23
A Widdle in the Otherwhen

Any moment the bogeys are going to attack, thought Boo, as the Heroes tramped down the road between the fields.

Except they didn’t. So far the Ghastly Otherwhen was conspicuously empty of bogeys. Instead all they were finding was more and more things that poodlesaurs didn’t like to eat.

Poodlesaurs didn’t like liquorice tree trunks. They didn’t like mint leaves either, even if they were so sweet they made Boo’s teeth ache. They didn’t like honeycomb cobblestones or the chocolate hedge outside the neat little farmhouse, tucked into the fields of purple popcorn and spaghetti bushes.

Mug looked disappointedly at the spaghetti bushes over the hedge. ‘Spaghetti here no wriggle,’ he complained.

‘Spaghetti isn’t supposed to wriggle, you dumb zombie,’ said Queen Splendifera of Yukke sweetly. ‘I SAID IT’S NOT SUPPOSED TO WRIGGLE. And don’t do that,’ she added to Boo.

Boo put his leg down. ‘I was just going to leave a few drops on this tree.’

‘Someone might eat that tree. It’s…’ Princess Princess tasted a bit of bark. ‘Black jellybeans with a touch of celery. They don’t want to eat doggie widdle too.’

Boo wriggled. He needed to widdle. It wasn’t just a full bladder after drinking from the stream. All his werewolf instincts were telling him to widdle now!

He waited till Princess Princess was a little way in front, then lifted his leg quickly against the chocolate hedge. Just one tiny trickle. No one would ever notice…

‘Eeeeeeeek!’

A sweet little old lady peered over the hedge. Well, she was sort of like a sweet little old lady, Boo decided, even if she had three heads, each with neat grey hair, wrinkles, a smile as big as a frozen Rat Surprise and eyes stretched wide in horror.

‘What are you doing?’ demanded Head Number Three.

‘He’s widdling,’ said Head Number One in a tone

of even greater horror despite its smile.

‘He can’t be!’ Head Number Two sounded disbelieving. ‘No one would widdle on the Greedle’s chocolate hedge.’

Boo peered up at them. ‘Er, sorry,’ he said.

‘What sort of creature would widdle on a hedge?’ said Head Number Three, shaking itself in disbelief.

‘A poodle!’ Queen Splendifera hurried back towards them. ‘I’m dreadfully sorry. He’s too dumb to housetrain,’ she added. ‘But he’s very tender. Do you think the Greedle will like him?’

All three heads looked at Boo consideringly, their smiles still wide and happy. ‘Too skinny,’ said Head Number One.

‘But he might be all right stuffed,’ decided Head Number Three. ‘Is he really tender?’

‘All my poodles are totally tender,’ promised Princess Princess. She beamed at the heads. ‘I’m Her Majesty Queen Splendifera of Yukke, by the way. I’m bringing these poodles as a gift for the Greedle.’ She waved her hand at Boo and the poodlesaurs.

‘Grrrrrrroar,’ said Roary.

Heads Number Two and Three blinked. ‘That doesn’t sound very poodle-like.’

‘He has a cold,’ said Queen Splendifera hurriedly.

‘Attishoo,’ said Boo helpfully.

‘They all have colds.’

Head Number One nodded. It looked even happier now, as though if one more pinch of happiness was added it would float away. ‘It’s been a bad season for colds. But you make sure they’re better before you give them to the dear Greedle. We don’t want him to catch cold too.’

‘Oh, deary dear no,’ chorused Heads Two and Three.

‘Of course not,’ said Princess Princess brightly. ‘I wonder: have you seen the dear Greedle lately?’

Head Number Two shook itself. ‘Not for weeks. But I’m sure he’ll love your poodles.’

‘Then could you perhaps guide us to the Greedle’s headquarters?’

‘Oh, you don’t need us to guide you, dear, I mean Your Majesty,’ said Head Number One. ‘Just follow the road.’

‘We’re a bit busy at the moment,’ said Head Number Two. ‘It’s time for the spaghetti harvest, you know. We have to supervise the harvesters.’ She gestured out at the fields.

For a moment Boo couldn’t see anyone out there. Then he noticed tiny baskets of spaghetti moving between the rows. Caterpillars, he realised. A thousand tiny caterpillars were harvesting the spaghetti!

‘Caterpillars have so few brains,’ said Head Number Three gaily. ‘The spaghetti would never get to the dear Greedle if we didn’t supervise them. And the popcorn is almost ripe too. Bye now.’

The heads vanished back into the fields.

Boo followed Princess Princess down the road, trying not to tug on the lead (he just wasn’t used to walking in harness) till they were safely past the farmhouse. ‘Don’t you think that’s suspicious?’ he hissed.

‘What?’ asked Princess Princess.

‘That they don’t like widdling? Remember how I widdled in the Greedle’s ice cream? I bet the Greedle has forbidden everyone in the Ghastly Otherwhen to widdle…’

‘I think,’ said Princess Princess primly, ‘that they just don’t like scruffy little dogs. Now let’s find some dinosaur food. Fast.’

‘Grooooooar,’ agreed Roary.

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Boo.

Boo who?

BOOOOOGEYYYY!!!!