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Personal Responsibility

Man is condemned to be free … because once thrown into the world, he is responsible for everything he does.

JEAN-PAUL SARTRE

One skill will be more crucial to your success, both in school and throughout your whole life, than anything else you can learn. It is the foundation of all successful people, and without it, achieving your goals and dreams is simply impossible.

This critical skill is the ability to take complete responsibility for yourself at all times. As a high school or college student, you are facing one of the first major turning points in your life. Until recently, your parents have had control over most of your life. They decided what you wore and ate, what you did, and where you went. They made sure that you got to school on time, that you did your school projects and homework, and that you got to sports practice and music rehearsals.

But now you have reached the point in your life where these decisions and many others have become your responsibility. Your ability to embrace this responsibility, completely and absolutely, will determine your academic and personal success. Personal responsibility and self-discipline are the key to greatness—and they are 100 percent in your power.

It’s All Up to You

So far in your life, taking responsibility may have been presented to you in a negative light. Perhaps as a child your parents impressed upon you the necessity of taking responsibility for your actions when you did something you have since learned is wrong. You may have unpleasant associations with these moments, feeling that taking responsibility is equivalent to a punishment.

In reality, nothing could be further from the truth! Taking responsibility is one of the best things about growing up. From this point forward, you get to make every decision and determine for yourself every action you take. Your life and choices are now your responsibility and in your control. Isn’t that wonderful?

Some things will always be out of your control. You cannot control things like the weather, the actions of other people, or even many of the requirements you will have to fulfill to graduate. Taking responsibility means refusing to get angry or resentful about things you cannot control. Instead, always focus on your own reactions. It is your reactions that are under your control. No matter what happens, you get to choose how you respond to every single thing that happens to you for the rest of your life.

For example, you may have to fulfill a set of requirements to graduate. You may dislike one or more of these requirements. However, if your reaction to the requirements is to ignore them or put very little effort into them, you will either fail to graduate or graduate with poor grades. If you instead react by taking complete responsibility for your performance in those classes, you will graduate with high marks and go on to great success.

The best way to deal with the anger and negative emotions you may feel when faced with a situation you cannot control is to replace the negative thoughts with positive ones. Neuroscientists have found that it is impossible to be angry when you accept full responsibility for yourself. Simply saying the phrase “I am responsible!” over and over to yourself will crowd out those negative thoughts. This will allow you to think positively about what you choose to do.

Try thinking “I am responsible!” right now. If you internalize this philosophy, there is almost nothing that will be out of your reach.

Taking Control of Your Education

As a young person reading this book, you are living in an unprecedented era of education in human history. The last fifteen years have seen the landscape of education in the United States change drastically to reflect a holistic focus on all dimensions of life.

A 4.0 GPA (grade point average) alone is no longer sufficient to secure access to many of the upper echelons of higher education. Volunteer experience, internships, musical or artistic endeavors, club and activity participation, student leadership, sports, and a myriad of other activities are all but required for admission to colleges, internships, and jobs. Trying to fit all these activities into your schedule can be overwhelming but also exciting. Remember—it’s all in your control!

You are responsible for what activities you choose, and you are responsible for how you manage your time. You may not want to tackle a certain challenge, or you may be so excited that you try to take advantage of every activity or opportunity presented to you. But no matter what you choose, remember that you are the one who gets to do the choosing.

Choosing how much time you spend on your classes and homework, how many activities you participate in, and when you work on each individual task will be your first experience with prioritization. You must learn to assess your deadlines, goals, and commitments and create a strategy that will ensure your success in everything you attempt. The chapters in this book will give you many tools for doing just that.

Refuse to Blame Other People

An unfortunate consequence of having our parents make all our decisions for us is that many people grow up feeling that if something goes wrong in their lives, someone else is responsible. But once you reach a certain age, this just isn’t true anymore. This shift happens in young adulthood, when you are in high school and college. This is a critical turning point.

The temptation to blame external factors is a strong one, especially since it is very common. You will witness many people around you—your peers and even adults in your life—engaging in this mindset. This is because blaming other people is much easier than taking full responsibility for ourselves. It is easy to think that someone else is the bad guy, and you are the victim.

Thinking this way inevitably leads to a spiral of excuses, guilt, and then more blame. When you are blaming others for your situation, it is impossible to take personal responsibility, and you lose all control over yourself and your choices. This is why blaming others will prevent you from achieving any dream you have for yourself or your future.

Resolve today to refuse to blame other people or external circumstances for your actions.

Taking Control of Your Own Life

Taking responsibility is hard and requires immense self-discipline, but it results in incredibly powerful rewards. There is a direct relationship between the amount of responsibility you accept and the amount of control you have over your life. The more you accept responsibility, the greater sense of control you will feel.

There is also a direct relationship between control and happiness. The more control you feel over your own life, the more positive and content you become. Personal responsibility is the fastest and most direct pathway to leading a life of fulfillment, contentment, and happiness.

Remember to say to yourself “I am responsible!” and repeat the thought over and over if you need to. Filling your head with this thought will help you overcome negative emotions that make it hard to make progress toward your goals. If you accept 100 percent responsibility 100 percent of the time and commit to using the tools in this book, you will become unstoppable!

EAT THAT FROG!

1.Think of a situation in your life right now that makes you feel frustrated and powerless. Say, “I am responsible!” to yourself at least five times. How do you feel?

2.Write down three ways that you can react to this situation that you have control over. Resolve to take action on these three things right away.

3.The next time you find yourself in this situation, use this exercise to reframe your circumstances and remind yourself that you are responsible and you have complete control over your own actions.