“This guy’s named Snicket,” Jake said. “He’s the one who figured out that you’d been kidnapped, instead of just hiding out like we planned. He’s the one who figured out that you were locked up here and made us come and get you.” He looked at her wrists and the shackle. “Although it doesn’t seem like you needed rescuing, really.”
“It was an ordinary enough pin tumbler lock,” she said, gesturing to the shackle. “The trick was getting Flammarion to lend me a hairpin. But of course I needed you to come, Jake. I needed someone to open that hatch. And I needed someone to help me take this terrible man to the police.”
The building groaned again, and Dr. Flammarion squealed another cry for help, and now Cleo Knight was no longer calm. In two quick steps she tipped over the laboratory table and sent everything crashing to the floor. There was a shattering of glass and the squawking of electrical devices, and a puddle of liquid hissed and steamed on the floor. But Cleo Knight didn’t even flinch, a word for the usual reaction people have to a loud noise or an unfortunate event. I didn’t know what I had expected to find when I found this brilliant chemist. I suppose I had thought she might be quiet and shy, from all the time she spent in her bedroom working on a formula for invisible ink. But instead she kept walking toward the quivering man in the corner, and pointed a finger at him as furious as the bruise on her wrist.
“You’re a monster,” she said. It was an angry voice and a quiet voice, and it made me flinch. “You drugged my parents until they couldn’t think straight,” she said. “You destroyed the note I left for my parents and Zada and Zora. You vandalized my car and lured me into your clutches. You locked me down here and made me work on invisible ink so you could fill this clinic with children and continue your treachery. But that story is over now, Flammarion. You’ll never get your hands on my formula, and I’ll never rest until Stain’d-by-the-Sea is a proper town again.”
When I was eight, one of my instructors took us out to the woods to spend several nights. A friend of mine captured her first bat, and my brother learned how quickly wasps can get angry. But what I gained was a lesson the instructor taught me, that a wild animal, when cornered, may suddenly and desperately defend itself. This is why I try not to spend any more time outdoors than is absolutely necessary. Dr. Flammarion stopped his whimpering and turned around to face all of us, with a wide smile full of unbrushed teeth.
“This story isn’t over,” he said, and then for some reason he sneered at my muddy shoe. “You have no idea what you’ve gotten into. You call me a monster, but you have no idea what monsters are coming. You’ll never get your hands on Armstrong Feint. You’ll never get your hands on Hangfire. And before long we will get our vengeance on your puny, careless town. Now get out of my way. You’re just some uppity children, and I’m a fully grown adult with a friend who is good with a knife, and we are miles away from the police or anyone else who can help you.”
And then there was the sound of a siren. It was a wonderful sound, over the rain, even though I knew it was not a real siren and not a wonderful person making the sound. It is surprising whom you are happy to see when you are in a basement with a madman. The siren grew louder, and I heard the familiar rattle of the Mitchum station wagon. Cleo grabbed one of Dr. Flammarion’s arms, and Jake Hix grabbed the other. They dragged him up the ladder, and I walked behind them. It felt something like a very strange wedding ceremony, and the reception was held in the wrecked dining room, with the wind and rain as guests, the Officers Mitchum as the rabbi, and Stew Mitchum as a sneering flower girl, following his parents through the broken window to behold us.
“What is all this?” Harvey Mitchum asked sternly.
“This,” I said, “is Cleo Knight. She had been planning to work in secret on an important formula. And this is Dr. Flammarion, who abducted her so he could get the formula for himself. His accomplice, Nurse Dander, is around here somewhere. She has been provoked and might be dangerous.”
Mimi Mitchum peered at Cleo. “Is this true?” she demanded.
“Of course it’s true,” Cleo said, and gave Flammarion a shove toward the officers. “Nobody would make up something like that.”
“In that case,” Harvey said sternly to the doctor, “you’ll be on the next train to the city, where you will be imprisoned for your crimes.”
Her husband frowned at her. “What?”
“It was my turn to give the speech about being on the next train to the city. You got to say it to that Ellington girl.”
“Mimi, what difference does it make?”
“If it doesn’t make a difference, then—”
A piece of plaster fell from the ceiling to crumble at my feet, and the Colophon Clinic gave another mighty groan, as if it, too, were tired of the Mitchums’ bickering.
“Might I suggest we leave?” I said. “This building may very well collapse.”
For once the Mitchums did not argue, and soon Dr. Flammarion was the one in chains at last. He glared at the ground. Stew smirked at him. We hurried back through the empty halls of the clinic to the front door. I didn’t like the idea that this corrupt doctor would soon be cellmates with Ellington. Except she’s not there, I thought. The police were lured away, and Ellington Feint has picked the pin tumbler lock and is out of jail by now. I thought of her running across the lawn, and I thought of the statue she was holding. It will be a while, I guessed to myself, and I guessed correctly. It will be a while before you see her. And indeed my finger was entirely healed the next time I saw Ellington Feint, although I had other troubles.
At the front door it first looked like the Bellerophon brothers were riding a horse, but then I realized that they were sitting on Nurse Dander, Pip on the top half and Squeak on the bottom half, with their hands grabbing her thrashing arms and legs.
“We’re happy to see you,” Squeak said.
“It looks like you did good work,” I told him.
Pip shook his head. “Don’t worry about us. Worry about Moxie. She’s hurt.”
“Bad?”
“If it wasn’t bad, I wouldn’t mention it.” He nodded toward the far end of the room, and I ran to the girl lying on the floor. Her hat had come off and she was pale, with her eyes closed. There was a long red line down her arm, and it took me a moment to realize that it had been made with Nurse Dander’s knife. The weapon lay on the ground, next to Moxie’s typewriter. Anyone who thinks the pen is mightier than the sword has not been stabbed with both. I knelt by her and tried not to look at the wound.
“Moxie.”
Her eyes fluttered open. “You were right, Snicket,” she said, with a smile and then a wince and a frown. “This is dangerous work.”
“Does it hurt a lot?”
“That’s the wrong question,” she said, and closed her eyes again. “The question is, can you save me?”
“This girl needs a hospital,” I said to the others.
“This is the only hospital around here,” Jake Hix said, but Cleo hurried to Moxie and took a look.
“She’ll be all right,” the chemist said firmly, and in one swift gesture she tore one of the sleeves off her shirt. It was a new shirt, I could tell, one of the many fashionable items worn by the daughter of the wealthiest family in town. Now it was a bandage, and Cleo tied it expertly around Moxie’s arm. “See what you can find in those rooms we passed,” she said firmly to her sweetheart, and Jake hurried back out of the room.
Moxie opened her eyes. “You’re Cleo Knight,” she said weakly. “What did Dr. Flammarion want? Who was behind the plot to kidnap you? When will—”
“Shh,” Cleo said.
“This is Moxie Mallahan,” I explained, “a journalist and an associate of mine.”
“I’ll answer all your questions, Moxie,” Cleo promised, “as soon as we fix up your arm.”
There was a rush of cold air, and I saw that the Officers Mitchum had opened the front doors of the clinic. Stew Mitchum gave me a glare and then skipped down the stairs as perkily as he could. The officers started to follow, lugging Dr. Flammarion and Nurse Dander, who was now also in handcuffs. “Looks like we have the culprit and the accomplice,” Harvey Mitchum said to me.
“The real culprit’s not here,” I said. “Hangfire escaped a little while ago.”
“Who’s Hangfire?”
“Skip it,” I said.
Mimi glared at me. “Don’t tell my husband to skip it.”
“I can handle this, Mimi.”
“Like you handled the drive over here? That was the bumpiest ride of my life!”
“Don’t insult my driving!”
“Don’t insult me!”
“Could you please,” Nurse Dander said, “take us to jail now?”
The Mitchums escorted the criminals out the door, and the room was quiet. Pip and Squeak brushed off their clothing and stood up to shake my hand.
“I appreciate your help,” I told them, “although I’d like to ask another favor.”
“Name it,” Pip said.
“In the back of the building is a spiral staircase,” I said. “At the top is a room with a broken window, and somewhere in that room is an old-fashioned record player. It was on a bed stand, but Hangfire hid it right before I came in. Please take it, along with all those papers on the desk, to Black Cat Coffee and put it in the attic. There’s a cupboard there that’s larger than it looks.”
Squeak frowned. “Who wants all that stuff? Another associate of yours?”
Moxie opened her eyes and watched me carefully. “I wouldn’t call her that,” I said, and then Jake Hix came running into the room with an armful of bottles.
“This is all the medicine I could find, Cleo,” he said. His sweetheart took the bottles from him, and after quickly examining the labels, she grabbed two and began to mix their contents together. Another piece of plaster fell to the floor, and I was tempted to ask Cleo to hurry, even though she was hurrying.
“Will Moxie be OK?” I asked instead.
“It’ll be a few days before she can type,” Cleo said, nodding at the typewriter, “but she’ll be fine, Snicket. Let me work. I can heal a cut. Chemistry is a branch of science dealing with the basic elementary substances of which all bodies and matter are composed.”
“I never found it interesting until now,” I said.
“Hopefully, the whole town will find it interesting before long.”
“How close are you to finishing the formula?”
“I don’t know,” Cleo admitted. She peeled back the bandage and began to dab her concoction on Moxie’s cut. The journalist winced, and I reached down to hold her other hand. Nobody should feel pain all by themselves. “I thought I was close a few nights ago and tested it out in my bedroom, but it didn’t work.”
“I know. I tested it myself.”
“Well, perhaps my luck will change. I’ve set up a laboratory in a small cottage right where the sea used to be.”
“Handkerchief Heights?”
“That’s the one. It’s a good location. Some of the ingredients I need can be found near Offshore Island, just a short hike from the cottage.”
“Maybe the Coast Guard can help you,” I said. “I think they’re the ones who ring the bell when it’s time to don masks.”
“I have a theory,” Cleo said, “that the masks aren’t for a scientific reason at all. They’re just superstition—another fading myth in this town.”
“Like the Bombinating Beast,” I said.
“Or Colonel Colophon,” Jake Hix said. “He was supposed to be a brave war hero, but he turned out to be a villain.”
Moxie shook her head. “Hangfire is the villain,” she said. “The real Colonel Colophon must be somewhere else.”
I opened my mouth and didn’t say anything. There was no reason to mention the window in Hangfire’s room, which had already been broken, or the swimming pool that churned under it. I just closed my mouth and frowned at Moxie, and Moxie frowned back, and Cleo frowned at Moxie’s arm.
“I’ve got to get that formula finished,” she said. “It’s a puzzle, but I’ve got to solve it. Invisible ink that actually works could make Ink Inc. a successful company again. We could save this town from all the people who want to destroy us. I’ve got to do it myself. I told my mother and father that, in my note. I love them, but my parents have given up on making things better.”
“So have mine,” Jake said, and the Bellerophon brothers nodded too. Even Moxie nodded in agreement.
“You’ll need help,” I said.
“I have help,” she said, smiling at Jake and then at the entire room. It was the first time I had seen Cleo Knight smile. It was a good smile. I could see why Jake had fallen for the girl who smiled it. Pip and Squeak gave me a wave and left the room to gather Ellington’s things, and Jake went to fetch the Dilemma. Everyone had something to do. I started down the steps.
“Where are you going, Snicket?” Moxie’s voice was quiet, but I could hear her curiosity. Being curious is the most important part of being a journalist. It might be the most important part of being anything.
“I have a job to do,” I said, and I began to walk back to town. Anyone would have given me a ride, but I wanted to walk, so I could think. I had to report to my chaperone, but what, I asked myself, could I report? The building cracked and heaved behind me. Whatever Hangfire was planning, with those tables and fish tanks and shackles for children, he wouldn’t be able to do it at the Colophon Clinic. But his treachery wasn’t over. It would move somewhere else, somewhere shadowy and hidden, in a town that had more and more abandoned places with every fading minute. It was a puzzle, a dark and lonely one, and if I were a piece in this puzzle, I did not know where I belonged. I needed to put myself aside, just for a little while, until I saw where I might fit in.