When I pulled in front of Mama Liz’s house, Deanthony’s black Avalanche truck was parked behind her ugly, silver PT Cruiser. I mean, damn, I don’t know anybody black who drives a PT Cruiser. I parked in front of the house so I wouldn’t block anyone in. Judging from the black-and-white tag that was pinned at the rear of the truck, it was a rental. The aroma of ham hocks filled the summer air as I walked toward the front door. I could hear Judge Judy running her mouth from the flat-screen, fifty-inch LG TV that Kashawn bought her last year for Mother’s Day. The TV was so loud, I wouldn’t have been surprised that the whole neighborhood could hear it. Mama Liz came to the screen door, smiling.
“Tangela, hey, baby. Kashawn and Bree aren’t here.”
“Oh, I know. I’m actually here to talk to Deanthony about something.”
“Deanthony!” Mama Liz hollered.
“Huh?”
“Get up, boy, you have a visitor.”
“Who is it?”
“Why don’t you get your butt out of the bed and find out.”
Mama Liz cut me a smile like she was some sweet old woman, but everyone in the neighborhood knew she could get real ghetto if she wanted to be.
“How’s your mama doing, baby?”
Was she serious? We both knew that she didn’t give two shits about my mama.
“She’s doing all right. She’s coming home from the hospital on Thursday actually.”
“I’ve been intending to go see her, but I got sidetracked with Kashawn and Deanthony’s party.”
Intending to isn’t doing, I thought.
“Yes ma’am, I understand.”
“Lord, what’s taking that boy so long? Deanthony!”
He slowly crept around the corner, scratching his head like he had gone through hell and back. His low-budget ass was dressed to the nines in a white tank top, black, baggy basketball shorts, white socks, and black slippers, looking ghetto but far the fuck from looking fabulous. He squinted his eyes from the bursts of bright light of the afternoon.
“Is breakfast ready?” he asked, looking slightly disoriented.
“Boy, it’s one o’clock in the day. I called you half a dozen times to come down for breakfast, but you didn’t come, so me and your uncle went on and ate. I have some cornflakes in there you can eat.”
I grinned when Mama Liz said that.
“I’m not your housekeeper and this ain’t no bed and breakfast.”
“Okay, Ma, dang,” Deanthony said, acting like Mama Liz was like a gnat buzzing around his ear. He deserved the scolding he got after that shit he’d pulled with Bree.
“Don’t okay me. I better not go back there and find that room in a mess, either.”
Deanthony rubbed sleep out of his eyes as he stepped out onto the porch. “What up, shorty?”
“Let’s go out here to my car and talk.” When we got out to my ride, I lit into Deanthony’s black ass. “D, what the fuck was that shit you pulled on Saturday?”
“Don’t play dumb. Calling Bree, telling her that the reason you came back was for her.”
“I had to make it look good. I am an actor after all.”
“Should I be concerned?”
“About what?”
“I don’t want you fucking this up. You need to stick with the plan. I didn’t work this hard so you could throw a monkey wrench into this shit.”
“That you worked for? You need me more than I need you right now. I was making big things happen in L.A.”
“You mean selling your dick in West Hollywood for money? Those kind of big things?”
“Bitch, keep your voice down, damn.”
“ ’Cause of that dumb-ass stunt you pulled on Saturday, Bree might tell Kashawn about your little crank phone call. Even worse, she might come clean about everything.”
“She’s not going to say shit.”
“Oh, so just because you fucked her, you know what she will and won’t do?”
“You know what? You need to watch your tone with me, Tangela.”
“Oh, really? Well, why you don’t tell it to somebody who gives a fuck. Deanthony, I’m telling you, if you mess this up, I will make sure Mama Liz, Kashawn, and Bree see the big things you’ve really been doing.”
Before I could utter another syllable, Deanthony grabbed me by the throat.
“If I what, huh? If I what? I don’t know who you think you fucking with, girl, but I’m not the nigga to cross. Who the fuck are you, anyway, just some crazy psycho bitch pining after my brother who doesn’t want her.”
I struggled to snatch his hand away from my throat, but Deanthony was too strong. It was official. This fool had lost his mind, if he ever had one to begin with. “Get your fucking hands off me.” I could barely push the words up from my throat due to the tight hold from Deanthony’s kung-fu grip.
“Not until you and I come to an understanding that I’m nobody’s whipping boy I’m not some dog that you can kick around when he doesn’t do what you tell it.”
I felt inside my purse for something I could use against Deanthony. I yanked out my fingernail file and stabbed him in the arm with the only weapon I had against this gorilla of a man.
“Damn, bitch, are you crazy?”
He turned me loose. It took everything in me to keep from cutting Deanthony. A man puts his hands on me, I instantly see red. But Mama Liz had her eyes glued to us the whole time and I wasn’t trying to catch a murder case over Deanthony’s ashy-ass.
“You’re glad I didn’t plunge this in your throat. Don’t you ever put your grimy hands on me again, or someone’s going to the morgue.”
“I’m fucking bleeding,” Deanthony said.
“Shut the fuck up; it’s just a flesh wound. You’ll live.”
Mama Liz stepped onto the porch. “D, what’s going on out here?”
I eased my nail file back into my purse. “Nothing, Ma, we’re just talking.”
“Well, I heard you yelling out here. Are you all right?”
Fucking mama’s boy.
“Go on back in the house, Ma. I’m fine. Tangela and I are just talking.” Deanthony dabbed at the cut on his arm with the tail end of his tank top.
Mama Liz did what Deanthony told her, holding her eyes on me. If looks could kill, she would have slit a bitch’s throat.
“I don’t know who you think you’re messing with. Maybe you got me confused with some low-budget chicken head, but you got the wrong bitch today. I didn’t drive all the way over here on this ghetto-ass side of town to kick up shit with you. I’m trying to make sure we both get what we want. I get your brother and you get to ride off back to La La Land with Bree.”
“What the fuck makes you think I need you for that? I’ve stolen a long line of honeys from under Kashawn’s nose.”
“But Bree isn’t just any bitch. This is the woman you’re in love with.”
Deanthony laughed like he was crazy.
“What’s so damn funny?”
“You trying to sell me on Bree like she’s a damn frozen cup. Again, baby girl, I don’t need you to tell me how I feel.”
“Just remember our plan and don’t fuck this up for us.”
“Where’s the tape?”
“Do you think I would tell you, just like that?”
“I could just beat it out of you.”
“And you’ll never get the original.”
Deanthony looked at me, knowing I had him by the balls.
“Mama Liz’s doctor told her to take it easy after that mild heart attack she had last summer. I know. I was there when he told her, Kashawn, and Bree about the fragility of her health. It would just break her heart if she found out that her baby was a high-class escort. You know how Mama Liz feels about people like you.”
“You a low-level cunt bitch, Tangela.”
“Sticks and stones, baby boy. Just stick with the plan and I’ll give you all the copies and Mama Liz never needs to know about your sexual curricular activities.”
“And how the fuck do I know that you don’t have copies?”
“You’re just going to have to trust this low-level cunt bitch.”
Deanthony gawked at me like he was trying to stare a hole through me. He knew I had his ass between a rock and a hard place with both my hands wrapped firmly around his balls. “So you going to tell me what’s up or do I have to stand here looking at your fat-ass face all day?”
“You’re going to get Bree to go to dinner with you.”
“You saw the look on her face at the party when I walked in. She can’t stand the sight of me.”
“That was just her being a drama queen as usual. Like I told you before you came back to Tallahassee, she still has feelings for you.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“I’m only her best friend. She tells me everything.”
“Like what?”
“Things aren’t going so well between her and Kashawn. Bree says he’s been stressed out at work. Look, you can’t mention this to Bree, but…”
“What? Spit it out.”
“She tells me that Kashawn’s been coming home drunk at crazy hours of the night.”
“Kashawn doesn’t drink that much.”
“How do you know? You’ve been M.I.A. for three years. You have no idea how bad it’s gotten. She told me about his temper, too, which obviously is a trait you both possess.” My little white lie I was feeding this fool was quickly going from snowball to runaway boulder.
“I don’t hit women, just skank, manipulative bitches like the one standing in front of me.” He added, “Does he hit her?”
“She has come to me with bruises on her face.”
“I’m going to kill him.”
Deanthony’s simple ass had taken the bait. Damn, I’m good.
“I advised Bree to leave him, to urge him to get some help, but you know how stubborn she can be. She claims that Kashawn doesn’t have a problem. She says that if she loves him hard enough, he’ll stop. I’m scared something bad is going to happen if they don’t get help.”
Deanthony was leaning against my Cadillac Escalade with his arms and feet crossed. “Everything was all good at the party.”
“That was all a put-on.”
I stood there, feeding him one lie after the next about Bree and Kashawn. I deserved an Academy Award for my performance. I could tell how heated Deanthony was getting. Now I wasn’t the only one he wanted to kill.
“I mean, no disrespect to your brother, but—”
“Fuck ’Shawn!”
I paused for a moment to let him stew under the white-hot fire of my lies.
“What’s the plan?”
“Kashawn doesn’t know it yet, but he’s going to cheat on Bree.”
“How do you figure that?”
“Her name’s Katiesha. She owes me a favor. This bitch can get anyone into bed and she’s got mad deep-throat skills.”
“I know her. Real low class. She’s got a place over on Pepper Drive. I hear she charges something like a grand an hour.”
I pulled out a fat ball of cash. “I got it covered. Trust.”
“So that’s why you want me to take Bree to dinner, so you can get Katiesha in their crib.”
“You’re not as dumb as you look.”
“And how do you expect Bree to come out with me?”
“Damn, Deanthony, if I have to think of everything, what the fuck do I need you for? Sweet-talk her, tell her you’re sorry for pulling that high school, crank-call bullshit you did, and that you want to make it up to her. Hell, take her out for doughnuts or something, just make sure you get her out of the house. You can be real convincing when you want to be, something people don’t know about you.” Flattery doesn’t just get you everywhere, but it gets weak-minded men like Deanthony exactly where you want them.
“So you ain’t trippin’ about this Katiesha chick fucking Kashawn?”
“It’s a small price to pay considering when this shit is all over, I will have your brother. I’m going to need you two to stay away from the house for a couple of hours. I’ll text you when it’s cool for you to bring her back.”
“You ain’t gonna do nothin’ crazy to hurt Kashawn, right?”
“Like I said, I’m just out here to make sure we both get what we want. After we lay the groundwork tonight in splitting Bree and your brother up, everything will be butter. After tonight, she’s not going to want to be in the same damn ZIP code as Kashawn.”
“You just make sure this shit doesn’t get away from you.”
“Quitcha bitchin’. I told you I have everything under control.”
“I’ll go by the house today and see what’s up with Bree,” Deanthony said.
“I’m supposed to be meeting up with Katiesha tonight with the money to discuss the details.”
“Let me know if she’s down or not.”
“Oh, she’ll be down once I stick this wad of money in her face.”
If Deanthony knew what was good for him, he’d stick to the plan. If he fucked me over on this, I was going to flour and deep-fry his ass, Tangela-style.