Chapter 23

 

Scott sat cross-legged in Buckeye Knob’s Tuesday night closing circle down by the lakeside. Songs of the campers drifted around him but his thoughts were on Vivian. They were having a late dinner as soon as circle ended and his last announcements were done. Dinner together had become a tradition for them now, and, admittedly, Scott looked forward to it every day. He had never thought that any one woman could keep him interested over any great length of time, but Vivian was the exception. The more time he spent time with her, the more he wanted to be with her. It amazed him continually. She had really gotten into his blood.

Their wedding date was set for early September. His mother and Aunt Mary were joyously working out all the details, and Vivian seemed glad to let them do it. For a honeymoon, he and Vivian planned a trip to Hawaii with a stopover to see familiar sites in California on the way back. Vivian thought she might use the material she gained in Hawaii and their travels for a book later on. Scott laughed to himself. Everything to Vivian was potentially book material, but Scott hoped he could provide some honeymoon entertainment that would take her mind off her writing for a while. He certainly planned more interesting things for himself than thinking about camp during those weeks. He’d fantasized about it all summer.

Later, Scott walked over to the farmhouse with a jaunty step, whistling a campfire song into the evening darkness. He slipped into the back kitchen door and found Vivian stirring something on the stove.

He came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her. “How domestic - the little woman at the stove.”

“If you consider comments like that romantic to me, you know you’re way off base.” Vivian’s reply was snappish and she struggled to get out of the grip he had on her. “You know I hate sexist comments.”

He laughed. “And you know I’m only saying them to get a rise out of you.” He nuzzled her neck, enjoying the floral scent of her cologne and some subtle undertone essence of one of Ellen’s soaps still lingering on her skin.

Scott took the big, wooden spoon out of Vivian’s hand and turned her around to kiss him. He loved to tease-kiss her - moving his lips lightly over hers, touching his tongue over her lips and teasing at her mouth, until their breaths heated up. Then the jolt would hit, the sizzle that always happened between them, and she would fall into him and begin to grow soft under his touch. That punch never failed to happen. Yet, it always amazed Scott and took his breath away when it did.

He deepened his kiss with Vivian now, loving her quickened breath and response, excited by the feel of her heart racing under his. Sexist or not, Scott loved the sense of power he felt in knowing he could move Vivian’s emotions, make her respond to him. He loved taking his time with her and drawing out her passions. Scott had always been a slow and competent lover, but he especially enjoyed prolonging his loving with Vivian. He had started learning all the special ways she liked to be kissed and touched over the summer. And he reveled in the knowledge that she wouldn’t be able to resist him when he finally took their loving to a deeper level. He looked forward to pleasing and amazing her.

“If you don’t stop this, I’ll burn our dinner,” she murmured against his neck.

“I like having dessert first.” He slipped his hands teasingly under her shirt to draw a little gasp from her.

She looked toward her cooking with concern, her mind diverted. “Was your day good?”

“It was.” Realizing she needed to finish their dinner, he loosened his hold on her and let her turn back to her pot on the stove.

“I’ve made a homemade soup for tonight.” She gave him a bright smile. “It’s Ruth Hart’s recipe. I know the weather is a little warm for soup, but it’s really wonderful. I hope it turns out all right.”

He took the spoon from her for a taste. “Ummm. Tastes good. Is it vegetable?”

“A vegetable beef – and thick, too - almost like a stew; so it’s hearty.” She passed him a smug look then. “I think I am getting rather domestic for a professor who seldom had time for more than TV dinners before.”

“I think so, too.” He lounged against the counter where he could watch her work. “But you know you don’t have to do a lot of cooking for me.”

“I know that. But it hurt my ego that you could cook better than me, Scott, so I’ve been working on it.” She wrinkled her nose at him mischievously.

“I hope that doesn’t mean that you won’t let me cook after we’re married.” He gave her a wounded look. “You know how I like to get in the kitchen.”

“We’ll trade out,” she promised him. “I’ve warned you that sometimes I get lost in my writing and forget the time. On those days, especially, you’d better get in here and cook or you probably won’t eat at all.” She laughed at that.

“I love the idea of being married to a famous writer.” He leaned over to kiss her neck again. “I’ll get to have my picture in the tabloids.”

She turned on him then, her eyes heated. “I hope you’re teasing about that, Scott Jamison. You’d really hate that.”

“Oh, I don’t know.” He purposely made his response sound casual, enjoying goading her. “It might be fun. I’ve never experienced being one of the rich and famous pursued by the press. It might be a novelty.”

“Well, Mr. Celebrity Seeker, eventually some journalist will track me down here.” Vivian flashed him an annoyed glance. “We’ll see how much you like having your life invaded and lies told about you then. They doctor their pictures, you know, and give you quotes you’ve never said. It can really be humiliating, Scott. They put a horrid photo in one of their magazines of me walking across campus with one of my students and suggested he was my lover. It was terrible.”

“I’m sure your Armitage colleagues loved that one,” he drawled.

Vivian heaved a sigh, getting upset just remembering it. “Fortunately, they never saw it. Tad told me about it, though. I went to the grocery stores in the area and bought every magazine I could find that had printed that story and trashed them all. I was so mad and so humiliated.”

“And couldn’t write for a week afterwards?” Scott couldn’t resist teasing her.

“Don’t make jokes,” she snapped back. “I was really upset, Scott.”

“You need to be less thin-skinned.” He heaved himself up to sit on the counter. “Not care so much what people say or think. It makes life easier, Vivian. Besides, stuff like that passes over quickly. People whisper and talk for a few days, and then they are off on some new seven-day wonder. I’ve seen it happen often in my own life.”

She passed him a disapproving look. “Yes, I’ve heard about some of the scandals you and your brothers got involved in when you were growing up. I guess you got used to notoriety with some of the tales I’ve heard.”

“Well maybe it’s a good thing you didn’t hear all those tales before we got engaged and started planning a wedding.” Scott reached over to pat her bottom. “Wanna give the ring back?”

Vivian gave him a shove. “No. But maybe I should put one in your nose.”

She looked at him more seriously then. “Scott, you won’t ever fool around on me after we’re married, will you? I know you have a big past with women, but I don’t think I could stand it if you started philandering, like Nancy’s husband did.”

“Nancy’s husband was an ass,” Scott said with a scowl. “Jamison men may sow their wild oats before marriage, but they are very faithful afterwards. Ask around.”

Scott noticed Vivian’s face still looked troubled.

“There is no one for me but you, Vivian.” He dropped down off the counter, gathered her up in his arms, and kissed her forehead tenderly. “And there had better be no one for you but me, either. I’m a one-woman guy now.”

She sighed in his arms then, comforted.

“You know,” she murmured against his neck, nibbling on his ear in a tantalizing way that started his blood racing again. “I’m starting to really look forward to our wedding night now.”

“Is that right? Well, if you don’t stop nibbling on my ear like that, I’m probably going to skip ahead to that time prematurely.” He pulled her against him and slid his hands down over her hips. As he did, that zing sizzled in the air between them.

She pulled back from him with a slow little smile and turned back reluctantly to the stove. “I never thought I was a very passionate woman before I met you, Scott,” she told him, while stirring her soup. “But you’ve made me have some of the most incredible and embarrassing dreams and fantasies.”

Scott grinned delightfully. “No kidding. Tell me a few.”

She kept her back to him, partly in embarrassment, he knew. “Well, let’s see. I’ve dreamed of us swimming together and bathing together and stuff like that.”

“Water fantasies.” He smirked and leaned back against the counter again. “I like that. I’ve had a few of those myself. I promise you we’ll try a few of those ideas out later on. What else have you fantasized?” He was intrigued.

“Woods dreams.” She turned her head to look at him, a blush stealing up her cheeks. “And you know I’m not as eager as you to sleep in a tent or under a tree, so I can’t figure out where those dreams are coming from.”

He came up behind her and ran his hands softly down her body. “I’ve had those, too. Those woods dreams make great bedfellows, don’t they, Vivian?”

“Is it normal to think about things like that, Scott?”

“More than normal,” he assured her with a chuckle. “It’s also normal to do them all as well.”

Scott heard her suppress a little gasp and loved it. He decided it was going to be wonderful to be married to an imaginative woman. There was no telling what her mind would come up with that would be absolutely delightful to try.

“I like a fertile imagination in a woman.” He said this in a whisper against her ear, running his tongue over her earlobe at the same time.

“Well, you’re in luck.” Her voice came out in a husky whisper. “Because I’m certainly an imaginative sort of person.”

They quit snuggling and teasing after a little while, and sat down to try Vivian’s soup. As they ate, they talked and visited comfortably and caught up on events and news of their day.

Later, they took iced tea out on the porch so they could watch the late summer fireflies flashing in the woods and around the lawn. Here in the dark they bared their hearts and talked about the deep things of life.

“Alice Graham came by to check on Sarah today,” Vivian told him, pushing the glider back and forth with one foot. “She stopped by over here since I was keeping Sarah for Ellen. She told me she thought she might have found a home for Sarah.”

“Well, that’s good.” Scott lounged back into an old porch rocking chair and propped his feet up on the rail. “She’s a good kid and deserves a really nice place. I’ll miss her.”

“Me, too.” Vivian gave him an engaging smile. “In fact, I realized as we talked that I didn’t want to let Sarah go. I talked to Alice about fostering her myself.”

Scott sat up straight in the rocker, dropping his feet from the rail and turning his full attention on Vivian.

He knew his voice was testy. “I think that’s the sort of thing we’re both supposed to talk about together now, Vivian. And not the kind of decision you just make on your own.”

“Well, that’s why I’m talking about it now.” She smiled at him again. “I told Alice I was sure you wouldn’t mind, that you were very fond of Sarah and good with kids.”

“You’re talking about this in the same way you might discuss getting a new puppy or something, Vivian,” he countered, his irritation rising. “Of course I’m fond of Sarah, but deciding to foster a child is a serious matter. You, of all people, should know that. Sarah deserves to go to a family that will think about not only fostering her but adopting and raising her as well. Like the experience you had with the Meros. I don’t think fostering Sarah for a little while longer would be the right thing for her.”

Vivian pushed the glider back and forth casually. “Well, I told Alice that after we were married that we could adopt Sarah. I’d want stability for Sarah, too.”

Scott was stunned. “And you were discussing all this and making all these decisions without even talking with me about it first?” He fidgeted in annoyance, having trouble sitting still in his chair. “That’s not the way married people do things, Vivian.”

She looked at him in surprise. “Well, we’re not married yet, Scott. And you weren’t here when Alice came by anyway. We got to talking and one thing led to another.”

“And you jumped in and offered to foster Sarah Taylor without even asking me how I feel about it,” Scott accused.

“I don’t know why you’re so upset, Scott. I’m talking to you about it now. And I’m asking you about it now.”

“Well, fine.” Scott got up to pace in exasperation across the porch. “And now that you’re asking me I’m telling you that I don’t think it’s such a good idea.”

“Why?” Vivian asked in that quiet, wounded voice Scott knew always meant trouble for him.

He struggled to control his anger and talk reasonably. “Because we’re just getting ready to be married, to go on a honeymoon, to start our lives together, to have time together as a newly married couple. It’s a special time in a marriage, a time to really come to know each other before a family is started. I want that.”

“But you want children, too, don’t you?” Vivian asked in a hurt voice.

“You know I do.” Scott sat down in the glider beside Vivian and put his hand over hers. “I have fantasies about you holding our babies, about the two of us laughing down into their faces together, about us walking along holding their little hands in ours. I’m a sentimental guy, Vivian.”

“But we could make room in our hearts for Sarah, too.” Vivian put her other hand over his and gave him a wistful look. “We could love her and still have children of our own.”

Scott studied her then. She was getting that serious set to her face that indicated she wasn’t going to give in easily to argument.

“Listen, Vivian,” he offered. “It’s one thing when you wheedle me into taking Sarah and Chelsey to Dollywood for the day when I’d rather just be with you, but it’s entirely another thing for you to try to wheedle me into adopting a child when I’m not even married yet. This is simply not some place I want to go, Vivian.”

He got up to pace again, stopping to lean against the porch railing to look down at her on the glider.

“I know you’ve gotten attached to Sarah, Vivian. I’ve seen it.” He kept his voice casual. “With the girls not in school, and with you and Ellen doing so many things together with the girls, it was bound to happen. With your past, it would be easy for your heart to get overly involved in this matter. You know that.”

He turned to sit down beside her and take her hand.

“I love you, Vivian,” he said with sincerity. “And I want above all things to make you happy. But I don’t think this idea is right for us now. We’re just starting out as a couple. We can have our own children. Probably the family that is wanting Sarah can’t have children at all. They probably really need her.”

“Alice says they have one child. They just can’t have another.” Vivian dropped her eyes. “They think Sarah will round out their family.”

“Well, you see? She’s needed there.” He patted her hand. “They’ve been married a while, Vivian. They’re already into children and that stage of their lives. She’ll be loved there. I’m sure Alice wouldn’t have decided on any family that wouldn’t be right for Sarah.”

“But I love Sarah, Scott. And she loves me,” Vivian pleaded. “Don’t you understand? Haven’t you seen it? We have a connection. We’re meant to be together. And Sarah loves you, too, Scott. She worships you. She wants to stay here. She loves Ellen and Quint and Chelsey, too. She needs to stay here with us.”

“Look, Vivian.” Scott tried a reasonable approach. “At the end of every camp session, half of my kids bawl and squawl that they don’t want to go home. They want to stay with the camp and their counselors forever. They weep over the friends they’ve made, they cry over parting from the staff. Then they go on home, readjust, and everything’s fine. Every summer, I want to keep about half those kids. And every summer, I always fall in love with some special child at the camp. Some kid always really gets in my heart. But at summer’s end, I say goodbye. And we all move on. When Sarah goes to her new family, we’ll all move on, too. You’ll see.”

“It’s not the same.” Vivian started to cry then. “I can’t let her go, Scott. I can’t. Can’t you see that this is something I need?”

Getting irritated now, Scott opted for honesty. “Can’t you see that this is not something I need or want? I matter in this, too, Vivian. This is both of our lives we’re talking about here. I like Sarah. I really do. I’m genuinely fond of her. But I don’t want to become a father right now. I’ve just gotten my mind settled that I want to become a husband.”

“And what if I decide that I will foster Sarah anyway?” Vivian insisted, a little testily now. “I’m not married yet, Scott. I don’t have to do what you say. Alice says that with my education and my financial situation I’d have no trouble becoming a foster parent to Sarah.”

Scott looked into Vivian’s eyes, noting the challenge there. Anger flared in him along with hurt.

“You’re right, Vivian,” he announced flatly. “We’re not married yet. You can still do whatever you want and the heck with me if I don’t agree or see things as you do. That’s a choice you can make. In fact, that’s the kind of choice couples make every day that often hurts and breaks up their relationships and their marriages. Couples have to work out their differences together to have a successful relationship. They have to compromise.”

“And your idea of working this out is for me to do all the compromising and give up Sarah and break my heart?” she demanded, her own anger flaring up now.

“You’re turning this into a purely emotional matter, Vivian, and trying to turn me into the enemy because I don’t want to adopt another person’s child just as I’m getting married for the first time.” Scott tried to stay reasonable and calm.

He came over to sit down by Vivian again and put his hand gently on her face. “Stop and think this through, Vivian. The one thing we both want here is the best solution for Sarah. Maybe the best answer is for her to go into a family where both the mother and the father are eager and ready to have her. Into a family where the couple has been married for a long time already. Where there is another child.”

“And maybe the best thing is for her to stay with me,” said Vivian stubbornly.

She looked up at Scott then with a tear-streaked face. “Don’t make me choose, Scott. I love you both too much.”

Stunned, Scott stared into her eyes. “You’d choose fostering this child over marrying me?” He found the idea even difficult to put into words.

“You’re bringing it to that for me.” Vivian lifted her chin defiantly.

“No,” Scott said, standing up now, almost shaking. “You’re bringing this to that point yourself, Vivian. You committed to me months ago. Took my heart. Took my ring. Gave me your promises and pledges before God. And now you’re adding new conditions to that commitment. Wanting to add amendments.” He paused to take a breath. “Well, listen clearly, Vivian. I proposed marriage and meant it with all my heart. I didn’t propose fatherhood. I want some time before I’m ready for that. I don’t want to start my married life with both a wife and child. If that sounds harsh to you, I’m sorry for that. But this wasn’t in our original agreement.”

“I didn’t know I would fall in love with Sarah, too, along the way,” Vivian protested. “It just happened. Won’t you think about changing your heart about this?”

She was weeping profusely now, but Scott found his heart wasn’t moved.

“I only want to be with you right now, Vivian.” He looked down at her. “And I believe it’s best for us and for Sarah that she go on to this other family. We can go meet this couple Alice has found if it will make you feel better. We can have Sarah come to us for visits. Surely, Alice would let us do that.”

“She said she would,” Vivian admitted, sniffing. “But I want more. I don’t want to let Sarah go. I can’t, Scott. I just can’t. I believe it was destiny that she came when she did, met me and you and all of us when she did. Don’t you remember? The first time I met her she was even wearing fairy wings. It was meant to be.”

“It’s a pretty story you’re weaving, Vivian. You’re always persuasive with words. But the ending you’re weaving isn’t right for me. And I honestly don’t think it’s right for Sarah.”

He started off the porch then.

“I’m going home now, Vivian. I don’t want to talk about this any more tonight. If you feel you’ve got to make some kind of dramatic life choice and pick a foster child over a husband, then so be it. I’ll get over it in time, I’m sure. You haven’t given me much choice or thought in all of this, anyway.”

“Scott, please,” Vivian started.

“No, Vivian.” Scott turned back toward her coldly now. “Don’t start. Taking on a child is a serious commitment. And I’m not ready. So don’t ask me anymore. I want our own children some day, but not a child right now. You’ve asked me, and I’ve told you as honestly as I can. I’m sorry you don’t like my choice or respect my feelings. But I can’t change them. And I don’t want to. I think it’s wrong of you to ask me to. I don’t know what else to say to you.”

As he walked home through the dark, Scott’s anger simmered and grew. He couldn’t believe Vivian would pick a child she’d just come to know over him. That she’d threaten not to marry him if he wouldn’t agree to foster and adopt Sarah Taylor. For God’s sake. What sort of woman was she? And what new side of herself had she hit him with now? The way he was hurting at the moment, he wished he’d never even met her.