Jake had seen his share of people who had died. It was part of being a paramedic and on a search-and-rescue team. And in a small town, he had even seen people die whom he’d known in life. But seeing Cassie’s aunt crumpled among a patch of fireweed shattered him. Cassie’s sobs in the distance wrenched his gut. He felt the pain and weight of her hurt almost like it was his own.
Because it was. He did hurt when she hurt. Always had. Because he loved her.
Jake bit back a groan. Another realization he wasn’t ready to face, and it had to take a back seat for now since dealing with the fallout of this discovery took priority. He pulled his phone from his pocket. No service. He took the backpack off, eased the SAT phone out of the top pocket and dialed Levi’s number. Jake’s team was out searching, and they would be his second call, but he figured law enforcement should know first. And the sooner the Raven Pass Police Department got here, the sooner Jake could leave and take Cassie with him. He was worried about her, and more than just emotionally. It wasn’t unheard of for someone to go into legitimate medical shock after an event like this and he wanted to avoid that with Cassie if he could.
“I found her.” He kept his voice low. “Near Bold Mountain, on the side closest to town.”
Levi asked a few more questions about location, her condition.
“Dead, and not recently.” The smell was unbearable. Jake couldn’t bear to look at her and hadn’t even needed to take her pulse to confirm that she was dead. He then gave Levi directions to the trailhead and their location.
“I’ll be there as fast as I can. You don’t have to stay right there next to the body. Living people take priority and Cassie’s still in danger so get her somewhere sheltered nearby.”
“I’ll do that,” Jake promised.
He next call was to Caleb, to whom he told the same information, but faster since he was walking back to Cassie and eager to focus on her.
“You okay, man?” Caleb asked.
Jake couldn’t remember really needing his teammates for anything personal before. He knew he could count on them during a search and didn’t hesitate to put his life in their hands. But he hadn’t really talked to them much about his personal life or counted on them to care about it.
The fact that all of them seemed...sensitive to his current situation was unusual. But he appreciated it.
“I think so. Thanks for asking.”
He ended the call and made his way back to Cassie. Or tried to. He didn’t see her anywhere, and the tall fireweed and other vegetation obscured her from view.
If she was still there at all.
Could it have been a trap, Cassie’s aunt’s body being right there where they could see it? Had whoever killed her meant for Cassie to find the body and then planned to overpower her in her grief? His heart pounded faster as he scanned the area and then started using his hands to press weeds to the side so he could see better. Where had she been?
“Cassie?”
He waited. Nothing. The panic that had been growing exploded in his chest and Jake realized again how much things weren’t over between them. Not even close. “Cassie!” Louder this time.
“Here. I’m down here.” She stood up, unfolding herself from her place among the brush, about fifteen feet farther than where he was standing. Her face was red, tears under her eyes smudged with some kind of makeup. Mascara, maybe. Cassie sniffed.
“It’s her, right? And she’s really gone?”
Jake nodded, slowly. He couldn’t bring himself to say the words out loud, but the nod seemed to be enough for Cassie to have to fight back a fresh round of sobs.
“Sweetheart...” His words betrayed him, but he ignored it and held out his arms. This wasn’t the time to think of all the reasons they couldn’t be together.
There were some of those, weren’t there?
Still, not the time. Cassie moved toward him and he wrapped his arms around her as she pressed herself against him and cried into his shoulder, like she was giving her tears to him to carry. Jake just stood there, held her for another few minutes before he remembered what Levi had told him to do.
And he hoped he wasn’t too late.
“We can’t stay right here, Cassie. Levi is worried about your safety. The fact that your aunt is dead doesn’t put you in less danger. If anything, the danger is worse now because whoever killed her won’t hesitate to kill again. It’s a sort of point of no return.”
Cassie nodded, brushing away the wetness from her eyes. “Okay, where?”
Jake looked around the meadow. They could sit down like she’d been doing and probably not be seen, but he wasn’t as comfortable with that option. It wasn’t defensible. They’d be better off among the trees.
“This way.” He unwrapped his arms from her, but didn’t break contact as he slid his hand down her arm and then grasped her hand in his.
He felt her flinch a little. Met her eyes. “Is this okay or should I let go?” He swallowed hard, the charge between them almost a tangible thing.
Cassie nodded. “Don’t let go.” Her words were almost softer than a whisper. But firm.
He didn’t let go.
They hurried together through the tall plants, toward the edge of the forest but not in the direction they’d come from. Jake wanted to be off the trail, even though it wasn’t a very obvious trail, just to make their chances better.
“Here is good.” He motioned to the base of an old spruce, whose branches tangled in such a way that they’d be sheltered from the back, more or less, but have their view to the front open to the meadow and only slightly obscured by the tall vegetation.
Cassie nodded and sank down beside him, laying her head on his shoulder.
“Jake... Thanks.”
He nodded.
She looked up, tears in her eyes. “Do you know how...she died?”
“No. Looks like a blow to the head, but we don’t know if she fell or if someone hit her. The coroner will let us know eventually.”
She rested there, quietly, warm against him, not speaking, just staying in the moment.
She lifted a hand to his chest as she leaned closer to him.
Jake held his breath, tried not to move. It had been so long since she’d touched him like that, since he’d felt so close to another soul.
And she was grieving. Not thinking clearly.
He moved her hand away. Cleared his throat. “No matter what, I’m glad I could be here. We...we should never have stopped being friends at least. I’m glad I can be one for you now.”
And he felt her pull away, not physically. Her head was still on his shoulder. But he felt the tension gather in her body, the stiffness in her shoulders.
He could have sat there forever, forgetting the present and living in the past, maybe making one of his old mistakes all over again if she’d asked him to. But he wasn’t that man anymore, and didn’t want to be. God had forgiven him for the past, but he wanted to do better in the future, not just for him, but for Cassie.
Or...whoever he ended up with.
Because maybe there was just too much between them to be able to move on. Maybe they’d had their chance.
Maybe all he could hope for now was the chance to keep her safe and one day get to know his son.
Maybe second chances didn’t happen after all.
Cassie had stayed curled up against Jake, willing herself to get the strength to pull away from him, but she couldn’t. Even if he’d made it clear where they stood, emphasized the fact that they were friends, which apparently nullified that earlier kiss, she still felt stronger when she was with him and she wasn’t sure she could withstand the onslaught of her circumstances right now without him beside her.
So she did the easy thing and stayed still, even though it broke her heart a little more because it reminded her of the love with Jake she could never have. But what was another crack in a heart that was already broken beyond repair?
The police eventually arrived. Cassie and Jake watched them from afar until they could see Officer Wicks—Levi, she was beginning to call him in her mind, like Jake did—looking around, like he was trying to find them. Then they emerged from their cover and walked to where he was.
Cassie didn’t pay attention to what the men said, even though she did want to know what had happened to her aunt. Instead, here in the moment, all she could do was breathe and listen to the rhythm of her heart whooshing in her ears. She’s gone. She’s gone. She’s gone.
By the time Jake steered her back to the trail and said something about how they were free to leave, the rhythm had progressed to a full-on migraine, her head pounding along with her heart. Her stomach felt queasy again, but not the kind being sick could ease.
God, why?
They walked the trail down silently. Cassie led them back the way they’d come, surprised at how easily the directions came to her again. It was like she’d traveled this trail hundreds of times in her memory, not just the a-couple-times-a-year treks with her aunt to pick berries. Strange. Or a side effect of grief sharpening her mind and memory? Cassie didn’t know.
“Do you want to go home?” Jake asked in the trailhead parking lot. There were police cruisers there; one of them was parked next to Jake’s car. The officer there nodded to them and even in her mental fog, Cassie appreciated that men had been stationed there to make sure no one was lying in wait at the car or had rigged it to hurt them somehow.
“No,” Cassie surprised herself by saying. “I want to go to my aunt’s house.”
Jake nodded, adding no words. She knew the police had finished their investigation there already.
Cassie heard Jake on the phone, checking on Will. That made sense; it was much later than they’d planned to be done. Almost dinnertime.
She couldn’t imagine being hungry.
The drive there didn’t take long, and Cassie kept her attention to things outside the windows rather than have to face Jake and talk to him. It wasn’t the most crushing blow of the night—his reminder that what they had was friendship at best—but it was another blow when she didn’t feel like she could take any more.
When they pulled into the driveway, the door to the house was still open.
“Don’t the police usually fix doors? Or put crime-scene tape up?” Cassie mumbled, her mind focusing enough to get the questions out.
“Stay here.” Jake reached for the door handle, then turned back to her and she understood. He didn’t want to leave her. She was tired of this, tired of wondering what was a trap and when she should go with him and when she should stay, and she was exhausted and grieving. And. She. Could. Not. Do. This. Anymore.
Of course she didn’t have a choice, so she took a deep breath and got out too. “I can go with you. I can do this.”
Did he believe the words any more than she did? She stepped from the truck, exhaustion making her sore down to her bones. Again, she wished she could trust God. But she couldn’t.
Right? Maybe it was a subject that deserved more consideration and thought from her. But all she knew was that Jake was holding himself together well. A friend of hers she’d known years ago when they competed in high school running events in the state—Summer Dawson—had gone through a scary time a few years ago but had seemingly held it together fine. And Cassie knew she was a Christian, like Jake was. Could it be that easy? Trust that someone else was in control and then you didn’t have to carry the weight of everything on your own?
Cassie walked toward the front door, gravel crunching under her feet as all the times she’d done this before, walked to her aunt’s home, paraded in her mind like a newsreel of memories. She’d seen her aunt for the last time. Talked to her for the last time.
So many lasts. So little hope.
“This shouldn’t be like this,” Jake muttered as he looked closer at the door. He shook his head. “Back to the car. I wanted to see for sure before we called anyone, but this is new.”
Cassie walked back to the vehicle, her mind waking up a little more and kicking into gear to remind her to be aware of her surroundings. Will needed her. She couldn’t let her guard down, not even now.
Jake put the car in gear once they were both inside and he’d ended his phone call to the police. Cassie wasn’t even buckled yet; she’d thought they were waiting for the police to arrive. “What are you doing?”
“Not sitting here with you in the car like a stationary target, that’s for sure.” He shook his head once, seriousness etched on his features. Today had taken a lot out of him too, Cassie could see, now that she was paying attention. So maybe the trusting-God concept wasn’t a cure-all. How did it work then?
She wanted to ask Jake, but not today, not after how close they’d been, only to find herself ripped away from him again, this time not from her own choice to run, but from his intentional distancing by calling them friends so pointedly.
Instead she said nothing, just looked out the window as they rode around town. Jake pulled out his phone again. It didn’t seem to be synced with any Bluetooth, so Cassie frowned and waited to hear whom he was talking to.
“Hey, it’s Jake. Everything still okay there? There’s been another break-in at Mabel Hawkins’s house. It’s likely whoever is behind all of this is still in town, so I just wanted to make sure... Yeah, I know you know what you’re doing. Overprotective. Yeah, maybe. I’ve never had a kid before. Pretty sure when there’s a crazy criminal in your kid’s town that’s linked to his family, paranoia is expected. All right, thanks, man. I appreciate it.”
Ah, the officer who was letting Will stay at his house.
“He’s okay?” Cassie confirmed.
Jake nodded.
“Yes, and I told him...you know, about Will being my son. Just to make sure he understands how important his safety is to me.”
At least she was thankful for the fact that the search yesterday hadn’t led to her aunt’s body. In retrospect, that was another reason she shouldn’t have brought him with her the day before. Even though she’d hoped her aunt wasn’t dead, she knew it had been a possibility, and Will being present for that would have scarred him.
Thank you. She found herself whispering to a God whom she’d mentally debated the existence and trustworthiness of a hundred times over. But she still felt compelled somehow to talk to Him. Odd.
“Why is this happening?” she asked against her better judgment as they made another turn on a side street and Jake glanced at the dashboard clock. The police must have told him how many minutes it would take to get to her aunt’s house, and he was killing time until then.
Bad phrase. Wasting time.
“This with your aunt?” Jake seemed surprised at the question. “We don’t know, Cassie. They’re still compiling ideas so far, and motive and opportunity and all that kind of stuff.”
Here was her chance to just keep quiet, not follow through with the conversation she knew she wasn’t ready to have. Not with him, when it involved opening herself up and making herself vulnerable by admitting she might be wrong about something as important and personal as faith. “Not about that.” She heard herself keep talking before she’d consciously decided to. “Why the grand scheme? Don’t you believe God has a plan? How could this fit?”
He didn’t answer. For a minute she wasn’t sure if she’d offended him.
“I don’t know.” His words were barely audible. They were pulling back into her aunt’s driveway and a squad car was out front, reminding her again that this wasn’t fair.
She certainly didn’t know how it could possibly make sense, but she’d thought Jake would have an answer. Wasn’t that what faith did? Gave a person answers?
“What do you mean? You don’t know?”
“Trusting God doesn’t mean He explains Himself to me, Cassie. There’s a verse in the Bible about how His thoughts aren’t ours and His ways aren’t ours. Somewhere in Isaiah, I think. So no, I don’t know why this would happen.” He put the car in Park. “I wish it hadn’t. But I’m not God and He has a plan.”
Hmm. It wasn’t the too-easy explanation she’d been anticipating, been ready to shoot down. She knew better than to believe that life came with easy answers. Maybe she’d been hoping he would offer her some so she could continue to discount his faith like she’d done before.
How much had their difference of opinion in that regard played into her decision to leave? She’d never wondered before, but didn’t have time to follow up on the thought now, as a police officer she hadn’t met yet was waving them over to the house.
“Who is that?” she asked as she followed Jake there. He looked familiar.
“Judah Wicks. He’s Levi’s brother and also a police officer.”
That explained why she’d thought she’d met him. He did look something like his brother, but broader and taller and a bit more serious. Levi smiled more. This guy had no laugh lines.
“Jake, thanks for calling this in,” he said as they approached. “And you’re Cassie?”
“Yes. Cassie Hawkins, nice to meet you.” Manners kicked in automatically and Cassie felt an unexpected stab of pain. Her dad hadn’t taught her manners. That had been her aunt’s doing. As a kid she hadn’t realized how much responsibility her aunt had voluntarily taken on when she offered to have her brother and niece move in. It had changed Cassie’s life for the better, but what an adjustment her single aunt must have had to make.
And did I ever even say thank you?
“So what’s going on?”
“I’ve done a quick look around the house. There’s a mess, but it’s safe. Structurally sound, nothing I can see as far as danger. I’d like Cassie to walk through it with me to see if she can help me identify if anything is missing. Last time it was broken into and someone made a mess we chalked it up to a fit of rage of some kind. Now that someone has returned and done the same thing, we need to try to figure out why they were here,” Judah Wicks explained.
Cassie nodded. “I’ll do it.” Any way she could help. The drive to be involved had grown stronger with the knowledge that her aunt was dead. Maybe it was some kind of desire for revenge, which of course she wasn’t going to get, but being involved would make it feel more like she played a part in bringing whoever had done this to justice, and Cassie wanted that. Badly.
“If she goes, I’m going.”
Judah raised his eyebrows but nodded at Jake without hesitation. “Of course.”
As though she needed Jake there for protection when she was walking around the house with a man who had a gun on his hip and a build that would dwarf a great number of NFL players. It was sweet of him to want to be there though. Although she couldn’t understand why he’d go to so much trouble for someone he’d pointedly called a friend just a few hours before.
Judah stopped them both inside the front door and handed them each a pair of nitrile gloves. “Put these on. We’re still waiting for a forensics team to come out from another town, so we don’t want you compromising fingerprints. Ideally you’ll touch as little as possible, but just in case.”
They both pulled the gloves on.
The living room was a mess, Cassie discovered as they stepped inside, and she looked to the left. The kitchen and dining room, on her right and opened to the main living space, were messy but not quite as bad. Drawers had been opened and left haphazardly with no pattern. She’d heard once that professional thieves knew to start with the bottom drawers so they wouldn’t have to close drawers behind themselves, but this wasn’t professional if that was the case. Some drawers were pushed in almost all the way, some were fully open and some were in between.
Someone had been looking for something.
But what?