A Letter Written by Father Matthew Jaeger to God, Never Mailed, Just Balled Up and Then Burned in the Rectory’s Kitchen Sink

Dear Heavenly Savior,
Oh blessed one from whom all grace flows, what have I done? What on God’s green earth have I done!

I made a total sniveling fool out of myself in front of Father Parisi, who, I’m sure, has already reported this directly to the new archbishop in Miami. Of course, he’ll tell Bishop Beaver immediately upon the latter’s return from his big fat Roman holiday.

No! No! No! He has probably phoned Beaver in Rome already. These things—these stupid, ridiculous, embarrassing foul-ups—are like viruses.

I’M PROBABLY BEING MADE FUN OF AT THE HIGHEST LEVELS OF THE CHURCH AT THIS VERY MOMENT!!!!

Oh dear God, what should I do? I was operating out of your divine goodness, and now I am a laughing stock! Give me a sign. Tell me how I should proceed. Must I endure this humiliation the rest of my days? Dear Lord, I am at prayer all the time. I am listening.

Your faithful servant,
Matt