Ernie:
“How’d you enjoy that little bit of dreamin’, eh? There but for the grace of God? goes the history of Australia. But I guess you’re wondering what happened to old Cooky and his men.
The Beach Sprinter is now Captain of the Cronulla Surf Club and renamed the bar, ‘Parliament House’. The Brick Shithouse is starring for the Cronulla Sharks Rugby Team. Big Sandy went on to star in the AFL, but defected west to the Freo Dockers, but there was a reason for that, you see: You know that old saying ‘you can take the sailor out of the sea, but you can never take the sea out of the sailor’. Well, Old Captain Cook had a yearning to get back on the water. He was often seen standing on the shores of Sydney Harbour watching the racing yachts jousting out in the water, Benny beside him, whiteboard in hand drawing pictures of little yachts with funny shaped keels. Well, next thing you know, Cooky and his men have moved to Perth, including Big Sandy and the Brick Shithouse, where all sorts of secret scheming is going on at the Indigenous Perth Yacht Club; and before you can say ‘Ernie’s a top bloke’, well the rest is history aint it? Australia 11 crosses the finish line to win the America’s Cup, Captain Cook resplendent at the wheel in his Captain’s hat. The Brick Shithouse made a great grinder, and Big Sandy could tie the boxing kangaroo flag to the top of the mast without need to climb on anything…well, as legend has it anyway.
Old faithful was made even more potent and cloned a hundred times so she gained a bit of a ‘Phantom’ reputation, where she could be seen positioned strategically around the entire coastline; same Old Faithful in a hundred different places at once.
Cooky became The Honourable Minister for Agriculture; seems he has a special way with animals. Well, so legend has it anyway. Cecil retained the portfolio of Foreign Affairs, a pretty cruisy little number, simply because there wasn’t any need for such a thing after word got around Europe of the Great Southern Land being inhabited by witches and monsters. And Trish became The Honourable Minister for Defence, just in case one might be needed, with The Enforcer as her Chief Military Advisor and campaign manager. She ran her successful election campaign year after year on one platform, border security, Old Faithful style, and The Enforcer’s now famous campaign slogan: