In moments of doubt and frustration, it’s normal that you might want to express your anger. You may want to unleash your rage on the narcissist and give them a taste of their own medicine. On the other hand, you could decide to appeal to their humanity by telling them how they’ve hurt you and hope that their guilt or shame puts them in their place. You might not want to cut your losses and instead, choose to invest a bit more time trying to change the narcissist. You could give them a heartfelt speech about love, and in doing so, carry them over to the good side. You might want to save them from the horrors of their past.
Don’t.
It is an enormous pill to swallow. Always remember, the narcissist doesn’t play by the same rules. You can’t appeal to their moral judgement. Their behaviour only changes when you start pulling away, and the minute you’re back in the game, they will carry on as before. They are driven by a survival instinct, not on loving, emotional understanding. Carving out a new, independent reality gives you freedom, whereas engaging the narcissist in their games keeps you trapped in their reality.
Nothing drives a narcissist crazier than indifference. Their identity and entire sense of self are based on the reactions of others. Their energy field is invigorated with every reaction they get out of their target. Every time they pull a string and get a response, they confirm their self-declared status as overlord. Every ruse that works gives them a shot of satisfaction directly into their veins. On the other hand, having their ability to control you taken away literally feels like death for them. With each blank stare you give them, and with each firm boundary you set, you snatch their strength away from them. They will fall into an empty abyss and experience death firsthand.
Once the death of the narcissist is achieved, the focus then switches away from them and back to you and your journey. As you travel through each day, remember the law of grandiosity. Ask yourself; who am I worshiping and why? In every relationship, and in every role you play, what are you reducing yourself to? Do you allow yourself to become a sounding board? Or a servant? Do you forego what you value because you feel guilty letting others down? Do you live in an invisible prison where you feel powerless? Is that all you want from your life? Is that all you were born to be? Your subconscious conditioning is a stubborn beast which will challenge you at every step, no doubt. You won’t succeed with one blow. It takes asking these questions every single day and in every situation until the ship slowly changes direction. It takes courage and persistence. It takes the support of good people. It takes consistently remembering your true self, and doing everything in your power to stay connected to it. Through pain and joy, fear and guilt, success and failure, doubt and weakness, remember always to stick with your true self. It’s the greatest ally you will ever have. Even when it doesn’t come naturally, seek balance in your relationships and, instead of worshipping a false god, believe in yourself. Remember to trust yourself; no matter what.
After experiencing some psychological air and freedom, there might be moments when you find yourself unconsciously reverting to role playing. It might be that you were having a good day and were open enough to be unwittingly sucked back into the narcissist's ploys. You might have been feeling especially vulnerable. It happens. As always, the key is to practice a calm, relaxed vigilance, and to give yourself permission to slip up occasionally.
Most importantly, as you progress with this journey, be kind to yourself. Hold the judgements and allow your true self space to simply be. That’s all it ever really wanted. Remember that you are a human being who is worthy of love and respect. You make mistakes. You have limits. You also have every right to dream big while having a responsibility to respect your fellow human. Like Superman or Superwoman, you have the potential for abundant strength. The more emotionally resilient you become, the more power you gain in your life. And just like Superman or Superwoman, you are guided by your moral compass. Superman and Superwoman know that their power and strength is a responsibility to care for others, not a license to manipulate and control. Like a tree with deep roots and fertile branches, you will be immovable while still offering your fruit to those who seek mutual love. That is the path to strong living. That is the art of killing a narcissist.