“I was under the impression that the stronghold of the pack was, well, strong. But seeing as how the most precious members of the pack—the children—have been stolen right out from under us, and we are now being attacked, I feel it must be renamed. How about The Giveaway. Or maybe The Keep Nothing Out? Has a nice ring to it.” ~Zara
“I thought the whole point of this place was that it was safe,” Zara said as she followed Wadim to the weapons room. A week ago, they’d had the little munchkins stolen right out from beneath their noses, which seemed far from safe, and now they were being attacked by the monsters who had taken them.
“It seems our allies are falling faster and faster.” Wadim sounded more defeated than ever. “Alina said Vasile told her that someone had warned the Order that we were coming to Phoenix. That means it was one of our own—the good guys.”
A chill ran down Zara’s spine as she glanced around at the people gathering in the armory as they entered. Most of them she didn’t know. They were all different races of supernaturals, not just wolves and not just from their pack. She didn’t like not knowing who she could trust. She thought the whole thing about the pack was that they were family, like the warlock king had said. They were one and would always have each other’s back. At least that was the impression she’d gotten from Vasile, Alina, Wadim, and the others. And Jen sure as heck made it seem like if you were one of the pack members, then you were solid. Who in their right mind would turn their back on that and betray such loyalty?
“People who aren’t in their right mind, Z,” Wadim answered, having heard her inner monologue.
Wadim led her to an empty seat, and she sat down beside him. The room filled up with the female wolves who weren’t battle trained and the fae warriors who had been positioned there by Nissa, who Wadim had explained was a high fae like Peri. Alina was the last to enter. Her face was lined with worry, but her shoulders were pulled back straight, and her chin was held high. She bore the weight of her burden as an alpha female with grace and poise. Zara had to admit that following Alina into battle, even into the depths of hell, wouldn’t be a difficult thing to do. She commanded that kind of loyalty. And those who knew her, and the kind of integrity she had, happily gave it.
“If you have been asked to stay in this room, it is not because you are weak. Do not mistake needing protection as being prey. You are precious just as every member of our pack is. Please trust Vasile and I to do what needs to be done to protect not only our family but others who need us as well. We will let you know when the threat has been neutralized. As your alpha female, I am ordering you not to leave this room until the all clear has been given.” Alina’s voice was strong and as bold as her steely gaze. She met the eyes of every person present, and when they landed on Zara, the young woman instinctively dropped her own. When she was sure the alpha female no longer stared at her, Zara raised them again.
“Those of you who have just gotten out of bed, I will give you a brief recap while you gear up. Alston, the high fae who now stands with the Order, has the pups.” Her voice seemed strained, but Zara was in awe of how the alpha female appeared to be holding up, even with her grandson in danger.
There was a low murmur of growls, but it was quickly silenced when Alina raised a hand to get their attention once again. “As you know, Jen, Jacque, Sally, and Costin have gone, at the request of Alston, to Arizona where the Order has made their headquarters. An army of elves, fae, and vampires that are loyal to the Order are currently marching toward us and could be here at any time.
“Nissa, Vale, Riven, Talia, and some of the other fae have managed to use their magic to keep them from flashing into the Keep. Your alpha is currently working out the best strategy to defend the stronghold. We cannot dwell on what we could have or should have done.” Alina glanced down and Zara followed Alina’s gaze. The alpha she-wolf's hands were shaking. She clenched them into fists, lowered them to her sides, and then looked back up at her pack. “Everyone who can fight, will. There is no time for pretty words. We either fight or we die.” With that, the fae standing next to her grabbed her arm and the arm of Rachel, who was standing beside her. Gavril, Rachel’s mate, placed his hand on the fae, and then they were gone.
Zara had asked Wadim why Gavril, an obviously strong male and old, which meant he had to be a good fighter, had not gone with the others to Arizona. Wadim had smirked at her and answered, “Gavril doesn’t leave his healer’s side. Ever.” He’d told her a little of their history, and after spending so much time alone together in hiding, she imagined it would be hard to be separated. She didn’t want to be separated from Wadim, and they’d only been together a short while.
Gradually, fae warriors began flashing wolves from the room. When one appeared next to Wadim and placed a hand on his shoulder, Zara’s eyes widened.
“I have to fight,” Wadim told her. “I don’t want to leave you, but you aren’t ready to do battle yet. You haven’t trained.”
Zara knew his words were true and not meant to hurt her, but she hated being helpless. She didn’t want to be protected inside while those she cared for were fighting for their lives. She wanted to be next to her mate, fighting alongside him. She wasn’t weak.
“I don’t think you’re weak, Z,” he said, answering her unspoken thoughts. “You’re the strongest woman I know, but you aren’t a battle-tested warrior yet. Trust me, please.” His gaze was earnest as he stared down into her eyes. His hands cupped her face, and his thumbs ran gently across her cheeks. She had grown to love his touch, but only his.
Finally, she nodded. “I do. I’ll wait. But if you die, I’ll be pissed.”
His lips twitched up in a crooked smile, and his eyes smoldered at her. “You’re kind of hot when you’re pissed.”
“Then do something besides dying to piss me off,” she said dryly.
He leaned down and bit her lip gently before kissing her. “As much as it pains me to say it, if I die, you will join me. We’re a bonded pair. Even if the bond isn’t entirely complete, we’ve performed the Blood Rites.”
“I wouldn’t want to be here without you,” Zara said, completely serious.
“I don’t deserve you, my sweet Zara, but I wouldn’t give you up even to save the world.”
Before Zara could respond, Wadim and the fae, who’d stood there silently while they’d had their private moment, flashed from the room, and she was left to wait. Wait and wonder and worry. The three W’s every female hated.
Bethany stood in the farthest corner of the armory. Alina had just flashed with one of the fae warriors, and the room was steadily emptying as more fae warriors took the fighters out to confront the enemy who had gathered at their door. She could see the room around her, but that wasn’t her focus. Her mind was centered inward, on the voice speaking to her.
“Are you safe?” Drake’s voice rumbled through the bond and filled her head. She trembled as she felt his touch on her face and wished he were right there in front of her.
“I’m in the weapons room with those in the pack who aren’t fighting.” She looked around and noticed Zara on the other side of the room. “Zara is here.” When the other woman glanced her way, as if she’d heard her name, Bethany motioned her over.
“I’ll be with you soon. I’m outside fighting with the others. I need you and our child safe.”
“I love you.” Bethany needed him to hear the words even though he already knew.
“And I love you. See you soon.” Then he was gone, and the bond closed.
“You okay?” Zara asked as she took a seat next to her on the bench.
Bethany started to answer, but the other female held up a hand to stop her.
“And I’m asking because I really want to know. I’m not looking for the sweet, simple answer that keeps me from actually needing to care about someone besides myself,” Zara continued.
The stern words of the girl, who looked to be a little younger than Bethany, made her smile. “Thank you, Zara. I appreciate your honesty, and yes, I am okay. I mean, as okay as any pregnant, dormant, newly mated werewolf can be.”
Zara laughed. “You sound like someone who needs to be on one of those outrageous talk shows. Imagine bringing out one of the pack members on stage. ‘I’m sorry, Mr. Werewolf, but you are not the father!’”
“We could keep one of those shows running for several seasons.” Bethany sighed and rested one arm on the table in front of her while her other hand laid on her flat stomach.
“Are you excited?” Zara asked as she nodded toward the resting hand.
“I’m not sure if excited is the right word.” Bethany narrowed her eyes a little as she realized that the woman she was talking to was the only other person on earth who could possibly understand what she was feeling. She sat forward, leaning closer to Zara as she basically word vomited everything that had been building inside of her since the moment Sally had told her she was having a child. “You thought you would die with them, didn’t you?”
“The vampires?” Zara asked and then quickly nodded. “Absolutely. I was trying to figure out a way to kill myself.” Bethany noticed the girl’s eyes widened as though realizing she’d admitted that out loud. “I mean, there was, I just—”
Bethany quickly interrupted her. “No judgement. We lived in hell, Zara. No one gets to judge our actions or decisions. I wanted to die, too. I thought I would. I never imagined I would see the light of day again, let alone another human being. So, to be honest, with this whole baby thing, I’m freaking out just a little.” She pinched her thumb and forefinger together as she said this but knew the look in her eyes made it clear that her freak-out had gone way past “just a little.”
“It’s okay to be scared.” Zara reached out and took Bethany’s free hand and gripped it tightly. “No judgement.”
Bethany smiled at the repeated words. “Then, I’m terrified as shit, and if you tell Drake I cussed like that, I’ll lie through my teeth and throw you under the bus at an undisclosed time.”
Zara threw her head back and laughed. The room that had been full of murmurs quieted down as all the eyes turned to look at them. Bethany glanced quickly around but then focused on the other she-wolf.
“The truth is, Z, I went into hell not much more than a child. I never expected to have anything. The thought of losing everything I’ve gained now is horrifying. And now that I’m pregnant, there’s a part of me that mourns the fact that if Drake dies, then I die. But then there’s the half of my soul that is a part of his, and I wouldn’t want to live without him either.”
“If something happens to Wadim, then the amazing life I finally have is just…” Zara’s words faded off as if she couldn’t bear to speak them out loud.
Bethany completely understood. She didn’t voice any more of her own concerns for fear that it would somehow bring them to pass. “You and Wadim seem to be a good fit,” she said.
Zara’s lips turned up just a bit. “Soul mates.” She chuckled. “Who would have thought they’re actually real.”
“Right?” Bethany smiled. Her mind went back to when she’d first met Drake. She remembered being in the room with the cage, seeing him pace back and forth, constantly staring at her as if he were scared she’d disappear. She recalled how reverently he’d touched her, and he still did. Sometimes he still looked at her as if she’d disappear if he blinked. Bethany felt his fear and his pure joy at having his true mate, at having her in his life.
“It’s too much to take in sometimes,” Zara said, interrupting her memories. “Their emotions are intense. All I felt for so long was hate. And then I bumped into Wadim, literally, and there was this happiness that wasn’t just happiness. It was pure and full of hope. I didn’t know how to process it, and I still don’t know how to sometimes.” She looked at Bethany’s stomach, and then her lips tightened. “I can’t even complete the bonding.” Zara’s voice was filled with shame, and Bethany didn’t like that. Zara had nothing to be ashamed of.
“No one can tell you when to be ready for marriage. And that’s what it is to them, the bonding, the Blood Rites. It’s the Canis lupus version of marriage, and that’s a freaking huge commitment. Even though you know he’s your soul mate. You feel everything he does. You know his thoughts and he knows yours. None of that means you have to just rush up to the proverbial altar.”
“He’s been waiting for his true mate, Bethany,” Zara said softly. “They all have or still are. The males who aren’t mated, I see the way they look at Wadim, Drake, Decebel, and the others. They aren’t envious. They are awed and desperate for the same thing. It’s not a wicked look in their eyes, not a coveting look. It’s just so wanting, a longing that looks painful.”
Bethany knew what she was talking about. She’d seen it, too, in the unmated males, and it was difficult to watch.
“Wadim has his true mate, and yet at the same time, he doesn’t.” Zara sighed and slumped against the table. She rested her elbows on it and then laid her head in her hands. “I can feel his wolf’s longing. I can feel both of their needs, and yet I can’t get past my own fear. I know Wadim would never hurt me. But my mind…”
“Our bodies heal much faster than our minds do, Zara. And even then, every person heals at their own speed in their own time. I don’t know your whole story, but I see the pain in your eyes. You experienced something even I didn’t go through. You’ve got to give yourself some grace. Wadim is a good man. And it’s very obvious he is deeply in love with you. He’s going to be patient.”
The younger female nodded and laughed quietly. “He said he didn’t care if our relationship never progressed physically. He’s the other half of my soul, and I’m the other half of his. For him, that’s enough.”
Bethany had to admit that regardless of the fact that the Canis lupus males were flawed, they were pretty amazing when it came to their devotion to their true mate. “And you know you can believe him because you can feel the truth of it in his words and emotions.”
Zara nodded. “Honestly, it makes it a little easier that he can feel my emotions. I don’t have to convince Wadim it’s not him, that it’s not in any way related to him. He understands because of everything that’s happened to me. When I want to talk about it, he listens. When I don’t want to talk about it, he’s just there for me.
“I want to be that for him, you know? I need Wadim to feel like he knows that I’m with him. He’s my ride or die.”
“He knows, Zara,” Bethany assured her. “But I get it. You don’t feel like you have anything to offer.”
“Exactly.”
“I’ve done that song and dance,” Bethany admitted. “And it leads nowhere but down a path of lies. If you had nothing to offer, then the Great Luna would not have made you Wadim’s true mate. But she did. You have strengths where he has weaknesses, and he has strengths where you have weaknesses. You complement one another, but that doesn’t mean you are perfect or that your relationship will be easy.
“Drake and I have already had a couple of pretty big battles of will. Being soul mates doesn’t mean no problems. But you have plenty to offer him. You’re his best friend. You’re the one he will turn to when he knows he can’t go anywhere else because you will always accept him and always love him, even when it’s hard.” Bethany squeezed Zara’s hand, the one she hadn’t even realized she was still holding. “We’re going to be okay, Zara. We will figure this out, and I’m here for you, too. Sometimes we need another female to help us get our thoughts straight. Please know that you can always come to me.”
Zara leaned over and wrapped an arm around Bethany, giving her a side squeeze. “I’m not much of a hugger,” Zara said, “but this was definitely a hug-worthy conversation. And one I didn’t even know I needed. Thank you, Bethany. Wadim has said similar things, but it’s nice to hear it from someone who has felt similar feelings to what I’m feeling.”
Bethany understood that. Having someone who could relate to you and say, “It’s okay to feel that way. You’re not defective.” It was something that could soothe the ache inside of you. She was just about to say as much when she felt a sharp pain rip through her abdomen.
“Bethany!” Zara’s voice blended with the voice of Drake’s as she tumbled backward from the bench she’d been sitting on. Another sharp pain stole her breath before the darkness took her.