The wedding took place two days later.
No one had been more surprised than Castillo when he’d offered to marry her. In that startling moment of clarity, he’d realized that the only way to really keep her safe—from scandal and her family interfering in her education—was to keep her under his protection. The meeting with her parents had been very brief and to the point. Her parents had agreed to the marriage as an inevitable consequence of her admission, but they weren’t happy about it. Castillo suspected her mother wanted someone more socially acceptable, but her father seemed content as soon as Castillo had voiced his opinion about Carolina’s education.
Hunter and Emmy had offered a double wedding, but Castillo had refused. He told them that he didn’t want to take away from their ceremony. The truth was, he wanted Carolina all to himself. Despite the fact that his marriage to her was supposed to be little more than an arrangement, he’d wanted the moment they took their vows to be for her alone and not shared with another couple.
He’d barely seen her since the night in Tanner’s study. Hunter’s wedding had been the day before, and Caroline had sat with her parents while Castillo had stood at his brother’s side. Then he’d had to go back out and ride the property, ever vigilant to the possibility that Derringer could make an appearance. The few times he’d made eye contact with her, she’d smiled but looked away as if unsure of herself.
Today they’d ridden to town separately. She was in the carriage with her parents while he rode with his men guarding the carriage, just in case. They’d gone straight to the office of the justice of the peace with their families.
Minutes after arriving, Castillo was sliding his mother’s ring onto her finger. The room was silent after he’d voiced his vows. Giving her hand a gentle squeeze, he stared into her eyes, hoping that she knew that he meant them. He would love her and honor her even though he still hadn’t the slightest idea how to actually be with her. He searched her eyes for some hint of regret or sorrow—this couldn’t possibly be the wedding she’d imagined for herself—but all he saw was hope and an emotion he couldn’t identify shining out at him. Part of him wanted to call it love, but—
“I now pronounce you man and wife.” The words penetrated Castillo’s thoughts, bringing with them a well of emotion that swelled in his chest and made it ache.
Carolina smiled up at him. Shyness and nervousness was evident in that smile, but she wasn’t uncertain. She tightened her hold on his hand until her father shoved in between them to shake his hand. She stepped back out of the way, but her gaze didn’t leave Castillo’s until her aunt pulled her into an embrace, blocking her view of him. Castillo mumbled words to Hunter, Zane, Tanner and her father, but he couldn’t stop looking at her. He couldn’t believe that she was his—that this amazing woman had agreed to become his wife.
Wife. He knew he shouldn’t get too attached to the word because this was only a marriage of convenience, but he liked it. He liked it a lot.
They were back on the boardwalk outside the JP’s office in the late afternoon sun a few minutes later. Castillo found he didn’t quite know what to say to her and suspected that she felt the same. Instead of speaking, he offered her his arm and they followed their families to the Baroness. Tanner had booked rooms for the group since Carolina and her family would leave for Boston the next morning.
They had a meal together in the hotel’s dining room. Tanner ordered champagne and made a big fuss about toasts and the importance of families, and for a brief moment Castillo found himself believing him. If he forgot the past and the future, he could believe that Carolina was his wife in every way.
Caught up in the moment, Hunter swigged his champagne and pulled Emmy in for a kiss, and everyone laughed. Their joy and obvious love for each other was easy to see. Castillo laughed, too, and for the first time didn’t feel that pang of envy. When he glanced at Carolina she was smiling, but she’d been watching him. Her gaze dipped down to his mouth and a spark of heat leaped between them. He wanted to pull her into his arms, but he didn’t know if that was what she wanted.
When the meal came to an end, Tanner not-so-subtly suggested they retire for the evening. Castillo agreed because he was greedy to spend time alone with her before she left, no matter what the night would bring. Minutes later, Castillo pushed the door of their suite open and followed her inside. She was beautiful in a cream dress that hugged her figure and flared out softly in the back. Its skirt was pulled up to reveal a matching underskirt that swished past her ankles. Her back was straight and her shoulders squared, as if she, too, was suddenly uncertain and doing everything she could to hold that uncertainty at bay. She looked feminine and strong.
This was the first time they’d been alone since his proposal in the hallway and he didn’t quite know what to say to her. She was his wife. The weight of that settled over him again, but it wasn’t suffocating. It was warm and strangely comforting. He tried not to examine it too much. After all, this wasn’t real. His life was finding Derringer, and then his life would be at the hacienda. Hers was in Boston, somewhere there was no place for him. They hadn’t spoken of what would happen after she graduated, but he had no right to expect her to come live with him.
Her trunk had been delivered earlier and she walked over to it as if to change her clothes, but stopped once she reached it; uncertainty had crept in.
“I’ll give you some time alone,” he said awkwardly, walking into the connected washroom and closing the door behind him. The room was small, but serviceable, in gleaming white tile. It was hot, so he shrugged out of his coat and waistcoat, and hung them on the hook on the back of the door. As soon as he did, the weight he hadn’t realized he’d been carrying around left him and he leaned his palms on the cool porcelain of the sink. This marriage felt real. Staring at his reflection in the small shaving mirror, he saw that his eyes were wide and unsure. He’d stared down men holding him at gunpoint, but this woman who was now his wife scared him.
His wife. Something tightened deep in his gut as a vivid memory of her spread out on her bed flashed behind his eyes. He could have her now, because she was his. His stomach dipped at the thought of the night ahead. Should he have offered her a room of her own? Mierda. Turning the knob of the faucet, he splashed cold water on his face. He had no right to expect anything to happen, and he didn’t. He should’ve asked her if she wanted her own room. Grabbing a towel from the stand, he dried his face and turned to go back to her. He’d tell her she could stay and he’d go find another room.
Grabbing his clothes from the hook, he slung them over his arm and opened the door. She sat on the velvet upholstered bench under the window, staring down at the ring he’d given her. He paused to admire her, his gaze lingering on the delicate slope of her neck, but she looked up and caught him. The soft light of dusk painted her in a warm glow. She still wore the simple but beautiful cream dress she’d said had come from Emmy.
“I didn’t expect anything like this.” She smiled, holding up her hand so he could see the ring. “It’s too much.”
It was a delicate gold band with a ruby surrounded by small diamonds. “My grandfather gave that to my grandmother on their wedding day nearly fifty years ago, and then it became my mother’s. Now it’s yours.” He’d carried it around since his mother died, with the expectation that one day he’d find a woman to give it to. But with everything that had happened with his grandfather, he’d begun to doubt that day would come.
“Oh.” She turned her hand around so she could look at it again. “I didn’t expect to get anything so precious from you. I hope you don’t feel obligated—”
“It’s not obligation, mi corazón. I want you to have it.” He walked toward her, dropping his coat and waistcoat on the foot of the bed as he passed by. Coming to a stop before her, he dropped down on his haunches and took her hand. The ring looked perfect on her finger, and he couldn’t help the pride that welled up within him when he saw it. “It’s beautiful on you.”
“I’ll treasure it.” She gave him a shy smile and closed her fingers around his. “But… I want you to know that…” Her gaze skittered off to the side and she took a breath. “If you want it back some day, I’ll understand.”
Her words hit him like a knife in the chest, reminding him anew that this was just an arrangement. They’d spoken the vows, but they hadn’t meant for them to be real. He rose to his feet, but she didn’t release his hand. His leather satchel with a change of clothes sat next to her trunk, mocking him. “I wasn’t thinking clearly when we checked in downstairs, but the room is yours. I can go and see if they have another room.”
“No, Castillo, that’s not what I meant.” She tightened her grip on his hand. “Forgive me, I don’t know the rules. I only meant that if…” She laughed, releasing the tension that held her back rigid. “I don’t know what I mean. I’m nervous.”
Something about her anxiety relaxed him. Brushing a strand of golden hair from her cheek, he smiled back at her. “You don’t want your own room?” But he knew the answer without her even saying it. She sobered and her eyes darkened as her gaze dropped to his mouth.
His entire body tightened in response, heat prickled down his spine.
“No, I don’t want my own room.” She licked her lips and her gaze flicked to the bed and back. “I’d hoped that since we’re married now you’d want to…”
Desire flared to life inside him, fierce and raw and undeniable. His blood thickened and rushed downward, tightening his trousers. Still, he stopped himself from touching her because he had to ask, “Are you certain?”
“Yes.” Her eyes were so vivid and earnest they pierced his soul. “I’ve never been more certain of anything in my entire life.”
His heart slammed against his rib cage as he leaned forward and finally took her mouth the way he’d wanted to ever since she’d said “I do.” Cupping her face in his hands, he tasted her sweetness, drawing a tiny moan from her lips when he pulled away to look at her. She was so beautiful, so sweet, so strong and perfect he could hardly believe she was his. He ignored the little voice in his head reminding him that she wasn’t really his, that he hurt everyone close to him, and kissed her again. Now that he knew he could take her, that nothing was stopping him from being inside her, he couldn’t stop kissing her.
His mouth drank from hers as his fingers went for the tiny buttons on the back of her dress. She flattened herself against his front, her palm moving down to find him hard and throbbing in his trousers. A groan escaped him before he could call it back. She squeezed him, moving her fingers along his length from root to tip. He remembered the last time she’d touched him and the innocently wicked things she’d said to him as she’d explored.
One night wouldn’t be enough. He dragged his mouth from hers only so he could turn her around and attack the damn row of buttons. With each one he unfastened, he placed a kiss on the bare skin he revealed until her undergarments obstructed him. Finally, he pulled the bodice down her shoulders and she shrugged her arms out of it, pushing it over her hips. His fingers shook as he unlaced her corset. He’d never wanted a woman this much before, and it had nothing to do with the fact that she was innocent or that he hadn’t had her yet. It was because this was his Carolina.
He was breathing like he’d just run a mile, but he forced himself to go slowly and pulled the laces with gentle strength, not the brute force he wanted to use. When he’d finished, she pulled it off and he grabbed her shift, pulling it over her head. She turned, her arms going up to cover her breasts, but he pulled her against his chest and her arms went around him instead. He could feel her hard nipples pressing into him through his shirt. His hands roved down the silken skin of her back and cupped her buttocks through the thin cotton of her drawers, squeezing her and pulling her toward him. His erection throbbed and he couldn’t resist grinding against her to ease the ache.
She gasped against his mouth, breaking the kiss, and he picked her up in his arms and walked over to the bed. Grabbing the edge of the counterpane, he pulled it back before dropping her onto the downy sheets. Toeing off his shoes, he shrugged out of his suspenders and unbuttoned his shirt. Her eyes were ravenous as she watched him, and he loved that she wanted to see him. His left arm still hurt, and she must’ve known, because she rose to her knees and helped him slip his shirt off his shoulders and tugged it free of his hands to toss it aside.
He couldn’t resist another kiss, dragging his tongue along her plump bottom lip. She surprised him by nipping at him and smiling when he pulled back. God, he loved her. She was such a contradiction, and she’d keep him guessing for the rest of his life, if they got that much time. His fingers went to the tie on her drawers, yanking it free before pushing the fabric down her hips, desperate to see her. A blush stained her cheeks pink, but she sat back and allowed him to pull them off her, and then she made quick work of her stockings.
Castillo unfastened his pants but paused before pushing them down. Making his way to his satchel, he rummaged for the tin he’d brought. He hadn’t been certain that anything would happen tonight, but he’d hoped—he’d hoped—and he’d wanted to be prepared. Coming back to stand beside the bed, he dropped the tin on the nightstand beside her spectacles.
She saw it and her eyes widened in surprise. “You brought prophylactics?”
He nodded, a little unsure if her surprise was because she hadn’t expected him to bring them or because she didn’t want to use them. “I hope that’s okay. I know neither of us wants this to result in a child.”
She grinned and rose to her knees. “Thank you for thinking of that. I have some in my medical bag, too.”
Then he couldn’t think anymore because her palms were running over his chest and down over his flat stomach to the open fastening of his pants. He sucked in a breath when she reached in and gripped him. Her hand was so small and tight around him that his eyes nearly rolled back in his head from the pleasure. “Carolina,” he whispered.
“I think it’s time to open the tin.” Her voice was husky and soft as she stroked him.
“Are you certain? Are you ready?”
She nodded, and he yanked the lid off and grabbed one. She pushed his trousers down over his buttocks and her eyes widened as she saw him fully erect. Her fingertips trailed down his length almost reverently, making him shudder in pleasure. “I’ll go slowly,” he assured her.
She smiled at him, and though it was a shy smile, she moved back to lie against the pillows. “Hurry.”
He gritted his teeth against the need to have her and forced himself to look away from her as he rolled it down his length. Then he moved over her, fitting himself between her thighs. Catching himself to keep the bulk of his weight from her, he stroked her with his other hand. She was so hot and wet he could barely contain the tremor that moved through him. He pushed a finger inside her, gently stretching her before adding another. She moaned softly and rolled her hips, making his fingers move in and out of her. She felt ready, but he’d never taken a virgin before and wanted to make sure he didn’t hurt her any more than necessary. Leaning down, he took her nipple into his mouth, alternating between rolling it with his tongue and sucking it deep into his mouth.
When she yanked his hair and called his name again and again, he knew she was close. Moving over her, he held her knees wide and notched the head of his shaft at her slick opening. She stared up at him with heavy-lidded eyes and arched her hips up toward him. He pressed forward, moving deeper inch by excruciating inch so he wouldn’t hurt her, when all he wanted to do was sheath himself inside her. She groaned, a soft cry of pleasure deep in her throat that turned into something more intense when he hit the barrier of her innocence. His throat ached with an emotion he was too overwhelmed to examine. This amazing woman was his. An instinct both sacred and primal roared through his blood.
He fell over her, catching himself on his uninjured arm as he kissed her deeply and then trailed his lips across her cheek. When he reached her ear, he scraped his teeth against the soft lobe and whispered, “Are you ready for me, Carolina?”
“Yes.” It was a barely coherent gasp as she clutched him, her fingernails raking down his back. But he couldn’t hold back anymore and thrust forward, driving deep in one stroke. She cried out softly against his neck, and he stilled, holding her against him.
“I won’t move until you’re ready,” he assured her. He closed his eyes to fight against the pleasure of her body gripping him so tightly. She felt perfect beneath him. When he regained a little control, he reached between them to stroke her just above where they were joined. Soon she was shifting against him, anxious for more friction.
“Castillo,” she whispered against his ear.
Finally, he moved inside her. First in a gentle rhythm and then with deeper thrusts that had her writhing beneath him. She cried out when the first wave of her release came over her. Her fingernails bit into his back, but he welcomed the sting and held her tighter as he gave himself over to his own pleasure. Just moments later, he found his release within her.
* * *
Hours later the huge bed was littered with the remnants of a meal they’d ordered and fed each other, and she slept at his side. Castillo couldn’t remember ever enjoying a night the way he’d enjoyed this one. It wasn’t just the sex, though that had been better than any he could recall. It was the way she’d felt in his arms, like he was home. It was the way she’d smiled at him as she’d fed him a slice of apple, while telling him a story about sneaking into the kitchen as a child and eating two whole pies and making herself sick. Being with her was natural.
There were still hours until dawn, but he couldn’t stop looking at her. He didn’t want to sleep because he knew it’d be a long time before he saw her again. If he saw her again. The plan had been to part in the morning, and they’d thought no further. But how could he not see her again? How could he not have her in his life?
The thoughts bothered him, but he had no answers. Absently twirling a strand of her golden hair around his finger, he reasoned that he had plenty of time to sleep after she was gone.
She stirred, rolling forward so she lay on her tummy, and tucked herself against him. Pulling the blanket up over her back, he leaned forward and placed a kiss on her temple.
“You’re not sleeping,” she whispered without opening her eyes.
“I don’t want to miss anything.”
“Neither do I,” she replied, opening her eyes to look at him. Only a sliver of moonlight came through the window to light the room.
“Go back to sleep. You’re tired.”
She laughed and kissed his hand. “So are you. That was an excellent performance earlier.”
He couldn’t help but touch her and stroked a hand down her back to settle over one of the plump cheeks of her bottom. “Glad you approve.”
“Of course I approve. I’ve married an amazing lover.”
He laughed and kissed her nose, her mouth, her chin. He couldn’t stop kissing her. He loved her. The idea of waking up without her by his side was abhorrent, but it was also unavoidable.
Maybe it was the dark mood of his thoughts, but they drifted into silence, their hands clasped beneath the blanket. Finally, she broke the silence. “What will we do, Castillo? I don’t want to leave you tomorrow.”
“Boston is safer than here.” He took a deep breath and tucked his arm beneath her, pulling her onto his chest. “And you have school in September…”
“And you still have to find Derringer.” She finished the thought for him.
He nodded once and kissed her head. “I do.”
She didn’t say anything for a moment but he could practically hear her thoughts churning. “What about after you find him? What will you do then?”
“Go back to Texas and work on restoring the house. Miguel needs something to come home to.” The thought of his home didn’t evoke the same pride and conviction that it used to. He thought of it and he thought of a place cold and distant. A place she would never call home because she had much grander plans than to be the mistress in charge of feeding the small army of ranch hands they’d need when he got the place back to what it had been. He couldn’t blame her for that. With her talent and education, she’d be far more useful as a physician, but tonight he’d found himself hoping that things could be different.
“What…” Her fingers splayed over his heart, and she subtly rubbed her cheek against his chest. “What about after?”
He gave a grim smile though she couldn’t see it. “There is no after. Once the house is restored, I’ll need to get new cattle and new equipment, and work toward earning a profit.”
She took in a breath, but it was shaky, and he thought she might be fighting back tears. Tightening his arms around her, he swallowed against the sudden ache in his throat. The future he described was bleak and gray. It was nothing without her in it.
“Do you think you might ever come and see me in Boston?”
The ache swelled, expanding into an unbearable pressure behind his eyes and deep in his chest. “I don’t know, Carolina. I can’t make any plans past finding Derringer.”
She nodded as if she understood, but he felt the warm wetness of her tears against his chest. Abruptly she sat up, surprising him by leaning over him. “I don’t know what will happen, but I want you to know that I love you. No, don’t say anything. Don’t tell me I shouldn’t. It’s too late for that.” She covered his mouth with her fingertips. “I love how brave and honorable you are. I love that you love your grandfather enough to sacrifice years of your life to this, but I hate that it’s keeping us apart.”
His heart swelled two sizes in his chest. Taking her hand in his, he sat up and settled her onto his lap and put his arms around her. “That’s not all that’s keeping us apart. I told you I’ve done bad things. Besides that, you belong in Boston and I belong out here. No matter how I wish that weren’t true, it is. We can’t change it.”
She stared at him as if it pained her. “But can’t we…if we really wanted to?”
Castillo closed his eyes against the pain he saw in hers. He loved her. He loved her with all his heart, which was why he knew that sending her away from him was the best thing to do. She had dreams in Boston. There was nothing for her out here, and the only thing for him in Boston was her. His dreams were in Texas. “I care for you, but our lives are too different, mi corazón. It wouldn’t work.”
“If you think that, then you couldn’t possibly love me the way I love you.”
Instead of answering, he drew her into his arms and held her. The problem was that he was very much afraid that he did love her that much. He loved her enough that he didn’t know how he was going to say goodbye to her in the morning. He loved her enough that he knew he had to.