The First Foreign Invasion on Aussie Soil

Captain Cook arrives off Cronulla Beach aboard The Endeavour, and low and behold, whata- da-ya recon, the good Captain finds… exactly what he expected. Captain James Cook of His Majesty’s Navy, stands on the deck of The Endeavour, spyglass to his eye, flanked by his officers.

“What do you see, Captain?”

“Exactly what I expected to see, a bunch of half-naked savages parading about the beach.” A ‘Captain’s arse kissing’ laugh erupts from the rent-a-crowd on the deck, which only serves to boost Old Cooky’s already overinflated ego to the point of ‘Cooky-cockiness’

“Are they armed Captain?” asks his Lieutenant eager to get on with the invasion.

“Nothing”, replied the bewildered sailor, “just marching around with flags and reels of sail rope, but no sails on their longboats; several longboats but not a ship in sight; very odd indeed. Prepare to launch the longboat, Lieutenant; twelve soldiers will be more than enough to subdue this rabble and accomplish our mission. This Land shall be under the rule of His Majesty by noon.” Tumultuous applause and cheers erupt from the gathered throng, as orders are barked to assemble the landing party, and launch the longboat. “They have a citadel high up on the beach. I suspect that is where their armaments are housed, if indeed they have any. In the unlikely event I experience undue resistance, Lieutenant, upon my signal, train all cannons on the citadel, and fire a single warning shot; take out the flag that flies over her; it will soon enough be replaced with the Union Jack anyway.”

“Understood, Captain, but what might that signal be?”

“The Signal goddammit, Lieutenant, the signal. I shall remove my hat and raise it in the air. If I drop my hat to the ground, I want to hear the sound of cannon balls a-roarin’, and see that citadel razed to a pile of rubble.”

“Ay Ay Captain”, the Lieutenant saluted, as Captain Cook prepared for the short boat ride; to be sure ‘twould be the longest journey of his young life.