4
The Volcano Erupts
His paw ached. The dinosaur must have trodden on it. He hadn’t had enough sleep either. But a Hero did what a Hero had to do—which in Boo’s case was get up and go to school.
He dragged himself out of his basket. He could smell eyeballs frying. Mrs Bigpaws must be cooking breakfast. She was so happy to have a student Hero living at their place that she cooked him his favourite breakfasts every morning. But today he felt like even eyeballs on toast would choke him.
Would Yesterday be in trouble? The school dance had been ruined, the library wrecked, retired Heroes trampled, student Heroes bruised…
Was there a rule against bringing a dinosaur to school? Boo tried to remember any punishments. Students who didn’t come up to scratch usually just ended up dead—or lost in the pit traps. And as far as he knew you only got expelled for refusing to do your homework—fighting bogeys.
This was not going to be a good day, he thought, checking in the mirror to make sure that the School Medal for Outstanding Heroism was straight on his collar and his tongue was hanging out neatly—because today he also had to ask Dr Mussells’s permission to venture into the Ghastly Otherwhen, with Mug and Yesterday (and Squeak, if the mouse ever returned from wherever he had vanished to) and anyone else Boo could persuade to join him.
Boo sighed. He lifted his leg, left a few drops on the door post—it was only good manners to do a small widdle so Mrs Bigpaws could sniff it later and realise just how grateful he was for her good breakfasts—then grabbed his school bag in his jaws and began to trot down the stairs to the kitchen.
Squeak was waiting for him as he sank down into the wormhole.
‘Squeak!’ The mouse jumped onto his school bag, then burrowed down into its little red pouch on Boo‘s collar. ‘Woof,’ said Boo, wagging his tail. He was surprised how glad he was to see the tiny creature. Where had he been since the attack of the Greedle? Yesterday would be able to ask him. Boo padded more quickly down the long dark wormhole. Whatever trouble Yesterday was in this morning, he wanted to be by her side.
The air grew warmer as he approached the school exit. Only Heroes, he thought, would think of building a school and a Heroic retirement home in a volcano. He lifted up a paw thoughtfully. The rock seemed hotter today. He could smell burning too—an even stronger smell than usual.
Had someone burnt the tentacle muffins up at Rest in Pieces?
The red glow at the end of the wormhole grew clearer. ‘Student approaching,’ he yelled to whichever old Heroes guarded the entrance today. He stepped out onto the black rock of the plateau just as something hot and red glooped in front of him.
The volcano was erupting.
Molten rock rained down on the mountainside that contained the school and retirement home. Up at Rest in Pieces he could hear ancient Heroes yelling.
‘Move that wheelchair!’
‘Huh! All this fuss about a little lava. Back when I defeated the—’
‘Run, you senile old fool!’
‘I’ll show you senile! Pass me my sword! No, not my gourd. My sword!’
GLOP GLOOP!
Boo stepped back hurriedly into the wormhole as a wave of glowing rock seeped towards him.
‘Calm down! Nothing to worry about.’ Dr Mussells swung past from rock to rock, but still somehow able to eat a banana. ‘Just a little eruption. Soon be under control…’
Boo poked his head out of the wormhole. ‘But, sir, how?’
‘Dahlia the Dazzler and Gloria the Gorgeous are down in the pit now. Pitted against the volcano, eh? They’ll soon have it fixed. You won’t need to pause then. Pause, paws…get it?’
‘Ha ha, sir. But—’ began Boo. How could two ancient Heroes cope with an erupting volcano? Yet, even as he spoke, five fingers tipped with bright red nails grasped the edge of the pit, followed by the rest of Dahlia. Her red wig looked singed. She bent down and hauled up Gloria. Behind them the volcano gave a final gloop and then was silent.
Boo stared down at the gently seething lava. ‘How did you do that?‘
Dahlia flashed him a smile. ‘Dazzled it, boy, er, wolf. Even volcanoes can‘t resist Dahlia the Dazzler. My new perfume helped, too.‘
‘Huh.’ Gloria the Gorgeous poked her in the ribs. ‘Why were you carrying that plug then?’ She reached down and hauled her walking frame out of the volcano.
‘Plug? There wasn‘t any plug. And your wig‘s on crooked.‘
Boo shook his head. Heroes just…did things. And if you were lucky they might teach you how. (Though in Dahlia‘s and Gloria‘s cases he wasn‘t sure they were techniques he wanted to learn.)
He put out a paw cautiously. The thin layer of lava had cooled enough to walk on—or run across. He sprinted across the ledge after Dr Mussells, into the main school cavern, trying to ignore the pain and smell of burning fur.
At least the floor was coolish in here. He bent down and licked the lava off his paws, shook a few drops off his coat, then looked around. But all the school caverns were empty. Even Dr Mussells had vanished into his office.
Had all the students been swallowed by the volcano? But he’d come to school early, he reminded himself. He shivered, despite the heat. Why was he nervous? After all, Level 4s were allowed to organise their own Expeditions. He had every right to go to the Ghastly Otherwhen—the most fearsome place in the universes, from which no Hero had ever escaped—taking his two best friends (or three if he could convince Princess Princess to come too, or four if you counted the mouse) into danger, terror and possible disaster…
Boo gulped. So that was why he was nervous.
He forced his tail up to a jaunty angle. It was time to tell Dr Mussells about the Expedition. Maybe the principal could convince even more students to join them…and a few retired Heroes or teachers. He might have a few helpful hints about Expeditions, too.
Boo was a Level 4, not a new kid, well, puppy, any more. He had the School Medal for Outstanding Heroism.
Dr Mussells had to say yes.
BOGEY AND BANANA RIPPLE
INGREDIENTS:
1 BANANA
1 BOGEY
METHOD:
THROW THE BANANA AT THE BOGEY.
THEN WATCH THE BOGEY RIPPLE.
FROM THE SCHOOL FOR HEROES BIFF! BAM! COOKBOOK
CONTRIBUTED BY DR VB MUSSELLS, PHD, DIP (BANANAS)