“Here, let me see,” said Av, pulling my hand away from the deep gash on my thigh. He winced at the sight, but I felt nothing. The lump in the back of my throat was swollen and throbbing, I couldn’t swallow. I’d lost Cubby. I’d failed my Little Brother.
My stomach heaved and I couldn’t hold it in.
Av jumped back and wiped away my bile from his legs.
“Crow!” he called into the dark trees.
I heard thumping feet. As Crow, Blaze, and Digger burst out of the shadows and into the dark clearing, I felt sicker. Images of Wasted, his limp body, then Cubby, his face twisted in terror, flashed through my head. Not Cubby.
I stuck my head between my legs and lost myself in violent sobs.
Crow’s cold fingers grabbed my leg and flattened it out as he tried to get a look at the gash from the Tunrar.
“Get me a switch from a Sticky Willow,” he instructed.
Someone ran off, I didn’t know who. Probably Av, because they were back in moments.
I heard Blaze next: “What happened?”
“The thing went at Urgle,” said Av, handing Crow a short branch dripping with sap.
“Cubby?” asked Digger.
No one spoke.
Crow leaned into me. “This will hurt,” he said.
With a careful eye, he held the oozing stick just over the gash and let several thick black drops fall onto my open flesh. Each drip radiated with a vicious pain, and my body screamed to push Crow away as he pulled the sides of the gash together and squeezed. I didn’t care. I’d lost Cubby. I wanted all of it to be the worst pain I’d ever felt, I wanted punishment.
“They’ll be headed to the High Temple of Beginners,” said Blaze.
His words made no sense to me, like he’d spoken a completely different language.
“What?”
“The Tunrar and the kid.”
I looked up at him. “What do you mean?”
“They won’t kill him.” He was so matter-of-fact, as if we should have known.
Again, I thought of little Wasted.
“But Wasted…,” said Digger.
Blaze shook his head. “Wasted was for them. They’re saving Cubby for the Beginning.”
We looked to one another, confused. I could hear my pulse in my ears, hear the grumbles of Blaze in the darkness: End to the Beginning. Hope and dread throbbed in the pit of my stomach.
“The Beginning?” I asked.
“Look,” explained Blaze, “Tunrar Goblins are servants of the Beginning. Whenever they feed, whenever they take, they are bound to give back to it. So if they fed on Wasted, they have to save Cubby for sacrifice.”
“Sacrifice?” asked Av.
“The Beginners’ High Temple is where they’ll head. They’ll take the boy to the priests there.”
We stared at him blankly.
“Their home,” said Blaze.
“Where’s the Temple?” I demanded.
“Other side of the Abish Village, tucked away somewhere in the Baublenotts.”
“No!” I yelled at him. “How do I get there?” I had no idea what these places were, but I was on my feet and brushing Crow off my leg, ready to sprint in whatever direction Blaze pointed me. My angry cut pulsed with pain and I wavered. Av put a hand on my shoulder to steady me.
“The Abish Village…to the—” Blaze stopped when he saw my face and sighed. “You are going after him completely blind.”
He was right. Every word out of his mouth was new to me, devoid of any meaning. I was blind. I knew nothing of the world outside the Pit, and what was more, I was the least ready of anyone to leave it. I wanted to scream at Blaze, his blue eyes pitying me and my ignorance. I wanted to hit him, make him say something that I understood.
He shook his head and sat against a tree, his hand rubbing his neck. Watching him, I understood one thing: I needed him.
“Show me,” I said, my voice trembling.
“Urgle—” Av started, eyes wide at the very idea.
Blaze had a knife out, his eyes following the blade as he thought. It glistened for a moment in the moonlight. I looked up through the crooked branches and shivered when I didn’t see the thick black smoke of the Fire Mountains. There was only naked, night sky. I’d never seen the moon before, a blotchy, pasty orb, alone in an expanse of empty blackness. Once I had Cubby back, I never wanted to see its blue glow again.
“A Beginners’ Temple isn’t exactly a place I want to be, Urgle,” he said.
If I could have killed him in that moment, I would have. It was his fault the Tunrar came, his fault Cubby was gone. And here he was telling me what he wanted or didn’t want? Searing hate pulsed through my flesh and I stomped on his ankle. He let out a snarl as Digger shoved me away from him and Av was by my side, arm out to hold me back.
“We helped you when you needed us!” I bellowed.
He looked at me, his eyebrow arched with amusement.
Av pressed harder against my chest to keep me back.
“I am a Brother,” said Blaze, revealing the ankle I’d slammed with my foot. His scar was almost white in the moonlight. “I’ll take you to get the boy back. But once I get you to that Temple, you’re on your own.”
“I’m going with you,” said Av.
A lump formed in my throat. He didn’t have to, but I was relieved Av would be with me.
“Uh, bad idea,” said Blaze, getting to his feet. “The Baublenotts are tough going. Keeping my eye on one of you is going to be hard enough.”
“I can take care of myself,” Av snapped.
“I’ll go,” said Digger.
Digger had the same opinion about Cubby as Fiver, though he wasn’t as vocal about it. What did he care if the little scroungee was dead? Surprised, I turned to face him, and when I did it all made sense. He was standing straighter than I’d ever seen him, shoulders back. He was showing off for Blaze.
“We don’t need you,” I spat.
“Makes more sense for me to go than Av,” he said. “It’s almost my Leaving Day. Better for you to have two grown men helping to get Cubby back than just one.”
Two men. What a moron.
“Crow, you have to go back, take care of Fiver.” Digger’s leader voice was out again. “And tell the others what we’re doing.”
So everyone knows what a hero you are, I thought.
“Crow?” said Av quietly. He was looking at his feet, kicking lightly at the dirt. “Would you look out for Goobs for me?”
I felt my stomach churning again. I hadn’t even thought of Av, what he was leaving behind in order to help me.
Crow nodded and Av patted his back in thanks. Then Crow turned to me and grabbed my hand. “Good luck, Urgle.”
I nodded, feeling the lump in my throat rising as he disappeared back into the shadows of the forest, back to the Ikkuma Pit, back home to the Brothers.
“Well,” said Blaze. “Ready?”
For the first time I was aware of a chirping sound all around me, the rustling of the trees in the darkness as the cold wind slithered through their branches. I shivered. I’d never been this cold. Even with my Brothers standing there with me, I was overwhelmed by the feeling that I was alone.