Jesus, Make Me Brave!
We love because he first loved us.
1 John 4:19 NIV
Although at times God heals us instantaneously, most times healing happens as we practice loving interactions with God and His people.1
One of the greatest flaws in my character, the thing God has had to address in me over and over again, layer by layer, has been my bent toward self-preservation. For much of my life, I’ve been motivated by fear. As God peeled back the layers of my fear, I’ve had to look at my instinctive, selfish tendency to self-protect. I’ve hurt people I love with this fear reaction. I’ve missed out on certain faith adventures because of self-preservation. My fear had made me selfish.
Dying to self has called me to hang in there and have the difficult conversations when my flesh made me want to run and hide. Dying to self compelled me to reach out and encourage the abundantly blessed when I myself felt marginalized. Dying to self compelled me to travel to a third-world country to see firsthand the work of International Justice Mission right in the midst of a full speaking season, struggling health, and huge fears around international travel. Dying to self compels me to take risks with my story knowing that it’s fodder for the gossips, in hopes that I can help even one.
I’ve learned that every time I die to my self-life, resurrection power waits for me on the other side. There’s no death I can die that won’t be met by God’s overwhelming compassion, power, and goodness.
Precious in the sight of the Lord
is the death of his faithful servants.
Psalm 116:15 NIV
I’m quite sure the psalmist meant the literal death of God’s people, but I think it’s biblically sound to say that Jesus is profoundly moved any time we die a flesh-death so we can more wholeheartedly live for Him.
I’m no longer afraid to die to the parts of me that need to go. God has shown me again and again that to live is Christ and to die is gain.2
It’s true that the flesh dies hard, but it’s a small death compared to the robust life that awaits us on the other side of our obedience.
Believe it or not, the unhealed places in our hearts make us either selfish or self-sacrificing, both of which have an unhealthy element of self in them.
I once knew a servant-hearted girl who refused help from others. She always gave. Was always tired. Consistently ministered. But rarely let anyone in on her story. Everyone was in debt to her. But nobody really knew her.
I once knew an introvert who took her need for solitude to an absolute extreme. She reasoned that since people and plans exhausted her, her sole purpose on earth was to make sure she protected her space. Hers was a very small life.
I once knew a wealthy woman who generously gave gifts to many. Often with strings attached. She stayed in the center of her universe and managed things on her terms. Her space was unsafe for most everybody but her.
I once knew a woman who prided herself on her simple ways. She didn’t overindulge or live with excess. Yet her continual simple requests made her impossible to please. Since she asked for so little, she expected to receive exactly what she asked for, no matter if her unreasonable demands cost others time and money. Her self-focused life was obvious to everyone but her.
I have a friend who consistently overbooked his schedule. He was exhausted, weary, and in need of a fresh touch from God. Someone told him about a therapy retreat where he could get some rest but also receive direction on what persistently drove him. One day during a group session, the instructor offered this scenario to the group and asked for input: They were all on a sinking ship. Not enough lifeboats to go around. How do you respond?
My friend raised his tired hand and said, “I’d give up my place in the lifeboat.” The instructor turned on a dime and said, “You would, would you? Why is that?” My friend replied, “Because I care about people and can’t bear the thought of taking somebody else’s place.”
That’s exactly the kind of guy he is. He’s one of my favorite people on the planet. He thought for sure the instructor would appreciate his sincere answer. He’d often received affirmation for the many ways he gave of himself to others. But he didn’t expect what came next.
The instructor stepped in a little closer and said, “I’d suggest that you’re willing to give up your lifeboat for a totally different reason.”
My friend’s eyebrows arched. He sat up a little straighter and suddenly felt a bit uncomfortable in that setting.
The instructor continued, “I don’t believe you answered the way you did because you’re unselfish. You may be an unselfish person in general, but I don’t believe that’s what motivates you in this case. I think the reason you’re willing to give up your place on the lifeboat is because you don’t value your life at all. You’ve been running on empty without healthy boundaries for a long time. It’s not too difficult to throw away something you don’t value. How do you suppose that mindset affects your wife and children?”
That was a breakthrough moment for my friend.
Self-preservation and unhealthy self-sacrifice have many faces. We can spot it in others and totally miss it in ourselves.
The Hero in All of Us
Selfishness kills the hero in all of us. Consider King Saul. He was God’s answer to the laments of God’s people. He was a tall, handsome warrior. And completely insecure. Saul experienced a miraculous, prophetic encounter with the prophet Samuel. God confirmed Saul’s calling exactly as Samuel predicted, and God poured out His Spirit on Saul in a way that tangibly touched him from the inside out. Wouldn’t it be amazing to receive so many confirmations on your calling?
Yet when the time came for Saul to be acclaimed as king, when the people were ready to acknowledge their God-given leader, he was nowhere to be seen. They found him hiding in the baggage. His first act as king was all about him and not at all about the people.
Before we judge him too harshly, we might need to take inventory of our own lives. How many times have we hidden in, behind, or because of our own baggage? We’re pretty savvy when it comes to avoiding scenarios that make us feel small, out of our element, or in need of recognition. We hide in our busyness, we hide in our comforts, and we even hide behind our Christian activity. We all do.
But one thing I know: The more we heal, the less we tend to hide. This is why God invites us to earnestly pursue healing and pray for a miracle. We’re our best selves when we’re whole. We love others better when our hearts are healed.
God would have done so much more in, through, and for Saul if Saul had dealt as ruthlessly with his insecurities as he did with David, the object of his jealousy. Instead of dying to self and living for God, Saul thought that he could kill David and take what he wanted from God. But it doesn’t work that way.
Like a leaf tossed about by the wind, Saul vacillated between his feelings and his convictions. Everything he said and did was selfish because he was worried about himself. . . . Although Saul had been called by God and had a mission in life, he struggled constantly with jealousy, insecurity, arrogance, impulsiveness, and deceit. He did not decide to be wholeheartedly committed to God. Because Saul would not let God’s love give rest to his heart, he never became God’s man.3
Imagine how much of our angst would dissipate if we allowed God’s love to bring rest to our hearts. Joy, peace, and rest would replace jealousy, striving, and comparing.
So how do we discern between selfishness and wisdom when it comes to our schedule and the way we live? Jesus taught that things are proven right by their fruit. What may be obedience for one might be self-preservation for another. And people will always have opinions about how you and I manage our schedule, time, treasures, and talents.
I’m passionate about this topic because one day we’ll each give an account for how we stewarded the opportunities God afforded us. It matters not only what we do but also why we do it. I wrote a whole book on the idea of breaking free from the rat race and from the bondage of others’ opinions so we can run the sacred race. It’s called Your Sacred Yes: Trading Life-Draining Obligation for Freedom, Passion, and Joy. That book was born out of fifteen years of tried and tested abiding life principles. I pray you’ll have the chance to read it someday.
So for now, I want to set aside that part of the conversation. Let’s look at a different aspect of our self-life that we might normally miss.
Last chapter we talked about the importance of self-love and self-compassion. We cannot heal until we become a friend to our own soul. Remember? A kingdom divided cannot stand. God Himself charged us to love Him and love others as we love ourselves.
“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.” The second is this: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” There is no commandment greater than these.
Mark 12:30–31 NIV
The word love used twice in this passage, translates agape this way: Agape—
Do we love God this way? Do we love our neighbor this way? Do we imagine that God loves us this way? Do we love ourselves this way?
Why would we offer Him something we don’t think twice about, merely tolerate, or worse yet, despise? And how does laying down our lives connect to living the fully alive life He offers us?
Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it. What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul? For the Son of Man is going to come in his Father’s glory with his angels, and then he will reward each person according to what they have done.
Matthew 16:24–27 NIV
So many of these kingdom concepts are mysterious and not easily discerned without God’s help. Yet as we follow Him and trust Him and die to the very things that are harmful to our souls, we find life bursting in us, we become who we never thought we could be, and we know—on a deeper level—that what God says is true!
When we receive a fresh revelation of God’s love for us, we will walk in a renewed love for others. When we start to grasp the immense value of our soul, we will contend for the freedoms Christ won for us. When we see the importance of our presence on this earth, we’ll be more apt to fight the good fight of faith so that others might win too.
I mentioned this in the last chapter, but it bears repeating: Insecurity is just another form of selfishness. If I don’t ever grasp who I am in Christ, I’ll live most of my life with me in mind.
One day while spending some time with the Lord around this idea, I asked Him to show me what symptoms I should watch for—evidence in my life that I’m living for me, not for Him. He gave me three words—and I think these are signs and symptoms for all of us that indicate we’ve forgotten who we are:
When we say and do things so that others feel sorry for us, we’ve forgotten who we are. When we misuse our time, treasure, and talents to prove something Jesus has already proven, we’ve forgotten who we are. And when we strive for the praise of man and forget about the praise of God, we’ve simply forgotten who we are.
Any time we posture for position or accolades from man, we do so with a heart of unbelief. And we miss out on the honor that comes from God alone. Jesus said so Himself:
No wonder you can’t believe! For you gladly honor each other, but you don’t care about the honor that comes from the one who alone is God.
John 5:44
We don’t need pity because we have the promises of God! There’s a place for lament and grief, yes. But when our thought pattern morphs into self-pity, we’ve stopped thinking like heirs. Anything born out of our flesh will be terrible for our soul, bad for our health, and damaging to our relationships.
Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit gives birth to spirit.
John 3:6 NIV
If the enemy is tempting you toward self-pity, it’s because he wants you living out of your flesh instead of walking by the Spirit. He wants you looking down when you should be looking up. He wants you looking inward when God calls you to look upward. And he wants you nursing your wounds in an unhealthy way when God would have you grab hold of His promises in the most valiant way. You are an heir. Never forget it.
We don’t need to prove anything to anybody. Jesus set us free to live for Him! He’ll always be our advocate, our defender, and our deliverer.
If you’re tempted to expend precious, valuable energy to prove to someone that you’re really something, I challenge you, dear friend, to humbly entrust your whole identity to God instead. Stop your striving and seek to know God more intimately in this place (see Psalm 46:10). God issues you a beautiful invitation to trust Him more fully with your value, your calling, and even your reputation. He can establish you in a moment’s time. If He has you hidden for now, trust His Fatherly protection and His wise preparation.
And finally, though we all love to be noticed, affirmed, and recognized on occasion (nothing wrong with that), we don’t need the praise of man to be okay. When we catch ourselves playing to the crowd for the applause, death-to-self invites us to die to our desperate need for validation and to turn our hearts toward Jesus. Our goal isn’t to be loved (we’re already loved, and not because we’ve earned it); our goal is to love and honor and worship God.
The next time you catch yourself looking for praise in all the wrong places, turn up the worship music and give Him praise. Perspective returns when we put God in His rightful place. Worship brings our heart back into rhythm with God’s heart. He’s the one who restores our soul.
We Will Overcome
We live in a selfish world. It’s in our nature to think of ourselves. Apart from Christ’s work in us, we will bend toward our own brand of selfishness, which will always cost us, our calling, and those God has given us to love. Selfishness even negatively impacts our health. And God has made us for so much more! What are the physiological consequences of putting ourselves at the center of our universe?
Most recently, a new study of the genetic effects of happiness found that humans are rewarded with healthy gene activity when we are unselfish, and we are punished—at a basic microscopic, cellular level—when we put our own needs first. To reach this conclusion, researchers from the University of North Carolina and the University of California, Los Angeles, had eighty healthy volunteers complete an online questionnaire that asked why they felt satisfied with their lives. Then the researchers drew their blood and analyzed their white blood cells to see their “gene expression,” a complex process by which genes direct the production of proteins that control immune response. People whose happiness was based on a sense of higher purpose and service to others had gene markers indicating low levels of inflammation, which has been linked to the development of cancer and heart disease. By the same token, people whose happiness was based on material things and servicing their own needs first had gene markers indicating poorer immune response and greater vulnerability to infection. They appeared to be at increased risk of cancer, diabetes, and cardiovascular disease.5
Isn’t it something to watch science catch up with Scripture? We know that unselfishness is good for our communities and good for our souls. We know that something powerful happens when we love others as Christ has loved us. But now scientists are verifying this truth: God’s Word and God’s ways affect us on a cellular level. Doesn’t that just boggle the mind?
Scripture also tells us that there will come a day when lawlessness increases and the love of most grows cold. My mentor said recently, “I think it’ll be the ‘lawful’ who will be most offended and impacted by these evil days. Those who want lawlessness are getting what they want.” In other words, we will have plenty of opportunities to be offended, put out, and shoved aside.
What will we do? How will we respond? How will we keep from becoming reactionary, selfish people like the masses we see on the news? How will we overcome?
Is it possible to live fully alive in a culture that seems to be dying before our very eyes?
And they overcame and conquered him because of the blood of the Lamb and because of the word of their testimony, for they did not love their life and renounce their faith even when faced with death.
Revelation 12:11 AMP
We overcome by the blood of the Lamb, by the word of our testimony, and we love not our lives, even unto death.
Can you see why the enemy would want to bait us into pity, proof, and praise? If we’re feeling sorry for ourselves, we’ll be thinking only about ourselves. If we’re trying to prove we’re something, we’ll focus on our measly efforts and not on Christ’s awesome, overwhelming victory on the cross. We need power to stand in these latter days.
The Blood
We overcome by the potent, powerful, shed blood of our Lord Jesus Christ. Not by fancy schemes, clever formulas, or popular methods. The blood of Jesus will never lose its power. His blood saves us, heals us, and redeems us. His royal blood runs through our veins. To be under the blood is to be ultimately delivered from sin and death. What are the benefits for those who are under the blood?
Praise the Lord, my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
Praise the Lord, my soul,
and forget not all his benefits—
who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,
who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.
Psalm 103:1–5 NIV
What if you spent some time praying through that passage on a regular basis? What if your brain became familiarized with these truths to such a degree that they changed your physiology? What if your body, mind, and spirit suddenly grasped—on a cellular level—how loved and forgiven you are? And what if you lived with a brand-new expectancy regarding
I pray this prayer regularly, and it’s better than any vitamin supplement I can find on the market. This passage reminds me that God so loves and values my life that I can turn around and love others as He has loved me. I lose nothing when I lay down my selfish ways, and I gain a knowledge of Christ, an experience with Him that is utterly priceless to me.
Our Testimony
We overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony, which translates as a word, decree, or mandate given by God Himself. How often do our words reflect God’s mandates and decrees over our lives?
Might we need an upgrade on how we speak about our trials and tribulations? I know I sure did. Once I started to pay attention to my laments, I realized how often I talked myself into a faithless, unbelieving rut.
Our testimony must testify to the promises and faithfulness of God—even in our not-yet seasons. He speaks His decrees over our lives, we walk in them, they change us (and our circumstances), and suddenly, our testimony becomes an encouragement to others, a trophy of God’s grace, and a weapon in spiritual warfare.
Brave Love
We overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony, and we love not our lives, even unto death.
I had to scratch my head for a moment when I realized that the word love in Revelation 12:11 is the same word used in Mark 12:31: agape.
So how do we wholeheartedly love ourselves and yet love not ourselves, even unto death?
To deny ourselves before we value ourselves is not much of an offering to God. But when you’ve contended for the promises of God in your life, when you’ve stood strong against the enemy and refused to let him bait you into sin or steal what God has promised you, when you’ve persevered in battle and have been trained by your trials . . . well then, you understand a little better the significance of your life. You have a firmer grasp on the value of your soul, the power of God’s promises, and the importance of your call.
In fact, have you noticed? The longer you walk with Him, the more you anticipate eternity with God. You realize that life on earth is short and eternity is long. And though God gives us good gifts and lots of grace for this journey, we’ll see some of our greatest treasures and breakthroughs on the other side.
To walk intimately with God, to stand strong in battle, and to trust Him with our not-yets turns us into warriors. And along the way, we develop enough of a history with God to know that we also have a profound future awaiting us with Him.
We’re willing to continue on, to march, believe, and trust.
As we grow, we realize that our lives have unfathomable value—that nothing can separate us from our Father in heaven who loves us. No enemy can snatch us out of His hand. No demon can derail our calling. And no jealous, petty person can gossip enough to God to make Him change His mind about us. Unfathomable, yes?
As you and I grow in our identity, we become more secure about eternity. We value our life and our call, but we value Jesus more. We follow His lead. He did not consider equality with God a thing to leverage or grasp or to parade in front of those who didn’t acknowledge Him. He was content to be misunderstood because He came for those who knew they needed Him.
This passage takes my breath away. Read it out loud if you can:
Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.
You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had.
Though he was God,
he did not think of equality with God
as something to cling to.
Instead, he gave up his divine privileges
he took the humble position of a slave
and was born as a human being.
When he appeared in human form,
he humbled himself in obedience to God
and died a criminal’s death on a cross.
Therefore, God elevated him to the place of highest honor
and gave him the name above all other names,
that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
and every tongue declare that Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father.
Philippians 2:3–11
I once read a story about a mother of sons. I’m a mother of sons. But two of her sons were beheaded on the same day. They were among the twenty-one Coptic Christians beheaded by ISIS. They refused to deny Jesus, even in the face of death. They loved not their lives, even unto death. I read about how this dear mother, right in the midst of her grief, shared that if those who killed her sons returned to their village, she would invite them in for a meal, just for one more chance to share the love of Jesus with them.
That mother is an overcomer. Oh, to know the love of Christ in such a way!
How will we stand in these trying times? How can we shine brightly and bravely in this ever-darkening world? How will we know wholeness and health in a world that’s got a terminal illness?
We walk intimately with our Savior. We focus more on His promise than on our problems. We rehearse His goodness and remember His faithfulness.
When people come against us and we’re tempted to return the favor, we return a blessing instead. When people selfishly grab what belonged to us, we bow low, open our hands, and entrust our whole soul to Jesus once again. When someone steps in front of us in line, we smile and thank God for a chance to practice grace.
In the days ahead, we’ll be given plenty of opportunities to humble ourselves, die to ourselves. May we take every single one of them. We can do so joyfully because we know that every death will be swallowed up in victory. Every injustice will be accounted for. Every offering multiplied. And every wound healed.
We serve a risen Savior. He’s coming again. He will reward and vindicate His people. He will judge and convict His enemies. And He will make all things new.