How to Impress Girls at a Dance

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“Friend, when you are dancing, be careful not to belch, for if you belch then you will be a real pig. Furthermore never fart when you are dancing; grit your teeth and compel your arse to hold back the fart… Do not have a dripping nose and do not dribble at the mouth. No woman desires a man with rabies. And refrain from spitting before the maidens, because that makes one sick and even revolts the stomach. If you spit or blow your nose or sneeze, remember to turn your head away after the spasm; and remember not to wipe your nose with your fingers; do it properly with a white handkerchief. Do not eat either leeks or onions because they leave an unpleasant odour in the mouth.”

Antonius Arena, Leges dansandi

The female heart is an enigma, but let’s just say that rabies and intestinal gas aren’t doing you any favors on the dance floor.