Head leaning against the window, I find some solace in the cool glass. The promise of night and the end of this shitty, shitty day.
I’m sitting in the very last row of the bus all by myself. The seats across and in front of me are both empty. A glance up and across the aisle finds Sydney watching me with worry in her dark eyes.
The day was a success, at least regarding volleyball. Valley came out on top and the team looked good. The bus ride home should be filled with excited chatter, but instead it’s quiet and an impending doom hangs in the air.
After Coach confiscated the textbook and informed Emily she’d be paired with Liz, I was dismissed to the sidelines.
Bri’s gone back to hating me. She hasn’t even attempted to speak to me. Emily either; I think she was more shocked than anyone. I’d nearly forgotten what it was like to live with people who were repulsed by my existence.
The silence around me is a reminder of what my life was like when I first got to Valley and how much things have changed. Gradual change feels like it isn’t change at all until you compare it to where you started.
Two months ago, I wasn’t sure who I was or what I was capable of. I couldn’t reconcile which parts of my life had been earned and which had been bought for me. Now? Now I know I deserve to be here. I feel it deep in my bones and with every fiber of my being. Having something taken away when you’ve earned it hurts so much worse than when it’s been bought.
My phone vibrates in my hands and I look down to see Nathan’s name flashing on the screen. I’d been replaying the conversation with Frank over and over in my head all day for clues. Why was Frank giving Nathan a textbook filled with drugs? And why had Frank used me as a proxy? And the last one that bothered me the most, did Nathan know?
He’d called at least a dozen times, which was enough to doubt his innocence. Then there was the single text that told me everything and nothing.
Nathan: I’m so sorry. I can explain.
I sit up straight as the bus pulls into the parking lot outside Ray Fieldhouse. Sydney offers me a reassuring smile that I try and return. Everything is going to be okay. I didn’t do anything wrong. I repeat those things hoping I’ll believe it by the time I face Coach. But when it’s just me and her left, I give up on hope and force myself into action.
Silently, I follow Coach inside and through the locker room to her office. She flips on the light illuminating the small space in a fluorescent haze.
She drops her shoulder bag on the desk and removes the sunglasses and visor from her head. I take a seat while she gets settled in. I interlace my fingers in my lap and squeeze to let out some nervous energy. When she finally sits down, I brace myself for the worst but am prepared to fight to stay on this team. I deserve to be here. I know that now, but I also know that some things are out of my control. There are consequences for every action, fault or not.
“Chloe, I don’t know where to begin. I didn’t expect this from you.” She sighs. “Aside from the obvious infraction of possessing illegal substances, you put the team at risk. The type of scandal and bad press this could bring to Valley is the sort of disruptive PR that can kill a program.”
She gives me a look that says I, of all people, should know better and she’s right. I should. It’s not the first time I’ve brought scandal to a team.
“It’s not mine. I know how it looks, but I need you to believe me.”
Her pinched expression tells me she doesn’t and why should she?
Everything I’ve worked for—transferring schools, the extra workouts, the dedication and determination I put into it all—it’s disappearing before my eyes.
“Wait.” Sydney pushes into Coach’s office unannounced. She’s breathless, hair wild, still in her team colors. Emily is two steps behind her and then, astonishingly, Bri appears.
“Ladies, this is a private meeting.”
“That wasn’t Chloe’s book,” Sydney insists, totally disregarding Coach’s not-so-subtle hint to get out of her office.
Tears prick behind my eyes. I can’t believe they showed up for me.
“Chloe isn’t even taking Microeconomics. Ask her.”
Coach glances from them to me, weighing their words and trying to decide to entertain it, from the look on her face.
“If it isn’t yours,” she asks me. “Then whose is it?”
My stomach drops. “I can’t tell you that, but I swear it’s not mine.”
She presses her index fingers to her temples and rubs with a pained expression.
I’m so mad at Nathan and myself too for getting swept up in a guy I clearly don’t know. This is what happens when you live in a make-believe world—reality eventually crashes down.
Murmurs from the doorway brings my attention back to where Sydney and Emily stand. Bri pushes past them into the office, looking angrier than I’ve ever seen her. “The textbook doesn’t belong to Chloe. The truth is, it’s my fault. I put it in her bag.”
“What?” I ask, shocked by every word that came out of her mouth.
She doesn’t look at me as she continues. “I found it near Chloe’s things and I just assumed it was hers. I put it in her bag, but I had no idea what was inside.” Her gaze flits to me, but she doesn’t quite look me in the eye. “My bad, Chloe.” She shrugs and looks back to Coach. “Emily and Sydney were with me, they can vouch for her.”
Emily nods, and Coach looks to Sydney. “That true?”
“Definitely,” Sydney says a little too enthusiastically. She might be overselling it a bit.
I chance another look at Bri but her hard expression is pinned away from me.
I fix my gaze back on my lap while Coach mutters about being too old for this drama and nonsense.
“I’ve half a mind to suspend all four of you.”
We’re like stone as she studies each of us.
“Next time, I will.”
Sydney gives a little squee of excitement, but I keep my own joy shoved down because nothing about this feels like a victory yet. My teammates finally had my back and I want to be happy about that, but it’s shrouded in the reality that because of my friendship I nearly took them down with me.
Nathan
Coach holds Joel and I back after practice to talk about how things are going with the freshmen. I let Joel do most of the talking. I’m too amped, too nervous, too anxious to see Chloe and explain. She hasn’t responded to my calls or texts, but I know they’ll be back soon. This conversation is really better in person anyway.
I need her to see the sincerity on my face. I want to wrap her in my arms and hold on forever, let her feel the apology in my touch. Because I am so fucking sorry and I know words won’t be enough.
“Nope,” I say, a little too eagerly after Coach asks if I have anything else to add to Joel’s summary. “That it?”
He chuckles as he shakes his head. “Hot date, Payne?”
“Something like that,” I say as I jog backward a few steps and then turn and run the rest of the way to the locker room.
I swap my shirt for one that isn’t soaked in sweat, but that’s all I make time for. If the bus isn’t here, it should be any minute.
I jog to the other side of the building. As I get close to their locker room, a few of the volleyball girls are walking out but Chloe isn’t with them. But she’s here. The panic and relief wreaking havoc on my insides tells me she’s nearby.
Shaw steps away from the wall and in front of me. I’d been so focused on finding Chloe I didn’t see him. “She’s in with the coach now.”
“I gotta get in there.” I try to step past him, but he moves with me.
“Negative.” Shaw knows a very short version of what’s going on since he came out of his room to see why I was freaking out and terrorizing the place when I was looking for the textbook. “Sydney and a couple others are in there with her. They’ll take care of her. Sydney might look sweet and innocent, but she’d throw herself overboard before letting someone she cares about go down.”
“You don’t understand. I can—”
“You can what?” He steps closer. “Say it’s yours? Take the fall?”
“Exactly.”
“And do you really think they’re going to believe her boyfriend put a textbook filled with drugs in her backpack and she had no idea about it?”
“That’s not what happened.”
Shaw raises both eyebrows waiting for an explanation.
“It doesn’t matter if they believe me or not. I have to try.”
“Alright, let’s say they do. What then? You’ll be out on your ass and I’d bet my left nut that Chloe will be too. Guilty by association… well, and possession.”
I flex my jaw as I admit to myself that he might be right. But there has to be something I can do. Toss me out, fine. I’ll gladly take whatever punishment they want to throw at me if it means keeping her safe from my dumb mistakes.
“Listen to me, man. You love her? You care about her?”
I give him a hard look, but he doesn’t relent.
“Fuck, of course I do.”
“Then the best thing you can do for Chloe is to go home. You’ve already done enough damage.”