How to Make Dinner Conversation

1576

“The first thing which we ought to obserue at the table is to weigh the estimation and callinge of every geast, and the next to take occasion when he seeth it offred to… minister… profitable and delightsome Questions… First therefore and foremost, this may bee demaunded:

• Whether that the Aier or Meate bee more necessary for the preservation of the life of Manne?

• Why doth the self same drinke seeme stronger to one that is fasting, then to one that is full?

• To begin with the sower belching, it may be demaunded whereof it cometh?

• Is grosse meat good for such as recouer out of sicknes?

• [If] it be good once in a month to be drunken with wine?

• Why doth Wyne which is vnmingled with water sooner cause a mans head to ake then that which is mingled?

• Why do not children which are hoat of complexion, loue wine, which aged persons… do greedely desire?

• Doth Wine hurt the brayne?

• Whether Fishes do feed vpon their owne frie or not?

• Do Fishes chawe their meat?

• Beanes beeing windy, why do they not lose that euill quality by boyling, as well as barly?”

Thomas Twyne, The Schoolemaster, or Teacher of Table Philosophie, excerpts

Nothing makes for delightsome dinner conversation like an endless barrage of questions about drink, digestion, and flatulence. Doth wine hurt the brayne? Who knows, but these questions sure do.