She woke in a spare small room, no more than a cupboard and almost as dark. But there was room for a pallet and some linen. There was privacy with a roof and a door. It was more than she ever had before and she felt even more grateful for it as she laid listening to the sounds echoing outside.
It had to be late in the day—she couldn’t remember ever sleeping late. When she was younger, her pain never allowed it, when she learned to bake, it forced her to wake early. Then Rudd had come, and she worked to appease and to stay away from him. Now she had none of those worries as unfamiliar sounds surrounded her.
She had fallen asleep almost immediately last night. Rhain and Nicholas caring for her as they made sure her accommodations were acceptable. Nothing untoward, all solicitous. The innkeeper and his wife kind, courteous. Whatever Rhain paid for her room, he’d paid well.
She would need to find work to repay him.
With a resolve she hadn’t felt in a long time, she dressed and went out the door ready to explore her new home.
* * *
Hours spent with her feet throbbing from the unforgiving cobblestones, and her skin stinging from the lack of rest and little salve she had left, Helissent was exhausted. Her right leg dragged a bit behind her, but she didn’t mind the increased pain. Not after the victories of the day.
It was already late afternoon, but she’d walked the entirety of York. Keeping mostly to the magnificent walls and soaring gatehouses, she gaped at the sights around her.
Atop the hill, the Cathedral was always in sight, stunning, beckoning. Soon she would go to give thanks for being here.
York was a city she could truly get lost in. An over-abundance of people and animals and children. She gathered some looks, a few stares, but everyone was different. Too busy to be cruel. Too self-absorbed to notice another stranger among many.
And the industry, the market stalls, the vendors and shops! The wares and the astounding choices. Carvings and craftsmanship she had never seen before, parcels of pastries, each bite made to melt in the mouth, swathes of fabrics that glimmered, intricate patterns in quilts that would make her blind to sew. Fruits and vegetables of any kind she’d want and most she never knew she wanted. Slabs of meat just hanging, enough to feed her village for weeks.
Anything she could ever dream of was here and her imagination was rampant. What would it be like to mix that particular flour with that suet? Would those currants taste better when they were soaked in that sweet wine?
The colors, the smells, the sounds were different than her own village, where people bartered the same goods day after day.
She had left her village in fear, in anger, in resignation. Because of Rudd, she was forced to leave the only home she’d ever known.
Yet, long before that night, she knew she had to go. Since his return to the inn, it had no longer been her home. He’d snapped towels against her burned side; purposefully thrust out his foot until she tripped—never to spill his ale, but always her own cooking.
In all the months since Rudd’s return, not one of the villagers had offered her the safety of their home, or exchanged threatening words with her tormentor. As the weeks passed, Rudd had only grown more confident with his jibes and cruelty.
It was just how to leave and then where to go. From years of travellers’ tales, she knew York was near and that it would suit her. But she hadn’t expected the abundance of possibilities that it provided.
She also didn’t expect to find employment, but she’d done that, too. Early in the day before leaving the inn, she’d enquired with the kind innkeepers if they needed help.
A husband and wife, with five young children. They’d inherited the inn, but it was too large and busy for them to run alone and they’d been losing money. The woman looked grateful that she was willing to help for nothing more than room and board until profits could be made for wages.
Helissent agreed to watch tonight’s preparations, so she could see how she could help. They’d even given her a bit of coin for exploring today. While it wasn’t enough to try every pastry she wanted, she was able to taste a few and even the bad pastries inspired her.
Now the day had turned to late afternoon. A time of day that would have most of her village’s residents readying for bed.
York behaved like the day was just beginning. There were still sounds of carts against cobblestones, shutters slamming, calls out in greeting and anger. But all of it didn’t distract her from what she could no longer deny.
That part of her happiness was caused by Rhain and his men, who gave her this opportunity. Rhain and his men, and in particular, Nicholas, who had been following her most of the day.
At first she thought she spied the mercenaries because they were exploring York as she was. But Nicholas didn’t like the food stalls around Tickhill and York’s were more visceral. For a large man, he had a sensitive stomach. He was there because she was.
It didn’t take much to surprise him, not when she stood in the butchery section for a protracted time and he had to duck out to the nearby open courtyard.
When he still looked green after great gulps of air, she felt a little guilty, but not much.
‘Why?’ she said. She would get an answer.
Nicholas didn’t start at her approach, nor was he surprised by such a question. Irritated at being followed, she was relieved to know he hadn’t thought her a simpleton to not notice a giant man following her.
‘Did you truly expect us to just leave you like that?’ he said. ‘To get you through the gates, find you a place to sleep and then go?’
She had when she began this journey, especially when Rhain made it clear how reluctantly he took her. But then Tickhill happened, as did the walk along the stream.
Then Mathys returned, and the men became grim and forbidding. Passing her like a flagon of ale amongst them. Rhain’s expression darker and more tortured than the rest. Last night, she was tired and she took their courtesy because she couldn’t have survived on her own.
‘York was all I asked for; you don’t bear responsibility for me any more.’
Nicholas gave her a slight smile. ‘Since you joined our band of men, you should know your room is paid for the month.’
‘I can’t afford to repay such a debt!’
‘We take care of our own. You’re not thinking of abandoning us, are you?’
Teasing. Unexpected, though things had been changing between her and the mercenaries. Still she was wary; she alone knew her cowardice. That a part of her was undeserving of their seeming acceptance, their generosity. But he was teasing and she could, too. ‘Well, it’s true, I don’t know how you survived without my cooking.’
He laughed. He was a handsome man and, though he looked like a fierce giant of a mercenary and no doubt was, he was kind. How often did she notice his jagged scar across his eye? Rarely.
She only ever saw the kindness in him. She looked around the market. They were in the open where people were visiting and eating.
No one paid any more attention to this man with his brutal scar across his face than they did her with her scars sloping her right eye.
When she first left her room, she’d raised her chin to show others her scars, but as the day progressed she noticed something she’d never seen before.
There were other people with disfigurements. Some were treated cruelly, but mostly there was acceptance.
She didn’t know how she felt about it. Too much had been taken from her when Rudd returned, but this she didn’t know if she could accept. Finding her shame by others looking at her was an integral part of her. She didn’t know who she was to be if others didn’t see her shame the way she did. She didn’t know what to do if she was…accepted. Maybe others received their injuries by accidents. Hers was from a broken promise. She shouldn’t deserve acceptance, yet, because of these mercenaries and all they’d shown her, she could feel a change within herself.
‘Is it always like this in larger towns? Are we to simply go unnoticed?’
He looked over her shoulder, his eye dimming with memories, and she wondered on Nicholas’s past, and his home he hadn’t returned to.
‘I haven’t been everywhere,’ he said, ‘and I expect there are exceptions, but it’s like this in most places.’
She exhaled, breathed in deep, but it didn’t stop her heart from expanding. And that wouldn’t do. Life had taught her that she didn’t deserve kindness or acceptance. Still, she was here. York was all she’d hoped for and possibly more. She would be grateful for it.
Just as she was for the men who followed her around today, but eventually she knew they’d go. They needed to work and so did she. She also needed to say goodbye, and give her thanks.
‘Where is he?’ she asked.
Nicholas’s eye dimmed. ‘Busy, most likely.’
Rhain was responsible for their group. He was most likely procuring business for them, or maybe had friends here to visit or was preparing for an upcoming trip. But she wouldn’t let him go without thanking him.
‘I just want to see him for a moment. I’ve seen most of you today, but not him.’
Nicholas frowned. ‘You should leave him alone.’
Something of his tone stopped her. ‘What’s happened? Is he in danger?’
‘Worried for him?’
She fluttered her hand in front of her. ‘It’s just…we’ve been running the last few days and the men have been on double watch at night since Mathys returned. Now you’re telling me to stay away from him.’
Nicholas looked away. ‘He told you of the trouble we’re in?’
Rhain had told her only vague facts, but she wouldn’t confess that to his friend. Not if it would reveal a bit more. ‘What trouble is he in?’
She could almost answer her own questions. Rhain must be in great danger. She hadn’t seen him all day though he would have needed to find food and eat.
With or without Nicholas’s help, she would find him.
She moved to go past Nicholas, who stepped in front of her and put both hands out as if placating her. ‘It’s not that you’re…he’s safe. It’s the other matter.’
‘What other matter?’
Nicholas’s sudden discomfiture was obvious on his giant shoulders. ‘I’ll let him say.’ He shook his head like he’d said too much, but then he continued, ‘It’s only… Though I don’t know why, he’s always like this after a few days in the market, and now that time is running out, it’s worse.’
She didn’t understand half of Nicholas’s words, but he had said, ‘like this’, and whatever that was made Nicholas protective of his friend.
Maybe Rhain wasn’t in danger, but he had done a kindness for her and maybe she could do one for him. ‘Tell me now. Please.’
At Nicholas’s expression, she added, ‘If you don’t tell me, I’ll simply walk the entirety of York again. Wouldn’t it be best to point me in the correct direction than searching for me all night when I get lost?’
He sighed, but there was a curve to his mouth like he was secretly pleased. ‘He’s in the gardens by the Cathedral.’
If Rhain was in the gardens then he wasn’t in immediate danger, but still her heart wouldn’t stop thumping heavily in her chest as if something was wrong.
‘He’s that way.’ Nicholas pointed in the direction behind her. ‘I hope you know what you’re doing.’
She didn’t. But she did need to thank Rhain for bringing her here; she would have the courage to do that.