Nathan comes over Wednesday night as I’m staring at my Ethics homework. We’d planned to go out tonight with his friends to celebrate his new job, but I totally spaced on a test I have tomorrow, and I feel like crying as I look through my notes and can only make sense of a small portion.
Things with the roommates have been going really well since I got back, but the more time I spend with them, the less time I have for myself.
He takes a seat on my bed in front of me, and I shove the textbook away and lean forward so my head rests in his lap. “I’m never going to learn this before tomorrow.”
Long fingers slide over my hair. “Sure you will.” He grabs the textbook. “I took this class last year, I can help.”
I sit up. “I totally forgot you’d already taken this class with Professor Penn. Can you help me with Utilitarianism?”
He flips through the pages until he gets to the chapter where I’ve stuck a piece of paper to hold my spot. He reads through for a moment and then snaps it shut and looks to me. “I’m gonna be real with you. I don’t remember a single thing.”
I groan.
“But I’ll stay, and we’ll figure it out together.”
“No, we’re supposed to meet Gabby at Prickly Pear in thirty minutes.”
He shrugs. “She’ll understand.”
“No. I can’t let you miss this. It’s important and you should celebrate. How about you go, and I’ll finish studying and meet up with you guys later?”
“Are you sure?”
I nod and scan through my notes. “Maybe if I read through all my notes a second time, it’ll come back to me.”
He takes my notes and pulls me on to his lap. I wrap my arms around him and kiss him. Since we got back from California, it’s felt like we’ve barely been able to see each other. If we didn’t have class together, most days we wouldn’t. His phone vibrates in his pocket.
“That’s probably Gabby,” I tell him.
“She can wait.” His lips move to my neck, and he brushes my hair back, giving him more access.
My eyes close and I lose myself to his soft mouth and the rough feel of his unshaven face. His fingers skim the hem of my t-shirt, teasing and stroking my skin. I reciprocate by lacing my fingers through his messy hair and tugging while I grind on his thickening erection.
His phone vibrates again and this time, I can feel the resolve to ignore the outside world crumbling.
“Shit, I should check and make sure it’s not Heath or my mom,” he says as he leans back to try and get his phone out of the front pocket of his jeans. “Heath had that NMU visit today.”
Reluctantly, I scoot off his lap. He turns the screen so I can see as he shakes his head. Gabby.
“You should go,” I tell him.
He groans and looks at me with longing. Enough so that I know he doesn’t want to leave me. It makes it easier to let him go. “I’ll text you as soon as I’m done.”
He kisses me swiftly and then stands as he answers. “Hey, Gabs.”
I walk him to the hallway, and he places another kiss on my lips while he keeps talking to Gabby. He mouths, “Later.” And then he hustles to meet his friends.
I spend an hour reading through my notes and looking up the answers to study questions before I decide to break for a caffeine fix. I head over to University Hall, grab a coffee and muffin, and then spend another hour studying there. By the time I get back to my room, I’m exhausted but starting to feel like I’m understanding the material.
I lie on my side and start to read through the chapter again for anything I might have missed.
“Hey roomie.” My eyes fly open at Sydney’s voice. “Sorry,” she says. “I didn’t know you were sleeping.”
I peel my face off the pages of the book and sit upright. “I must have fallen asleep while I was studying. What time is it?”
I reach for my phone at the same time she says, “Eleven-thirty.”
“Shit. I was supposed to meet up with Nathan.”
I have two texts from Gabby.
Gabby: Tick tock. What time are you going to be done studying?
Gabby: CHLOE!!!! I <3 you, come hang out!
I respond to Gabby to let her know I fell asleep and haven’t finished studying and then I text Nathan.
Me: I’m so sorry. I crashed reading my notes. I’m not going to make it out tonight. Make it up to you this weekend?
Nathan: Absofuckinglutely. Good luck on your test.
The next afternoon, I turn in my test and breathe a sigh of relief. My late-night study session paid off and I knew every answer. I vow to do a better job of keeping a balance between my classes and everything else as I head back to the dorm.
I take a power nap then get up and work on a paper that’s due next week before heading to practice. We have an away game this weekend, so practice is light and we focus on skills.
Nathan’s still at his practice when I get done, so I go back and pack for our drive to State tomorrow. Sydney comes into our room freshly showered. “Hanging out with Nathan tonight?”
“I’m not sure,” I tell her. “He’s got a late practice, and we didn’t make any set plans so I’m waiting to hear from him.”
“I’m meeting Liv at TKE if you want to come?”
“I don’t think I wanna drink tonight. I need to get up early in the morning and run through some mobility exercises before classes.”
She shrugs. “I’m not really planning on drinking either, I just need to get out for a while. We’ll come back early or if Nathan texts while we’re out, you can catch an Uber to his place.”
It does sound nice to spend a few hours not studying or practicing. My insides fill with anticipation, and I grin at my roommate. “Alright, let’s do it.”
I double-check my travel bag and load up my backpack for tomorrow’s classes before Sydney and I meet Liv on the first floor of Freddy. I still haven’t heard from Nathan, so I text him to let him know my plans and tell him I’m going to stop by later. I can’t go another night without seeing him, so even if we have to literally just sleep next to one another, I’m going to see him.
Things have been great between us. I think it works out that we’re both so busy; we understand when things come up. And that seems to be the case a lot. He never asks me to stay over at his place since he has to get up so early and doesn’t want to wake me, but I’m thinking I’m going to have to get used to it if I ever want to see him.
Besides, more often than not, I’m up early to get extra conditioning in so it’s not that much of an imposition.
Not at all an imposition when I include the perks of sleeping next to my gorgeous boyfriend.
Sydney, Liv, and I walk to frat row. It’s still fairly early so we grab cups of Sprite—sans the vodka—and hole up in a corner to talk and people watch.
“You look ridiculous wearing your backpack to a party.” Sydney smirks as I drop my bag to the floor at my feet.
“I need my stuff so I can go straight to Nathan’s later. Preparation is key.”
They laugh, but I’m completely serious. Juggling time with Nathan with school and practice is tricky, but I’m determined to make it work.
“Have you talked to Shaw?” I ask Sydney.
She makes a face. “I think I might have played that situation all wrong. I told him I wasn’t going to sleep with him, which he was great about, but now he just invites me over to play Tecmo Bowl.”
“I’m pretty sure that’s code for make out.”
“I thought so too.” She leans forward and crosses her legs, then has to pull at the hem of her seafoam-green dress. “The first time he asked, I went over totally expecting him to make a move and he just handed me a controller. He was wearing sweats and hadn’t showered after practice and he ordered pizza.”
I laugh. “And he didn’t try to kiss you or get handsy, anything?”
“Nothing,” Sydney says with disbelief in her tone. “I did kick his ass in Tecmo Bowl though. Hell hath no fury like a girl who shows up to get some action only to be friend-zoned.”
“You said you weren’t going to sleep with him, Syd.”
“I didn’t mean never, just not before I got to know him.”
“And since then, has he tried to hang out again?” Liv asks.
She sighs. “He’s texted a few times to see if I wanted to come over and play video games, but I make up an excuse every time.”
“I’m sorry.”
She tosses her blonde hair over her shoulder and straightens, perusing the room. “It might be time to throw my five-date rule out the window.”
“Five-date rule?” Liv asks.
“How many dates she makes them hold out for sex,” I tell her.
“How many dates did you make Nathan wait?” Sydney asks, putting me in the hot seat.
“None, or well, technically, I guess one. I slept with him the first night I met him.”
I’ve thought about how to break it to my roommates that I lied about Nathan being my boyfriend so many times with no clear path, and this feels like my chance. “We didn’t really meet in the boy’s locker room. He found me hiding out at that athletic mixer and we got to talking and drinking and well, one thing led to another. Our first time was the night he slept over and Bri almost had a coronary that he was in our living room.”
“You two moved quick. See, that’s how it’s supposed to happen.” Sydney breezes right past the lies I told her like they’re inconsequential, and maybe they are. It feels good to tell her the truth, anyway. “I’m definitely getting rid of the five-date rule.”
Liv and Sydney end up wanting to stay out later, but at eleven, I hug them and send Nathan a text that I’m on my way.
Nathan: Left the front door open for you. Come on up, I’m in bed.
I’m grinning as I rush out the front of TKE and nearly collide with a group of guys just walking in.
“Whoa, sorry,” I say as I bob and weave between them.
My Uber hasn’t shown so I wait by the curb impatiently, pacing up and down the short stretch of sidewalk.
“Yo, Payne’s girl. Chloe, right?”
I turn on my heel to see Frank walking up to the house. He’s got an easy smile and friendly demeanor about him that has me walking toward him. “That’s right.”
“Where’s Nathan?”
“Home. He had late practice today.”
“Lame,” Frank says. “I never see him anymore. You leaving already, too?”
“Yeah, I’m gonna go see my lame man.”
He chuckles and scans the street. “Need a ride?”
I hold up my phone. “Waiting on an Uber. Should be here any minute.” I glance down and see the estimated time has increased and the driver’s Subaru has gone in the opposite direction.
“I could have you there and be back to the party by the time they get here.”
“That’s alright. Nathan’s probably sleeping by now anyway.”
Frank doesn’t move from his spot. His smile falls so that only one side of his mouth is pulled up into a half-grin. “Alright, well, it was good to see you again.” He starts to walk off and then turns. “Oh, hey.” He pulls out a cigarette, offers me one, and then lights it when I shake my head. He speaks again after he’s taken a long drag. “Could you give Nathan something for me?”
“Sure.”
He walks toward the curb and unlocks a black Jeep. He opens the back-passenger side seat and pulls out a Microeconomics textbook. “You’ll see that he gets it?”
I nod as I grab the thick textbook. “Sure. Did he leave it in class or something?”
Frank pauses a beat before nodding. I shove it in my backpack, and he closes the door and takes a step toward the party. “Thanks, Chloe, I appreciate it.” He motions toward the blue Subaru pulling up. “Looks like your ride finally made it.”
It takes forever to get to Nathan’s. Okay, it only takes five minutes but I’m so anxious that every second of the driver trying to make small talk feels long. The front door is open as Nathan said it would be and I hurry through, only pausing to yell hello to Datson sitting on the couch watching a baseball game.
Nathan’s room is dark, and I can just barely make out his shape on the bed. Quietly stepping out of my heels, I drop my backpack near the door and get in under the covers with him.
“Surfer Princess,” he whispers gruffly and pulls me into him without opening his eyes. “You’re a beautiful dream.”
I wake up sometime later plastered against Nathan. I lift my face from his sweaty chest and a deep groan from him startles me. His eyes are still closed, but his muscles twitch.
I move over a bit to give him some space and lie back down so I won’t disturb his sleep, but the tremors get worse until I’m not sure if I should wake him up or shut my eyes and try to sleep. I turn on my back and inch closer to the edge in case my nearness is keeping him from falling back asleep.
When his forearm connects with my forehead, I wince and then laugh. “Owww, Nathan,” I start, my voice laced with laughter that he’s hogging the bed and ready to fight me for space. I turn to him and fling his arm back.
“No,” he growls. “Stop.” At the last word, he jumps from the bed and stares down at it with blind fury and torment.
“Nathan,” I try again, gently this time as I sit up in bed.
He rips the blanket off and then the pillow. His eyes don’t seem to register anything as he tears apart the bed. I scramble across the mattress on all fours and stand on my knees to reach his face.
“Nathan, hey, wake up.”
He groans again and his chest lifts and falls quickly. I’m panicked and have no idea how to wake him or even if I should, but I’m desperate to take away the pained look on his beautiful face.
I reach for him, place both hands on his face. “Honey, look at me.”
He does, but his beautiful blue eyes are glossy, and I’m not sure he really sees me. I’m so scared my own fingers tremble. Without removing my hands, I move from the bed to stand beside him. “You’re okay. You’re just dreaming.”
Words fail me so I step flush against him and press my lips to his. His hands go to my chest, and I think he might push me away. Slowly, his rigid body relaxes. When he wakes up, his eyes widen, and he steps back out of reach so fast I stumble back onto the bed.
He looks around the room and then back to me, running a hand through his hair as he catches his breath. “Oh, my God, Chloe. Are you okay?” He takes a step toward me and then retreats. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?”
I shake my head. “Of course not.”
My words don’t seem to comfort him. He stands rooted in place, body coiled so tightly I’m not sure what to say or do. Since it worked to wake him, I hope going to him is the right move, and I throw myself into his chest and wrap my arms around him tightly. He crumbles, taking me with him to the floor. I climb into his lap and he squeezes me against his heaving torso.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” The choked words spoken over the top of my head don’t feel like they’re meant for me.
“It’s okay. Hey, I’m here. It was just a dream.”