5
The Way to the Ghastly Otherwhen
‘No,’ said Dr Mussells.
Boo sat back on his haunches and stared at the principal. He’d never seen Dr Mussells like this before, sitting at his desk, his face grim. Dr Mussells should have been hanging from the ceiling, munching a banana and making (lame) jokes.
‘But, sir, Level 4s can choose their own assignments. And I choose the Ghastly Otherwhen.’
‘Even though you know it’s certain death?’
Boo gulped. ‘Er, how about uncertain death? We can do it, sir!’ he added more urgently, wagging his tail. ‘There’s no one to rule the Ghastly Otherwhen now the Greedle is gone. Even if it’s full of bogeys they’ll be leaderless—’
‘So you think a werewolf puppy can succeed where all other Heroes have failed?’
‘But that’s why we might succeed, sir. Big fierce Heroes attract attention. But kids could sneak in—’
‘And rescue your mother?’ Dr Mussells gazed at him for a moment, then reached into his desk drawer and pulled out a banana. He began to peel it with his feet, while one hand tapped a pen on his desk.
‘Yes, sir.’
Tap, tap, tap. ‘The answer is still no,’ said Dr Mussells. He took a bite out of his banana, stared at it as though it was suddenly tasteless, then threw it in the bin.
‘You can’t stop me!’ It was out of Boo’s mouth before he knew he was going to say it.
Dr Mussells took up his pen again.
‘True. I can’t stop you. But I won’t help you, either.’ Tap, tap, tap. ‘How are you going to find the Ghastly Otherwhen?’
‘I’ve been thinking, sir. When you sent us out to the Universe of Golden Grass and to the Universe of Glug we didn’t follow anyone there. You programmed the school bus to take us there the first time. And we just seemed to head to Glug as we walked in the tunnels.’
Tap, tap, tap. Dr Mussells’s tiny hands and feet looked strangely empty without a banana. ‘So you think I know the secret of getting to other universes?’
‘Yes, sir.’
The principal stopped tapping. ‘Well, I do. But Level 4 or not, you’ll have to find out the secret yourself.’ A look almost of anguish passed across the old monkey’s face. ‘I have sent students out to face many horrors, Boojum Bark. But I will not—not—send anyone to the Ghastly Otherwhen. Dismissed.’
‘But, sir—’
‘Go!’
Boo paused at the door. There was one more thing he had to ask. He turned back. The principal was still staring into space, the look of pain back as though it was frozen on his furry face.
‘Sir? It’s not about the Ghastly Otherwhen,’ he added quickly, as Dr Mussells’s wrinkles turned furious. ‘It’s about Yesterday. I don’t mean what happened yesterday…I mean, yes, I do. I really mean, is Yesterday in any trouble?’
The principal’s furry face relaxed. ‘Because she brought a ferocious dinosaur capable of ripping students and teachers limb from limb to the school dance?’
‘Er…yes, sir.’
‘No, of course not,’ said Dr Mussells. ‘This is the School for Heroes, boy, I mean wolf. Anyone who can’t cope with a ferocious dinosaur shouldn’t be here.’ He reached into his desk and pulled out another banana. This time he seemed to enjoy it. ‘What’s a school dance without a monster attack, heh? You should have seen the school dances when I was young. A complete bun fight. Bun fight. Get it?’
Boo breathed a sigh of relief. ‘Ha ha, sir. Then she’ll be here as usual today?’
‘No,’ said Dr Mussells.
‘But—’ began Boo.
‘Have a banana,’ said the principal kindly. Boo grabbed the banana out of the air before it hit his nose. ‘So…Yesterday didn’t tell you?’
‘She’s finished her schooling here. She’s a Level 4 now. The Guardians believe that’s enough education for a slave.’
‘You mean she’s not coming back to school? Ever?’
The principal nodded.
‘But…but that’s not fair!’ Yesterday had been made a Level 4 for saving the school—just like Mug and Boo himself. And now her Heroism had been rewarded by this!
For a second Dr Mussells’s monkey face softened. ‘Her owners have put her back to work.’
‘Feeding the dinosaurs? Rounding them up when tourists want to see them? That’s no work for a Hero!’ cried Boo.
‘I’m sorry, Boo. The Council of Heroes can’t interfere in the way other universes are run. Each universe has its own way of doing things. Yesterday may be a Hero. But in her own universe she’s still a slave.’
Boo stared at him, unbelieving. He’d never see Yesterday again! She’d vanished into her universe, just like Mum had vanished into the Ghastly Otherwhen.
There had to be some way to help her!
‘Sir, how much does it cost to buy a slave?’
The principal’s small eyes peered at him over the desk. ‘How much do you have?’
‘Um, 152 dried rats in the Sleepy Whiskers Bank.’ And the shop is mine, he thought, if Mum never comes back. It was worth at least 100,000 dried rats. But he couldn’t think that Mum might never return.
‘A Level 4 Hero slave costs more than this whole school is worth,’ said Dr Mussells quietly. ‘See any gold and jewels around here, Boojum? No. Heroes do their job because it needs to be done, not for reward. Tentacle muffins are cheap. So are wham! Bamm! ing classes, relatively. I’m sorry, Boo. We’d help the girl if we could. Heroes are always there for each other. But there is nothing we can do.’
‘But…but…’ Boo’s tail drooped.
‘Have another banana,’ offered Dr Mussells.
Boo lifted his chin. ‘No, thank you, sir.’ He shoved the door open with his nose and trotted back down the smoky corridor.
HOW TO SURVIVE THE GHASTLY OTHERWHEN BY COUNT TTOO-TTEN (REPUTED TO BE THE SHORTEST BOOK IN THE UNIVERSES)
Chapter 1.
Avoid it.
The End