew into a global polyvagal community. In person and through email, I heard clinical case descriptions and personal stories of suffering. What all of these had in common was the recognition that looking through the lens of the autonomic nervous system changed the way people understood their stories and engaged with the world.
I came to realize that the simple activities of daily living offered ongoing opportunities for autonomic shaping. Everyday practices to nurture the nervous system are the foundation of Polyvagal Exercises for Safety and Connection, so it’s only fitting that this book was written not in quiet, uninterrupted stretches of time that is my preferred writing rhythm, but in smaller moments I lay claim to in the flow of my daily life. In the process of writing, I became a student of my own system; discovering patterns I wanted to savor and patterns I was ready to change. I learned from personal experience that shaping the nervous system in new ways requires patience, persistence, and is possible.
Writing Polyvagal Exercises was an autonomic adventure I couldn’t have navigated without the support of many people. There is a special place in my heart for the participants in my workshops who were willing to be my test pilots. Together we learned that some exercises were helpful in theory, but didn’t translate to practice, and others worked well with a bit of revision. Tina Zorger has been with me on this adventure since the beginning and was the person I trusted to listen to my frustrations and help me find a way forward. She knew when I needed to slow down and savor and how to support me in continuing to create. My trusted guide Linda Graham invited me to see beyond the places I was stuck and trust my inner wisdom. Fellow author Gary Whited brought his gift of deep listening to our connection, offering me a safe place to talk about my writing challenges. My friend Marilyn Sanders shared my love of early mornings and many mornings, wherever we each woke up in the world, we would start our day with a cup of coffee and a polyvagal-inspired conversation.
This book would not have been possible without the support of my wonderful editor, Deborah Malmud, and her great team at Norton. She believed in this work, connected me with Trish Watson (who helped me organize the exercises so they would be easy to understand and access) and was always open to exploring new ideas. Deborah understood my moments of dorsal vagal despair and never failed to respond with a message of ventral vagal hope.
My life has been shaped in wonderful and unexpected ways by my friendship with Stephen Porges. Steve was always ready to help me understand the science of connection in a more nuanced way, showed up without question to offer a much needed moment of co-regulation when I lost my way, and continues to shape my world with invitations to join him on new polyvagal-inspired adventures.
My deepest appreciation is for my husband Bob who supported me every day during what often felt like a never-ending book writing adventure. He was there to celebrate with me when I found just the right words and helped me keep going when I was ready to give up. His love continues to fill my heart with joy.
While writing Polyvagal Exercises, countless people showed up with an offer of connection just when it was most needed. Friends checked in, colleagues tried out practices, and people shared their stories. To everyone who joined me on this journey, may your days be filled with ventral vagal abundance...