SPRING IS THE time to plan the year’s projects. There’s some exterior painting to be done, the garden to be put in. A pergola or a roofed porch, perhaps, to be added to the deck. This year, Deb and I have a new project, too: we’ve decided to get married.
Both of us have been married twice before. This time feels different, though. We’ve been together going on seven years now. We’ve had trials and tough periods. We’ve also supported each other through difficulties and practised forgiveness. Each of us feels our best self in the other’s company. We want to celebrate that and order it with ceremony. So last week we went to town to shop for a ring.
I’ve never been what you would call a conventional man. My life has been marked by some dubious choices, and even some crazy ones. The people around me sometimes wondered if I had a few wires crossed. I drank too much too often. I floated when I should have been seeking stability. I always craved the sort of set-down life I saw on The Waltons or Bonanza. I just never thought I’d get it.
I learned early in my life not to have expectations. As a foster kid, you drift in and out of other people’s homes without fanfare or farewells. I wandered through my life picking and choosing things at random for the most part. So picking out a ring felt big.
We didn’t want anything extravagant. The ring we settled on wasn’t a “rock.” It was simple and elegant. But it exerted a power I hadn’t expected. Once we’d bought it, songs touched a soft place in me that I hadn’t known existed. Certain scenes in movies and TV shows got me all emotional. I looked up at the sky with a sense of wild expectation. And I smiled more. Even without the diamonds, that ring would be a marvellous object. Gold exudes the promise of riches beyond measure.
When I first saw that ring on Deb’s hand, I felt raised up. It was as though everything I had done in my life had led me to that one shining moment. Life is a crucible. If we can make peace with our experiences, come to see ourselves as valuable and worthy, we gain the ability to set our lives on a different, more nurturing course. We find the truest expression of ourselves in the people we love.
Looking at that ring, I saw the awesome potential of two spirits joined by the strength of a symbol. This is a sacred journey we’re on, and it’s the travelling, not the destination, that will be most important. Trusting one another, standing together, we’re ready to embark on this exciting new phase of our lives.