A Letter from Murmur Lee Harp to Charleston Rowena Mudd

July 21, 2001

Dear Charlee,
Here is the swan feather I promised. Be forewarned: This really works. An old celibate man in Jacksonville Beach clued me in. He blames the feather for his incessant faithfulness. By his own admission, he cheated on his wife with all the consistency of a serial killer until his wife threw the feather spell on him. He spent the first decade of his marriage as a philanderer and the last two as a model husband. In fact, he buried her three years ago and remains true. It’s sad, really, that this works so well. I mean, the old guy is never going to get laid again in his life.

Anyway, you have to sew the feather into his pillowcase. You can’t simply stick it in there. Do you know how to sew anymore? You’ve been up there so long, I suspect you’ve forgotten everything our mothers tried to teach us. I can see how that is both helpful and not. For instance, your mother, who was truly a dear woman—you know I loved her—was always insisting that you wear your hair short. That was wrongheaded. You’re a knockout when you let those curls kiss your shoulders.

Also, when do I get to meet this Nigerian? Like I said in this morning’s E-mail, you CANNOT marry until I have approved. I would give you the same courtesy. Bring him down here and let me meet him while the summer storms still rage. Don’t let this get past you. I know you. Once school kicks in, you’ll be too busy to even respond to E-mail. So book your flights and I’ll pick you up, and you two can have the house all to yourselves.

We’re having a bang-up summer, Charlee. Last evening, Dr. Z was still running around Hastings in his Roadmaster (I don’t believe he has cleaned it out, only added to the pile of crap, since you left here however many years ago), treating the migrants, and I took the liberty, as is my wont and his pleasure, to sit on his dock and sip my beer and watch the end-of-day glory unfold and settle. I was glad I did, because last night’s sunset turned out to be a rare breed of awesome. The magnolia leaves quivered in the waning light. The river glowed. The sky bloomed. The anvil clouds towering in the west over the hammock appeared to be lit from within. It was enough to make my heart break and put itself back together out of sheer joy: lilac, purple, orange, sage. This old world, I’m telling you, pulsed with the sun’s last gasp—ba bap, ba bap, ba bap—and then both sea and sky took on a golden glaze.

Just when I was thinking life couldn’t get any better, it did. A flock of terns rose from the river, spiraling up up up, a ribbon of black and white unfurling along a thermal. And then they disappeared. It was as if God had called them home.

What do you think of that? I’d really like to know. Also, if any of your professors would like to comment, I welcome their thoughts.

If the description of the sunset doesn’t do it, then perhaps this will entice you home: The dragonflies are in peak form. And you know what they say . . . a bountiful season of dragonflies makes for a healthy uterus. Picture you and your beloved sitting on Z’s dock—or my porch—quiet and beautiful and still—watching the dragons fly. Take right now, for instance. I’m on my back patio, writing this letter and am surrounded. They collide into one another—winged bumper cars—as they gorge on the mosquitoes, and with each collision, a faintly metallic whir strikes the air. I bet ants and cockroaches consider it to be a form of music, something akin to calypso.

So what do you think of my news about this guy I met? I mean, I’m a bit wary, yet ever so willing to throw every shred of caution to the wind.

My tendency toward behaving with abandon is fueled by my very real and reasonable desire for sex. I mean, it has been three months. I’ve done all sorts of spell casting. I even burned my pubes in a bird’s nest. That should have brought me major boom-boom action. But no! I’m still walking about like a nun!

So for no other reason than carnal desire, I’m tempted to go forward with this. He’s cute as hell. My pubes have grown back in. As good old Father Beaver used to say, “Perhaps this would make Jesus happy.” I’ll keep you posted. Love on the river should be very hot. I guess I ought to buy a new razor or get waxed. Or something.

I miss you, Charlee. Z misses you. Edith misses you. Lucinda misses you. The whole damn bunch of us do. So come visit before you get involved in all your books and God again. Besides, you know as well as I do, God isn’t up there. She left Boston ages ago.

Love you lots,
Murmur

P.S. I forgot to tell you, that poor swan! And poor me! The spell doesn’t work if you pick up a feather off the ground. You have to pluck it out of the poor bird’s butt. You’d better be sure you really want this guy.