The moment Aunt Aggie and David had walked into the Newpointe Police Department, they were descended on as if they were criminals about to turn themselves in. They took Aunt Aggie into one interrogation room and David into another and began to question them separately about the incident. Aunt Aggie was livid.
“Yeah, I helped her sneak in the hospital, and I helped her get in that room, and if you wanna lock me up for that, then I ain’t fightin’ you.”
Vern Hargis shot a look at Chief Shoemaker. “We just want to know what happened, Aunt Aggie.”
“I tole you already. She wanted to see her husband!”
“But the judge told her not to. There was a court order.”
“Aw, she don’t care about no court order. She missed her husband. He’s layin’ in the hospital dyin’, he finally come awake, and she want to see him. You bet I’m gon’ help her.”
Vern rolled his eyes. “Aunt Aggie, there was arsenic found in his IV bag. Celia tried to kill him again.”
Aunt Aggie’s heart tightened into a fist, and she shot to her feet. “Celia didn’t poison him! I don’t know who did, but Celia didn’t.”
“Aunt Aggie, you have to admit—it’s hard to believe it was just a coincidence that he was poisoned a second time when she just happened to be there.”
Aunt Aggie’s mind raced. The answer was there—she had seen so much as she’d sat there waiting for Vern to go take a smoke. Suddenly, it came to her. “That orderly had a bag with ’im! He was carryin’ it just as plain as day. Just a few minutes ’fore I went to get Celia! Vern, don’t you remember? Didn’t you see ’im? And Celia, she was empty-handed.”
Vern looked troubled. “I’m not sure, Aunt Aggie. There was an orderly, but I didn’t see him carrying anything.”
“Why’d he have his mask on, then? That hat? I didn’t think of it then, but he was the killer! Vern, if you’da stopped him, we’d have ’im now!”
Jim got to his feet. “That true, Vern? Did you check that orderly’s identification?”
Vern shifted uncomfortably. “I saw it, Jim. He had a badge on. I didn’t stop him and examine it, but…” He looked up at Aunt Aggie. “Celia was wearing a badge, too. Where did she get it?”
“I took it,” Aunt Aggie said, lifting her chin proudly. “Stole it myself right offa somebody’s uniform at the uniform shop today.”
The two men looked at each other again as if they didn’t believe a word she was saying. “Whassa matter, you don’t think a ole lady can steal?”
“We didn’t think you were a thief, Aunt Aggie. Sue us.”
Aunt Aggie wished she had her cane with her so she could knock them upside the head. “I wanted to help her. She deserved to see Stan. She had stuff she needed to tell him.”
“Stuff about the murder attempt?”
“No, nothin’ about no murder attempt! She don’t know nothin’ about no murder attempt!”
Vern was getting impatient. “Aunt Aggie, we need your cooperation. We need you to sit down and relax, and quit ranting and raving.”
“Rantin’ and ravin’? You ain’t seen nothin.’ You got my Celia locked up in jail like she some half-baked killer, and you think I’m rantin’ and ravin’?”
“Aunt Aggie, I don’t want to have to lock you up with her.”
“Do it!” Aunt Aggie challenged. “Go ahead, lock me up.” She held out her wrists for them to cuff, but they only looked amused. It made her madder than ever.
“Aunt Aggie, we’re not locking you up. However, we have to inform you that you are an accessory to a murder attempt.”
“Accessory? You don’t know what you talkin’ about. Alls I did was sit in a waitin’ room and tell my Celia when she could come in. You’re just mad cause you didn’t recognize her when she come through.”
“Yeah, I’m mad,” Vern said. “I’m mad that she poisoned him right under my nose. Call it a vendetta if you want to, but I’m gonna make sure that she goes down for it.”
Aunt Aggie kicked a chair, hurting her foot, but she would have died before she would let them know it.
“Tell us about David,” he said. “What was his part in all this?”
“He drove the stinkin’ car,” she said. “Dropped us off, come in to see where we’d come out, then sit there and waited at that exit.”
“Then he’s an accessory, too,” Vern said.
“It wasn’t against no court order for me and David to be at that hospital,” she said. “We didn’t break no laws.”
“It’s against the law to poison a man twice.”
“Didn’t nobody I know poison Stan!” She could feel her blood pressure rising, ready to explode out the top of her head. “If we’re accessories, then you’re one, too, Vern. You let the killer walk right in and change that bag, without so much as readin’ his badge. Y’ask me, you might be in on this whole thing your own self.”
“Oh, for Pete’s sake…” Vern muttered. He threw his pen against the wall and stood up, aggravated beyond measure. “I’m gonna let her go, Jim. She’s just wasting our time.”
“And Celia? What you gon’ do with her?” Aunt Aggie asked.
“She’s staying,” Jim said. “The judge would be crazy to let her out again.”
“Then I’m stayin’, too.”
Vern gaped at her. “No, you’re not, Aunt Aggie. You’re going home, if I have to take you myself.”
“You can’t let a criminal like me back out on the streets,” Aunt Aggie said. “Not when I could go around accessorizin’ more murders, stealin’ and whatnot.”
“Aunt Aggie, I’m not locking you up! Go home!”
She sat back down and put her purse stubbornly in her lap, determined not to move. “Then I want to press charges.”
“Against who?” Vern shot back.
“Against me. For stealin’ that badge. I confess. Go get one o’ them court reporters in here and I’ll give ’em my statement.”
Jim began to chuckle with frustration. “Aunt Aggie, we’re not going to lock you up for stealing a badge.”
“Why not? What kinda po-lice department you call this? If you can’t get locked up confessin’ to a crime…”
“The judge wouldn’t give you more than a slap on the hand for stealing a badge off of a uniform.”
She could feel her face reddening, and her heart hammered with anger. She got up and looked Vern squarely in the eye. “What about assaultin’ a po-lice officer?”
Jim chuckled again, but Vern didn’t find it funny. “Aunt Aggie, you don’t want to do that.”
“Why not? I done it before. Ask Sid Ford if I ain’t.”
Jim nodded confirmation, and Vern rolled his eyes. “Aunt Aggie, I told you. Go home.”
“Make me.”
Vern’s face twisted with disgust. “What are you? Six years old? Give it up, Aunt Aggie! You can sit in here all night if you want. I’m through with you.” With that, he turned to leave.
Aunt Aggie couldn’t think of anything she hated worse than not being taken seriously. Suddenly, she decided to make sure she got her way.
She swung her purse in a circle from its handle, just like a lasso, then sent it flying across the room. It hit the back of Vern’s head, and he swung around, his eyes livid. “Are you crazy?”
“That’s twice now I assaulted a po-lice officer. Add that to stealin’, and accessorizin’ murder, and you got plenty o’ reason to lock me up. I demand to be locked up!”
Vern’s nostrils were flaring, not a pretty sight. “Demand? You demand it? All right, Aunt Aggie. I’ll lock you up. But you won’t be in the cell with Celia, if that’s what you hoped. You can both sit there alone and think about what you’ve done.”
Aunt Aggie wasn’t afraid. She’d been in the women’s part of the jail to visit people before, and she knew that there were only four small cells. If she and Celia weren’t roommates, at least they could talk to each other, and she could make sure she was all right. She held out her hands to accept the cuffs. “I’m ready.”
Vern looked as if he could scream. “I’m not cuffing you, Aunt Aggie.”
She was a little disappointed. Something about walking through the police station in handcuffs appealed to her. The uproar it would cause, the rumors, the outrage…
He opened the door and took her arm, led her out. David was waiting for her.
“They lockin’ me up,” she yelled to him, louder than she needed to. “Throwin’ me in the pokey.”
David’s jaw fell open. “You’ve got to be kidding. For what?”
Vern seemed too embarrassed to answer, so Aunt Aggie obliged. “Assaultin’ a po-lice officer. Couldn’t get ’em to do it for nothin’ else.”
David turned his outraged eyes on Vern, then on Jim Shoemaker. “This is ludicrous! What is the matter with you people? Locking up my sister, and now my eighty-one-year-old aunt? Are you absolutely out of your minds?”
Jim’s amusement had passed, and he was beginning to lose his patience. “If you want to make it a threesome, we can oblige you, too.”
“None of us did anything!” he shouted. “My sister is being framed. And Aunt Aggie…well, give me a break. You know what she wants. She’s looking out for my sister, but for crying out loud, she doesn’t need to go to jail, too. Look, I’ll just take her home, and—” He reached for her, but Aunt Aggie jerked back from him.
“David, so help me, I’ll wallop you, too, if you interfere. Justice is bein’ served. I got to serve my time.”
David’s face was crimson. “You’ve done some crazy things, Aunt Aggie, but this beats everything.”
Aunt Aggie couldn’t help smiling. “It does, don’t it? How ’bout that? Now you run on home. If my fire boys call to see where I am, you tell ’em I can’t cook for ’em till they let me outa jail, now, you hear? They’ll understand.”
David looked at Vern with disgust. “They’ll tar and feather you. They’ll raid the place to get her out.”
“I’ll take my chances,” Vern said, then pulled Aunt Aggie into the hall leading down to the basement where the jail cells were.