CHAPTER

TWENTY

There never was a letter, was there, Beth? Own up. You decided to slander Tracy on the eve of your wedding because you needed to feel better about yourself at her expense. Of course Jordan would never say anything that combative, but his eyes could convey a lot. And my imagination could fill in the rest.

The door to the public bathroom swung open and someone entered the stall next to mine so I left the toilet cubicle and went downstairs. Arriving in the lobby, I hurried over to the desk. It was about time I dispensed with the false teeth I was still carrying in my hand. Vanessa was laughing before I’d even finished my explanation. This really is the loopiest bride we’ve had yet. The tissue-coated teeth ended up in her in-tray. I overcame my self-consciousness and asked Vanessa about the missing envelope.

‘No-one’s handed anything in today, except you.’ Well, at least Vanessa hadn’t read those cheap insults. ‘Beth,’ she pleaded, ‘the chef’s been badgering me about your wedding cake. Could you please pay him a visit?’

I trudged towards the kitchen, glancing into the billiards room as I passed. It was occupied for the first time today. I hesitated in the doorway. Tracy, Binny, Pen and Mish were all playing billiards together. Bin was taking a shot with her elbow bent, the cue extended behind her. She aimed and struck, sending coloured balls clattering in all directions. Straightening up, she recognised me and glanced knowingly at her friends.

‘Hi, guys.’ I waved awkwardly.

‘Hello Beth. We were just talking about you,’ Binny said.

‘So is it on or off?’ Pen asked forthrightly.

‘What do you mean?’ I said, knowing full well what she meant.

‘Vera told us you and Jordan were on the skids.’

So Vera was the informer, not Tracy.

Like a criminal caught in the act, I stared at them helplessly. ‘You’ve seen Vera today?’

‘Oh yeah, the Pav popped in for a little chat,’ Mish said with scorn.

‘Beth,’ said Tracy, cradling her billiard cue close to her body, ‘are you going to marry Jordan or not?’ She didn’t speak unkindly. She was more baffled than anything else.

‘I don’t know. Everything’s been tipped upside down.’

I wanted the wedding to go ahead because I wanted everyone to like me again, including Jordan. But I also wished I had never allowed this day to happen.

‘God, Beth,’ said Penny in disgust. ‘Do you cast doubt on everyone who comes your way? You did that to us in Canberra too, didn’t you? We’ve known about you for a long time, haven’t we, girls? You were the one responsible for getting us investigated.’

Penny broke the word ‘investigated’ into five syllables, heaping stress on the ‘vest’ and the ‘gate’ for greater impact.

To my horror, she lifted her billiard cue like a gun and aimed it at me.

‘Oh, leave her alone, Pen,’ Mish interceded. ‘Poor thing, it’s her wedding day.’

Penny slowly lowered her pretend rifle.

Tracy nodded, siding with Mish. ‘Beth’s all right. She didn’t mean anything bad by it.’

‘Why did you even come today, if you all hate me?’ I said, my eyes brimming.

Pen reloaded. ‘Because we like Jordan. And we like to give people the benefit of the doubt. Unlike some people.’

‘You make me sick,’ Binny said softly to me as she left the room. There was a long pause after she departed. I sat down on the couch to recover from their attack on me. The other three girls returned to playing billiards. Before long they recovered their enthusiasm for the game.

‘Hey, great shot.’

‘My turn next, you fool.’

‘Let it go in, let it go in!’

‘Ah, stuffed it!’

‘You dope, that was my ball you hit.’

‘Yes, yes, yes!’

‘That’s a foul, you can’t do that!’

Game completed, Penny began to retrieve the coloured balls and reset the table.

‘Come on, Beth, we’re one short – you can play with me,’ said Mish with a friendly smile. ‘That’s okay, isn’t it, guys?’

‘Sure.’ Tracy nodded. ‘I’ll check on Rich and get some refills. Who wants what?’

Mish offered me a cue, and I was tempted but declined. I had never played before, so the others would probably show me up and make me feel worse than I already did. Besides, I had a wedding to cancel or salvage and very little time left to do either. I needed to be as tough and direct with Jordan as Penny had just been with me. He was waiting upstairs with some explaining to do. I wasn’t going to let him make everyone think that I was the one who had to explain myself.

I headed straight up to the Bayview Room. So the batonchangers had known about my gaffe in Canberra all along. They must have thought me very sly. Yet none had borne me a grudge. Not back then. Not a detectable one. I was given a full reprieve. They were nicer girls than they knew. Or just possibly I was a nicer girl than I knew. Concessions had been made for me. Tracy might have quelled the unrest among her friends as she had done just now. ‘Beth’s all right. She didn’t mean anything bad by it.’

Upstairs Vera and Jordan were still sitting on the sofa. Jordan was intently watching the dramatic closing moments of the movie. Vera was flicking through a magazine she’d found on the coffee table.

I raised my voice. ‘I can’t find the envelope. Honest, I’m not making it up.’

They looked at me indifferently. Vera pushed the magazine under Jordan’s nose and pointed at a photo.

‘You know, I’ve never seen London Bridge. Any chance we could check it out this arvo?’

Before Jordan could reply, someone behind me was clearing her throat. I looked around, startled. Vanessa raised an ironic eyebrow. ‘Champagne,’ she said, ‘compliments of the manager.’

‘Ooh champers, lovely.’ Vera rose and grabbed the silver ice bucket.

‘Let’s go out on the balcony,’ Jordan declared.

I found some chilled wine glasses in the fridge and we trooped through the bathroom. On the balcony Vera swivelled the cork. ‘Shall I open?’ She bent the bottle away from her and the cork went flying. It ricocheted over the balcony rail and we heard a startled ‘Hey!’ from someone in the car park down below.

I approached the railing, preparing to apologise.

‘Did you get hit?’

Angus chuckled. ‘Got my noodle!’

‘Love the hairdo, Gus.’

He rubbed his hand over his shaved scalp. ‘It’s the pits,’ he said in good humour.

Jordan joined me. ‘Hey, pal – come up and give me some support.’

‘Look what I found in the water!’ Angus held up a bundle of dripping tulle. ‘Someone’s wedding veil?’ he asked, intrigued.

‘That’s not your veil, is it, Beth?’ Jordan frowned. It was the first time he’d used my name since he arrived.

‘I’m afraid so.’

‘You threw it away?’

‘Of course not.’

So I tried to explain about the toffee and the seagulls and how Cherie had gone into Sorrento to find me something else to wear. Below us Angus sat the torn veil on his head and jigged around.

‘We’re drinking Chandon,’ Vera boasted, holding out the bottle.

‘I’m coming up for some of that,’ said Angus.

He appeared soon after, respectably dressed, and the four of us finished the bottle. There was one noteworthy and compelling distraction on the balcony. Rather than joining us, Vera sat apart in the full sun in order to give her legs ‘a touchup tan’. I’d never seen such a magnificent pair of legs, and I don’t think the guys had either. We couldn’t help but stare, like three hypnotised donkeys, at Vera’s sleek and muscular pistons. Michelangelo couldn’t have done a better job had he sculpted those legs from Carrara marble.

Sassy Angus moved his chair to sit closer to her. ‘Great pins, Vera – can I have a feel?’ he asked, his fingers fluttering above the tempting merchandise.

Vera giggled and let her head loll back, indolent in the sun.

Angus stretched his arms over his head, fingers laced. ‘Coming downstairs, Vera? What about a bite to eat? These guys probably need some time together, you know.’

‘Yeah, sure, I’m really hungry,’ said Vera, slowly rolling down her cream slacks then standing up.

Finally they left us alone. Jordan and I stood apart in the living area of the Bayview Room like two hired hands who hadn’t as yet been told by the boss what to do.

Eventually I broke the uncomfortable silence.

‘What happened to your lip, Jordie?’

‘Oh, that,’ he said, touching his split lip to remind himself. ‘Does it look bad? I got into a scuffle with Bill last night.’

‘How much did you two have to drink?’

Jordan gave a croaky laugh. ‘Bill didn’t think I should be marrying you today. He thought I should pull out.’

Bloody Bill. He was one of Jordan’s oldest friends but what would he know?

I remained composed. ‘On what grounds?’

‘Don’t get any crazy ideas. Nothing triangular. You know what Bill’s like. He said I didn’t look happy, so he assumed I was making a big mistake.’

Jordan went into the bathroom to check his lip.

‘What were you unhappy about?’ I persisted. My future hinged on his reply.

‘Didn’t I tell you? Some sick vandal broke into the crèche on Thursday night and decapitated our pet rabbit.’

‘Ugh! I hope the little kids didn’t see that.’

‘No such luck. Harriet sounded the alarm.’

I knew Jordan couldn’t have made up this gruesome dead rabbit story. Perhaps some further honesty between us was possible. Come on, Beth. Cough it up.

‘You know, I asked Tracy about the stuff in the letter. You did ask her to marry you just before you asked me.’

Jordan banged his forehead with his hand. ‘Oh my God! All I said to her was: “I suppose there’s no chance of me marrying you now?” And Tracy said, “Not a chance. You’ll have to do another re-run with Bin.” I was being ironic and what would you expect? She assumes I’m still keen on her. I only rang up to confirm the rumour about the churchy guy. He sounded all wrong for her.’

‘Did you cast aspersions on the churchy guy?’

That made Jordan smile. ‘My word I did.’

We had a smirk. Ministers of God were seriously suspect persons in both our eyes. Some collusion between us returned.

I sat down beside the coffee table and rubbed my sweaty palms on the thighs of my jeans. ‘So why did Tracy tell you to go back to Bin? She didn’t rate me as a serious alternative?’

‘I never told Tracy I was with you. Why should I?’

I raised my eyebrows. ‘She would have heard about us, though.’

‘No doubt. But I prefer to keep my feelings to myself.’

His feelings? What about our status?

‘Because I wasn’t up to scratch?’ I protested.

Jordan poured himself a glass of water. Then another. I could hear the water clacking down his gullet.

‘You don’t believe that, Beth. I’m sure you don’t,’ he said in exasperation. ‘And guess what? I’m sick of your pretences and your artfulness. You’re not as naive as you make yourself out to be. It’s a dumb person act with you, isn’t it? All this misreading of what’s going on? You’re not a dumb blonde, so why do you act like one?’

I had some ammunition left to counter these derogatory remarks. ‘Tracy told me about another little secret of yours. You and Binny were having it off last summer.’

Jordan didn’t react. ‘Bin and I were friends who slept together sometimes. You didn’t need to know the details,’ he said calmly.

‘She’s obviously still in love with you.’

‘I know that.’

‘Your charity is charming.’

I was sounding like Judy, rather than myself. I knew that Jordan went out of his way to be kind to Binny. I’d overheard him responding to her desperado phone calls. He bristled with annoyance at her pleas, but he still drove over to her place to placate her. And I’d never felt a twinge of jealousy when he did, so why was I worrying now? Because if they were still having sex that changed everything.

Jordan put his hands in his pockets and looked down at his runners. ‘She’s a very mixed-up bird and she depends on my support.’ He flexed up and down on his toes as if he were testing his runners. ‘Why can’t you just accept my side of things?’

A slick reply was forming in my mind. You have fine excuses for everything but your commitment seems precarious.

No doubt Jordan’s reponse could have been just as slick. It doesn’t feel precarious to me. Or it didn’t before today.

But these words were way too slick for us to say at the time.

Instead I reverted to a simple complaint. ‘I can’t help feeling Tracy was your first choice, I was your second and Bin was your third.’

A bitter half-smile floated across Jordan’s face. ‘Believe what you want to believe, Beth.’

Angus pushed open the door. ‘Have you guys stopped bickering?’ he asked cheerfully.

We regarded him blankly.

‘Vera wants to go for a spin in the wagon. Okay if I nick off for a bit?’

‘Sure, we don’t mind,’ I answered for both of us, wanting the Pav out of the way and resenting the interruption.

I felt I was finally getting somewhere with Jordan. His answers hadn’t mollified me, but they had subdued my worst fears. Marriage still seemed beyond us, but talking to a real person had made me care for him again, faults and all. I visualised a make-up embrace waiting just around the corner.

Unfortunately, Jordan the Accused wasn’t in the same groove as me. ‘Wait on, pal – I want a word with you,’ he said, grabbing Angus by the arm and tugging him out into the corridor.

Wanting a stake in whatever they were going to discuss, I followed. Jordan turned and glowered at me.

‘Can’t I come too?’ I asked weakly.

‘Yeah, sure, Beth,’ he said. ‘Just tag on at the end of the crowd, like you usually do.’

Rebuffed and hurt, I went back into our room, then out onto the balcony to see if Angus would fulfil his stated intentions. A few minutes later he appeared in the car park. Judy was with him. For God’s sake, how long had she been back in Portsea? My maid of honour had forsaken me. Gone AWOL, Judy had. Well, she should be shot. The dishonourable hussy hopped in the front seat and Angus revved the engine.

Then Jordan and Vera came loping round the side of the hotel. How predictable. Seeing me watching from the balcony, Jordan walked over to have a word with me. ‘Can you hang up my suit, please, Beth? We won’t be gone long.’ He actually sounded amicable.

I had been pretty shaken up by his contempt but my ego was recovering, as it always did. So the visit to London Bridge was on. And I wanted to be part of it. Even if I was just tagging along, that would be preferable to waiting around for an elusive promise that was devaluing every second because no-one believed Jordan and I were serious about marrying each other anymore.

I wanted to muck around with those four characters in that dusty brown wagon, as if Jordan and I still had our whole brilliant futures ahead of us, with as much time as we needed to discover who we really were and what we really wanted for ourselves and each other in life.

Surely if three-quarters of the bridal party were absconding, I had the right to go with them.

As fate would have it, I never made it downstairs. When I stepped out of the room Cherie was standing in the corridor holding an immense circular hatbox in her arms.

‘Here you are, darling,’ she said breathlessly. ‘It’s the best I could do.’