I toss a pillow on the floor while Chloe watches me with guilty eyes.
“I’m so sorry about this.”
“It’s fine. This way, I get to spend the night with you again. Not exactly how I pictured it, but at least this time, you won’t kick me out in the morning, being it’s my house and all.”
Her mouth drops open.
“Relax. I’m teasing.” I settle onto the floor and then realize I haven’t turned out the light so I jump up. Pausing at the switch, I glance at her. “Ready for bed?”
I don’t miss the way she takes me in; her lips are her giveaway. They quiver just the tiniest bit when she’s turned on. A fun little fact I plan on keeping in my pocket for later.
I flick off the light at her slight nod, and we’re enveloped in darkness. Neither of us says a word as I lie back on the floor and stare up at the ceiling.
We may be six feet away from one another, mostly clothed with zero chance of anything happening between us, but my body is blind to the situation and one hundred percent ready to go.
I contemplate jerking off to her snoring, but it doesn’t come. She’s as wide awake as I am.
“Well, this is awkward,” she says finally.
We both break out into laughter that helps break some of the tension. My dick and I make an executive decision to put me out of my misery, and I jump to my feet. “I’m gonna crash in Joel’s room. He’s at Katrina’s tonight.”
Jerking off in your buddy’s room… so not cool, but this situation calls for unconventional solutions.
“Wait, don’t go. This is stupid. Get in the bed. I trust you.”
I pause with my pillow tucked under my arm. Chloe has her reasons for keeping this thing platonic, which I respect, but our agreement is starting to feel like the longest foreplay ever. We’ve only hung outside of class a few times, and I’m positive I’m using some sort of Guinness-level super strength to remind myself why we’re not really dating.
Chloe pulls back the covers in invitation. I try not to look at her bare legs, I really do. I slide onto the opposite side of the bed and lay back. Aaaand I’m never falling asleep. She smells like chlorine and the sun and hot summer days.
She rolls on her side facing me. “Tell me about your brother.”
Nothing deflates a penis like the mention of another dude—especially one related to you.
“What do you want to know?”
“Anything.”
“He’s a senior in high school. Plays hockey, pretty good, too. I think he has a chance to play college level and maybe beyond if he sticks with it.”
“That’s cool. You guys are close?”
“We were. Our dad passed right after my senior year of high school. I came to Valley and sort of left him and my mom to deal with shit on their own. I know that’s awful. I was just trying to deal in my own way and being at Valley partying and playing basketball gave me something to focus on.”
“That had to have been hard.”
“Yeah, but Heath had it way worse. My mom fell apart, got fired from a job she’d had for twenty years. She hasn’t been able to move on.” I swallow down the guilt for not being there when they needed me. “When I eventually pulled my head out of my ass, I had to switch from big brother to father figure, and that isn’t fun for either of us.”
“It sounds like he’s lucky to have you.”
I snort. “I doubt he feels that way.” I notice I’ve angled toward her without even realizing it. “What about you? Do you have siblings?”
“No, only child. I always wanted an older brother with hot friends.”
“If you were my little sister…” I stop and shake my head. “Not even going there.”
Her eyes light up, but she scrunches her face like she’s disgusted at the idea. “Ewww, I’d be your sister.”
“We could have a whole Cersei and Jamie Lannister thing going on.” I shrug. “No kids though, Joffrey was a monster.”
We laugh and then she yawns. My cue to let her get some sleep and also for me to stop thinking about sleeping with her before the lower half of me starts to get ideas again.
“’Night, Chloe.”
We’re facing one another. She’s got both hands pulled together by her face, and I’ve got one arm draped on the pillow behind her. Her eyes are locked on mine for three long seconds while I hold my breath and wait for her to make a play. I can’t be the asshole who makes her feel uncomfortable by making the first move, but I’m dying to kiss her again.
“’Night, Nathan,” she says finally and her lids close.
I don’t go to sleep. Never really planned to. Sleep and I aren’t friends anyway, so it’s really not an inconvenience. I’m lying on my back, counting blondes instead of sheep. Her breathing has slowed and evened out, so I get up quietly and head downstairs.
Everyone has gone to bed, so I’ve got the downstairs to myself. I put in my earbuds and crank up the music. My nighttime workout playlist is loud and angry, drowning out everything but the beat.
Chloe
When I wake up, it takes me a minute to remember where I am. The bed is cold and empty, but the room is still dark. A glance at my phone confirms it’s the middle of the night. I sit up and look around, but there’s no sign of Nathan. Not on the floor or at his desk. Weird as it sounds, I can feel he’s not here.
Once I’m out of bed, I find my shoes, slip them on, and then open the door just a crack. I’m like a runaway trying to sneak out in the middle of the night. The house is silent, so I tiptoe down the hall and stairs. I’m only a few steps from the front door—so close to getting out of here unseen.
I’ll send Sydney a text when I get home and tell her I left because I wasn’t feeling well. I’m not feeling great, so technically it’s true. I feel embarrassed and disappointed and confused—definitely not well.
Leaving in the middle of the night is maybe a little dramatic, but I don’t want to deal with the whole awkward next morning routine. Ironically, I think it might be more humiliating to wake up alone than it was naked and only remembering pieces of the night before.
I’m trying not to be offended that he found it so awful to sleep in the same bed as me that he actually got up and went to sleep somewhere else. Trying and failing.
I take one last glance over my shoulder to make sure I’m not seen and freeze. The living room is dark with only the light from the TV that’s out of view casting a soft glow in the room. Nathan has his back to me, raising and lowering a set of dumbbells, alternating curls with each arm. I’m frozen, trying to decide if I should tiptoe back upstairs or risk him hearing the door when I leave, that it takes me a moment to really take in the scene before me.
He’s shirtless and only wearing the gray sweatpants he put on for bed. He turns his head slightly and I hold my breath and press against the wall. He’s got earbuds in so I’m probably safe to sneak out, but I don’t do that. No, I walk toward the hot guy lifting weights at two o’clock in the morning.
When I get closer, I can see New Girl is on the TV. It’s silent, but the subtitles are on. My heart does a funny flutter thing in my chest when I realize he’s catching up on the episodes I watched without him.
I come around behind him at an angle, waiting for him to see me and hoping I don’t scare him into dropping a weight on his foot or something. I swear the man has been curling for a solid three minutes and doesn’t look like he’s even breaking a sweat… oh, nope, there’s the sweat. Sweet, delicious sweat.
I’m unabashedly giving his abs and chest a thrice over when I finally make it back to his face and catch his dark blue eyes on mine. His mouth is pulled into a smirk. He sets the weights on the floor in front of him and then takes out his earbuds.
“Hey, everything okay?”
“I feel like I should be asking you that.”
“I couldn’t sleep.”
“Me either.”
He drops onto the couch and wipes his forehead with his bicep. Eyeing my shoes and phone in hand, he asks, “Sneaking out?”
“I thought maybe I was keeping you from sleeping. Looks like I was right.”
He shakes his head. “It’s not you. I just don’t sleep well.”
“So you work out instead? Like the running before bed.”
A small shrug accompanies his answer. “Passes the time.”
I turn my attention to the TV, easily getting lost in the episode. He turns the volume on, and the sound reminds me of my mission. “I should go.”
“Let me grab a shirt, and I’ll walk you.”
“That’s really not necessary.” I step to the door quickly to emphasize the point.
“I’m not letting you walk home alone in the middle of the night.” He starts for the stairs. “Give me just a minute.”
Once we’re outside, I’m glad he’s with me. I’d like to think I’m pretty tough, but it wouldn’t have been the smartest move to walk home by myself.
Our pace is slow, and we walk side by side, so close our arms brush, even though there’s no one around to see us. It’s like our bodies seek each other, bridging the gap the daylight and our brains won’t allow.
There’s a puddle on the sidewalk from the sprinklers that run twice a day, and I angle my next step to avoid it and, in the process, break our connection. Goosebumps dot my arms from the chill of the night and the withdrawal of his heat. My body is quite literally protesting the separation.
Dear Brain,
This isn’t real. Get your shit together.
Signed,
Me
His beautiful blue eyes flash to me and I step in closer. This time, when our arms touch, he grabs my hand and intertwines our fingers. My heart hammers in my chest.
“Tonight was fun.”
He nods.
The dorm is in sight, and I announce it like he can’t see it for himself. I comment on the full moon. Another nod. This whole silent thing he has going on is making me too tense, too hyperaware.
“There are so many stars out.”
Silence.
“Did you live in Freddy before you—”
He pulls me to him, and the end of that sentence is cut off by the hard smack of my free hand against his chest.
“Wha—”
He chuckles and lightly places his hand at my mouth, not covering it exactly but making it clear he wants me to be quiet. “I really want to kiss you, and you’re making it damn near impossible to find a moment your lips aren’t otherwise occupied.”
He drops his hand, and I keep my lips firmly shut. He waits, maybe for me to protest or maybe because he thinks I’m dumb enough to speak after that speech—hello? I’m not speaking. Kiss me already—but finally, his lips drop to mine.
His arms wrap around my waist, and I press into him. I open my mouth and he takes over. Not unlike the first time, our kiss is full of want and desire that makes me lose myself. When his hands slide down to my ass and he pulls me into him, I moan into his mouth. He feels so good. This feels so good.
We’re roaming hands and sloppy kisses. He dips his chin and presses his forehead to mine. Our chests both rise and fall as we catch our breath.
“We should probably take this inside before the campus police stumble on us going at it in front of your dorm.”
He takes my silence as agreement and steps toward the door. When I don’t move, he turns to see why I’m planted in my spot. I’m rooted in place by all the reasons I know this is a bad idea and maybe by my own insecurities, too.
“I don’t… I mean, we shouldn’t.”
Understanding dawns on him, and he drops my hand.
“It’s just that we said we wouldn’t, and I think if we do, then things will get complicated.”
He nods slowly and places his hands in the pockets of his sweats. “Got it.”
He doesn’t though. I don’t even have it. We’ve blurred the lines between real and fake and it’s messy—all of which I was trying to avoid.
“I’ll talk to ya later.” He takes off with a little two-finger salute, and I head inside Freddy.
As I’m setting my alarm for only a few hours from now so I can work out before the fieldhouse gets busy with the usual Saturday crowd, I can’t push Nathan out of my mind.
I like him, I like the way he sees me and the way I feel when I’m around him, and I have to hope that if what we have is real and not just some weird mixed signals from all of our faking, that after I’ve found my place at Valley and cemented my spot on the team, he’ll still want to kiss me.