Chapter Twenty-four

My gentleman caller takes me by surprise

I raised my hand ready to strike. If I could strike the back of his neck and leave the pin in then he would be too occupied with twisting and extracting it rather than pursuing my flight. Luck was with me; the man emerging slowly the door was not tall. I lunged.

With a speed that caught me completely off guard the man span and caught my arm. He twisted it painfully and then released me immediately.

‘Euphemia!’ cried Bertram. ‘What the hell are you wearing?’

‘Bertram, what on earth are you doing in a prostitute’s room?’

‘I could damn well ask you the same!’

Unaccountably tears pricked my eyes. ‘I expected you to talk to the men downstairs,’ I said. ‘I never dreamed you’d …’

Bertram finally closed the door behind him and pushed me back into the room. ‘For your information,’ he said coldly, ‘my intention was only to talk to the girl. I would have paid her well for her time, but not availed myself of her … usual services. Not that that is any of your concern.’ He looked me up and down. ‘What, may I ask, were your intentions?’

‘I was going to stick you in the neck with this pin and make a run for it,’ I said and burst into tears. ‘Oh, Bertram, you were right. This place is awful. It was a stupid idea.’

Bertram’s face softened at once. ‘Might I suggest that next time you intend to take someone by surprise, you do not yell at the same time as you intend to strike?’

‘Did I?’

‘You said something along the lines of “take that, you vile …” I caught your arm at that moment, so I do not know how you intended to finish your statement.’

I could not look him in the face. ‘Beast,’ I said quietly. He put one hand on my shoulder and with the other raised my chin up, looking deep into my eyes.

‘Did anything happen?’ he asked intently. ‘You can tell me. I won’t judge you.’

My tears stopped at once. ‘No,’ I responded, shocked. ‘I am not that foolish, nor that helpless.’ I brushed a hand over my eyes. The top of my bodice slid slightly and Bertram retracted his hand as if he had been burnt. A slight smile quivered at the edge of my mouth. ‘I do not believe it will be possible for us to retrieve my clothing. I fear I must ask you for your coat once we are outside.’

‘But how the devil do I get you out?’ asked Bertram.

‘You escort me to the door like a gentleman. For all I know the women here actually do that with their clients. It is only once we reach the doorstep that we both take to our heels. I do not believe this establishment would wish to draw attention to itself through a chase outside.’

‘My reputation will be in tatters,’ said Bertram mournfully.

‘Your reputation?’

‘No one would recognise you like that. You look the image of a lady of the night.’

As there was nothing I could say to this outrageous comment, I did the next best thing and inveigled Bertram into the tightening of my laces. ‘I can’t possibly,’ he said blushing.

‘Do you want this dress to fall off me as we flee?’ I enquired. ‘Because that is exactly what will happen if you don’t! The laces tighten at the back, there is nothing for you to see.’

‘I fear I have already seen far too much,’ muttered Bertram as he began to tug away.

‘At least you did not walk in on me in my bath,’ I could not resist adding. I immediately regretted this as Bertram tugged so tightly I thought my lungs would leap out of my chest. When I was finally as respectably adjusted as was possible, we sat down on the edge of the bed together to wait.

‘I will let you work out the timing,’ I said.

Bertram raised an eyebrow quizzically.

‘I have no idea how long such things take,’ I snapped. ‘If you were a pig or a bull …’

‘Quite. Quite. I think this about long enough.’

‘Really?’ I asked in genuine surprise.

‘The men who come here do not expect lengthy trysts,’ said Bertram to the carpet.

‘It hardly seems worth their while to come at all,’ I said.

Bertram made an inarticulate strangled noise and rose. He held out his arm to me. I sighed and stepped up into character, draping myself over his arm in an overly affectionate manner. Then he opened the door. ‘Deep breath,’ he said, but whether he was referring to keeping up my corset or my courage I could not tell.

He led me out and along the corridor in the opposite direction from the servants’ stairs. I had already discounted those. I knew Father had locked the back door. The corridor opened out onto a plush landing, filled with aspidistras and flouncy curtains that were quite out of the mode, but I assume they held appeal for the older gentleman I could see milling around in the lobby below.

The stairs led straight down into a large lobby that was also used as a welcoming area. Cushioned chaise longues abounded and small tables with drinks decanters and cigars were dotted around. So were the girls I had seen in the kitchen earlier. My quick view allowed me to see at least seven gentlemen in suits had arrived for an evening’s entertainment, and given the number of girls I had seen here they no doubt had to wait their turn. One man caught my eye. ‘Isn’t that …?’ I whispered to Bertram.

‘Good Gad, so it is! At least he won’t mention he’s seen us here.’

We made our way gradually to the main door. A liveried man opened the door for Bertram. He released me from his arm and we made as if to give a fond farewell. My lips brushed Bertram’s cheek. At that moment I saw over his shoulder Father emerging into the room with a fresh tray of drinks. ‘Run,’ I yelped and we, as they say in common parlance, legged it.

‘Did you really have to yell in my ear?’ asked Bertram when we were safely back at the hotel. We had stopped on a street corner for me to assume his jacket and I had walked past the hotel reception with my nose so high in the air that I had almost fallen over my own feet, but it had worked. We were now back in the safety of our suite. I had changed into respectable attire and Bertram had ordered a pot of tea. He was sitting close to the fire, although the evening had remained mild, and was rubbing peevishly at his ear.

‘I have explained that I thought we were about to be caught,’ I said. ‘I am sorry your ear still pains you. I am sure you will recover shortly.’ I poured him a cup of tea. ‘Have a biscuit. These ones have jam inside them.’⁴³ Bertram’s eyes lit up and he took two biscuits. I forbore saying a word. Although I had noticed of late that his neck had started to bulge over his collar. No one could call Bertram overweight, but with his enforced sedentary lifestyle – due to a heart condition from his childhood – as he grew older he needed to watch what he ate. I made a mental note to speak to him about this at a more convivial time.

‘At least Rory is still in the country,’ I said.

Bertram showed the whites of his eyes for a moment like a startled horse. ‘For God’s sake, Euphemia, never mention any of this escapade to him! He’d gut me like a poacher’s rabbit!’

‘He is your servant.’

‘Yes, well, someone should explain that to him,’ said Bertram grumpily.

‘His employment is at your disposal,’ I said candidly.

‘I know,’ said Bertram reaching for a third biscuit. Really, if he went for a fourth I would have to say something now. ‘But he is damn good at his job – and not just his. He drives the motor better than I do now.’

‘That would not be hard,’ I murmured under my breath.

‘He helps my factor, talks to my tenants, and I honestly don’t think the cook could manage half as well if he wasn’t keeping his eyes on the accounts.’

‘He sounds indispensable.’

‘He is,’ agreed Bertram gloomily. ‘It’s not that I don’t like the chap, but we’ve been put off terms of such familiarity when we’ve being off doing stuff for King and Country that the distinction of rank is at risk of being lost.’⁴⁴

I sighed. Bertram mistook my meaning.

‘Oh no, I didn’t mean …’ said Bertram, ‘I mean, you’re more like one of the family. It’s an entirely different case. If only the man wasn’t so damn fond of you. Makes this a trifle awkward.’

‘Seeing as he jilted me, I do not think you have cause for concern.’

‘Did he? I always thought it had to be the other way round?’ asked Bertram looking very surprised. ‘Odd fellow.’

I felt the blush rush into my face. ‘Anyway, now we are safe and recovered we must discuss what we will do next.’

‘I am not going back to that place,’ said Bertram mulishly.

‘Neither am I. I assume your comment about seeing Mr …’ Bertram held up his hand in alarm. ‘About seeing a senior public figure there,’ I amended, ‘means you think that any gossip about our escapade will be curtailed?’

‘God, I hope so,’ said Bertram fervently.

‘Good, then we have no reason for our killer to believe we are on their tail.’

‘I suppose so,’ said Bertram warily. ‘What are you thinking?’

I gave him my most innocent smile. ‘Why, simply that we invite some people for tea.’

⁴³ In many ways men remain at heart boys.

⁴⁴ Bertram had no idea I was an Earl’s granddaughter and thus far above him on the social scale.