The Xel walked me back to their shelter in silence. At some point, they surrounded me until I was walking in the center of a moving rectangle of bodies. I tried to ask Rosenthen what was happening, but he remained silent.
Had I done something wrong? I couldn’t imagine what. I mean, maybe I’d get in trouble for wandering from the group, but I hadn’t intended to fight the wrao by myself. Besides, it had all worked out, hadn’t it? More Xel had passed us—running back to claim the one I’d killed, I was sure.
But this silent treatment and weird march formation had me seriously unnerved.
When we entered Fiarre’s cave, his sudden fire lit the space, accompanied by the din of stones clapping together and strange guttural ululations.
Well met, fierling. Fiarre’s voice and his deep admiration and affection filled me from my ears to my toes.
What’s going on? I’d asked Fiarre, but I sent it to Rosenthen too. When I finally dragged my eyes away from the congregation of Xel filling the small space, I found him standing to my right. He’d backed up, allowing more people to come in behind me, but this wasn’t a punishment of any kind. This was a celebration. Slellen left this for you to wear. He indicated a brightly colored fall of fabric lying over my cot.
You not only survived your first hunt, Rosenthen said, you also survived a solo battle with a wrao male and emerged the victor. We honor all those who fought valiantly tonight. And we honor the creatures who died so we may eat and clothe ourselves well for many days to come.
Rosenthen and the other hunters moved off, while large steaming pots, utensils, blankets, and other items arrived on hovering platforms. A female I hadn’t met approached, her head bowed, and her uplifted arms filled with a piece of cloth. I took the brightly woven blanket and bowed my head in thanks. Her high, gentle laughter followed her as she turned and hurried away.
Wylielen. At the touch of Slellen’s mind on my own, I looked for her but didn’t find her. Tomorrow, will you join me? I have something you might find helpful as you consider returning home.
Of course! Curiosity burned inside me. I hated waiting for things.
I glanced up, startled to see Fiarre’s head angled so he could peer down on me with one large green eye. Stop it, I said, embarrassed by all the attention and trouble my hosts were going to. Why are you looking at me like that?
Fiarre’s iris expanded from a slit to an irregularly shaped square. Like what?
Just . . . so close. I unfolded the garment and let out a long breath of appreciation. This is extraordinary. And it was. Made with the colors of Sol Eterno, it somehow seemed to glow with the city’s eternal sun. I still wore my hunting suit, so I quickly slipped it off and put my head through the hole in the fabric’s center. In the back, the wrap fell to my ankles, and the front, to my knees. That definitely didn’t look right, so I stared at the female Xel until I realized my mistake.
A little nonplussed, I turned the back to the front. Now the garment fell to my knees in the back, which at least resembled the other females. After much trial and error, I realized the long narrow pieces on each side of the front panel were parts of a belt. I lifted the belt pieces, folding the front in half. The belt wrapped around my waist several times, defining my figure, and securing the garment snugly. Once I had it right, I preened a little—even if my cheeks burned with embarrassment.
The Xel are immensely talented, both in the arts and sciences. When you first woke me, I’d feared there truly was nothing left of their remarkable society. It gives me great joy to see them thriving here, in this place.
But why are they here? Surely, after so long, they would have returned home by now. Another young female approached me, and I met her eyes with gratitude.
Hello, I said tentatively into her awareness.
Her skin flushed a pretty pink, but she didn’t respond. Instead, she gently lifted my arms up and away from my body and made quick work of the wrap. She smiled as she backed away and joined the crowd.
I believe you have many admirers among the Xel, Fiarre said with a soft rumble. As for why they remain here, I do not know. You will have to ask them.
I gazed up at his glowing green eye, mesmerized by the geometric shapes that shifted and moved within its depths. Thank you, I said.
He chuffed. For what? I did not help you with your clothing.
Slugging him on his snout, I glared at him. But we both knew I wasn’t really mad, so I leaned against him instead. For coming for me. For helping me with the Xel. For being my friend.
There was a long silence, then Fiarre said, I am honored to have your friendship as well.
I remember what you told me before, I said. And I don’t blame you for going back to Sol. You need the sunlight.
Fiarre rumbled, but I kept going before he could say anything. It’s time to go back.
This time, he shifted around me so quickly, I barely tracked his movement. He brought his head down so close that his muzzle touched my nose. He pulled his lips back, revealing even more reason to call him a dragon.
They will kill you. Your Finn said he would send word when it—
I placed my palm against Fiarre’s scaly cheek. I need to try. It’s time to go back.
Fiarre angled his head so he could stare at me with one enormous eye. I stared right back.
With a huff, he retreated, leaving me to face the Xel’s celebration alone.
I didn’t know if I belonged to my people anymore, and the thought of what might happen to me when I returned terrified me.
But those were just excuses. Even if I wasn’t preferido anymore; even if Finn no longer loved me—I was neo now. I knew things no other person knew besides the other Dharma. My body was stronger, and by the time I left, I’d have precious information from the Xel. It was time I put all I’d been given to work for my people.
I never subscribed to any of the gods on ship—religion wasn’t taught in the classroom but in the home, and since I didn’t have that, I only had a passing knowledge of such things. But on my lonely nights, I’d felt as if there was someone or something watching over me. It’s why I thought I could do good in the world. Why I knew—at least a little—what love was.
Maybe this—all of this—was why I was here. Why I lived despite my parents’ abandonment. Why I survived exile. Maybe I was saved so I could save them. The people of Eden. My people.
It seems our timing is perfect, Slellen said. Your Fieren has kept you apart from the Xel who would like to meet you. She and Chrislen, each bearing platters of food, approached.
Oh, no! My cheeks burned as I glanced back accusingly at Fiarre. I’m so sorry, I— Slellen’s expression remained neutral, but Chrislen’s face was so scrunched up, and her lips puckered, that I suddenly got the joke. I let out a puff of air and rolled my eyes. You almost had me there, I told them.
Slellen held out her platter, and I selected a kabob with juicy chunks of meat and vegetables. Chrislen handed me a napkin.
My people are probably more in awe of you than your Fieren, Slellen said. They’ve heard of the great winged beasts, but they’ve never heard of humans.
I snorted a laugh, coming awfully close to spitting out the food in my mouth. I’m not exactly the best example of my species. You should see my bonded—I stumbled, unsure of what Finn was to me now—the person I nearly bonded with. He’s the best of all of us.
But Slellen shook her head and gently touched my arm. It is extremely rare for an individual to slay a male wrao, Wylielen. Even for us. Please allow us to honor your accomplishment.
I stared into her fathomless black eyes and nodded before the falling stars within them distracted me. Well, I wish they wouldn’t be so shy to speak to me.
In time, they will overcome their fear. Slellen cocked her head as she stared at me, but it was Chrislen’s airy voice I heard in my head.
You are not staying, are you?
I shifted my attention to Chrislen. No. I need to get back to my people.
But they wanted to kill you, Chrislen pressed.
Fiarre harrumphed and shifted nearer. That is what I told her.
Don’t listen to my dragon. I grinned at Chrislen, but she still looked sad.
What is a dragon? Fiarre asked.
You’re a dragon, I said.
No, I am not. I am a Fieren. I know you are not stupid—why do you insist on calling me something I am not?
I shared my grin with him, but no one else was smiling.
Anyway, I said to Slellen. It’s time for me to go back. I’m so grateful for all you have done for me. Thank you. I can’t thank you enough.
Slellen bowed her head. It has been our honor.
I hoped that—
Slellen’s lips pursed before she spoke. Of course, child. We will share all that we know before you leave. For now, let us celebrate while you are yet with us.
Chrislen put her hand in mine and tugged me toward a circle of dancing children.
Hours later, I lounged against Fiarre’s exposed belly, watching the Xel. How they had so much energy was a mystery to me. I was ready for sleep.
I’m going to miss her, I told Fiarre.
He shared a memory of me sitting on the ground surrounded by children while they inspected me and asked Chrislen questions about me. It had been an odd experience, and seeing it again through Fiarre’s eyes made me laugh. Chrislen held court like a pro.
Chrislen told me that when Slellen dies, she will be their leader.
I didn’t really expect Fiarre to respond, but he said, Slellen will not leave her before she is ready—at least, not by choice.
I knew that, but there were lots of ways a Xel could die out here in Obscuridad. That didn’t seem to trouble them, though.
We talked about it a little when we played that stone game. I couldn’t pronounce the name, but it involved small, perfectly round stones we’d used to knock the other’s stones out of the circles drawn on the stone floor. She said it would be her honor to lead them. Remembering, I gave a derisive snort. She’s so wise already, and she’s just a little girl. I wish I could be more like her.
You are exactly who you are meant to be, Fiarre said. A leader—and one Chrislen already looks up to.
I shifted uncomfortably. I don’t know about that.
You are fearing our return.
I snorted again. If I didn’t stop feeling sorry for myself soon, I’d start crying and that would not be a good look. Instead of trying to explain myself, I shared my memory with Fiarre . . .
Don’t you find it confining? I’d asked Chrislen. It didn’t bother me that I was taking advice from a child. In so many ways, she was wiser than I was.
She cocked her head, considering. You mean, as if I had no choice to lead them?
More that because you’ll be their leader, you can’t be anything else. Like whatever other things you like to do.
Anything else? She looked around. I can do anything. Everything. She stood and twirled. You can do everything you want too, she told me earnestly.
I shook my head. It’s different with my people. Once you become the leader, you give up everything else. You can’t hang out around the fire like Slellen does with your people. You can’t paint or dance or . . . fly, I thought to myself.
Chrislen collapsed to the ground beside me, her naked brows drawn down. Why not?
I opened my mouth to respond but couldn’t find the words.
Are there rules that say you have to be separated from your people? Our rules say the leader must live among them.
I thought about that. Thought about the tower in Sol Eterno and all the citizens far below. How even on Eden I, the Dharma lived furthest from the Shudra. Serantha had said something similar to me once—that I would make a good Prem’yera because I knew the people and spent time with them. But why hadn’t Serantha done that? I searched my database for the rules about leadership, then shook my head. I guess we don’t have any rules against living among the people. Or doing things you enjoy even after you’re a leader. It had just always been that way.
Chrislen shrugged, then bent down to line up her next shot. She was slaying me in the game, but I didn’t mind losing to her. It wasn’t the game I cared about; it was the company. Then you should do it, Chrislen said once she’d knocked her stone into the only one of mine left within the center circle.
Do what? I took my shot but missed.
Chrislen rolled her eyes—a habit I feared she’d picked up from me. Do the things that make you happy. And spend time with the people. How can you expect to be a good leader if you don’t first take care of yourself? She bent over her stone. If she made this shot, she’d win the game. Again. At least that’s what Slellen says. She has always had an interest in textiles. She discovered the wrao’s hide could be made into protective suits. If it hadn’t been for her love of textiles, the suit might not exist and we’d still be hunting like we used to—and many of us died then.
I stared at the girl, open-mouthed. She took her shot, but I barely noticed. Slellen made the suits that protect you when you hunt?
Chrislen shrugged again then began gathering up the stones into the little woven box she stored them in. I guess she’d won. Yes. She pursed her lips at me, and I grinned back.
You amaze me, I said.
Her brow quirked down. Why?
It was my turn to shrug. You just do.
You are right, Fiarre said now. She is clever. But you possess an open heart and mind, fierling. Do not discount yourself.
I leaned back against him. He felt cool and clammy. We need to go back, I said. You can’t stay here any longer.
He rumbled in denial, but I was getting better at gleaning information from our bond. Fiarre had explained that the Fieren used a process similar to photosynthesis to survive; they could not survive long in the dark. He might not admit it, but it was time to go home.
Chrislen skipped up to us and snuggled close to me. You will be an excellent leader for your people, she said. Especially if you let them see you just as you are.
I agree. A new voice joined the conversation as Slellen walked toward us. My elder said that a ruler is only as great as the people in her care. If they suffer, the ruler is inadequate. If they flourish, then the ruler had done her job. She kneeled before Chrislen and me, her eyes wide and soft.
That is why our leaders are always female. Because we are the natural nurturers of our kind. Because it is in our blood to care for our children and to raise them, so it is only natural that we do the same for our people.
I nodded, but I wondered if I even knew how to nurture. It’s not like I was raised by a caring parent.
Slellen eyed me, then said, I sense this makes you uncomfortable.
It did, and I was afraid she would ask me to explain why.
Trust in yourself, Wylielen. Be the best you, you can be. Once you do those things, the rest will come naturally.
She stood and placed her hand on my shoulder. If you are called to lead your people, trust that you are the right person to do so. It is an honor, but not only that; it is a joy. She gave my shoulder a gentle squeeze and motioned for Chrislen to join her.
I thought I was going to have the chance to lead them, I said before they left me. The regret and disappointment I felt over that loss surprised me, and emotion slipped into my words. But then they broke my bond with my mate and sent me here.
Slellen looked from me to Fiarre, her features unreadable. That may be so, but do not count yourself out. You may yet have the chance to be exactly the ruler your people need. She nodded as if agreeing with her words. Get some sleep. Tomorrow we will meet with the elders and see what answers we can give you.
I watched Slellen and Chrislen stoop to pick up several baskets before disappearing down the tunnel. Only then did I realize the Xel had packed and gone, leaving me alone with Fiarre. I stood and kissed Fiarre’s snout before making my way down to the warm nursery room. As I lay on my bed, I thought of tomorrow, and of what leaving this place might mean. I hoped I could take what I had learned from them and use it to help bring change to my society.
Starting with saving them from death at the hand of the Pale Horde.
But before I could become any kind of leader—whether as Prem’yera or as a citizen—Fiarre and I needed to survive the journey home.