My heart was racing and my palms were drenched with sweat as Ma, Yvonne, and I rode the elevator to the fourth floor of the Leon County Courthouse. I was dressed in a charcoal-black Bill Blass suit, Ma in a white silk blouse and black skirt, while Yvonne sported black dress pants and a red, sleeveless blouse. We looked like we were on our way to church and I wished that was the case. Once we reached the fourth floor, I spotted Deanthony sitting on one of the benches, wearing a white dress shirt and navy blue slacks. It was uncanny how identical we were—at least on the outside anyway.
“Hey, Ma,” he said, wrapping his arms around our mother.
“How you doin’, baby?”
“What’s up, D,” Yvonne said.
“What’s up, cousin? Don’t think I’ve ever seen you look this good.”
“I’ll take that as a compliment,” she said.
“You just got here?” I asked.
“Yeah, about ten minutes ago.”
“Well, I appreciate you coming.”
“Thanks for calling to let me know what’s up.”
“Ma, why don’t y’all go on in,” I said. “I need to talk to Deanthony.” Ma looked at me, unsure as to what I was going to say or do. “It’s all right, Ma. Everything’s fine.”
Ma looked at me and then Deanthony before she went hesitantly with Yvonne to the courtroom where Bree was to be arraigned.
“How’s your lip?”
“Shit. It’s not like I didn’t deserve it.”
“Well, you give about as much as you get,” I said, pointing to the shiner over my right eye.
“Look, bro, I’ve given a lot of thought to that day at the homecoming party, and just all this crazy shit that has gone down since I’ve been back.”
“You don’t need to apologize. I had no business coming at you like that.”
“Bro, you had every right. Hell, I would have done the same thing if I was in your shoes. Look, you asked me why I came back to Tally and why I left like I did.” Deanthony sat down on the bench, looking as if he was ready to unload something that had been riding his back way too long. “I felt all my life that I’ve lived in your shadow. We’re identical twins, yeah, but Ma, I felt, always treated you like royalty. You’re the one who got straight A’s in school, who got the new car for getting into Florida A&M, while I always got the hand-me-downs, the crumbs, if anything at all. I got the belt across my ass while you got treated to ice cream.”
“You know Ma loves us both equally.”
“You could do no wrong in her eyes, but all Mama saw in me was wrong. And straight up, I started hating you for that. That’s why I left. I didn’t want that hate to eat away at me. Kashawn, I needed to find my own way, figure out what kind of man I wanted to be instead of this thug Ma always saw me as. I split to Los Angeles to see if I could make the acting thing work. The truth is, after a few bit parts here and there, I fell on hard times. I didn’t want to come back here just so you and Ma could say that y’all told me so. I really wanted to make things work in Cali.”
“D, what do you mean you fell on hard times?”
“I met some people at this party a producer was throwing. There was booze and drugs everywhere, mountains of coke, weed, booze, you name it. I was so fucked up that I couldn’t remember anything. I found out a week later that there was this sex tape.”
“What the fuck?”
“Yeah, I said the same thing when I saw the tape.”
“And you don’t remember any of that going down?”
“I swear on our daddy’s grave that I don’t. I had to pay a pretty penny to get all the copies of the tape and get the video pulled off of YouTube.”
“Damn, D.”
“So I came back home to get my life back on track.”
“So are you clean now?”
“Three months clean, knock on wood.”
“I wish you would have called me. I could have helped you.”
“What, clean up another one of my messes?”
“D, we’re brothers. That’s what brothers do instead of running away.”
Yvonne caught our attention when she whispered at us to come to the courtroom. “The judge is about to come in.”
“Well, I’m glad you’re home.”
“Right now, let’s keep this between me and you. I’m not ready for Ma to know what’s really going on.”
“And she won’t.”
Deanthony threw his arm around my neck as we walked like brothers toward the courtroom entrance.