It was quiet as they walked under the trees, apart from the occasional plop! as ripe fruit fell to the ground, and the sweet and dead whisper of the breeze. Boo picked up a piece of fruit in his jaws. It was long and orange, and full of tiny sweet seeds when he bit into it. He wrinkled his nose, swallowed and threw the rest of the fruit away.
‘Don’t you like it?’ Yesterday had grabbed a bunch of green and blue berries now.
‘Werewolves don’t eat much fruit,’ explained Boo. ‘Not unless it’s been made into ice cream. ICE CREAM,’ he added in a yell to Mug.
‘Zombies no eat fruit neither,’ rumbled Mug. ‘Not unless it zombie fruit.’ Suddenly he grinned. He plucked a giant melon from a vine that was twining up one of the red fruit trees, then jumped up and down on it.
‘Errk!’ Princess Princess watched as orange pulp squished between Mug’s fungus-covered toes. ‘What are you doing?’
Mug ignored her. He picked out a pinch of something from his pack, sprinkled it on the melon pulp, then bent down. He seemed to be whispering.
‘There may be bogey snakes up in the trees.’ Princess Princess gripped her crown nervously.
‘No, there aren’t,’ said Yesterday.
‘Well, then—’ Princess Princess stopped and stared.
The melon was coming back together. Bits of squish wriggled across the slug-green grass, joining up like they were best friends who hadn’t seen each other for years, until the melon was whole again.
It began to bounce.
Mug’s grin grew wider. ‘It zombie melon now!’ He caught it on its upwards hop, then shoved it into his mouth. Juice dribbled down into his fungus. ‘Mmmmmm. Food no fun if not wriggle.’
‘Well. I think that’s the most disgusting thing I’ve seen since…oh, not again!’
Boo lowered his leg. ‘Just keeping the trail marked. I need a drink,’ he added, ‘to keep the supply up.’
‘I so didn’t need to know that…’
‘Is that stream safe?’ he asked Yesterday.
Yesterday shut her eyes. She frowned slightly. ‘I think so. It’s not water, but we can drink it.’
‘What about lurking mutant mermaids or fanged octopuses?’ demanded Princess Princess.
Yesterday shook her head.
Boo trotted over to the stream and began to lap. He gulped the first laps quickly—there was a lot of widdling to make up for. Then the taste slipped across his tongue.
‘It…it tastes like dead rat with a touch of beetle!’ he announced. His tail wagged as he lowered his head to lap again.
‘Yuck! Yuck, yuck and triple yuck! Why do I have to be stuck with the most yucky Heroes?’
Boo looked up. ‘Rat-and-beetle is one of the most popular flavours in our shop! Mum makes rat-and-beetle cones for the ice cream.’ Suddenly he stopped. Streams didn’t naturally come rat-and-beetle flavoured, he thought. Just like forests never had a hundred different kinds of fruit all growing together, ripe at the same time. He caught Yesterday’s eye.
‘The Greedle,’ she said quietly. ‘The Greedle loves food. And this is the Greedle’s world.’
Boo nodded slowly. Everyone had assumed that because the Greedle destroyed other worlds the Ghastly Otherwhen would be all horror and confusion. But maybe they’d got it wrong. ‘Maybe,’ he said softly, ‘the Greedle has made his universe into just what he likes best. Soft grass. And everything delicious to eat…’
And just maybe, he thought, Mum’s given the Greedle the recipe for the rat-and-beetle flavour. Which meant that Mum really was here somewhere and probably still alive…as long as she hadn’t run out of recipes.
The biggest dinosaur gave a high chirrup, as though to say it was all very well for werewolves, zombies and humans, but where was the food for pink dinosaur poodles?
Boo turned to Yesterday. ‘Have your dinosaurs got names?’ I can’t go on thinking of them as Big, Bigger, Massive and Dancer, he thought.
‘Of course. That one’s Greeeeee’glnt. This is Psttttweeeeeeee…’
Boo put his head on the ground and covered his ears with his paws. ‘I can’t even bear the sound! There’s no way I could say it! What does it all mean?’
‘Their names mean Big.’ Yesterday gestured at the middle-sized dinosaur, the one with spikes along its back and an extra long spike on its tail. ‘BIG,’ she added in a yell for Mug.
‘Good name,’ boomed Mug.
‘This one is Massive.’ The giant dinosaur with too many teeth and claws longer than Boo’s body bowed slightly. ‘This is Roary.’ The smallest dinosaur peered down at Boo and roared politely at the sound of its name.
‘And this one,’ Yesterday smiled at the dinosaur who had danced with her…Was it only a week ago? marvelled Boo…‘this is Dancer.’
‘Huh,’ said Princess Princess. ‘In my family we all have at least six names each. And—’
‘Have we finished drinking?’ asked Yesterday. ‘We’re not going to find anyone to tell us where the Greedle’s headquarters are here. And the dinosaurs are getting hungrier.’
‘Greeeek!’ agreed Massive. It looked hungrily down towards the village.
For the first time in his life Boo hoped there were bogeys about. Otherwise what were the dinosaurs going to eat?
What did the maggot say to the werewolf?
Hello. Doo doo you deliver?
That dumb puppy hated it when I told jokes about werewolves at school. He didn’t even think they were funny!
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