“WHAT have you decided?” Alex asked as he drove Claire and Joshua home on Saturday morning.
Claire had been waiting for his inevitable question. After stewing over the subject at odd times throughout the night, she still had a hard time answering.
What had she decided about Jennie’s and Alex’s invitation?
She had one reason to refuse and a dozen to accept…Joshua would enjoy the outing. Jennie would be thrilled and she herself would spend a pleasant afternoon with Alex.
If she didn’t go, what else would she do? The few presents she’d purchased for Joshua and Nora’s family were wrapped and ready for delivery. She didn’t send out Christmas cards and had ordered holiday cookies instead of baking her own. She hadn’t started Jennie’s costume but, until they either found the fabric they’d bought or purchased more, she had no other commitments. That left curling up with a good book and drinking hot chocolate while Joshua napped.
What a choice. Spend the afternoon reading or being with Alex and feeling her toes tingle.
“Can’t make up your mind?” he teased.
She managed a smile. “It shouldn’t be a tough choice, but it is.”
“In case you want my professional opinion, Josh probably won’t suffer any ill effects if he spends a few hours away from home. It might be good for him. And for you.”
“Is that your holiday prescription, Doctor?”
“One of them,” he said.
“And the others are?” Claire looked at him expectantly, taking in the strong lines of his chin.
“I’ll save those for another day,” he said. “I’d hate to overdose you on holiday spirit.”
She chuckled before her good mood dimmed. She’d feel guilty if she prevented Joshua from experiencing something that so many other children took for granted, but she’d feel equally as guilty if she went in search of a good time.
It was simply a matter of which choice carried the most condemnation.
“I think we’d better stay at home,” she finally said.
Claire expected Alex to argue, but he simply said, “Jennie will be disappointed.”
“I know, and I’m sorry. Tell her…” Her mind raced to think of a suitable consolation prize. “Tell her we’ll drive by this evening to look at it.”
“She’s going to want to go back to the clinic,” he reminded her. “We have to finish there, too.”
“What about tomorrow?” Claire asked.
“Cutting our time frame a little close, aren’t we? It would be simpler to go this evening and get it over with. Unless you prefer to have unfinished projects hanging over your head.”
“I don’t, but surely you planned something more interesting on a Saturday night?” Like a date, she wanted to add, but didn’t.
The twinkle in his eye suggested that he’d read her mind. “Sorry to disappoint you, but I didn’t.”
“If you truly don’t have other plans then, yes, we’ll go to the office.” Joshua would get a small taste of the joys associated with Christmas when they added the final touches to their snowflake tree. She’d reserve tomorrow to sew Jennie’s costume.
“OK,” she said. “This evening it is.”
A few minutes later Alex parked his vehicle and helped her into the house. Joshua immediately tore off his stocking cap and headed for his pile of toys in the living room. Several minutes later, she heard a familiar “beep, beep”.
Alex grinned. “He sounds pretty normal to me.”
“Yeah. Thank goodness.”
“If you should change your mind about helping with our project at home, drop by,” he told her. “Jennie wants to start around noon.”
She didn’t know what to say, so she simply nodded.
He turned to leave, then stopped. “I understand your reasons to avoid Christmas, but I don’t have to like them,” he said. “You can’t run and hide forever.”
Before she could answer, he was already halfway to his car. Claire watched him slide inside and drive away, his words still ringing in her ears.
“I’m not running,” she said to the empty foyer. “Or hiding.”
She stomped into the living room with righteous indignation, but as soon as she saw the pathetic tree and Joshua’s stocking hanging forlornly from the mantel, the wind blew out of her sails.
Maybe she wasn’t running away, but she wasn’t walking forward either. She may have started over in other areas of her life, but in this one she was stuck in the same rut.
Joshua ran toward her and her personal dilemma took a back seat. “Mama. Dink.”
“Drink,” she said, instinctively correcting his pronunciation.
He bobbed his head as he grabbed her hand. “Dwink,” he repeated. “Joo.”
“OK, young man. I’ll pour juice for you.”
While he drank his cup of apple juice, Claire began fixing their lunch. Joshua hadn’t eaten his breakfast in the hospital and because it was nearly eleven-thirty, she knew he’d be hungry soon. After he’d quenched his thirst, he sat in front of her cupboard and pulled out his favorite pots and pans.
Absent-mindedly, she watched the macaroni boil and reflected on her situation. Why should she conform to everyone’s expectations about the holiday? Just because she didn’t feel the need to go overboard like everyone else, it didn’t mean that she was hiding.
Aren’t you? her conscience persisted.
Before she could think about her answer, Joshua tugged on her pant leg. “Eat?”
She carefully, cautiously lifted him up and held him on one hip as she kissed his temple. “Just a few more minutes. Can you put your dishes away?”
He nodded. “Down.”
Ten minutes later, she’d strapped him into his high chair and placed a plate of macaroni and cheese in front of him. It didn’t take long before he was wearing as much of his dinner as he’d spooned into his mouth. By the time he started chasing macaroni across his high-chair tray with one finger, she knew he’d eaten enough.
“OK, son. You’re just playing. Let’s wash your face.”
“Play?” he asked.
“For a little while,” she said as she scrubbed his cheeks with a wet cloth.
“’Ennie?” he asked.
“Jennie isn’t here,” she answered, although her thoughts immediately drifted in Alex’s direction. Her imagination pictured him moving boxes of Christmas decorations out of storage and Jennie enthusiastically opening each one. The room was probably a mess, with boxes and tissue paper all over the floor. Knowing Jennie, she was probably in seventh heaven.
“Toys,” Joshua demanded.
“Yes, sir,” she said, then gingerly lowered him out of his chair. “You may play with your toys.”
While he scampered into the living room, presumably to his toy corner, Claire washed their few dishes. Her imagination took her back to Alex’s house. Would he pop in a CD of carols and sing along with Jennie?
She listened with her mother’s ear and heard Joshua babbling to himself in their otherwise quiet house. At one time she would have played everything from Bing Crosby’s holiday tunes to her collection of symphony Christmas music, but now she didn’t even know where she’d stored those discs.
Alex’s voice echoed in her head. You can’t run and hide forever.
Before she could argue with herself, Joshua reappeared. “Mama. Watch me. Pease.”
With a request like that, she couldn’t refuse. She followed him into the living room and leaned against the doorframe, content to observe his driving skills as he rolled his trucks over the rug that pictured a town. Buildings of all kinds—a park and playground, a school and various stores—lined the winding streets and Joshua happily drove his vehicles with little regard for stop signs or pedestrians. Every now and then he took a short cut through buildings, trees and even a fire hydrant to reach whatever destination struck his fancy.
With his attention occupied, Claire tried to choose a book from her collection, but none of the titles appealed. Cover art went unnoticed because she saw Alex and Jennie stringing lights and hanging ornaments in her mind’s eye.
Suddenly, her house seemed too lonely and far too quiet. She wanted—needed—to be in a room full of noise and laughter, watching the awe on Jennie’s face appear on Joshua’s.
It seemed a crime to deprive him of one of the season’s joys.
She replaced the book on the shelf and stiffened her spine. “I’m doing this for our son, Ray,” she whispered. “I hope you understand.”
Before she could talk herself out of her decision, she said, “Come, Joshua. Let’s find your coat so we can go bye-bye.”
He immediately stood at hearing his favorite word. “Bye-bye?”
“Yes,” she answered. “We’re going to visit some very special people.”
“You told Claire that she could come and help us with our tree, didn’t you, Daddy?” Jennie demanded as she plugged in the string of lights to check the little bulbs after eleven months of storage.
“Yes, kiddo. I did.”
“And you told her that I really, really, really wanted her here?”
“Yes, Jen. Claire knows. She agreed to stop by this evening and check out our work before we go to the clinic, so no pouting.”
“But, Daddy, you’re a doctor. When you say stuff, people are supposed to listen.”
Alex chuckled at his daughter’s idea. “They do if I give medical advice. In situations away from the hospital or clinic, it’s their choice whether to listen or not.”
“I do what you tell me,” she reminded him.
“Because I’m the parent. Claire is a friend and she can decide what she wants to do in her spare time.”
“You still should have told her that she had to come this afternoon,” she mumbled.
“She’ll come if she can,” he said. “In the meantime, we’d better work on our tree or when she does stop by, she won’t have anything to see.”
“I still think Joshua needs a tree of his very own,” Jennie insisted. “Couldn’t we buy one for him? It wouldn’t have to be big like ours. We could find something his size.”
Alex intended to veto his daughter’s suggestion, but the more he thought about it, the more he liked it. Claire might refuse their gift, but if it was intended for Josh, he was reasonably certain she wouldn’t.
On the other hand, if she did, he didn’t want Jennie to walk away with crushed feelings. “I’ll agree on two conditions.”
Jennie bounded to her feet and jumped up and down in excitement. “What?”
“Claire might not appreciate us bringing a tree without her approval.”
Jennie nodded. “You mean she might get mad.”
“Exactly. If she refuses it, don’t be upset.”
“I promise I won’t, but she won’t turn it down.”
Alex didn’t have as much faith as his daughter, but nothing ventured was nothing gained. “She might.”
Jennie shrugged, unconcerned. “If she does, we’ll put it in our kitchen. Mrs Rowe won’t care if we have two trees at our house, will she?”
He smiled at her. “No.”
“What’s the second condition?”
“I’ll do the talking.”
Her head bobbed. “Deal.”
“Now, if we’re going to accomplish this today, we’d better get busy.”
They rushed to the closest lot selling Christmas trees, chose a four-foot tree that Jennie deemed was Joshua-sized, stuffed it in the back of his car and drove toward Claire’s house.
Although Jennie was thrilled by what she termed “their secret mission”, Alex hoped Claire would still speak to him when this was over. After his parting shot, she’d probably think he’d purposely planned to drag her out of her comfort zone. He hadn’t, but he wasn’t about to let the golden opportunity of Jennie’s suggestion pass by.
Alex parked in Claire’s driveway, fully expecting her to notice their arrival and race out of her house before they made it to the door. His luck held. As far as he could tell, not even a curtain had stirred.
Jennie carried the small bag containing an extra fifty-foot strand of lights while he hauled the tree onto the porch. After placing it away from the door and windows, out of sight, he whispered, “Don’t forget. Let me—”
“I know. You’ll do the talking.”
Squaring his shoulders, he signaled Jennie to ring the doorbell.
Almost instantly the door opened and Claire stood before him, her coat on. Josh stood at her side, also dressed to go out in the cold.
“Hi, Nor—” She stopped in the middle of Nora’s name, clearly surprised to see Alex.
“Hi,” he said. “Have we caught you at a bad time?”
“No. Not at all. I thought you were Nora. I must say,” she said, as a welcoming smile appeared on her face, “this is quite a treat. I’d pictured you both at home, hard at work.”
She’d been thinking of them. A good sign, in Alex’s opinion.
“We were,” Jennie broke in, “but it didn’t seem right for Joshua to miss out on the fun. We brought something special for him.”
Alex cleared his throat and sent her a pointed look. She looked sheepish, but didn’t say another word.
“Oh. That was nice of you.” Claire stepped aside, snatching Joshua out of the way at the same time. “Please, come in.”
“If you’re leaving, we wouldn’t want you to be late because of us,” Alex mentioned.
A pink tinge crawled across her face. “Actually, we were on our way to your house.”
“Well, well,” he said in his most satisfied tone. “I’m sorry I spoilt my own surprise.”
“I decided to do it for Joshua.”
“Good. Then you won’t be angry when you see what we’ve brought.”
Alex reached for the small Christmas pine and gave it one last shake to dislodge the loose needles before he held it in front of the door for Claire to see.
Her jaw dropped. She tried to speak and couldn’t, until at last an “Oh, my” came out of her mouth.
“Awesome, isn’t it?” he asked.
“I already have a tree.”
“Not like this one.”
“You shouldn’t have.”
Her own words became his defense. “We did it for Joshua.”
“It was my idea,” Jennie piped up.
“How nice.” Claire wasn’t smiling. “You shouldn’t have,” she said again. “You really shouldn’t have.”
Alex knew he’d have to be his most persuasive. He’d won debate awards in high school, so he could surely convince Claire to accept one small gift. OK, it wasn’t so small, but it was a gift.
“But we did, so may we come in?”
As he’d anticipated, her manners were too well ingrained to keep them standing in the cold. She stepped aside and, pressing his momentary advantage, he carried the tree into the foyer.
“Daddy said you might be upset, but you’re not, are you?” Jennie peered at her. “If you are, please, don’t get mad at him. This was my idea.”
“I see.” Claire regarded him with apparent suspicion.
Alex shrugged his shoulders and flashed his most brilliant smile. “It was,” he said. “In fact, I wish I’d thought of it.”
“Look, Alex—” she began.
“Jennie?” He turned to his daughter. “Why don’t you and Josh go into the other room while Claire and I discuss this?”
Without further urging, she grabbed Joshua’s hand. “Let’s play.”
Joshua didn’t require a second invitation and the two disappeared into the living room.
“All right, Alex. What are you doing?”
“I’m delivering a Christmas tree at my daughter’s request.”
“You know how I feel about…this.” She motioned to the pine.
“Yes, but did you or did you not say that you were on your way to my place?”
“That’s different,” she snapped.
It struck him how beautiful she was when she was angry. The fire in her eyes was a perfect match to the fiery highlights in her hair. “Not really,” he said.
“It is. Really.”
“You were going to let Josh help us decorate ours. Can’t you allow him to enjoy his own? One that he can look at every day, all day, whenever he wants to?” he wheedled.
Her shoulders slumped and moisture brimmed in her eyes, effectively dousing the fire he’d seen before. Anger he could handle, but not tears.
Remorse filled him and he stepped forward to wrap his arms around her. “I’m sorry. We only wanted to bring you and Josh a piece of Christmas. I didn’t intend to push so hard or upset you.”
She buried her face in his coat and nodded. He assumed she’d accepted his apology.
He stood there for a minute, inhaling the scent of her hair and enjoying the way she felt in his arms with her head tucked under his chin.
Several weeks ago, his mother had asked what he wanted for Christmas, but he hadn’t known at the time. Now, although she couldn’t possibly fulfill his heart’s desire, he knew what he wanted as well as he knew his own name.
Claire. He wanted Claire.
As much as he hated to admit that her tears were his fault, he was fighting for this small victory. The battle wasn’t about Joshua, although he played a key role. It was about him and his need to know that Claire was completely free to love again. She’d taken several big steps to move on with her life—relocating to Pleasant Valley had been one—but until she worked through her aversion to this winter holiday, her first husband would always have an unrelenting grip on her.
Perhaps he wouldn’t care about that state of affairs if he was only interested in an occasional evening with her. The fact was, he wanted to be Claire’s second husband, and he wanted to enjoy every season of the year with her, including Christmas.
He continued to hold her, gradually realizing that winning the war meant more than winning this particular skirmish. If he had to retreat today, then he would.
“If you don’t want the tree, I’ll get rid of it.”
She raised her head off his coat and avoided his gaze as she backed out of his embrace. With shaky fingers, she wiped her cheeks. “No. It’s here and we’ll—I’ll—make the best of it.”
He reached out and brushed away a tear lingering in the corner of her eye. “Good girl. And speaking of being good, where’s your sling?”
“It was in my way. I couldn’t do anything while I wore it.”
“That’s the idea.”
“I know, but for me it’s not practical. Like the tree.”
“It’s not supposed to be practical. It’s supposed to be fun. A break in the monotony.”
“Maybe so, but I still can’t believe you bought it for us.”
“I’m a little surprised myself,” he admitted. “Now that you’ve decided to keep our gift, where would you like it?”
The mischief appearing in her eyes warned him that she’d recovered from her shock and had a specific location in mind—an anatomically impossible location.
“The living room, dining room or kitchen?” he added.
“The living room. We’ll move the table out of the corner and set the tree there.”
He was quick to relocate furniture to her instructions. While she laid plastic on the floor to protect the carpeting, he carried in the pine, placed it in its temporary place of honor, then stepped back for the view.
A bare spot faced him, so he repositioned the evergreen. “What a perfect place for a Christmas tree,” he said.
“Do you like our surprise?” Jennie asked Claire.
“It was thoughtful of you,” she answered. “Joshua will enjoy it, I’m sure.”
Jennie leaned over and hugged the little boy. “This is so exciting,” she chattered to him. “You have a real, live tree.”
“I’ll reimburse you for the cost,” Claire murmured to Alex.
“This is Jennie’s gift to Josh,” he said firmly, feeling quite cheerful over how well the situation had turned out. “It was the runt of the litter, so to speak, and they gave us a good deal.”
“I’m afraid it will stay rather bare,” she said wryly. “Our ornaments are stored in the garage and I can’t get to them without a lot of reshuffling.”
He guessed they were stashed in a relatively inaccessible area, like the rafters. Little did she know that he was quite handy with a ladder, but he’d save that quest for another day. “Not a problem. Jennie?” he asked, looking around. “Where are the lights?”
Jennie popped up from her place on Joshua’s rug and rustled the plastic bag that she’d sneaked past Claire. “Right here. We didn’t bring anything else in case you had ornaments, but if you don’t have those, we’ll give you some of ours. We always have plenty, right, Dad?”
“We have more than enough to go around.” He turned to Claire. “I’ll check these if you could bring water to keep the trunk from drying out.”
It seemed strange to take charge in Claire’s home, but she obviously was too overcome or too surprised to think of the necessities. “Water. Of course I’ll bring water,” she said before she hurried away.
Alex tightened the screws holding the tree upright in its stand, watching Joshua as he did so. The youngster had knelt on his toy rug, his little feet crossed behind him, as he pondered the scene in undisguised curiosity. Later, after Alex had plugged the cord in the electrical socket and the multicolored lights began to twinkle, delight covered Joshua’s face.
If Alex had harbored any doubts about his decision, Josh’s excitement made them magically disappear.
He wanted Claire to see his expression for herself, and a minute later fate granted his wish. Claire stopped in the doorway and stared at her son. The lines on her face softened until a smile tugged at her mouth.
He’d done the right thing.
She came forward, carrying a small pitcher. As soon as Joshua noticed her, he pointed to the corner. “Twee.”
“A Christmas tree,” Jennie corrected. “And we’re going to make it be-ooo-tiful.”
“Boo-ful,” Joshua echoed.
While Alex began installing the lights, Claire knelt down, pushed a few branches out of the way and carefully added the water to the base.
A few minutes later, his job was done and he stepped back to view his handiwork. The lights flashed on and off against the dark green boughs. “If you want more—”
“No, it looks great the way it is. I can tell you’ve done this before,” Claire teased.
“Once or twice,” he admitted.
Jennie clapped her hands. “Isn’t it pretty?”
Not to be outdone, Joshua clapped, too.
“I’d say we’re finished here,” Alex said. “Next stop, our house.” He looked at Claire and raised one eyebrow. “You’re still coming, aren’t you?”
He held his breath, hoping that she wouldn’t change her mind.
She nodded slowly. “Yes. I’m looking forward to it.”
“So am I,” he said, fervently. “So am I.”
Alex’s house was a sprawling brick home that was much larger and clearly more expensive than hers. Oak furnishings matched the oak woodwork, and deep, masculine colors of navy, burgundy and forest green created a restful atmosphere.
At the moment, the state of his living room was in the exact condition Claire had pictured. Decorations were draped over the sides of several large cartons and tissue paper was strewn across the floor. At first Joshua was content sitting on her lap as he watched Jennie and Alex add strings of gold beads and garlands to the tree that towered above him. Then Jennie gave him a candy cane to hang, and after that he wasn’t content with his former spectator status.
“Me,” he demanded, holding out his hand for something else to suspend from the tree. Naturally, he placed his ornaments in a bunch on the bottom branch, but when he wasn’t looking, Jennie swiftly spread them around. If Joshua wondered where his pretty baubles went, he didn’t appear to care.
Every now and then, he would help himself to the bite-sized cheese crackers that Alex had provided but, after eating a few, he was always ready to resume his decorating duties.
Claire sipped mulled cider and simply enjoyed watching the others work. On more than one occasion, she blinked back a tear as Alex hoisted Joshua in the air so he could place an ornament near the top.
Joshua screamed with delight.
He might not remember this particular day in the years ahead, but Claire would always carry this sight with her.
Maybe Ray wasn’t the man who’d share these times with his son, but she couldn’t have asked for a better man than Alex to take his place.
Soon, Alex declared the boxes empty. “That’s it. We’re done.”
Joshua peered over the edge of the carton to see for himself. “Done?”
“All done,” Alex echoed.
“I’m going to take Joshua to my room,” Jennie announced as she held out her hand to him. “I want to read some of my books to him.”
“Watch the steps,” Alex admonished.
“I will. Come, Joshie.”
Claire helped restore Alex’s living room, then settled against the sofa cushions with her refilled mug. “Thanks for the afternoon. Joshua really enjoyed it.”
“I’m glad. And did Joshua’s mother enjoy herself, too?”
More than she probably should have, although Nora and Claire’s family would disagree. “Yes,” she said simply.
He grinned. “Good, because the clinic is next.”
Although she’d slept reasonably well last night at the hospital, she knew she’d need a nap, too, if Alex was determined to tackle that project as well.
“Shouldn’t we save some of the fun for tomorrow?” she asked.
He shook his head. “Nope. We’re on a roll. Didn’t your mother tell you not to put off until tomorrow what you can do today?”
“Yes, but Christmas decorating didn’t fall in that category.”
He shrugged. “Maybe not, but there’s a law at work at our house. The number of medical emergencies I have is directly proportional to the number of jobs waiting at home. So I do what I can when I can.”
“Is that why a man who’s been divorced for seven years spends his Saturday evenings alone? So he can catch up on his chores?”
“I’m not alone,” he protested mildly. “I have you, and Joshua, and Jennie.”
“Tonight you do, but what about other Saturdays? You’ve surely kicked up your heels. All work and no play makes Alex a dull boy.”
“I haven’t been a total hermit,” he protested. “I’ve gone out on a number of occasions. Jennie never seemed to strike a chord with the women I dated, so they simply faded away. They were great ladies, but I wasn’t interested enough in them to force the issue.”
“Jennie’s very protective of you. She told me some time ago that she doesn’t need a mother.”
“So she says. I’ve bent over backward to compensate for both her physical problems and for Donna walking out on her. I may have done us both a disservice.”
“I wouldn’t worry. She seems like a healthy, wholesome little girl to me. I hope I raise Joshua as well. By the way, I’m really amazed at how patient Jennie is with him.”
“Jennie likes preschool children. Probably because they’ll do what she tells them.” He grinned.
Joshua’s sudden howl brought Claire to the edge of her seat. Before she could stand, Joshua tottered in, tugging on his ear lobe.
Jennie followed, clearly worried. “He didn’t hurt his ear, honest. We were playing and all of a sudden he looked around and started crying.”
Joshua ran into Claire’s outstretched arms and she wiped away the two trails of tears on his rosy cheeks. “He’s OK, Jennie,” she told her. “When he’s tired, he pulls on his ear. He’ll be fine after he sleeps for a few hours. Alex, I’m sorry, but decorating the clinic will have to wait.”
Without asking, Alex fetched their coats and helped her with hers. His gentlemanly courtesy was unexpected but appreciated as he stood close enough behind her for his breath to caress her neck. She sensed that, if not for their audience, he might have pulled her against him as he had earlier.
She wouldn’t have objected in the least.
Slowly, hesitantly, she moved away, certain that she’d seen the same reluctance in his dark eyes.
“Drive carefully,” he said as he handed over Joshua’s coat and hat.
“We’re only going a few blocks,” she reminded him. It had been a long time since someone, other than Nora or her brother, had expressed concern over her well-being. “And it’s still daylight.”
“You never know,” he said.
Claire said her goodbyes, Joshua waved his, and they soon headed for home.
Alex didn’t close the door until Claire had pulled out of his driveway. “That was fun,” he said to Jennie.
“It was,” she agreed. “It would be nice to have a little brother like Joshua.”
Alex was surprised to hear Jennie broach the subject. She’d never asked for a sibling before. “Do you think so?”
“Yeah. It’s fun, teaching him things.”
He decided to test the waters. “You can’t have a brother or a sister without having a mother.”
“But I don’t want a mother.”
“We have Mrs Rowe. And I’m eight. I don’t need a mom like Joshua does.”
He shrugged as if the subject was insignificant when to him it was anything but. Until Claire had arrived, he hadn’t realized how his days had passed by in a haze of sameness. Now he felt alive, awakened, and he didn’t want to regress.
“Someday you may change your mind,” he said, mentally crossing his fingers that she would. Perhaps the time spent with Claire would convince her.
As for himself, after a dry spell of five long years since his last semi-serious date, he didn’t want to be alone. He’d do whatever it took for Claire to end up in his Christmas stocking.