How to Fatten Up

1665

“To make the body or any part thereof plump and fat, that was before too leane… Let your chamber in the summer time be kept something cool and moist with violets, lillies, or the like fresh flowers… When you eate take nothing that is salt or sharp, bitter or too hot, but let your meats be sweet and of good nourishment, as fresh egs, mutton, veale, capon, and for three hours after meat take your recreation in dauncing, singing, discoursing &c. use some baths twice a month… Take twelve or thirteen Lizards or [n]euts cut off their heads and tailes, boile them and let the water stand to cool, take of the grease mix it with wheaten flower, feed a Hen therewith till shee be fat, then kil her and eat her; this often used will make you exceeding fat, keep it for a rare and true secret.”

Thomas Jeamson, Artificiall Embellishments

Mutton, dancing, and the twice-monthly bath are well and good, but never reveal the newty secret of your perfect plumpness.