Surprise and joy and a dozen questions fluttered like tossed confetti in Jan's mind, but she didn't take time to try to scrape them together. She was already scrambling off the leather-topped stool when she said, "I'll be there as fast as I can."
"I'll give you directions here to the house—"
"I know the way."
She sensed surprise from his end of the line, but she also didn't waste time with some evasive explanation. Because she wouldn't admit the truth to him, of course, which was that she'd driven by his place a couple of times, although not recently.
She didn't bother to change from the jeans and sandals she wore. She just rushed out to the garage and impatiently edged the Mercedes backward as the automatic garage door rolled smoothly upward on its tracks.
Yet on the drive across town, stuck behind a slow moving truck, she wished she had taken just a few moments to collect her scrambled thoughts. It would have made more sense to suggest Mark bring Stardust to the house. She also wished she had taken time to ask a few questions because curiosity raced rampant in her mind now. Was the girl Bonnie? Where had she been while they searched for her so frantically? Was she still pregnant or had she already had the baby?
Pregnant, Jan decided. Otherwise Mark would have said, "Stardust and the baby are here."
Unless... Jan frowned as a horrible thought came to her. Unless something had happened to the baby, and Stardust had just come to tell them some terrible truth about it. Now that she thought about it, Mark had definitely sounded guarded on the phone. Miscarriage, abortion...
No, no, no! She would not borrow trouble. Not because of those Bible verses Mark had once quoted to her, but simply because the thoughts were too unbearable. She edged the Mercedes into the other lane, trying to get around the truck, dodging back just in time to miss a speeding sports car headed her way. Then she clutched the wheel and settled back in the seat. None of that, she told herself firmly. Patience. You have to take care of yourself. You're an almost-grandma now, and that grandchild needs you!
It had been over a year since she last sneaked over to peek at Mark's house, but she located it easily. It was a seventies-style ranch house, standard three-bedroom, two-bath model. Even in her haste, her experienced real estate woman's eye automatically noted that the shake roof was in good condition, the corner lot was extra large, and the landscaping—a Japanese maple and artistically arranged boulders surrounded by low-growing juniper bushes—was nicely low maintenance.
She didn't even get her finger on the doorbell before the front door opened. Mark's tall figure, in after-hours garb of jeans and a light blue T-shirt emblazoned with his college's name, filled the doorway. She bounced on tiptoes, impatiently trying to peer around him.
"She's in the bathroom. Jan, before we jump into anything I think we should talk—"
Jan didn't wait to hear what he wanted to talk about. She saw a fragile figure step out of the hallway and pushed right on past Mark.
"Stardust?" The trembling word caught somewhere in her throat.
The girl, definitely not Bonnie, looked so painfully young and vulnerable. Straight, straggly blond hair falling from a shadow of dark roots, no makeup, pale skin with a sprinkling of freckles across her nose, tattered sandals on her feet.
And definitely pregnant! A slight but unmistakable bulge showed beneath the faded blue tunic and tight-fitting pants she wore. Sweet relief surged through Jan.
She crossed the living room and wrapped her arms around the girl. Stardust's thin body felt even more fragile and vulnerable than she looked, and after a long, heartfelt embrace, Jan forced herself to loosen her crushing grip. She leaned back and looked into the girl's eyes, and they were blue ... oh so blue!... with just a hint of violet. Lupine-blue eyes. Jan smiled, feeling a long-lost connection with Tim just holding this girl. Yet also feeling dismay at the faint blue shadows on the translucent skin beneath the girl's eyes.
"Are you okay? Have you seen a doctor? Is the baby okay?" The anxious questions tumbled out, but Jan didn't wait for answers. She turned to Mark without releasing Stardust. "Has she had something to eat?"
"She said she wasn't hungry—"
Jan looked back at Stardust and rolled her eyes. Men! And for the first time the girl offered a wisp of a smile.
"Scrambled eggs and hot chocolate?" Jan suggested.
The girl nodded. Jan took her by the hand and led her to the counter that separated the kitchen and the modest dining room. She helped her scoot up onto a tall wooden stool, rather hard and plain compared to the luxuriously padded leather stools at her own breakfast bar.
"You just sit there now and take it easy. How did you get here?"
"I rode a bus to Eugene, but I didn't have enough money to come all the way. So I hitchhiked from there."
Jan tried not to let her shock at that form of transportation show. There were, she knew, apt to be many more shocks along the way. Stardust did not look like a girl who came from a background with carefree cheer-leading, a frilly bedroom, and a cookie-baking mother. Briskly she filled a cup with milk, set it in the microwave, and took a carton of eggs from the refrigerator. Realizing she'd jumped in and taken over Mark's kitchen without even asking, she stopped and glanced at him questioningly. He smiled, his hand waving a you're-doing-fine gesture of approval.
"Stardust called me from a gas station out by the highway, and I drove over and picked her up," Mark added in explanation of the girl's arrival here. He took a carton of hot chocolate mix out of a cupboard and set it beside the microwave.
"Do you have luggage?" Jan asked.
Stardust pointed to a battered blue suitcase beside the sofa. The sides were sunken. An old jacket with a torn sleeve hung over the suitcase. Got to buy that girl some clothes, Jan thought instantly. Decent shoes. Get her hair cut. And get some vitamins and minerals into her. Take her to Dr. Addington. Maybe they could do Lamaze classes together!
Jan leaned against the counter. "Do you have a name picked out for the baby?"
Stardust looked startled. "No. Not really. I guess it still seems ... not quite real." She hesitated. "Especially with Tim dead."
"Well, there's plenty of time for thinking about names—" Jan stopped short, uncertain what the size of that tummy bulge indicated. "Isn't there?"
"I guess so. I went to a doctor once about a month ago. But about all he told me was that I'm definitely pregnant."
Again Jan hastily hid her shock. Stardust had seen a doctor once? "You'll be under regular prenatal care now."
"Did you see Dr. Nahum at the clinic?" Mark asked the girl. "That was one of the places we went when we were trying to locate you."
"No, I went to a doctor down in California. I've been down there since a little while after Tim died. I had to get away after that happened. It was just so ... awful."
"Where in California have you been?" Mark asked.
"At my mom's in Oakland. But she isn't very happy about me being pregnant."
From the girl's downhearted tone, Jan suspected that was an understatement. "We are," she said firmly.
"Anyway, after things didn't work out at Mom's, I came back to Oregon a few days ago. And that was when several people told me Tim's folks had been down from Portland and were looking for me. Then I saw the poster at the store, so I decided to just come on up here."
"We can let your mother know you're with us, so she won't worry," Mark offered.
"Oh, she isn't going to worry." Stardust's small smile had a bitter twist. "She was glad to see me go. And her husband, too."
"He's not your father?"
"No. Actually, I guess he isn't even her husband. She's been married four times, but I don't think she married this one."
Jan's heart ached for the rootless and unstable life Stardust had obviously lived. "Tim's father and I are divorced, as Tim probably told you, but—" she glanced at Mark, then added, "—we're still friends, and we both want to do all we can to help you and the baby."
"Yes, that's right," Mark agreed quickly.
Stardust looked down, her thin forefinger scratching at some invisible spot on the counter. "I guess you know Tim and I weren't married."
"We know," Jan said quickly. "It's okay."
She briskly whipped the eggs to a froth and poured them into a hot skillet. The bell on the microwave sounded, and she removed the hot milk and stirred in the chocolate mix. She set the cup in front of Stardust.
"There, that'll do you good. You need the calcium to make a big, strong baby."
Although Jan had to wonder how this frail, none-too-healthy-looking girl could possibly manage a safe pregnancy and birth, somehow she would, Jan vowed fiercely. A safe birth and then a wonderful future for both of them. Jan would make it happen.
Mark, with his usual expertise, smoothly led the conversation back to the subject of the doctor. "The doctor didn't give you a delivery date?"
"He said maybe August or September." Stardust ducked her head again, the straggly blond hair slipping across her thin face. "With everything that happened, I didn't keep track of things like I should of."
"How involved have you been with drugs?" Mark asked bluntly. "Is this something that may affect your pregnancy?"
Jan gave him an annoyed glance. Yes, this was important. But it was a medical thing to discuss with the doctor, not something to jump on Stardust about. If he wasn't careful, he was going to make the poor girl think she wasn't welcome and scare her off. "Mark, I don't think—"
"Oh, that's okay, Mrs. Hilliard. I suppose it's natural you folks would think I might be into drugs. Almost everybody else I knew was. But I wasn't. I was scared of them."
Jan brushed past Mark at the end of the counter and hugged Stardust again. "You don't have to be scared of anything or anybody here," she promised. "We'll take care of you." Looking at Mark over Stardust's shoulder, she had the uneasy feeling he wasn't welcoming the girl quite as wholeheartedly as she was.
She dished up the eggs, added a slice of toast and some orange wedges, and watched the girl eat like a hungry puppy. And Mark had fallen for that scared "I'm not hungry" stuff!
After the girl had eaten, Jan set the dishes in the sink. "Sorry to eat and run, but Stardust looks exhausted. I think it's time I got her home and to bed."
They hadn't discussed this, and Mark looked as if he were about to protest, but finally he frowned lightly and said, "I'll carry the suitcase out to your car."
At the car, Jan solicitously settled Stardust in the passenger's seat and carefully buckled the seat belt around her. "Precious cargo." She smiled and patted the small bulge of the girl's tummy.
Stardust smiled back. Her fingers, the broken nails chipped with a startling poison-purple polish, lightly rubbed the buttery leather of the seat. "I never rode in a Mercedes before."
"Do you feel the baby move yet?"
"Yeah, sometimes. It's a really weird feeling, kind of like Ping-Pong balls sliding around inside me."
Jan wished the baby would move right then so she could feel it—her grandchild!—but it stubbornly remained motionless, and finally she closed the door.
Mark stood at the rear of the car, waiting for her to open the trunk. She caught a tempting fragrance of barbecuing meat floating from the backyard of a neighbor, with it the happy squeals of a child and a drift of bluish smoke. The houses were close together here, unlike Jan's exclusive neighborhood where barriers of expensive trees and shrubs and spiked metal fences made each home an exclusive island.
"What are your plans?" Mark asked as she unlocked the trunk of the car and lifted the lid.
"Just take her home and put her to bed. I'll stay home from work tomorrow and see what needs to be done. I'll try to get her in to see my doctor right away. I still go to Dr. Addington."
"Is he still handling pregnancies now? Lots of general practitioners aren't these days, I understand. The wife of a colleague is pregnant with twins, and I could ask them who—"
"I'm sure Dr. Addington can refer us to someone good if he can't take care of Stardust himself." But she appreciated that Mark was trying to be helpful even though he still seemed markedly less enthusiastic about Stardust's arrival than she was.
"Look, I don't have any classes until eleven o'clock tomorrow. How about if I come over first thing in the morning? Perhaps I can help in some way. I want to be part of this too, you know."
The offer surprised and pleased Jan. "Thank you. That would be nice. I think Stardust would appreciate it too. I believe she and I both got the impression that you have some doubts about her."
"Not exactly doubts." A faint frown line creased Mark's forehead. "Perhaps a few reservations."
"In what way? We knew when we were looking for her that she probably wasn't going to be some squeaky clean girl-next-door or college sorority type. But she seems sweet and polite. Wearing purple polish on her fingernails isn't some raging sin."
He looked off toward the south, where the clock tower on Linhurst's library rose above the housetops and trees, his head tilted as if he were a bit perplexed himself about his reservations. "I guess I'm not convinced she's telling the full truth about everything," he said finally. "The drugs, for instance. I doubt she's always been quite as drug free as she wants us to believe."
"Becoming a Christian apparently hasn't changed your suspicion and cynicism about people!"
"That may be true." He smiled faintly. "But being a Christian has changed what comes after my cynicism and suspicions about people. Now I want to help them find their way with Jesus because without him, we're all lost. And I do want to help Stardust even though I have some reservations about her."
Jan shrugged impatiently. "All I know is that I failed Tim, and I'm not going to fail his child. If Stardust is lying about anything, I'm sure it's only because she's afraid we'll reject her if we know the truth. But I will bring up the possibility of drug use with the doctor so he can deal with it in regards to the baby."
Mark set the suitcase in the trunk of the car, and Jan slammed the lid. She intended simply to get in the car and be very calm and sensible about this, but suddenly, in spite of Mark's less-than-enthusiastic attitude, the joy and sheer wonder of it all bubbled up inside her.
"We have a grandchild, Mark! We really do! Isn't that incredible? Maybe the way it's happening isn't exactly ideal, not the way we once thought we'd become grandparents. But doesn't it make you just want to shout it to the world and ring bells and turn cartwheels anyway? It does me!"
He grinned. "Yeah, I guess it does. Pretty exciting, isn't it? Grandparents. Although I can't say that you really look like my idea of a grandma."
He took her hands in his and let his gaze drift down her slim figure to the stylish blush of peach polish on her toenails peeking through the sandals, then back up to her eyes. Jan felt another blush on her cheeks even though she knew his exaggerated appraisal was gently teasing rather than truly suggestive.
"I can't think of anything I've ever looked forward to more than this prospect of being a grandma."
"Planning to buy a rocking chair?" he inquired, his hands still holding hers. "And a little-old-lady fringed shawl?"
"I may." She gave him a teasing jab in the chest with her fingers. "And you, Grandpa? Perhaps get one of those reclining chairs that flings you to your feet by launching you like a rocket? Take up cribbage, perhaps?"
He grinned again. "What I'd really like to do is take the little old lady in her fringed shawl dancing."
His smile and the smoky warmth of his eyes did unnerving things to Jan's composure, but she managed to react with a prim, "Well, we'll see."
"Is that a promise?"
"It's a we'll-see promise, not a we'll-do promise."
"Okay, I'll settle for that. How about if I stop by the bakery and pick up croissants for breakfast?"
"Breakfast?" Jan arched an eyebrow. "How did we get to breakfast?"
"You said first thing in the morning would be okay for me to come over." He opened the door of the Mercedes and closed it after she slid in, ending further discussion with that take-charge way he'd always had. "And that means breakfast. So I'll see you then."
As soon as Jan eased the car away from the curb, Stardust leaned her head back against the seat and closed her eyes.
"Tired?"
"I walked quite a ways after I got off the bus before I got a ride."
"You just rest, then. Sleep if you can."
And a few minutes later, when she glanced at the slight figure buckled into the passenger's seat, the girl's head indeed drooped in sleep. Slumped, the slight bulge of her pregnancy was more noticeable.
The miracle of life, Jan thought with awe. Tim was dead, but a part of him lived on. God's gift. Jan didn't think she could get all wrapped up in religion like Mark was, but the creation of a new human being was such a miracle that it was hard not to acknowledge that there was a God behind it all.
And with a blooming sense of wonder, she acknowledged what all this meant. She'd told Mark that if God brought her grandchild to her she'd believe in him and his love and caring. And God had done it!
"Okay, God," she whispered awkwardly, "I give you credit for this. Thank you for the baby. Thank you for bringing Stardust to us. Thank you for everything. I'll do my best to take good care of both of them."
At the house, Stardust stirred when Jan turned the Mercedes into the gated driveway where brass coach lamps topped the brick comer posts. She blinked when she saw the two-story house looming ahead of them, a warm light turned on by the automatic system glowing through the paned windows. Seeing it through Stardust's wide eyes, Jan realized again what an impressive house it was. Pale gray, Tudor style, twin chimneys, double front doors accented with formal shrubs in tall white urns. Of course, what didn't show, she thought ruefully, was the huge mortgage.
"Wow, this is where you live? It's a lot nicer than Mr. Hilliard's place."
"I think you can call him Mark, if you'd like. And I'm Jan." She smiled as she pressed the remote control to open the garage door. "Although I'll be pleased to change that to Grandma as soon as the time comes. I'll take you inside and then come back for your suitcase, okay?"
"I can carry it."
"Oh no, you won't. From now on, no straining and lifting things for you, little mama," Jan scolded gently. Inside the kitchen she paused. "I thought you might like to have Tim's old room. But there's another bedroom, if being in Tim's room would make you uncomfortable."
"No, Tim's would be great. He used to tell me how nice it was."
"Did you and Tim break up before he died?"
"Did he say we did?"
"I hadn't talked to Tim for some months before his death. The only reason we even know about you was because his friend Red Dog gave us a journal Tim kept, and he talks about you in it. But then it just stops mentioning you, so we didn't know what happened. Except that he thought you were pregnant."
"We didn't exactly break up. But Tim got, well, kind of, you know..."
Jan squeezed an arm around Stardust's thin shoulders. "That's okay. We know how Tim was, the mental problems and all. That's all behind us. Now we're going to concentrate on you and the baby."
Jan went back to the car to retrieve the suitcase. Upstairs, she led Stardust down the hallway to Tim's room, then excused herself to get fresh towels. When she returned, Stardust was standing in front of his entertainment center, looking awed at the big TV screen and array of electronic equipment.
"I kept telling myself I should get rid of all this, but now I'm glad I didn't because perhaps you can enjoy some of Tim’s things. Although there aren't any CDs for the player," she added when she noted Stardust peering at the empty cabinet. "Tim took them when he left."
"They'd be out-of-date by now anyway."
"And the room is rather masculine looking, isn't it?" Jan frowned as she glanced around the big room with its bulky chrome and black workout machine, barbells, and motorcycle posters. She managed a light laugh when her gaze fell on the wild jungle-print bedspread. "And I never quite agreed with Tim's strange taste in bed coverings. But we can do something about all that. Would you like me to unpack your suitcase?"
"No, thanks. I can do it later. All I want is to take a shower and go to bed. I'm really tired."
Jan laughed. "I'm hovering, aren't I? It's just that I can't begin to tell you how excited and happy I am that you're here. When Tim died, I thought all chance that I'd ever have a grandchild was gone. And now you've come, and I'm just so ... happy." Except that happy couldn't begin to cover what she was feeling. She resisted an urge to reach out and pat that precious tummy bulge again.
"I'm glad I'm here too."
"I won't wake you in the morning. You just sleep as late as you want. Then later we'll see about clothes and a doctor's appointment and whatever else you need."
"Will Mr. Hilliard ... Mark ... be here?"
"He said he'd be over in the morning."
Stardust rubbed a finger across the polished footboard of Tim's bed. "I don’t think he likes me."
Ah, perceptive girl. She knew something wasn't quite right with Mark. Jan shook her head firmly. "I'm sure it isn't that he doesn't like you. It's just that Mark used to be a lawyer, and lawyers sometimes have a jaundiced view of the world."
"What is he now, if he isn't a lawyer anymore?"
"Didn't Tim tell you anything about us?"
"Not really."
Not surprising, Jan thought ruefully. He'd left home to get away from them. He wouldn't go around talking about them as if they were part of some good ol' days past. "Mark became very religious after he and I were divorced, and now he's a professor at a Christian college. I sell real estate."
"I don't remember Tim talking about brothers or sisters."
"No. He was our only child. Actually, we're kind of short on family. Mark and I were both raised in a little logging town south of Mt. Hood. Mark's mother died when he was in junior high, and then his father died when Mark was in college. My father abandoned my mother and me before I ever started school, but I don't recall that we really missed him much.
"For years, my mother worked as a bookkeeper for a logging company to support us. She remarried about fifteen years ago, but she and her husband were both killed in a car accident a couple of years later. Mark and I have some uncles and aunts and cousins scattered around here and there, but no one we're close to."
Jan suddenly realized she was standing here babbling about trivial family history, and this poor girl was sagging against the footboard, practically dead on her feet.
"Anyway, as I said, we're short on family. So that's another reason you and the baby mean so much to us. And we weren't very good parents to Tim, I'm afraid, so we're definitely aiming to be better grandparents."
"Better parents than mine, I'll bet. My mom's third husband tried to ... well, you know, do things he shouldn't. That's why I left and came up to Oregon."
"Oh, hon, I'm so sorry—"
"I guess I'm really tired now."
"You get a shower and some sleep, then. And if you need anything, there's an intercom system." Jan showed her how it worked, which buttons to press. "It's a little temperamental, sometimes works and sometimes doesn't, but I haven't had any use for it in recent years, of course, so I never bothered to get it fixed."
"Is there a maid?"
"No, just me. But if you need anything, you just yell. Even if the intercom doesn't work, I'll hear you and come running."
Running, dancing, cartwheeling, Jan thought joyfully as she closed the bedroom door behind her. Already the house felt as if it were coming alive. She was looking forward to tomorrow more than she had looked forward to anything for a long time. Taking Stardust shopping, changing the room to make it more feminine, talking to her, getting to know her ... watching that little bulge grow! She could hardly wait.
And she realized there was something else to which she was also looking forward: breakfast with Mark.