Jake had thought Cassie would eventually have to come out of the room she and Will were staying in. But she stayed there for the entire afternoon and long enough past a normal dinnertime that he finally had to admit she wasn’t going to face him. At least not today. He suspected, after all the tension of the day, she’d fallen asleep.
The explanations she’d given him felt hollow, left him feeling worse than he had before. Somehow he’d always imagined there was some big reason, something that justified shattering their future without his input.
He moved to the back windows, looking outside and making sure nothing out there gave him cause for alarm. Next window, same thing. He couldn’t shake the fear that someone was going to come after her again. It was when, not if. And he wanted her safe even if she’d broken his heart. Back then and now. He’d gone into today expecting to feel better somehow, to understand. Instead the truth was empty. She hadn’t talked to him back then about her dreams, or her concerns, had left instead, and neither of them could get the last seven years back. Even if they wanted to. And after something like this...
Still, he knew not all the blame lay on her. Not really. She’d called him not long after she left and he hadn’t taken her call. Had she been trying to tell him then?
She hadn’t even brought that attempt up in her defense, he’d noticed. She was perfectly happy to take all the blame. But the truth was, she had reached out. In a small way, but still, she’d tried.
And he’d been too hurt to answer, then too upset to call back.
So they’d both helped destroy what they’d had.
Jake knew he’d still probably love her forever, would maybe never be able to settle down with anyone because every woman he’d tried to show interest in was a poor substitute for what he really wanted—who he wanted. But he was finally willing to admit they weren’t good for each other and had maybe never been meant to be together.
If only they’d figured that out back then and come to a mutual decision. If only he’d stuck to the truths he’d known were right and honored her the way he should have.
But Will was a blessing, wasn’t he? He couldn’t bring himself to wish the kid out of existence. His son. No, Will was something out of this whole experience to be thankful for. He’d rather have his son and be missing seven years of his life than not have him at all.
God, I don’t know how You’re going to work this out. Can You fix this kind of pain? No, I’m sorry, Lord, I know You can. But will You?
Jake heard nothing in reply.
He made himself a sandwich. Ate it, and then called Caleb. He’d said he could give him some backup if necessary, and Jake needed at least a few hours of sleep.
Just past one in the morning, Jake got up, fully awake. He reached for his phone, thinking it may have roused him. No missed calls or messages. He’d expected one of the police officers to want to talk more. He’d have to call in a few hours, when people were starting morning shifts. Before he’d fallen asleep, he’d been thinking about Will and wondering if there wasn’t some way to separate him from Cassie and keep him safe. She wouldn’t like it, he knew, but it was starting to seem like the best option.
He was Will’s dad. He had some rights too, which was another thing Cassie was going to have to talk to him about. He wanted to be in his son’s life.
Even if he had to leave Alaska?
He tried the question on for size. He loved his work with the rescue team and wasn’t sure how he’d make a living and provide for his son otherwise. So quitting full-on wasn’t an option for him...but part of the year? He could make sacrifices in order to really get to know Will, have his son know him.
Sleep wasn’t going to come back, not with thoughts like these going through his mind right now. Jake threw back the covers, then pulled on jeans and a shirt. Besides, this way Caleb, who was downstairs on the couch, could get some sleep. Jake appreciated his friend giving him some much-needed backup, but he was okay now.
He opened the door to his room, then walked down the hall, pausing outside Cassie and Will’s room.
Opening the door was probably some kind of violation of privacy. But now that he’d had some rest and could think clearly, his protectiveness—and the fears that went with it—kicked in. Was there a chance they’d been attacked last night and that’s why she hadn’t come down? He didn’t think so; he’d heard nothing.
But now that the thought had popped into his mind, the worry vibrated inside him, wouldn’t let go.
He eased the door open.
Will was asleep on the bed, sprawled across it, his small hand across the pillow next to him.
Cassie. Jake’s heart thudded and he blinked in case his eyes weren’t seeing something in the darkness.
“You should really let someone know if you’re going to check on them in the middle of the night. You could scare them otherwise.”
Cassie’s voice. She was curled up in the chair by the window, a blanket over her huddled form.
“I’m sorry. I just needed to know you were okay.” Jake didn’t regret his decision to come in. Surely she understood that their protection was a higher priority than dancing around whatever propriety demanded at the moment.
“I’m fine. Sorry I worried you.” She shifted in the chair. “Will was taking up the whole bed and I didn’t want to wake him, so I’ve been sleeping here.”
“Sleeping?” She sounded awake to him.
Cassie shrugged. “Enough. Off and on. You’re not the only one worried.” Her eyes went to the window, maybe subconsciously. Jake hated that the threat weighed on her at all hours, but he was glad she wasn’t letting her guard down. It was safer that way.
“Okay, well, I’m sorry. Glad you’re all right.” Jake moved for the door.
“Jake?”
He swallowed hard. Stopped walking. Something in her voice sounded like their past, guard down, years erased. It tugged at him. “Yeah?”
“I’m sorry.”
Not just for tonight, but for more than that. He could tell by the weight of her whisper.
“I know.” He hesitated. “I forgive you.” And he did, for keeping Will away from him, even for hurting him in the past. But if there was one thing the last day had made clear to him, it was that they’d had their chance and anything between them was over. For the sake of their son though, he had to live his faith and let go of any bitterness over the lost years with Will. His faith taught him love was the most important path in life. He loved Will.
All these years he’d thought he wanted a second chance with Cassie. While he’d always love her, maybe what he’d really needed was forgiveness. For both of them.
“And I’m sorry too,” he said, for whatever had gone wrong that was also his fault, for the choices he’d made that had led to Cassie thinking she had to leave.
“Thanks, Jake.”
He walked out the door and down the stairs, ready to keep watch the rest of the night. He certainly wasn’t going to be sleeping anymore.
When Jake reached the living room, Caleb looked up at him, questions on his face.
“Everything’s fine,” Jake said, though it was debatable if it was true. He and Cassie were both broken inside, he knew that, from past hurts. Maybe tonight was a step toward healing but neither of them was fine yet, not in Jake’s opinion. But Caleb would be curious about how things were going safety-wise.
“Good. Are you planning to stay up now?”
“Yeah, I’m done sleeping. Do you want to head up to the other guest room to crash or go home?”
“Upstairs is fine. I’ve been walking a lot to stay awake and keep an eye on things outside. So far nothing seems out of the ordinary.”
Jake was thankful for it, he just wasn’t taking chances after the night before. “Thanks for the help.”
He took the spot on the couch his friend vacated, thoughts still running wild. He reached for the table by the sofa and eased open the drawer and pulled out a notebook. He might not be able to get much done with the case now in the middle of the night, but he could make some notes to remember for tomorrow.
Priority number one was finding somewhere safe for Will to go, at least during the day. Cassie wasn’t going to let him out of her sight at night, that had been clear after checking on her. Jake might be trying to keep both of them safe, but as far as Cassie was concerned, she was the one watching over the kid. He could respect that. But during the day Cassie might still want to help, now that there was a tenuous peace between them again. Surely there was an option that would work for everyone.
He broached the subject with Cassie that morning while pouring her coffee. He’d used the French press this morning, which was her favorite, or at least it used to be.
“We need to talk about Will.”
“What about him?” Her tone was guarded, and he didn’t blame her. Yesterday’s conversation... It could have gone better.
Jake shook his head and poured himself some cereal. “Nothing big, sorry if it sounded that way.”
Cassie opened the cabinet with the bowls and grabbed two of them, then reached for the cereal when he was done. It was the kind of early morning routine couples did all the time, and it affected Jake more than he would have thought it would. It was surreal, still, to have her in his house like this. Like a little flicker of an idea for how it might have been if not for all that had gone wrong.
“Okay, what then?” she asked.
“He’s got to stay with someone else during the day.”
“No.”
“Cassie, you were there yesterday. It was dangerous and I don’t want it to happen again. He doesn’t need to be exposed to a threat like that.”
“I agree, but I’m the best one to protect him.”
“Are you?” He let a few beats pass and watched her face. Her expressions flickered from one end of the emotional spectrum to the other until she finally seemed to settle on cautious.
“Tell me what you had in mind.”
“I called the police chief this morning and explained the situation to him. His son-in-law is a police officer also and is on leave this week to spend time at home with his family. They offered to let Will stay with them where someone can make sure he’s not in the line of fire.” Not that he was expecting any more firing. He was certainly hoping there wouldn’t be, but as yesterday had proved, it was better to assume the worst.
Cassie nodded, but still didn’t say anything. She looked back toward the stairs, like she was thinking of Will, and left the empty bowl and the cereal on the counter. He was still asleep, Jake guessed. Her own bowl she carried to the table and sat down, then started to eat.
So was she still thinking, or...? The Cassie he’d known was confident, bold, which meant she usually responded immediately and had her mind made up quickly.
Then again, she’d made her mind up quickly and told him no, hadn’t she? So maybe it was best that she took a little more time to think it through. Jake had confidence in her as a mom, but this was an area where he knew he could help, or at least connect her with people who could.
“It’s for the best, Cassie,” he said quietly, as he walked toward her, not meaning for her name to come off of his lips quite so gently. She couldn’t tell, could she, how much he still cared by his tone? He hoped not, because any ridiculous feelings he had didn’t need to be acted upon. He knew that.
Then she was facing him, her bright green eyes searching his. “You really think so?”
The idea that she cared what he thought made his heart beat faster even as the alarm bells in his brain went off. He couldn’t care that she cared, couldn’t let himself get close again.
It’s already going to hurt enough when she leaves, with your son, he reminded himself. But he couldn’t quite pull his eyes away from hers. He nodded, slowly.
“Yes.”
Her lips parted and he fought to pull his eyes away from them. She sighed. “Okay.”
“Okay? You’ll let him stay with them?” he clarified.
Cassie nodded. “Yes. I still want to help and you’re right, his staying with me is putting him in too much danger. Even if I stayed here during the day, he’s probably still safer with an officer’s family than with me and I want what’s best for him, not just what I want.”
“Great.” He looked away from her, and whatever moment they’d had had passed. “We’ll take him there this morning and then you and I will head out with the team.”
She nodded, then focused her attention back on her cereal.
Jake took a deep breath and asked God to help them find her aunt, preferably today.