Integrity is what we do, what we say,
and what we say we do.
—DON GALER
In the movie Mr. Mom, after the husband loses his job and has difficulty finding another, the stay-at-home wife goes to work while he stays home to care for the kids. The husband’s self-esteem plummets when the wife’s new boss stops by their house one morning to pick her up for an early meeting. Quickly, Mr. Mom arms himself with a buzz saw and goggles, throws out his chest in macho fashion, and struts to the door to greet the boss, pretending to be home on vacation, completing a remodeling project.
Looking around the family room, the boss asks, “So are you going to rewire everything in here?”
“Yeah. I’m doing all the electrical.”
“Putting in 220, are you?” the boss asks.
“220. 221. Whatever it takes.”
Cover blown.
It takes just one inappropriate action or comment to uncover the counterfeit. And once credibility vanishes, regaining it becomes a monumental task. People want to see the real you—the integrity behind your face, the actions behind your promises.
In today’s economic landscape, trust trumps price.
Recently, my company was in the process of relocating our offices and selling some of our office furniture. The project manager from the firm handling our move invited three firms to bid on the project. While we were waiting on them to show up to tour the facility in order to prepare bids, he made this statement: “There are hundreds of firms out there. But I invited these three companies because I can count on them to show up and do what they say. And that’s the name of the game these days. They may not give you the best bid, but they get it done. Companies will bid, and then just not do what they say. It’s astounding to me. When you’re relocating somebody and you have to have employees out of a building and into someplace else by a definite date, you need dependability.”
He’s talking about trust. Woody Allen got it right when he said, “Eighty percent of success is showing up.” People with presence show up. They meet their commitments. That’s another critical secret of their impact.
Yet some companies treat trust lightly every day. They put employees in positions where they’re forced to lie and deceive. Ever responded to a promotional ad for a discount and walked into the store to discover they’ve “just sold out” but have another, slightly higher-priced model available? Ever consider switching phone companies for a period so you can come back later as a “new customer” and get their half-price rate? Ever sat on an airplane and wondered if the passenger beside you paid half as much or twice as much for the same ride? All such policies flout trust, and they drive loyal customers crazy.
Individuals create the same kind of resentment when they communicate things they don’t mean, fail to keep confidences, and break commitments.
Consider your personal values for a moment rather than just work commitments. Let those around you know where you stand. If you believe in fiscal discipline, say so. If you think more money should be spent in research and development at the expense of granting raises or increasing the marketing budget, say so. If you think moving jobs overseas makes no sense, say so. If you think the organization needs to be more community-focused, let your views and values be known.
Whether others agree or not should be irrelevant. People respect those who speak their mind clearly and confidently—without carping when others disagree or decide not to go along.
But consistency counts. Even if others don’t agree with your views, they expect to see consistency between what you say and what you do.
If you say you’re devoted to your family, they don’t expect you to be the office flirt. If you’re serving on the United Way committee, they expect you to be a generous donor yourself. If you’re hammering your staff to cut expenses, they don’t want to discover that you’re planning a four-day executive retreat in the Bahamas.
Ask Eliot Spitzer, New York governor and former Attorney General, who was known as “Mr. Clean” and was so outspoken about ethics and wrongdoing on Wall Street. He had prosecuted two prostitution rings before admitting to his own involvement in a prostitution ring known as the Emperor’s Club VIP, despite having a wife and three children. Ask former North Carolina governor Mark Sanford, who preached family values, and then pleaded for forgiveness from the electorate when they discovered his affair with his Argentinian mistress. Ask Mel Gibson, actor and producer, about reaction to his racial outbursts when he’s drunk and angry. Ask John Edwards how polls turned against him when knowledge of his affair with Rielle Hunter became public. Ask Anthony Weiner about the loyalty of colleagues after his photos surfaced.
Perception of someone’s presence changes when there’s a conflict between their personal and public values. Those once held in high regard find themselves laughingstocks.
The case for consistency even creates difficulty for fans in separating actors and actresses from the roles they play in their movies or TV series.
People want to see others live the roles, values, and standards they’ve created for themselves. Life generally works well to the degree we do what we say.
Embellishment happens as part of human nature. Ever since cave dwellers have been carving images on stones about the one that got away, people have been putting their best foot forward and that foot slips every now and then. The trouble now is that untruth may be sent out to the world via Twitter and live forever in cyberspace. Listeners may Google you fifty years from now and discover the deception.
In 2003, a study by the Society of Human Resources Management found that 53 percent of all job applications contain some kind of inaccurate information. In a 2008 CareerBuilder survey, only 8 percent of the respondents admitted to lying on their resumés, but almost half of the prospective employers said they had caught the applicant lying about some aspect of his or her qualifications. Result? Roughly 60 percent of these employers said they automatically dismissed applicants caught making misstatements.29
Telling the truth doesn’t mean revealing everything you know. Some things should remain confidential. Some things are irrelevant to a discussion. You may not be able to reveal something for legal reasons or because doing so would violate the rights or privacy of others. When that’s the case, either say so or remain silent on the subject. When you don’t know something, it’s perfectly acceptable to say you don’t know and to tell someone you’ll provide information when you have it or when you’re free to do so.
But telling the truth means there’s no place for lies or deception. In our Booher survey, we asked respondents to list the trait they considered the most important in a leader. Integrity/honesty received the highest response at 33 percent, with “authenticity/ genuineness” a close second. If you don’t have those two characteristics, nothing else matters much.
Similar results turned up in a 2010 study by Robert Half Management Resources. The firm interviewed more than 1,400 chief financial officers at randomly selected U.S. companies with 20 or more employees, asking them to identify the most important trait in prospective business leaders. To the question “Other than technical or functional expertise, which one of the following traits do you look for most when grooming future leaders at your organization?” “integrity” was cited by 33 percent. “Interpersonal/communication skills” was cited by 28 percent.30
Without truth and authenticity, the essence of your presence has little foundation.
Having started my own business at age thirty, I’ve hired, fired, and contracted for services and goods from all sorts of suppliers, negotiated consulting and training services with Fortune 500 clients, coached executives, and worked with and observed professionals across myriad industries. Still I continue to be amazed at lack of follow-up in the marketplace. In my mind, that one facet of integrity has always separated the players from the batboys.
Follow-up means that you do what you say you’ll do:
• If you say you’ll put the check in the mail, you put the check in the mail.
• If you say you’ll show up for the meeting, you show up for the meeting.
• If you say you’ll finish the paperwork, you finish the paperwork.
• If you say you’re going to cooperate, you cooperate.
• If you say you’re going to keep something confidential, you keep the information private.
• If you say you’re going to make improvements, you take the steps to do so.
• If you say you’re going to deliver the product or service by X date, you deliver the product or service by X date.
Follow-up represents self-discipline—another perspective on the prism of personal presence. People with presence have impact on others because their words carry weight.