On Monday, I woke up and stared at my uniform, which was still scrunched up on my dresser from Friday. I thought I still tasted quiche in my mouth, although I knew it was imagined.
It was only just on dawn and the house was very still. I went out onto the beach with the bags that Elsa had given me. Ones that slung across my shoulders. I found flecks of driftwood and smooth pieces of sea glass. I kicked through piles of seaweed to find shells and slaty bits of rock.
I walked all the way into Clunes, picking things up as I went. I saw the police car parked by the main pier. Martin often stopped there, during the off season. He’d never told me, but I knew it was because people liked to do dodgy things underneath it.
‘Look!’ I said, waving my bags at him.
He wound down the window. ‘What’s that?’
‘A severed head.’
He sighed. ‘What’s it really?’
‘Shells and driftwood.’
‘The shells and driftwood you’re not meant to take from the beach because they’re part of our native flora and fauna?’
I dropped my arm. ‘Well, yeah.’
‘You’ll be the death of me. Go on, get out of here before I have to write you a fine.’
‘This one’s my favourite,’ I said, pulling out a massive mother-of-pearl shell.
‘Scoot.’
‘Bye, Martin.’
He waved me off and locked his car doors.
I was jogging back to Songbrooke when out of the blue a shadow appeared next to mine. Startled, I tripped and the bag went flying onto the sand.
When I finally looked up, I saw Ben staring at me in horror. ‘I’m so sorry!’ he said. He tried to hurl me upright, but caught a handful of my hair instead.
‘Yow!’ I yelled, struggling free.
He meekly handed me the bag and stuck his hands in his pockets. ‘I’m really sorry,’ he said.
‘It’s okay.’
‘Is that for Elsa? I can carry it back.’
‘Thanks, but I’m fine.’
He fell into step next to me. He kept looking out at the sea. ‘Your stepbrother’s out on the water a lot.’
‘Yeah. No one knows why. Also, just to be very clear, there’s no genetic link whatsoever.’ I heaved the bag higher up over my shoulder.
Ben laughed. ‘Yeah, well, if my stepbrother tried to hijack a horse, I’d want to disown him, too.’
‘I think he was actually telling the truth when he tried to use it as a seat.’ I said, surprising myself. ‘That’s so something he’d do.’
‘So, is he big into surfing? Like competing or something?’ Ben asked.
‘No. I don’t think he’s ever competed. I’ve given up asking him about it. He says he’s seen something out on the water.’
‘What sort of something?’
‘Well, all the grizzled old guys around here say it’s either a shark or a dolphin, but Tyrone doesn’t think so.’ I bit my lip. ‘And he’s been around this area forever. He knows a dolphin or a shark when he sees one.’
I chanced a glance at Ben, expecting a look of pity or exasperation, but he looked interested and serious. ‘That’s so eerie.’
‘Yeah,’ I said.
We reached Songbrooke and went into the house. I put down the load of things on the kitchen table to be sorted. Amber was sitting at the other end of the table with a bowl of fruit in front of her. She was picking at the pieces. Ben raised his eyebrows at her when we came in and she scowled and sat on her hands.
‘I need to go,’ Amber snapped at Elsa.
Elsa ignored her. ‘Wow – you got heaps! Brilliant.’ She checked her watch. ‘I’ll show you how to do the morning routine with the animals.’
Ben came out with us. The horses needed a bucket of feed each and some hay. The goats needed pellets, the chickens had to be let out and the cow had to be thrown a couple of biscuits of lucerne.
All their feed was in the biggest of the sheds, labelled clearly and neatly organised. ‘It’s pretty easy,’ Elsa said. ‘But it means I can just wake up and get working. Sometimes I have my best ideas when I’m still waking up.’
‘This is just what I need,’ I said. ‘After the café thing and everything. Thank you so much.’
She smiled. ‘It’s just what I need, too. This has worked out great, hasn’t it?’
‘Sure has,’ I said, not looking at Ben.
I double-checked the animals and wrote down a list for the next day while it was still fresh in my head. Ben cleared his throat, waiting for me to finish. ‘Want to walk to school together?’
I raised an eyebrow. ‘With Amber?’
‘Amber’s meeting Ruby May and Nina in town first. She’s organising before-school training for the surf squad.’ He pulled a face.
‘There’s a surf squad?’
‘There is now.’ He stared back at the house.
‘Does Amber surf?’
‘About as much as Tyrone does.’
‘I have to stop in at home to get changed,’ I said, glancing at my phone for the tenth time. ‘I’ll only make you late.’
He shrugged. ‘We should go on another run.’
‘I know.’
‘I promise not to accidentally grope you.’
I snorted. ‘Thanks.’
‘Or knock you over.’
‘It just won’t feel right without you groping me or knocking me over.’ I dusted my hands. ‘Or pulling my hair. C’mon, let’s go.’
***
I guess even though Ben still knocked the breath out of me, I was sort of used to hanging out with him. It didn’t feel un-real anymore. He was nice and clever and didn’t mind being quiet. He didn’t treat me like someone crazy or someone invisible or someone breakable. I liked him and I liked being with him.
We walked into school together and Loretta strolled up, still limping a bit on her ankle. She looked positively gleeful. ‘Mr Hounds liked his brownie.’
‘You didn’t!’
‘Hey, he’s way worse than Tyrone, so don’t you get up on your high horse.’
Ben raised an eyebrow. ‘Brownie?’
‘We’ll be getting out of PE today. I guarantee it.’ Loretta closed her eyes. ‘Oh, this is what heaven feels like.’
I elbowed her and she opened her eyes and grinned. ‘Oh, man! And did you see the look on Ruby May’s face when you guys walked in together? Priceless!’
‘Ben knocked me over,’ I mumbled.
‘It was an accident,’ Ben said.
‘Sounds to me like you just can’t keep your hands off her,’ Loretta said, waggling her eyebrows. I suddenly wanted very badly to hit her. She grinned and hobbled away. ‘See you in chem!’
I glanced sideways at Ben, who looked very red in the face. ‘Um, right,’ he murmured, sitting across the room in his usual seat. I sat down next to Gordon, who was sketching a picture that looked a lot like Loretta.
‘I’m going to throttle Loretta,’ I said, trying not to look at Ben, who was still super flushed.
‘Yeah, me too,’ Gordon said, very mildly, holding out his drawing to look at from a distance. ‘Maybe we can join forces. Make a day of it.’
‘Deal. It’d probably take two of us to bring her down.’
‘Oh, definitely,’ said Gordon, tucking away his drawing. ‘She’s little but mighty.’
***
We were scheduled to have PE after recess, but apparently Mr Hounds had had to go home sick. Loretta looked so happy I thought she’d choke.
There were no teachers available, so in came Mau Fischer with a CD player and too many beads.
‘We’re going to do some meditation,’ she announced. We all stared at her.
She clapped her hands. ‘Go and get some mats out!’
We did as we were told, everyone a little too shocked by the sight of her in the middle of the hall to argue.
We lay down on the floor. I was expecting people to giggle and whisper and fidget, but we were all completely still, except for the staccato sound of Mau’s high heels as she wandered between the mats.
‘Focus on each breath,’ Mau murmured. She’d brought the scent of her shop with her. Metal, oils, tea and velvet. It reminded me of my mother, but I couldn’t work out if this was a happy or a sad thing.
I peered through my half-closed eyelids. Ben had somehow ended up next to me. Loretta was on my other side and Gordon was next to her. Ben was lying close. If I just inched my hand over a little bit, I’d be touching his hand.
The deep voice on the CD told us to visualise a place that made us happy. And I visualised my cove, but then my stomach tightened and I thought of Mum and drowning and everything else.
I panicked. Where was my happy place?
It started to rain, loud on the tin roof.
Loretta grabbed my hand, while Mau kept pacing and murmuring. And I realised that maybe this was my happy place. Lying on a manky old mat in the manky old hall at the bottom of the world. Listening to Mau, sandwiched between Ben and Loretta and Gordon. I felt myself relax.