The moment I woke, I remembered.
I lunged out of bed and made it to the washroom just before throwing up. Suzette.
Sinking down to sit on the floor, I covered my face with my hands. When Fiarre and I turned to face the shuttle, I’d been excited for Finn to meet the Fieren. But even before they’d exited the shuttle, Fiarre and I sensed someone inside had the virus. I’d nearly cried with relief when I saw it wasn’t Finn.
But Suzette . . .
I’d begged Fiarre for a moment for me to explain, to erase some of the fear and betrayal I’d seen on Suzette’s face, but . . .
I shook my head. I was such a coward for not wanting to remember. Suzette deserved to be remembered.
You are not a coward, Rider. Fiarre’s presence shifted within me. I wasn’t sure how I felt about that.
A little privacy, please? I got to my feet and brushed my teeth with a fierceness they certainly didn’t deserve. I didn’t expect Fiarre to listen to me, but he withdrew his presence until it was a whisper instead of a shout.
“Good morning, Preferido.” Missy bowed her head to me as I left the washroom. “Here. Let me.” She took the comb I held in my hand and gestured for me to sit on the bench. I followed her instructions and closed my eyes as I tried to relax.
“Have you ever worn your hair in braids?” she asked.
“No.”
Today was supposed to be my and Finn’s special day, but I didn’t know how we could go ahead with the bonding after what had happened. What I had done.
“May I arrange your hair for you? Try something new?”
Where were the accusations? The gloating over not being Prem’yera material, after all? I needed Missy’s punishment, not this . . . kindness.
I shrugged. “Sure. Thanks.”
While immersed in Fiarre’s memories, I got so much more than information—I got understanding. Feelings of sorrow, anger, hope, fear, defeat, and so much more. Fiarre’s entire family died from the virus the Pale Horde brought with them. Because they had no way to stop the spread of the illness, it moved through their kin with lethal swiftness. Fiarre and those that rested on the ledge were the last of their kind. The only ones who the illness didn’t touch.
When the Fierens and Xel discovered the use of the frigid fire, he experienced the pain of destroying friends he cherished. Last night, when I/we saw the pathogen in Suzette, the fear I’d felt for Finn’s safety had been almost feral. I/we knew how quickly the pathogen spread, and the instinct to eradicate—or to quell as the Fierens called it—had been overwhelming. At that moment, I knew Suzette presented a threat to Finn, to me, to everyone.
But now, shame and doubt assailed me.
We could have spoken to her, comforted her. We could have explained the situation and eased some of her fear.
We could have perhaps quarantined her while the Brahmin searched for a cure. Fiarre stirred within me, and I sensed his disagreement. Before he could argue, I said, Our Brahmin are brilliant scientists and scholars. The Prem’yera and Servants possess the entirety of human knowledge. I’m sure we can find a cure.
Do you truly believe we would embrace the elimination of our species—and the Xel’s—without first exhausting every remedy?
I wondered if I would ever be alone in my head again.
You don’t know us, either, I insisted. You don’t know what we can do.
Fiarre made a tsking sound that clicked through me. The Xel were simple people, preferring art and storytelling to the demands of science, but they learned a few things. What do you know about prion diseases?
I huffed in frustration even while I searched the ship’s database through my connection. Prion diseases were deadly back on our home world, but we’ve eradicated all illnesses during our long journey here. I’m sure we could solve this problem too. I didn’t actually know anything but what I found in that second or two. There hadn’t been any deaths due to a prion disease since our first hundred years in space.
I did not know either until the Xel told us. Fierens are natural creatures. We have little use for science. However, we care about those things that threaten the lives of the ones we love. A prion disease causes proteins in the brain to fold abnormally. Some creatures are predisposed to its influence, and those are the ones who will contract the pathogen first. Others have varied responses—some may be immune, while others who simply possess a resistance may succumb to the protein’s influence over time.
Either way, Fiarre said, there is no method for repairing brain proteins.
Our people can manipulate DNA, I responded eagerly. There’s got to be another way than your fire!
Somehow, I sensed Fiarre’s huff of frustration. I would never suggest that your people not try. Perhaps you are right, and they will stop the Horde’s destruction. After an eternity of watching all I love perish, I no longer cling to hope.
“I can sense his presence with you,” Missy whispered. “With us. But I cannot hear his thoughts.” Though her work braiding my hair remained steady, that familiar condescending tone crept into her words again.
Time is of the essence, Rider. Fiarre’s voice sounded bitter, angry even. Unless you have an unlimited number of your species you are willing to sacrifice while you search for a cure, your entire species will be eradicated when you could stop the spread by using my fire.
I didn’t respond to Fiarre. I didn’t know what to say. I felt heartsick over Suzette and couldn’t imagine taking part in such a quelling again.
“He was, yes.” I paused, waiting to see if she would say something else. She didn’t. “I’m sorry,” I finally said. Tears gathered behind my eyes, but I fought them back. I should be excited for this morning, for the chance to take this first step with Finn, but the horror of what happened last night wouldn’t leave me.
Missy continued braiding and said nothing at first. “May I access your memories?” This time, her voice was more contrite, and I jumped at the chance.
“Yes, please! I’d love for someone else to understand, to know what happened— and why.”
I felt her essence trickle into my mind like cool water. Her presence was so different from Fiarre’s. Her touch was light and precise, while Fiarre felt like another being had moved right in. Most of the time, he seemed to minimize the intensity of his presence, but he was never really gone. Until now, I’d resented Missy’s connection with me. Not anymore.
I brought the memories from last night to the forefront of my mind and let Missy explore them. Fiarre stirred, and I wondered what it would be like for the three of us to have a conversation in my head. I really didn’t want to find out.
“Well,” Missy said at last. She made another quick tug on my hair then moved to stand in front of me. She scrutinized my hair, looking every bit the Stern Missy, but when her gaze fell to mine, her countenance visibly relaxed. “You look lovely. Put aside the troubles of last night while we get you ready for your Dì èr. There will be time afterward to discuss what happened. I am sure the Prem’yera will want to learn all that you know.”
Yeah. I bet he would. Right before he denounces me. “Thank you,” I said. I wanted to hug her, to take what comfort she could give, but we both stayed still until the awkward moment had passed.
“We had best get you dressed,” Missy said after a moment.
I spun away from her, wanting desperately to begin my bond with Finn. “Yes.” The word was as light as the flowing drapes around me while my heart raced. Now that Finn, Dom, and Missy knew about the pathogen, and the Fierens’ purpose in fighting it, maybe everything would be okay. Fiarre’s rumble of approval made me smile.
Missy produced tunic and pants in a pale purple that reminded me of Lux’s many-colored birds. I fingered the fabric, marveling at how soft it was.
“Dominic is at the door. Will you excuse me a moment?”
“Stars! Are we late?” I whirled to face her, panic snapping.
Missy smiled, which was still somewhat disconcerting. “We have time. Just get dressed, and I will be right back.”
I nodded but watched after her for a moment before slipping out of my robe and into the new clothes. I was glad to not be wearing a gown again—I felt more comfortable in the tunic and pants I’d worn all my life. Not that any had been as luxurious as these.
Missy returned just as I finished; a glossy black box sat atop her palms. “This is from the Dì èr.”
A thrill of excitement went through me, making my palms sweat. I didn’t want to touch the box with them, but I thought better of wiping them on my pants—it wouldn’t do to show up in these beautiful clothes with sweaty palm prints on my thighs. I looked around for something to wipe my hands on when Missy came to my rescue.
“Your nanos can eliminate the sweat,” she said. “You just need to tell them. Eventually, you will become so in sync that your mind and nanites will work in perfect concert.”
Drying my hands turned out to be as easy as thought, and I reached out to take the box. I sat on the bench, cradling it. Still open to my nanites, it surprised me when they supplied information about the box—made of Chinese blackwood, it had been an heirloom when its owner brought it aboard Eden I. Now, it was probably close to two thousand years old. Gently, I lifted the lid.
Inside lay a silvery necklace—titanium, my nanites supplied. At first glance, it was a simple infinity symbol lying on its side, but as I pulled it out of the box, I felt tiny marks on the back. Turning it over, I discovered an inscription etched into the curve of the symbol.
Always and forever ~ Finn and Wylie, together
Tears welled and spilled over as I held the gift in my hands.
“Preferido?” Missy said quietly from the doorway. “We should go.”
I swiped at my eyes. “Of course.” I stood and set the box on the bench.
Missy came forward, took the necklace from my hand, and clasped it around my neck. Its weight fell comfortingly against my collarbone, just below the hollow of my throat.
She stepped back and looked me up and down. “Good. Would you like to see?”
Startled by her unexpected question, I nodded. I just had time to wonder how I could see myself, as there weren’t any mirrors or shiny surfaces on Lux, when an image of myself came into my mind. It was Missy’s view of me.
I gasped as I saw the miracle she’d performed with my hair. Instead of the thick mass of curls I usually wore, Missy had braided it into a complex design close to my scalp, then gathered under my right ear.
“It’s so long.” I fingered a braid hanging over my shoulder. “Thank you, Missy. It’s beautiful.”
She squeezed my hand. “You are beautiful. Now, we must hurry.”
I followed her out of my bedroom, through the sitting area, and right out the door without paying much attention. I couldn’t stop touching the necklace Finn had given me.
I didn’t expect Finn to be in the hall waiting for me.
“Hey!” I stopped short, suddenly shy and embarrassed. “What are you doing here?” Oh, stars. Why was I so weird sometimes?
He chuckled and stepped in close to me. “May I escort you?”
My gaze sank into his, and the world seemed to disappear. I touched my necklace. “Thank you for this.”
He shrugged and lost a little of the confidence he’d strutted a moment before. “I wanted to give you something tangible, so you would always know I am yours.”
“I couldn’t possibly forget,” I breathed. “Because I will always be yours.”
We grinned stupidly at each other until Dom cleared his throat. Finn stepped back, his hand finding mine, and together we stepped into the lift, our Servants following.
“Why didn’t you give it to me in person?” I fingered the necklace again—something I couldn’t seem to stop doing.
Finn shrugged again and rocked back on his heels. “I . . .”
“He was too shy,” Dom supplied, eliciting a dirty look from Finn and a laugh from me.
I shoulder-bumped Finn. “I’m feeling weirdly shy too.”
He squeezed my hand and smiled down at me. “To answer your question,” he said after a beat, “I made it. It’s titanium, so it should be resistant to the harsh weather here.”
“I know.” I grinned. “My nanos told me.”
He grinned back. “Did they, now?”
“Yup.”
More stupid grinning while our Servants no doubt wished they were anywhere but stuck in a tube with two love-sick teenagers.
The lift arrived at the bottom level, and just before the door opened, Finn pulled my arm through his. I almost felt like a proper bride as we stepped out and saw the promenade lined by thousands of people who’d come to witness the bonding. This was more than I ever imagined, and it was only the first of three ceremonies.
I leaned close to Finn. “Wow. Did you know about this?”
“I had an idea,” he said. “Did I tell you how beautiful you look?”
I glanced up at him. “No.”
“You are as bright and beautiful as that ocean out there.”
My steps slowed, and Finn matched me, never breaking eye contact. “Thank you,” I said. I pictured the ever-sun sparkling on that vast body of turquoise and blue and felt truly beautiful for the first time in my life.
Dom and Missy subtly crowded us from behind, urging us to move forward, which we did, smiling and greeting all the people who’d come out to celebrate with us. Music played in the courtyard, and as we stepped outside the tower, a man sang. I didn’t recognize the song and was too overwhelmed to track the words, but I felt them in my heart.
I’d loved Finn my whole life. And now, we’d begin the process that would bind us together forever. I touched my necklace again. Forever.