Chapter Fourteen

Nick woke slowly, inhaling the smell of freesia. Earlier, when he’d woken to ditch the condom, Andi had been curled on her side, fast asleep.

Moonlight no longer bathed the bedroom in ethereal light, and the room was dark. He hadn’t meant to fall asleep, but after being up for two days straight and then having the most amazing sex with the woman he—

The woman I what?

He wasn’t sure how to answer his own question. He did know it hadn’t been just sex.

After getting over the numbness Tanya’s death had left in his heart, he’d had plenty of sex, but this was different. It went far beyond a casual hookup.

No matter how hard he’d been fighting it, he had to face facts. He might be falling for her, and it scared the hell out of him.

If the woman he loved died…if he couldn’t protect her…he’d never be able to handle it again. There was still a mission to complete, and he wouldn’t stop until it was done. But that didn’t keep him from wanting Andi or worrying for her safety every waking moment.

She probably hadn’t gotten much sleep, either, but the need to touch her again was overwhelming. Turning on his side, he reached for her. Her side of the bed was empty. And cold.

He bolted upright, searching the darkness.

“Andi?” He heard the caged panic in his voice. “Andi.”

He flung back the sheet and leaped from the bed. His heart pounded as he shoved his legs into his jeans and grabbed his gun and his phone, clipping the phone to his belt. If anything had happened to her because he’d let himself fall asleep…

“Fuck,” he growled, then quietly padded down the stairs, gun extended. “Andi?” he called softly. No answer.

Leading with the gun, he did a quick search of the living room and the small office. Through a window, he glimpsed the patrol car outside on the street and two shadows in the front seats. Next, he cleared the kitchen. That’s when he saw her through the window, standing on the porch and peering through the telescope. Saxon and Stray snuggled together in a corner by the back steps. Stray’s eyes were closed while Saxon maintained a watchful eye on Andi. The only thing out of place was the air mattress he’d used for Saxon’s training, which he’d propped against the side of the house. It now lay on the porch in front of the door.

He exhaled a shaky breath, then waited a moment for his heart to slow before setting his gun and cell phone on the counter and opening the screen door. It creaked, and when she turned to him, his heart began thudding again, but not from panic or fear. Something else was wreaking total havoc with that muscle in his chest. He wasn’t prepared to acknowledge what it was, but his brain began flashing with images of his future. One filled with love and companionship. The other with darkness and solitude. Which way it would go was anybody’s guess.

Crickets chirped in the distance, and the air was still warm.

“Good morning,” she said, smiling.

He couldn’t move. Couldn’t speak. Standing there in her bare feet, wearing his black T-shirt, she was the most beautiful, desirable woman he’d ever seen. And she’d scared the piss out of him.

“What are you doing out here?” His words came out unintentionally harsh.

“I didn’t want to wake you.” She turned back to the telescope and adjusted its position. “I’m looking for the Perseids.”

“The what?”

“Meteor showers,” she answered without turning around. “The Perseids are the most prolific meteor showers to hit the earth. The best time to view them is in mid-August, between midnight and dawn.”

“Do tell.” He sidestepped the air mattress and wrapped his arms around her waist, pressing his chest to her back and his lips to her ear. It took another few seconds for his racing heart to slow. “I didn’t think you needed a telescope to see meteors.”

“You don’t. They’re visible to the naked eye, but if you’re lucky enough to catch one through the scope, it’s even more exciting.” She angled the long metal tube in a different direction. “During peak activity, sixty or more come down every hour.”

He nipped at her earlobe, grazing it with his teeth. “Aren’t you afraid of getting hit in the head?”

“Um, no.” She lifted her head from the ocular, tilting it to give him better access to the soft curve of her neck. “Most burn up in the atmosphere…” He ran his tongue along the creases of her ear, loving how she shivered in response. “Long before they get close,” she continued in a breathy voice as he trailed his tongue farther down her neck.

He slipped his hands beneath the T-shirt, hiking it higher and stroking the flat planes of her belly, confirming what he suspected. Other than the shirt, she was totally naked.

Stroking higher, he cupped her breasts, rubbing his thumbs across her nipples until they hardened to tight little peaks. “It turns me on when you go all astronomical.” The erection straining at his zipper was proof of that, along with the blood racing at light speed through his veins.

“It does?” She released the telescope and leaned back against him.

He continued his ministrations, getting crazy turned on as she wriggled her buttocks against his erection.

“Yeah, it does,” he whispered against her ear, then stroked down her belly, moving his hands to cup the perfect, rounded globes of her ass and squeezing them lightly. “Keep talking.”

“I…can’t think straight,” she murmured, beginning to shiver, “when you…do that.”

“That’s the idea.” He pressed his lips to her ear again, loving that she found his touch so distracting. “Is Andromeda really the name on your birth certificate?”

“Yeesss,” she said on a breathy sigh. “I was thinking about having it tattooed on my ass.”

“Don’t. Your ass is perfect the way it is.” He gave her buttocks another gentle squeeze. “Raise your arms.” When she did as he ordered, he yanked the shirt over her head, then tossed it aside and began stroking her breasts. “Tell me more.”

“Well, uh…” She gave a deep sigh of pleasure that drove him crazy with the need to get inside her again. “Did you know that Andromeda is one of the largest constellations?”

“A beautiful name for a beautiful woman.” He gently pinched her nipples, and she groaned.

“You think I’m beautiful?” She covered his hands with hers, urging him on.

“I thought you were beautiful the first time I saw you. In the shower. Washing your dog and wearing about five square inches of bathing suit.” He chuckled. That vision was permanently seared into his memory. “Now, I think you’re the most stunning woman I’ve ever seen.”

Before she could respond, he clasped her hands, drawing them upward to link her arms around the back of his neck while he continued stroking her quivering body, pushing his erection against her backside. “Keep talking, sweetheart.” His fingers delved lower, seeking out the warm, moist folds between her thighs.

“In Greek mythology, Andromeda was the daughter of Cassiopeia.” As he pushed one finger inside her, she sucked in a breath. “Andromeda was…chained to a rock to be eaten by the sea monster, Cetus, to…pacify the monster’s craving for human flesh.”

“Speaking of flesh…” He swirled his finger over and around her swollen folds, getting more excited by how wet she was. “So, your parents named you after a poor woman who was fed to a monster?” He pushed two fingers inside her heat and began pumping them in and out.

“It was either that, or…” She rocked against him, taking his fingers in deeper. “…be named after the eleventh brightest star in the sky.”

“What’s that?” Christ, she really was turning him on. He was so hard beneath his jeans he was on the verge of exploding.

“Betelgeuse.”

He laughed and used his other hand to spread her slick folds apart, rubbing her swollen clit while he continued pumping his fingers in and out.

Her breath came faster, her body tightening around his fingers. “Did you know that Sirius—the brightest star in the sky—is also called, um, the ‘dog star’?”

“I did.” He began kissing her shoulder, loving her taste, her smell, and…everything else about her. “It’s in the constellation Canis Major. That’s it, come for me, baby.”

Her channel squeezed his fingers. When she cried out, he turned her chin toward him, capturing her mouth with his and absorbing the rest of her cries as her body convulsed around him. The last thing they needed was for the patrolmen out front to hear her scream and come running.

And if he didn’t get inside her, he really would erupt in his pants.

He yanked down his zipper, thankful he’d crammed the remaining condoms into his pocket. With fumbling fingers, he ripped open one of the packets and quickly rolled on a condom. He turned her around, then lifted her, spreading her legs as he lowered her onto his aching cock. She linked her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck.

He growled with barely controlled restraint, desperate to last longer, knowing he wouldn’t. “Jesus, baby.” With his hands at her waist, he raised and lowered her onto him as she arched her back. Pert nipples beckoned to him, and he caught one between his teeth, sucking it into his mouth.

Turning, he lowered her to the mattress and began thrusting more forcefully. Her legs were linked over his ass, gripping him, holding their bodies tightly together. Their breathing became labored as he held himself back, clenching his teeth, wanting to make her come again before he did.

“Can’t hold out…” His body strained above hers, his muscles strung tighter than a rubber band. His entire body was primed, screaming for release.

He kissed her as she came again, absorbing her cries while she convulsed around him, arching her breasts upward. Nick came hard and fast, pushing deeper as he exploded inside her.

Moments later, a sense of utter contentment enveloped him like a warm caress. Lowering to his elbows, he rested his forehead in the valley between her breasts. His breathing and heart rate took another full minute to slow. When he pressed a kiss to her chest, her heart thudded against his lips.

They lay that way for several more minutes, basking in the silence. Finally, he lifted his head. Her eyes were closed, her smooth skin glowing in the moonlight. As he gazed down at her, he couldn’t summon any words that could come close to describing the strong emotions gushing over him. He’d never been a poet or one for flowery declarations, but making love to Andi outside under the stars had been one of the most beautiful, memorable moments of his life. And there was no way in hell she was in league with a gun dealer. He’d know it if she were.

He threaded his fingers through her hair, loving the silky softness against his calloused hand. He could get used to this. Being with her. Touching her. Making love to her. But there was still so much between them.

A warm breeze picked up, fluttering her hair against his arm. Even if she was officially crossed off the suspect list in the next five seconds, could he ever love again?

He honestly didn’t know. The only thing he knew for sure was that he was standing on the edge of a steep precipice he’d only fallen from once before in his life.

…

Andi opened her eyes to find Nick watching her intently, his brows lowered. The look on his face was a combination of determination and something else. Did he have misgivings about what they’d just done?

A lump of anxiety the size of a softball settled in her chest. In all likelihood, their relationship had no place to go. Too late to turn back now. Because, without intending to, she’d already begun opening her heart to him. At this point, she had to let the chips fall wherever they were meant to be.

Remember your vow. No regrets.

Unable to meet his gaze a moment longer, she glanced at the corner of the deck, relieved to find Stray resting comfortably. Saxon lay a few feet away, snout pressed to the deck but ever alert, his golden eyes glinting in the moonlight.

She didn’t know what to say or do. The last impression she wanted Nick to have of her was that of a clingy girlfriend who wasn’t even officially his girlfriend. She didn’t know if she was his anything.

“Did you know that Sirius is twenty times brighter than the sun?” she asked, hating the awkward silence.

He grinned. “Nope.”

“Or that the only things in the sky brighter than Sirius are a few planets and the International Space Station?”

“Who knew?” He brushed a lock of hair from her face, tucking it behind her ear.

She shivered, wishing he could touch her that way every night for the rest of their lives. “I bet you don’t know why the time period between July third and August eleventh is called the ‘dog days.’”

“You’d win that bet.” His grin morphed into that lopsided smile she’d begun to love.

“Ancient astronomers believed,” she continued, embarrassed by the unsteadiness in her voice, “that the combination of the sun during the day and Sirius at night was responsible for extra heat in midsummer.”

“You’re nervous again.”

“Am not.” She pouted, not willing to admit that he was making her more nervous than when she’d lost her virginity.

“Are, too.”

She’d been about to deny his accusation, when he lowered his head and gave her a slow, sweet kiss, one that had her body quaking with need all over again. He lifted his head, then eased out of her and shifted so they were lying on their sides facing each other. He was watching her in a way that made her insides melt, but she wasn’t a starry-eyed teenager. That look didn’t mean this was anything more than sex to him. Great sex.

“Did you know—”

He rested his finger on her lips. “As much I enjoy hearing you quote astronomical factoids, I’d rather hear something about you.”

“Me?” She widened her eyes. “You ran a complete background check on me. You probably know everything there is to know. My date of birth, my social security number, my employment history, where my bank accounts are located, even my associates for the last twenty years.”

He laughed, swirling his fingers in slow circles on her shoulder. “Not statistical information. Why did you and Myer really split?”

“A lot of reasons.” Ones she wished had been clearer at the time. “Mostly we outgrew each other. Which, I suppose, means we weren’t meant to be together. At least, not meant to be anything more than friends.”

“You broke up with him?”

“Yes.” It had been the right thing to do, and she’d thought he’d gotten over it, until hearing his recent and unexpected declaration of love. “I sensed he was on the verge of proposing, and by that time I already knew we were done.”

“Didn’t you want to have children?” he asked. “I see how much you dote on every baby who rolls into the DPC.”

A warm feeling bloomed inside her at the thought of giving birth to her own child, but it was fleeting. She could still remember the doctor’s words as he told her she’d never carry a child. Swallowing the rising lump of sadness in her throat, she took a deep breath. “I did want children, but I can’t have any.”

“I’m sorry.” He tenderly skimmed his hand up and down her arm.

“Yeah, well…” She averted his gaze. “At least I don’t have to worry about birth control.”

He grunted, and a wistful expression came to his eyes, leaving her wondering as to its source.

“After Joe and I broke up, I tried dating again,” she continued. “I even gave the online scene a whirl.”

He grimaced. “How’d that go?”

“Not well.” She grimaced back. “I know it works for some people, just not for me. Maybe I’m a sucker. My track record for seeing through people’s crap to know who and what they really are isn’t so good.” She sighed. “Even Joe isn’t who I thought he was. Turned out there was a side to him—the criminal side—that he apparently kept to himself. And what he did with my bank account… I never thought he’d use me like that. I didn’t know he had that in him. Although after what happened to me in New York I—”

Woops. She bit her lower lip. Didn’t mean for that to slip out.

His brows lowered, and he got that familiar hard-ass cop look on his face. “What happened in New York?”

“Nothing,” she started to lie. Then again, it had been years, and maybe it was time to get over it. “Someone I thought cared about me—someone I trusted—lied to me. He hurt me, and he undermined my position at the company I worked for.”

Nick’s hand stilled on her arm. “Hurt you how?”

“It doesn’t matter anymore. It’s in the past.” Please don’t ask me more about it. The last thing she wanted was to ruin this moment by reliving the most hurtful, humiliating time in her life.

He stared intently at her a moment longer, then, as if sensing she didn’t want to discuss the matter further, nodded. “As for Joe, don’t kick yourself so hard for missing what he was capable of. In my line of work, I’ve seen how good people can be at hiding things. Even from the people they love,” he added.

She wasn’t sure if his last comment related to his job or his personal life. She was tempted to ask but didn’t. “Unfortunately, I don’t have access to complete personal, financial, and criminal histories the way you do.” She touched her finger to his chest. “I prefer getting to know someone organically. Naturally.”

He arched a brow. “You mean the way you and I met?”

She arched a brow back. “There was nothing natural about how you and I met.”

“I suppose not.” He grinned at her.

There were so many things she wanted to know about him. One thing in particular was difficult to ask, but she had to. “Do you have any children?”

A deep line creased his forehead. “No.”

She waited, hoping he’d tell her more. Like how his wife had died. Whether he still grieved for her. Her insides were screaming for more information.

“I’m sorry.” She instantly regretted her question. “I shouldn’t have pried.” She tried pulling away, but he wrapped his arm around her waist, locking her securely against him.

“You,” he said softly, “could never be insensitive. I’ve seen you interact with your staff and customers. You don’t have an insensitive bone in your body.”

“Unfortunately, I have my moments. Like right now.” How she wished she could take back her question.

The night air filled with more awkward silence, and she feared their line of conversation had come to an abrupt end.

“Tanya—my wife—and I tried to have kids.” His eyes took on a faraway look. “She got pregnant three times but always miscarried. Twice in the first trimester. The third time early on in the second.”

Her heart ached for him, his dead wife, and their unborn babies. She couldn’t imagine what they both must have gone through. Losing a child would be far more painful than never being able to conceive one.

“Each miscarriage killed something inside her, and she began withdrawing from me. After the third time,” he continued, “she went into a deep depression. I couldn’t take what it was doing to her. I told her we should stop trying, and that we could adopt.”

“Tanya wanted her own child,” she murmured, inherently understanding what she must have been feeling. “She wanted a child from both of you.”

“Yeah, but she could never accept that it wasn’t going to happen for us.” His voice had turned bitter. “I tried to get her the help she needed. Got her to see a shrink. That only seemed to make things worse. Her depression kept spiraling downward. Every day became torture. For both of us. No matter how much I tried convincing her, she could never believe that I loved her regardless of whether or not we had kids. She asked for a divorce, but I refused to give it to her. In her mind, she was trying to set me free.” He shook his head. “Didn’t work.”

“What happened?” she whispered, starting to have a bad feeling where this was going.

He took a deep breath and raked his fingers through his hair. “It got to the point where she barely left the house anymore. I tried to get her to talk to her friends, but she refused. Then, she tried to kill herself.”

Andi couldn’t stop her soft intake of breath.

He paused and looked up at the early morning sky. “Her first attempt, she used pills. I found her and got her to the hospital in time to pump her stomach. A few months passed, then… I should have known something wasn’t right. One night, she was almost…happy. She made me dinner, told me she would always love me, then said good night and went to bed.”

Oh, no. This was going to be worse than she’d imagined.

“During work the next day it kept bugging me how she’d been acting the night before. I swung by the house to check on her.” When he stopped talking, there was so much despair in his eyes, her throat constricted until she could barely breathe. “I found her in the bedroom.”

She laced her fingers through his and squeezed his hand.

His jaw went harder than she’d ever seen it. “She’d shot herself in the head.”

“Oh, Nick.” Tears began welling in her eyes. “I’m so sorry.”

“She left a note. What she wanted most in the world was to have a baby. My baby. She finally accepted that it wasn’t going to happen but couldn’t live with it. In the letter, she apologized to me for being a failure. For not being complete enough as a woman to give me a child. No matter how many times I said it, she never believed me that we could be perfectly happy just being us.” He laughed bitterly. “To this day, I don’t know where she got the gun. The serial number had been filed off. It was an illegal gun off the street.”

That explains a lot.

She remembered the cold fury she’d seen in his eyes as he’d described the teenage girl who’d been struck in the head by a bullet during a drive-by shooting. It hadn’t been solely the girl’s death that he’d been reliving. It had been his wife’s, too.

“I loved her, but it wasn’t enough.” He began shaking his head, clenching his jaw. “I couldn’t give her what she wanted, then I failed to protect her when she needed it most.”

“No, Nick. No.” She rose on her elbow, stroking his cheek while her heart broke for him. On the outside, he was as tough as they came—a battle-scarred cop who’d seen the worst mankind had to offer. Inside, he experienced pain just like everyone else. Maybe more so, because there was a deeply ingrained protective core running through him. “There wasn’t anything you could have done. You said so yourself. She planned this so there’d be no opportunity to save her.”

“Christ, I do know that. Now.” He inhaled deeply then let it out. “Everyone else told me the same thing. Matt, Eric, Kade… We’ve all seen enough suicides to know that.”

“But this hit you personally, and it still hurts.”

When he cupped her face, his touch was gentle, but a muscle ticking in his cheek evidenced the tension brewing inside him. “The past is just that, but I need to do everything in my power to get illegal guns off the street. Everything. Can you understand that?”

As she nodded, a deep, biting cold settled in her heart at the fierce conviction in his eyes. She admired it and feared it.

Rising from the mattress, he peeled off the used condom, then zipped up his jeans and went to the door. Early morning light glinted on his rippling back and shoulder muscles. The screen door closed quietly behind him, and she was left with a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach.

No matter what he’d just said, his priorities were indeed still dictated by the past, and they were focused not only on his guilt but his burning need to succeed at his job.

She squeezed her eyes shut as overwhelming sadness and futility settled in her heart. For him, getting this gun dealer really was personal. As things stood, she doubted there was room in his life for anything—or, anyone—else.

A phone rang, and she stared at the door. It hadn’t been her phone. It was Nick’s.

The ringing stopped, and the rich timbre of his voice floated to her. She couldn’t quite make out the words but heard the angry tone of his voice.

A moment later, the kitchen light came on, and he pushed open the door. His face was tight.

“What is it?” She bolted upright, grabbing his T-shirt and pulling it over her head. The look on his face told her something had happened. “Is it Joe?” She held her breath. Was he about to tell her the gangs had caught up to him and he was dead?

“It was.” Gone was the tender look he’d given her while they’d been making love, along with every vestige of sadness and despair she’d seen only moments ago. In its place was the impenetrable man she’d first met, the one she didn’t know—the cold, hard, steely-eyed cop. “He’s turning himself in.”